- Date posted
- 5y
- Date posted
- 5y
Honestly I get you. When I was 5 I was hurt. I kept it a secret. But the guilt was too much. I would have nightmares constantly and have panic attacks all the time. It got to the point where I was always sick. Finally i told my mom and instantly she started crying and we never talked about it after that night. I later found out that she was also hurt when she was my age and knew what I was going through. Idk why she didn't help me out with what i was going through, but I feel the guilt returning and it always affects my adult life. You just have to look past it and view yourself in an entirely healthier perspective. Hope this helped
- Date posted
- 5y
I can relate to this very much. Thank you for sharing. I was also abused as a young child. And now as an adult I feel so much shame and guilt when I have sex. I abstained from sex for 2 years, and recently decided to try it again only a few weeks ago. I have hated myself since. It’s literally all I can think about is how ashamed of myself I am for sleeping with someone. Even though I know people do it all the time, I can’t get past how I feel about myself. I convinced myself the other person only slept with me to try to hurt me or give me an STD. I even went to the doctor and got tested and everything came back negative but in my head I don’t believe the tests. I feel like I’m never going to be able to have a normal relationship because my intrusive thoughts make it so hard to trust anyone.
- Date posted
- 5y
I’m so sorry you’re dealing with this pain. :( I hope that you can eventually make progress in this through therapy and/or medication, because I know first hand how horrible the feeling is. I’m always amazed how others with OCD can relate to my experiences. Maybe just the fact that we’re not alone is relieving to some degree in itself. <3
- Date posted
- 5y
@CheeseDuck Thank you for responding. And yes, it does help to know that we’re not alone and we have people we can reach out to if we need to.
- Date posted
- 5y
I can relate to that. Even though u was not violated when I was really young and to this day I would see things but not tell anyone, and my ocd would make .e feel trapped in it. I would see bears and stuff running around and I would constantly be in panic
Related posts
- Date posted
- 22w
I’m sharing this bc I need advice or even support from anyone who can relate. If you can’t relate and don’t think you’ll say anything helpful or kind pls don’t comment anything… I’ve been struggling with somethings that’s making me question myself. There has been moments while self pleasuring when I get intrusive thoughts, in those moments it feels like I’m enjoying or even self pleasuring myself bc of the thought. Right after I immediately have an anxiety attack and my HEART drops bc it feels terrible I feel like a disgusting monster :( ppl have told me I haven’t done a bad bc of how intense my guilt and panic are but I keep thinking that MAYBE I made a horrible decision in the moment and the guilt is just realising that it’s just wrong this doesn’t make sense to me because I’ve always told myself that I would never act on this in 1 million years and I’ve been known that these things are wrong so I’m just like constantly questioning myself these feelings and exact same situation has happened two times already I even promised myself that I wouldn’t act on anything beforehand and yeah, I still felt like I did act on my thought during my alone time I’m genuinely convinced that I’m a horrible and it’s even got into the point where I don’t wanna be here anymore and I don’t even think this is my OCD :( tbh
- Date posted
- 20w
+18 only!! TW for sexual content!! (This might be TMI, but I need advice) So, this is kinda embarrassing, but I haven't been able to self-pleasure without feeling shame or guilt. It's so bad that I've just stopped altogether, but I don't want to avoid it. It was something I enjoyed and was comfortable with, and now, because of OCD, it just makes me feel... gross. It's a perfectly normal and healthy thing to do, but my mind just tries to convince me that it's wrong. Had anyone else dealt with this? It's not a huge issue, but I'm tired of unnecessary shame. :(
- Date posted
- 17w
Being exposed to taboo p*rn as young as first grade ruined my life and now ocd is making me pay for it. I have so much guilt for being a child/teen and looking at taboo stuff, and it was all fictional or anime or whatever but it was still so so gross. and I didn't realize It because I had been used to it at so young 🫠 I think what haunts me most is when I was a kid/young teen (like 12-14ish) and didn't have access to p*rn I'd imagine stuff similar to what I'd seen in the art. I can't even believe I'd imagine scenarios involving kid characters or whatever because it had been so normalized to me and I assumed it was normal since it was fiction. I'm 23 now so it's been a decade since I've done anything like that and I've never had the urge to since but still. I've NEVER been attracted to kids or had any urges or anything ever, even when I was addicted. The thought makes me want to vomit, I'd rather die than associate anything sexual with kids/minors and I think people who groom or assault kids are vile. But I still feel like the fact that I imagined stuff similar to the things I read sometimes when I was young is proof I'm a p*do. I don't think people would believe me if I said I'm not. I just feel like I don't deserve to live or that if I do, I'm living a lie. I know 'I was a kid too' but even when I was 13/14 I read/imagined stuff with characters younger than me because I thought it was normal. I'm so disgusted. I've had this theme for so long I'm starting to wonder if ocd is right. I feel too ashamed to tell my therapist.
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