- Username
- Rocky
- Date posted
- 5y ago
Well said. I’m starting to slowly realize that through my journey of HOCD. I noticed the more I mature and get better at managing my OCD through practice and help of a specialist, that there is a very slight downward trend in the emphasis that I used to put on certain thoughts and situations. My brain will always be my brain, but with effort, time and growth I believe OCD can be tamed and that mental space becomes more readily available for other things in life ✊?
I think when i was maybe 12 i remember my friend kissed me in the cheek and I get really anxious about it. After that I started having intrusive thoughst were she kissed me and I hate it. It made me cry and so depressed. Then something happened and it did go away but in this year it came back and it has been never this bad :( I get literally so many intrusive thoughst and that’s why I am anxious almost all the time and I hate it so much. I was social but not anymore. I just hope I get my attraction boys back
It usually does get better, for me it started this may, 4 months before my 16th birthday because I realised that I hadn’t had a crush in 2years so I thought it might mean I’m gay. But now after only 8 months I’m already starting to feel a lot better, I finally got a female crush and I’m starting to remember all the things already in my childhood that suggested I’m straight (that are a LOT more than the ones that suggested I’m gay) and I’m starting to realise I have nothing to worry and obsess about. Intrusive thoughts still come but they have sensibly reduced in both number and intensity
After couple years ago, I went to a bowling tournament that I was particapating in and I saw a person who I thought was a boy have really pretty, curly, short hair. I thought it was cute, and then I realized later that the ‘boy’ was actually a girl. I felt really confused because I still thought the hair was pretty, but I wasn’t interested in dating or liking a girl. My cheeks flushed red and I’ve been suffering every since. I haven’t had a scenario like that since and I know that I’m straight, but it’s so confusing and scary.
Shoot I have kinda same experience I saw cute “boy” but she was girl and that make me feel so shamed
Well it’s in human nature to recognize “cuteness” or even “attractiveness” in people of both sexes. But this also applies for animals, flowers, or pretty much anything. This doesn’t mean you want to fuck anything that is good looking ?
I think maybe when I was 20 and didn’t take it seriously as OCD until 8 years later
Mine first started when I was 23 , I was battling rocd at that time and I was so on edge my mind convinced me I was gay. I got over it and was HOCD free for 7 years then I relapsed when my ex wife left me
I’m now 34
Just thought I’d share my story so far with you all and maybe see if anyone’s had similar stuff :) I had been completely straight my whole life. I’m 18 now but had had multiple girlfriends who I was very much into. I was never into guys. I was very stressed for my exams and ended up going to see Bohemian Rhapsody with some friends to chill. After seeing heaps of gay-Esque things in the film the thought popped into my head “what if I’m gay or bi” and then that’s when it started. (This was 3 months ago) I then found myself unable to hang out with my guy friends because every time I saw them I would get anxious I was attracted to them. I moved past this but I’m still constantly having an internal reasoning battle with myself about wether or not I’m into men. I then noticed a huge lack in sex drive towards women as well which scared me because being into women was a huge part of me. I have never been aroused by or enjoyed thinking about men sexually or romantically though this is what the intrusive thoughts were. This leads me to my main point which is porn. I was a heavy porn user before the ocd and I was starting to find Normal straight porn not as good. I had been watching more kinky shit eg step sibling stuff etc. I have watched gay porn multiple times since the HOCD. **potential trigger/ graphic warning ahead** and had finished both times. It happened very quickly and I just felt terrible after. I tell myself that I finished because of just the pure taboo nature of it and it was what the ocd wanted me to do since whenever I’d tried to arouse myself to men in a non pornographic way nothing had ever worked. Also when I was watching I wasn’t particularly focused on like the men themselves like I would with women when I watched straight porn. It was all very traumatising and I have to keep stopping myself from checking again to see if my reaction changes :( I’ve been meditating a lot and I’m about to start ERP on here and with my psychologist (who diagnosed me with ocd) But yeah just was wondering if anyone had anything similar with the porn thing just so I can figure out if it’s denial or whatever :) I don’t think it’s a coincidence with timing either since this all happened during exams.
I’m so exhausted. Been having HOCD since May & had it once before when I was 15 - both times began as me genuinely thinking I was questioning my sexuality, then it became obsessive and that’s when I landed on HOCD. It was more like HOCD that actually questioning. But I will say I do find women attractive, and have always watched lesbian porn & in my mind I guess I do find women’s body’s somewhat sexually attractive. This being said - I have always had boyfriends, always fell for boys and not once have I ever been genuinely interested in a girl or fallen for one. I’m 20 too, so it’s not like i’m only 14. In very open about sexuality and accept everything and everyone, so the idea of being lesbian or bi isn’t alien to me. Some of my friends are gay and lesbian . Earlier this summer I even started coming out to people as maybe being bi, and i was almost pushing that label onto myself to try and accept myself - but it still didn’t feel right and I am still unsure and uncertain. Just want some advice - is this similar to other people’s stories ? Not looking for reassurance, just genuinely wondering wether it is HOCD or maybe I am just abit gay hahaha (which would be okay, just doesn’t really feel right)
I’m new to this app and just wanted to share my story. As a young girl I definitely had compulsions. My mom always told me she would take me to a psychiatrist (I would cry when people sat on my bed). Anyways, as I got older I definitely grew out of a lot of things. I’ve never been diagnosed with OCD but I have GAD. I know I definitely have OCD because I have done a lot of research. Recently I have really, really been struggling with HOCD. I’ve never experienced this before, and that’s why it’s making it more scary. I’m a young adult woman and have been in a very serious relationship with a male for many years. I love him so much. I am also very athletic and not very girly. I always loved the fact that I was a guys gal, but lately it has made me super insecure. A lot of people at school assume I’m bisexual because I’m super pro LGBTQ rights and idk? Idk why I give off that “vibe”. It never bothered me, I always thought it was funny, and I have no issue with being gay, but I’m definitely not?! During this quarantine my guy friends have said I have way way more guy friends than girl friends, someone asked my teammate if I was bisexual, and I have never had an orgasm from my boyfriend. It started really getting in my head and I keep being like “am I gay and that’s why I don’t orgasm”. This seems so pathetic and writing this actually helps and makes me realize there is no way I like women. But anyways THE THOUGHTS DO NOT STOP. I keep worrying that I do not know myself, and maybe I don’t love my bf, and maybe other people see something I don’t. Anyways, how can I help myself? I am noticing I’m reassuring and checking and starting compulsions
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