When I was in kindergarten, an older kid at my babysitter’s house was sexually inappropriate with me. I felt horrible guilt about what had happened for a long time. It caused me to start having severe panic attacks at age seven. I constantly felt like I was carrying around a dirty secret. I couldn’t eat. The best way I can describe the guilt was the physical feeling that my stomach was heavy. I very recently, at the age of 18, had my first consensual sexual experience. Afterwards, I laid in bed next to the guy and silently endured a panic attack. I was afraid of feeling the guilt again. Like horribly afraid. I couldn’t calm myself down or logic it out in my head. This was after cancelling on this guy twice for fear of having sex and then feeling the guilt. I should capitalize that. The Guilt is more fitting. Guilt is something I cannot stand in the slightest, and the only way I could make myself stop panicking about this situation was to almost immediately tell my mom. Why? I’m an adult. I’m on the pill. It’s my personal life. She doesn’t need to know. But I was so afraid of The Guilt, and that was the only way to be sure I wouldn’t have to deal with it. Now I’m fine. But I’m afraid of not being able to enjoy certain aspects of my life because I’m so afraid of The Guilt returning.

Honestly I get you. When I was 5 I was hurt. I kept it a secret. But the guilt was too much. I would have nightmares constantly and have panic attacks all the time. It got to the point where I was always sick. Finally i told my mom and instantly she started crying and we never talked about it after that night. I later found out that she was also hurt when she was my age and knew what I was going through. Idk why she didn't help me out with what i was going through, but I feel the guilt returning and it always affects my adult life. You just have to look past it and view yourself in an entirely healthier perspective. Hope this helped

I can relate to this very much. Thank you for sharing. I was also abused as a young child. And now as an adult I feel so much shame and guilt when I have sex. I abstained from sex for 2 years, and recently decided to try it again only a few weeks ago. I have hated myself since. It’s literally all I can think about is how ashamed of myself I am for sleeping with someone. Even though I know people do it all the time, I can’t get past how I feel about myself. I convinced myself the other person only slept with me to try to hurt me or give me an STD. I even went to the doctor and got tested and everything came back negative but in my head I don’t believe the tests. I feel like I’m never going to be able to have a normal relationship because my intrusive thoughts make it so hard to trust anyone.

I can relate to that. Even though u was not violated when I was really young and to this day I would see things but not tell anyone, and my ocd would make .e feel trapped in it. I would see bears and stuff running around and I would constantly be in panic