Outdoor or indoor cat?

tw: nsfw 17f I have a real even ocd from a sexual event with an animal (my cat) from where I was younger. Remembering it ruined my life and made it a living hell. It was bad. It's not one of those innocent events people always assume because I have ocd and then they get all surprised when it was actually bad and sexual. (animal wasn't harmed though) So basically I developed I fear of interacting or even looking at animals after I remembered so I was avoiding my cat like crazy, but then I realized that it's cruel to ignore an animal who wants love and attention, so I forced myself to overcome it kinda. I basically downloaded a habit tracker where I mark when I was able to pet my cat cause while it's triggering I want to give my cat love and I'm trying to pet her everyday So yesterday I was petting the cat. And she was extremely enthusiastic about it. Like she was almost throwing herself on me to get more pets like kinda agressive at this point to get pets. I started thinking how animals go in heat in spring. But she is like sterilized so I wasnt sure its possible for her. Like maybe they are just more active in spring? But what if the pets are somehow sexual for the cat? Then I thought maybe I shouldn't pet her then cause that's wrong. But then I thought like who cares and also then it will be like this the whole spring should I just not touch her the whole spring and ignore her again? I was also tired a bit so I wasn't thinking it all through that much Now I'm freaking out so bad. Like I knew there was a possibility that it was sexual for the cat and still continued petting her I didn't stop. It's so bad. Like I thought its whatever since it's not sexual for me but now I'm freaking out. Like the whole me being a better person and learning on my mistakes after that one earlier event was for nothing if I was able to do something like this I'm freaking out so bad

i have ocd and i got myself a kitten last week on saturday, shes 8 weeks old and that weekend i got her and my mom and i watched donnie darko and girl interrupted and one of the characters from girl interrupted is named daisy and i liked the character i related to her and the other one from the other movie we watched was called donnie darko and the character has the last name darko and i thought it was fitting for my kitten since shes a black cat. so i decided to name my kitten daisy darko since my kitten is a girl. i have a dog named Quinn and i named my dog that years ago bc of some friends i had and i have real even ocd and when it comes to that friend i have this memory i want to confess to my partner but confessing is my compulsion so i cant give in. anyways basically i wanted to change my dogs name because it was reminding me of that memory of that friend im trying to forget that makes me feel guilty but i named the dog years ago so there was no use in changing the name now. i named the cat daisy darko bc of those movies i watched so thats what i tied it to but now days later a memory popped in my head that made me feel guilty because i just remembered my ex girlfriend’s favorite flowers were daisies and now i feel guilty and want to change my kitten’s name but i really loved her name to be daisy darko because of donnie darko and girl interrupted but now i have the guilt of that one memory and im scared it will haunt me everytime i say my cat’s name for the rest of my life that it will remind me of that. i don’t know what to do, if i should change the kitten’s name or not. i feel if i keep the name and feel the guilt of remembering my ex’s favorite flowers and remember that every time i call my kitten or baby talk her ill feel that im being unfaithful to my partner. im so scared i just want to enjoy my new experience with my kitten i love my kitten so much shes been helping me a ton i dont want to resent her like i grew to resent my dog. i love my kittens name and dont want to change it but i want to enjoy her and not feel guilty and have the ocd haunting me every time :( idk what to do. i didnt even want to talk about this bc i was scared if i said it to someone it would make it real and give it life rather than let the thought disappear. i was scared to tell my mom i wanted to change my cats name bc a memory popped up and triggered me, she told me to pick the name carefully so that what happened with my dog’s name didnt happen to my cat. im so upset and want to disappear

Today I was walking my cat. (Yes, my cat lol. He loves exploring outside and I have a cat harness for him and I only explore near my apartment. I walk him instead of just releasing him bc ive had accidents with past pets that were run over. I never want that to happen again so i rather walk him and it helps him stay active and helps me too.) Anyway, where i live there are a lot of separate apartments (mini houses) but still are part of one section under one land lord. This neighbor was outside chilling talking on the phone, no dog in sight. He owns this dog that is the same size of a cat so i guess small but big enough where it can cause bad bite wounds to a cat. I was outside my apartment walking along the grass but also near that apartment since its a public space and i dont want to walk my cat near the main road since to many loud cars and itbwas just him on the phone, no dog seen. My cat likes sniffing the grass and walking past some apartments. There was no dog out so i assumed it was okay to walk AND ITS PUBLIC COMMON AREA THE DOG SHOULDNT BE OFF LEASH ANYHOW. My cat was smelling the grass and laid down then suddenly the neighbor's dog gets released outside (unleashed and ungated) and charges straight for my cat! I picked up my cat and ran at full speed away BUT THE DOG CHASED ME THE WHOLE WAY AND THE NEGLIGENT OWNER DID ABSOLUTELY NOTHING TILL HE SAW ME YELLING NO AT THEIR DOG WHILE HOLDING MY SCARED CAT! The neighbor turned away and let the dog CONTINUE TO BE UNLEASHED AND THE DOG KEPT CORNERING ME AND MY CAT it was so scary! I had to scare the dog off while my cat was tangled on his leash! I eventually was able to safely get away avoiding any bite wounds for my cat! That dog is NOT friendly! I live in a state where it's illegal to have your dogs out without leash unless you are in a fenced private property or a local dog park! The neighbor constantly does this! He takes his dog out to chill but that dog lunges at people! Stupid owner! In no way was my cat provoking this dog! He was sniffing the grass and laid down for a small nap! My cat is very friendly and I was so scared he was going to be hurt bc some idiot thinks it's fine for dogs to be unleashed! And what's worse i was with CHILDREN! My nieces were there with me walking my cat. We were all having fun peaceful walk that ended with us running straight home! IMAGINE IF THAT DOG ATTACKED MY CAT WHO WAS TANGLED AND FRIGHTENED AND IF IT GOT BLOODY??? MY NIECES AND I WOULDVE BEEN HORRIFIED!Horrible i feel so weak hours after. I remember being extremely angry and I told my mom about this and she took HIS side saying it was my fault for walking on a PUBLIC COMMON AREA THAT IS AVAILABLE FOR ALL. She says "i shouldve known better" BUT THE DOG WAS NOT OUT I THOUGHT IT WAS OKAY??? THE OWNER STILL LET HIS DOG OUT UNLEASHED HOW IS THAT MY FAULT if your dog is unfriendly why off leash! Ugh and ocd kicked in and gave me harm thoughts which are making me worry like did I mean that? Did i want to? Did i have an urge to do that to my mom bc I was frusterated she takes other's sides always? I feel sad rn. I wanted to report this guy for negligence. He didnt care if his dog attacked my pet. He didnt care if I had children that dog could've bit. It doesn't matter that the dog was the size of a cat, it still scared my nieces and I! I was mostly afraid for my pet cat since I KNEW I'm bigger than the dog but my cat isnt! He could've seriously gotten hurt! And then who would pay for the vet bills??? I sure as hell know that negligent owner wouldn't! Such a frustrating situation. 🤦‍♀️