- Date posted
- 5y
- Date posted
- 5y
Honestly I get you. When I was 5 I was hurt. I kept it a secret. But the guilt was too much. I would have nightmares constantly and have panic attacks all the time. It got to the point where I was always sick. Finally i told my mom and instantly she started crying and we never talked about it after that night. I later found out that she was also hurt when she was my age and knew what I was going through. Idk why she didn't help me out with what i was going through, but I feel the guilt returning and it always affects my adult life. You just have to look past it and view yourself in an entirely healthier perspective. Hope this helped
- Date posted
- 5y
I can relate to this very much. Thank you for sharing. I was also abused as a young child. And now as an adult I feel so much shame and guilt when I have sex. I abstained from sex for 2 years, and recently decided to try it again only a few weeks ago. I have hated myself since. It’s literally all I can think about is how ashamed of myself I am for sleeping with someone. Even though I know people do it all the time, I can’t get past how I feel about myself. I convinced myself the other person only slept with me to try to hurt me or give me an STD. I even went to the doctor and got tested and everything came back negative but in my head I don’t believe the tests. I feel like I’m never going to be able to have a normal relationship because my intrusive thoughts make it so hard to trust anyone.
- Date posted
- 5y
I’m so sorry you’re dealing with this pain. :( I hope that you can eventually make progress in this through therapy and/or medication, because I know first hand how horrible the feeling is. I’m always amazed how others with OCD can relate to my experiences. Maybe just the fact that we’re not alone is relieving to some degree in itself. <3
- Date posted
- 5y
@CheeseDuck Thank you for responding. And yes, it does help to know that we’re not alone and we have people we can reach out to if we need to.
- Date posted
- 5y
I can relate to that. Even though u was not violated when I was really young and to this day I would see things but not tell anyone, and my ocd would make .e feel trapped in it. I would see bears and stuff running around and I would constantly be in panic
Related posts
- Date posted
- 22w
i feel like i have been posting a lot about this and i will try to stop since now but i just don't know where to start or what to do, and i can't take therapy right now either. my event is about something that did actually happen; i had a boyfriend and we had a 1.5 age difference (i know this sounds stupid) but the thing is that we both started to sext a lot since he was 14 and i was 15. we shared audios videos pictures ect and i don't know how to just let this go, even when i know that i never really forced him into anything and i was always constantly worried about him being comfortable, when to stop and ect. the memories keep coming back to my mind and the guilt is eating me up slowly because i keep thinking that i'm a predator or a groomer or something like that. i don't know how to deal with the what ifs either, lately i haven't stopped thinking what if i sexually harassed or sexually exploited him or something like that. how do i deal with the cycle of guilt and constant what ifs if i also feel like my event is worse than others i've seen? please help me with this. it's getting a lil tiring and even if somedays i know how to deal with this, i still get really triggered sometimes. this wouldn't even bother me before, i wish i could just get back in time before this theme popped into my mind. my life has been a hell since then and i live constantly scared and suicidal.
- Date posted
- 21w
I think I know what honestly is what caused my OCD. I’ve never told anyone this but I have to if I want help. When I was either 10 or 11, I think 10 I was at my family’s thanksgiving dinner. Around this time I discovered porn and got addicted. I would watch porn and read erotica. Because of this I guess I wanted to experiment. I feel absolutely horrible just thinking about this but I was playing around with my little cousin, he was around 7 I think and I remember we were playing chase or hide and seek, and I grabbed him and hugged him (something I never done before), and got a boner. I did this for pleasure. That’s all I did that was sexual but I feel so horrible. I try to give myself grace as I was only 10 and didn’t know the consequences of something so disgusting. I keep thinking “what if I went farther and hurt him?”. I talk to him sometimes and he seems comfortable with me and I think he doesn’t even remember this ever happened and just thought I hugged him for some reason all those years ago. I am NOT attracted to him at all but I think this incident and remembering it when I was 14 has caused my OCD such as POCD for all these years. I am 18 now but I feel absolutely horrible. And now it’s even worse because I have been invited to his 15th birthday party in Mexico. I’m traveling all the way to another country just to be near him! Obviously I know I won’t touch him or be innopropriate with him. But what if he has felt uncomfortable with me all this time? He seems fine with me and not uncomfortable around me but still. If I feel as if I go to this trip, I am a horrible person. I don’t know what to do. Am I a horrible person for what I did and continuing to be around him? I remember reading Reddit and Quora stories of similar people who felt horrible and people told them to not feel bad as they were only children and they learned and now know that was wrong and that to not tell anyone as it could only make things extremely awkward.Please help. I know COCSA is a very serious topic that harms people and I feel like a horrible perpetrator now.
- Date posted
- 16w
Every single time me and my boyfriend do anything sexual, I feel really really guilty about it after. We’ve never had sex before but have done other things and I don’t feel guilty about it in the moment, but afterwards I feel guilty. I don’t necessarily regret doing it but I just feel horrible as a human. He does not push himself on me in anyway and I know it’s all a me thing. He is very cautious in making sure I’m comfortable and feel okay, but I don’t start feeling guilty until afterwards. I feel like this always relates back to my faith, which has recently fallen off. I feel like I can’t talk to anyone about this because I always get told the benefits of waiting for marriage. And honestly I do understand that, but I don’t know that I want to wait. I feel like people keep shoving “waiting for marriage” down my throat and it draws me so much further from Christianity and makes things so much harder to feel close to God again. I just feel so lonely in feeling these things and scared I’m going to hell if I keep doing stuff with my boyfriend, but I genuinely don’t know what I believe in anymore and it’s draining me that my values are changing. I know it’s probably healthy and natural for values to change as you grow up, but I feel like there’s a stereotype of Christianity I have to adhere to and it makes me so anxious and scared I’m going to hell if I don’t get everything perfect. My relationship with Christ isn’t something that I involve others in because of how personal it is to me. But I just feel shamed upon by every other Christian and it makes me scared for myself and sad for the way society is making it such a black and white view of this religion.
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