- Date posted
- 5y
- Date posted
- 5y
Hey, I battle HOCD as well and other small ocd forms from time to time, HOCD seems to have the strongest grip. I am 25 and ready to go chase my dreams of family, wife kids, etc. that I have always had a strong feeling for. 2 years ago I began tackling my ocd and went and saw a specialist to assist me. Looking back, I have come so far it’s unreal. Unfortunately, my girlfriend of 5 years and I just decided to go our separate ways so you can imagine where my HOCD has taken me lately. Just remember though, we are not our OCD. Your values, feelings, emotions, goals etc all that stuff is separate from our OCD brain. I want to explain it and not reassure you if that makes sense. The OCD community is very unique. We have a blessing and a curse when it comes down to brain chemistry. Like me two years ago, I was so in debt to the curse side. Now, I’ve tapped into the blessing side for a bit and have seen how nice that is and how much I can do when my OCD brain is calmed down. Also remember that OCD will latch on to anything you care about. I’m not going to tell you to fight it and not allow it to latch on because whether you like it or not it will. What I will advise is to get better at letting it latch on and not put emphasis on that process. When you do this consistently, the thoughts will die down and lose significance. I know from personal experience. When you get good at living life alongside OCD, it weakens. It’s like oh shoot, you’re cool with us being here? Well that’s not good. Haha. Seriously though, that’s basically the big picture. Things will get better and easier as time goes on and your goals will be reached, if you put in the work✊??
- Date posted
- 5y
Thanks for this motivating message! I totally get what ur saying, i cant lie, the more i just keep doing my thing and live my life, the more im okay with it being around and it gets a bt easier. The hard part for me is realising that i dont actually enjoy the things i do because hocd has taken a lot of joy away from things. It also made me quit numb. So its hard to accept that things couldve been more fun and comfortable if hocd wasnt around. Its also hard to accept the loss of attraction and the fact that it makes me anxious quit a lot. I used to live in like this dreamy world where i enjoyed all the little things life gave me and i truly felt blessed and happy. Now i find it very hard to live in the moment and it really makes me miss all the magic life used to give. Im really afraid i will never feel that magic again. i do have enough strenght in me to keep going, its just less fun when im not myself but u know i got this. So the fact that u say that if you do that it will get better is for me so motivating and it gives me hope! There are so many people who said they had this for like 20 years and oof that frightens me. So we hocd sufferers need people like you to learn we can get better. Thanks for the comments :)
- Date posted
- 5y
Exactly, stay positive. And I can tell, you have very strong feelings about your future. So, you know where I am going with this, OCD is going to root itself in any way possibly to question that fact or scare you that it won’t happen. So, practice putting less emphasis on future future future. Obviously you know your goals physically and emotionally, keep it close to your heart and try to expose yourself to worst case scenario situations to weaken the pressure OCD can create. Your statements just showed or proved the difference between OCD and you and how they are separate entities
- Date posted
- 5y
Truly wise and helpful advice!
- Date posted
- 5y
Ummm love yourself first and go therapy. What do you mean your personality split?
- Date posted
- 5y
Lol i get it but i mean therapy i just cant. Im 17... so i have like 3 years To fall in love but i gotta get started soon hahaha but its just not in it. At all because of hocd. I think the recovery takes like 3 years or something maybe more but i dont have money and i aint never telling my parents bout my hocd.
- Date posted
- 5y
@hocdgirlsummer Also my personality split because of hocd. This shit ruined me deeeply. Idk who i al anymore, i had a whole personality and dreams and passions bt i got depressed so all that flushed down the drain
- Date posted
- 5y
@hocdgirlsummer I feel like I’m annoying people more cause I’m depressed
- Date posted
- 5y
@hocdgirlsummer If I was happy I probably would think more positive and I think my personality is just annoying or boring, you feel the same?
- Date posted
- 5y
@hocdgirlsummer I told my mummy about my hocd she said don’t worry about it but she ain’t getting it, at least she didn’t call me gay or fag. At least she listened to my problem, and I said it out aloud so I don’t have to hold my hocd in
- Date posted
- 5y
@Peridottttt I feel u me too. I keep on rembling about it to everyone bevause its like big main thing happening in my life. And i feel so annoying and people around me say theyre depressed too but once i start about it they cant relate or theyre like stop whining and ughhh
- Date posted
- 5y
@hocdgirlsummer And really that... but I menat like my personality is becoming boring and annoying since I keep saying same topics over and over and not have excitement when I’m talking so no one pays attention. Can you relate?
- Date posted
- 5y
@Peridottttt Yeah definitely
- Date posted
- 5y
I feel you. I’ve been with my bf for almost a year and before hocd a couple months ago I was so ready to move in with him. But now I’m so terrified. I’m 24 and it feels like everything was going so great and I was right where I was suppose to be in life and ready to be with him forever and now I’m just so scared of the future and what will happen. If I’ll leave him for a girl or something. I hate it. I want to tackle this before I move in with him so I’m not so worried and depressed ? I’m so terrified of things falling apart and failing. My dreams and everything I envisioned and wanted in life are so blurred and it’s so scary. I hope the best for you! I hope we can overcome this and get what we wanted before stupid hocd came along and attacked us
- Date posted
- 5y
I hope the best for you too! This sounds heartbreaking because i can feel the pain, when ur happy and feel like ur in the right place it must be soo hard to have it being broken my something like this. I hope it will pass and that soon you get your old life and mentality back❤️
- Date posted
- 5y
??
Related posts
- Date posted
- 21w
I’m 25 and never ever thought this before my soocd relapse. I have a bf of 5 years. Never been a high libido kinda girl. Don’t get me wrong I do get turned on by my bf but not like every day you know? - That had always been in the back of my head, is this normal and ok? But my ocd has latched onto the most scariest what if EVER. My brain is now saying How do you know you won’t prefer to sleep and kiss girls if you haven’t tried it: and it’s that unknown that is scaring the shit out of me. I DONT AND NEVER HAVE wanted to sleep / kiss a girl. But now my intrusive thoughts is all I think about!!! I don’t want I don’t want I don’t want??? So why does my brain think BUT WHAT IF??? I know ocd thrives off uncertainty which is why I think this is happening? But I don’t wanna find out or work it out because all I want is to be with my bf and marry him!! Is this just the epitome of OCD?
- Mid-life adults with OCD
- "Pure" OCD
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- Relationship OCD
- Sexual Orientation OCD
- Young adults with OCD
- Date posted
- 11w
trigger warning!!!!!! I’m really scared right now. I’ve been reading Elle Warren’s articles about her experience with HOCD/SO-OCD, and it feels so similar to mine. She went through the same fears of being a lesbian, felt distressed by her attraction to women, and spent hours ruminating, Googling, and analyzing her feelings. She even experienced groinal responses and revisited old memories, just like I do. Eventually, she had a moment of realization in college when she flirted with a girl, and everything clicked. She now identifies as a lesbian. I’m terrified that the same thing will happen to me. I thought the OCD fears were supposed to never be true and that HOCD thoughts are usually just compulsions that don’t end up being real. But reading her story, it’s like I’m seeing my own experience mirrored. What if it clicks for me, just like it did for her? What if I realize that I am a lesbian? Elle’s story makes me so scared. I thought my feelings of attraction to women were just OCD-driven, and now I’m questioning everything. I thought I was straight, but now, reading her journey, I’m wondering: could my OCD fears actually be real? Elle’s experience was very similar to mine: • She got distressed when she thought she might like women, not relieved. • She spent a lot of time ruminating, Googling, analyzing, and comparing. • Her attraction to women only became intense when her OCD flared up. • She said things like, “I feel peace when I believe I’m straight.” • She had already been diagnosed with OCD and had a history of this pattern. After years of fear and distress, Elle had a moment of calm and realized that it was true. I’m scared that this could happen to me too. Will I have a similar moment of acceptance, where everything clicks and I realize I’m gay? Or will I come to accept that this is all OCD, and that I’m straight, with the possibility that I’m not? I also keep thinking back to when my OCD lessened the first time. Did I go back to men because I wasn’t actually attracted to women, or was it just because the grip of the OCD had loosened? Elle also talked about the shame associated with non-heterosexuality. She mentioned that, like many of us, she had internalized stigma around being gay, and that it made her fear the possibility of being non-heterosexual. I can relate to this so much—growing up, I never saw it as an option to be anything other than straight, and now it’s hard to shake that fear and shame. Elle mentioned that she found reassurance in seeing other people with HOCD who worried that their fears would come true, but eventually realized they were just OCD thoughts. That idea is comforting, but also a little scary, because what if that moment of realization happens for me too? What if I finally accept that I am a lesbian? Or, what if I’m just struggling with OCD and eventually realize I’m straight? I just don’t know. The scariest part is that, just like Elle, I feel like I don’t have any obvious signs. She had no idea she was a lesbian until one day, everything clicked. She was 21, just like me when my OCD fears really flared up, and she had a breakthrough moment in Denver when she made friends with lesbians. That hasn’t happened for me yet, and it’s terrifying to think that it could happen in the future. I don’t know what’s going to happen, but I’m really scared about where this will lead.
- Date posted
- 9w
I struggle with HOCD or SOOCD. I’m a married young woman to an amazing husband. I’ve had this since I was 16 but it only came in flair ups. However this round started in October, and it’s been really rough and I would just break down all the time. I went up on my medication and I actually noticed a difference! My thoughts were still very present but I wasn’t really paying attention to them or giving them power. HOWEVER right when I thought I was getting better, my brain started feeling and saying to myself that I just know I am bi but you want to make excuses for it like “oh it’s normal to find someone hot since we as a society have an interpretation of what that looks like” or “I see the girl as myself and that’s what ‘turns’ me on” or “well I mean that girl looks kind of like a man” and it’s it’s making me spiral. I won’t ever come out as Bi as deep in my soul I don’t feel I am. I have always wanted to be with men sexually and romantically and that has not changed but my brain is making me believe I am and I just don’t want to admit it. Please help me, what has helped you?
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