Pocd and morbid curiosity

UPDATE: ive TRIED to reduce my posts to once per day in hopes of trying to overcome this... but right now... i genuinely feel so horrible and anxious that i need to post... (For context, in the past, I have been catfished by a man pretending to be a woman, had a minor on a dating app who lied about her age and i unknowingly flirted with her because I assumed she was 18+ and her bio said so, and sent a n00d to a "woman" online who now I suspect of being a catfish... this is the reason why I'm so scared of whether or not I unknowingly explicitly chatted wjth a minor... i know that this is all my fault, but still...) Its making me feel like I cant remember things properly... making me think i unknowingly explicitly chatted with a minor online or being catfished by a man or kid... making me question every woman Ive ever been flirted with or explicitly chatted with... intrusive thoughts of me "explicitly cybering with a minor or a man" and of me going to jail because my worst fear of "unknowingly cybering with a minor(s), or being catfished by one" coming true... im genuinely depressed... and I feel so alone... uncertainty has brought me nothing but hell... and theres no getting out... it feels like im waiting every day for my intrusive thoughts and fears to be proven right, and ending up with me going to jail... I have never felt more alone... I just keep getting intrusive thoughts that one day, when I become famous or get my dream job, im going to get a future moment of any girl I explicitly cybered with in the past, saying... "Hey, I was a minor when we cybered and while you didnt know, im going to get you arrested or cancelled." Or that im gonna get catfished by a dude pretending to be a woman online... I assumed that the women who werent verified on there were 18+ on an explicit chat discord server i was on were adults because of the fact it was an 18+ explicit server, so i assumed everyone was an adult on there... for me, I fear the future everyday... as well as despise my past... I dont belong in this world... Im genuinely scared of the future... and this is honestly why I dont want to be famous or an influencer... Ive also been to literotica, a website dedicated to adult explicit literature... they also have a chat room where you can talk to other users... i know ive made stupid mistakes going on here... i wont deny that... and now im paying for it with the uncertainty... veterans of the site, who have been on there for over 9 years, have told me that the chances of a minor lying about their age and coming onto the chat portion of the website are rare... but it still triggers me all the same... This is why I dont want to be famous or widely recognized... Because not only do i fear someone will "expose" me for my POCD and my Real Events OCD, but im also scared about this entire situation... (edited)

So i didnt post for sometime cause ive been going through a lot so im 16 and im a girl still figuring out my sexuality, anyway my worst ocd theme is POCD and i developed it after i started watching porn and it made me look at people woman especially in a sexual way which i hate cause i feel awful and even before when i was 14 until now i was exposed to a lot of those dark stuff and i read a lot of them, anyway POCD i keep looking at people sexually especially when its girl and then after i saw like when thise crime stories pop up on my tiktok like people catching pdf files and im like imagining what they feel towards their victims or like them explaing what they feel and me like yk when i look at someone i feel that immediately but i cant figure out what it is cause i keep looking at them in that way but not like when i see them immediately but more when i think about it and i just i dunno like especially how porn made me sexualized everything so i wanted to stop and i just feel awful, but what i find funny was before i developed pocd after i first found out about i laughed and i was like oh i dont have that deffibtly so i dont have to worry about it and now im just like

Throughout my teenage years, i did some horrible things that I absolutely regret now... either involuntarily or voluntarily, I hurt people... and I will regret my actions till the end of time. While I aspire to be a naval medical officer, and currently a nationally licensed EMT, this does not atone for my mistakes, nor does it remove accountability for what ive done... for anyone that I have hurt... no matter how big or small... im sorry... for everything... and I will be better as an adult in the future, and raise my future family to be better than I could ever be ... (edited)