Always wondering

Hey everyone I know I’ve mentioned this before but, I wanted to share again just in case if anyone new sees this. I deal with cheating ocd really bad, like I always have thoughts about the past and such and get worried about things. I know my morals and values and I know id never ever cheat, but my mind always loves to play the “What if” game. It really sucks. My boyfriend is the sweetest and a god sent to me and he is always there for me but ugh this ocd dealing with cheating and false memory/real events kills me, anyone else relate? I dont know how to put up with it anymore, Just today I remembered I had an old twitter account which is now X, but I remembered I deleted my account a long long time ago but ugh I used to be on twitter so much awhile ago and my ocd acted up and was like “You better go check to make sure you didn’t do anything.” And I remembered I sat with myself and said “I know my morals I would never do that to him.” And then my ocd was like “Are you sure? What if you did?” Etc and my anxiety is now so bad about it now :(

DannyO507

Date posted: 8w

I have been dealing with the EXACT same thing!! It is so hard! I was also having a rough day today cause I remembered a normal conversation that I had with one of my friends and I asked questions that I now am worried were “wrong” or “weird” or if I had weird intentions! And it is a constant battle of remembering things and it being all twisted and feeling compelled to confess because you feel like you’re lying! The biggest thing that helps me that I was told is “it’s not about honesty, it’s about compulsions”. do you struggle with some of the things I just said too??

Holliea12

Date posted: 8w

@DannyO507 Omg yes!! I struggle with them as well, I always overthink conversations with friends. Like going back to my twitter account since it’s permanently deleted which sucks with my ocd because I can’t go “Check” I literally spiraled and panicked worrying if I sent like those kinds of pictures to someone on there or flirted or cheated and it’s bothering me so bad because I can’t go find the deleted account it sucks!!

DannyO507

Date posted: 8w

@Holliea12 YESSS!! I get you! I’m so sorry you’re going through this too but I’m so happy we found eachother since we’re both struggling with the same thing! lol that’s been my newest obsession Is conversations with my friends talking about our partners and sex lives it’s like did I ask questions I shouldn’t of? Or ask to see things I shouldn’t have? Did I show them pictures or videos that I shouldn’t have and I feel so guilty like should I confess to my boyfriend?? Do you also struggle with confessing stuff to your boyfriend? Like do you just feel this guilt like if you don’t you’re cheating or lying to them? How does your boyfriend handle it??

Holliea12

Date posted: 8w

@DannyO507 1000000% I would always confess to him about so many different things and then one day I realized “Maybe I shouldn’t do that anymore because it could stress him out.” And I haven’t done that in a while. My ocd just gets really bad after I remember certain things from my past, and right now it’s stuck on the twitter thing, which is really bothering me right now since my account got deleted I can’t go back in and find it anymore which makes it worse because I can’t go “Check” to see if there is anything and my anxiety about it has been so high I’ve been googling for hours trying to figure out if there is a way to recover a deleted twitter account 😔 the only thing that really helps me sometimes when my OCD gets really bad about situations like this is that I found a quote when I was looking up something and it said something like “If your anxiety is so high about it then that should be a reminder that you’d never do that.” Etc. I will look at that quote from time to time or think about that quote every now and then when I’m dealing with my OCD really bad, but I’ve been struggling recently because of the thing with my Twitter account.

DannyO507

Date posted: 8w

@Holliea12 I get you!! And I’m sorry it’s been bugging you this much! I’d love to talk with you whenever, maybe we can help each other? Okay also I know a lot of people like and some people think this app gives reassurance but I personally really like it, it’s called Choiceful! If you want to try it out maybe it can help you too?

PF20

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 8w

I tell myself there is always a possibility of something terrible happening. It’s terrible to think but freak accidents happen even from going on a walk. It’s possible but not probable my friend

Holliea12

Date posted: 8w

@PF20 Thank you for that, yeah my boyfriend knows I struggle with ocd really bad but my ocd right now is losing its mind because since my twitter account is permanently deleted which sucks I can’t go “Check” and stuff so my OCD is freaking right nowwww

PF20

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 8w

I have the same thing. It’s best for partner to be educated, my girlfriend comes to sessions with my therapist on here. We both deleted Snapchat and a couple other social apps to help overall with ocd and stress and overall life balance is better. She helps me, but you have to help yourself and resist and sit with it to fully heal.

Holliea12

Date posted: 22w

False memory ocd

Hey everyone, I’m still struggling a bit with false memory ocd. Mine revolves around my relationship. There are some things I have remembered that occurred early on in the relationship, whether someone texted me on Snapchat or TikTok etc. and it was old friends of mine from a friend group. In the friend group it was me and about couple guys and girls. I remember there being an instance where one of the guys had messaged me on Snapchat after I had posted something about a tv show or I had posted a picture of me and my mom and they reached out to me saying something and I honestly can’t remember at all what they had said to me but I’m pretty sure i remember I responded with “Lol” or “Thank you” , and I think the reason I’m really struggling right now is that I can’t remember hardly anything about the text at all. And of course, my ocd is trying to convince me that it was either a flirty chat, or something else. I also want to mention that I unadded a lot of people off my snap, mostly guys on TikTok etc after dating my boyfriend because I felt like that was respectful. And even after doing that, my OCD was trying to convince me that I un added them because I was hiding something or I was on adding them because I didn’t want my boyfriend to see that they were on my Snapchat, which was not the case at all. I think I’m just really struggling because I think about past events that have happened in my mind is trying to convince me that something else happened, rather than allowing me to remember what actually went on. I just wanted to come on here and ask if anyone else struggles with something like this because it’s been really bothering me the past couple days and I know I would never do anything to hurt my boyfriend because I love him so much it’s just I freak out constantly, and it bothers me a lot.

Canes12345!

Date posted: 21w

My life with ocd

I’m a good man and I know that. My OCD revolves around relationships. While dating someone a truly enjoy, I find myself needing to compulse everything on my mind or else I feel like I’m being a liar or keeping secrets. I also am pretty confident I suffer from false memory ocd. I don’t like to put a label on things but I’m 99.9% sure I do. My compulsions a lot of times come from things I’m not even sure are real. The more thought I put into them, the more I start to believe they are real. One of the worst compulsions I had in my relationship was I had a thought “what if I find my ex more attractive” and “what if I thought the sex with them was better”. I ended up compulsing these things to my gf. After lots of time to think and get a ahold of myself I was able to remind myself that these things weren’t true and I was just in a downward spiral. There was a 2-3 month period where every time I was relieved of something then I would instantly think of something else. These compulsions have caused insecurity in my gf and I feel like a terrible person. Never meant to hurt her at all and was just trying to find a sense of relief. While I know it is not true, I can’t fix things with words and I feel terrible. I would love to hear from people with tricks and strategies that can help. I love my gf and want to fix things and understand this is not a relationship fixer app but I would like to know what are some ways you are able to deal with these kind of things.

JazzyRoses

Date posted: 19w

Being Cheated On OCD

Hi everyone! I have been having a rough time. So my boyfriend talks to his ex still as friends and I’ve been struggling with it lately and I can’t tell if it’s OCD or not but it does feel so distressing. She wasn’t texting him for about 2-3 months as she got into a relationship with this guy and they broke up. She had messaged him saying that she has no one else to talk to and needed to vent to someone. At first I felt okay, but my intrusive thoughts took over and it seemed like she was trying to get with him after the fact. It’s probably just my intrusive thoughts talking but he looks on Discord (the app where the message) constantly now and my intrusive thoughts convince me that he’s still in love with her. Then yesterday I saw one of his BeReals (a little photo app that shows a photo of the day) and I saw that he was watching one of her streams as she is a streamer. I struggled to talk about it because it made my worst thought feel like it came true where he is still in love with her. When we talked he gets a lil mad that I don’t tell him right away like straight up what I’m feeling but it’s hard to process because my thoughts flood in of all the worst things and I don’t want to come off as toxic at all and I know relationships are built on trust and I want to trust because this is literally the only thing that makes me nervous about him. It also doesn’t help that I’ve been cheated on before so I’m trying to protect myself but I’m lost. I get so depressed and so anxious because I feel like I have to grieve the relationship and it’s just so dramatic. I’ve never loved anyone like this before and I don’t wanna lose him by bringing this stuff up constantly when something occurs with his ex. I don’t know why I get triggered so easily and I just wanna heal from it and be the good girlfriend I’m supposed to be 😭

Be a part of the largest OCD Community

Share your thoughts so the Community can respond

Always wondering

Related posts

Be a part of the largest OCD Community

Be a part of the largest OCD Community