- User type
- OCD Conqueror
- Date posted
- 6y
Yes, and I've told my therapist that I obviously care what she thinks about me, and she knows this. So she uses it as ERP and says "maybe I am thinking judgmental things about you, you'll never know" and she knows I am uncomfortable because of this, but I know she is here to help me so I continue to work knowing I can never truly "know" what she or anything thinks of me. And that has been helping me reduce how much I care what anyone thinks of me. Hope that helps. Stay strong!
Thanks everyone for the encouraging words. I guess it does come down to doing some exposure work around what other people think of me. I’ve always struggled with ruminating on what people may/may not think about me. It makes sense that I would also feel this way about my therapist.
I have this very uncomfortable fear every time step into a mental health facility or go see my therapist. But, how i work my way out of this one is to tell myself maybe they're judging me, maybe they're not. Either way I am here to get help and i try to focus in on my session. But at any point i am uncomfortable with my mental health professional, i change said person. They are human too and they do unperfect things like us all. I Hope it gets better for you.
I've definitely encountered this fear, to the point where I actually burned that bridge out of paranoia. It's a terrible thing.
That sounds like an awesome plan Becky!
Anyone*
What if my therapist hates me? Week ago I told her about compulsion that I had half year ago (a gross compulsions and my worse) I stoped doing it of course. She told me it’s just a compulsion and it’s ocd. What if she lying? What if she hates me and just want money (I know it’s selfish to think that but I’m scared because I actually like her). She passed our sessions to another day in the week. What if that could tell that she hates me? I’m having a big urge to sent her and ask her if she hates me but it will look weird and now I have to wait more then a week. It’s scary I wish I could know what she was thinking
I am really worried because I felt confident about my appearance today, then I found myself thrown into imagining if I did certain things like flipping my hair or just looking good around a certain coworker and they'd find it attractive. I don't like that coworker at all and I'm in a happy relationship with my boyfriend, this made me feel awful and I starting feeling disloyal again. I don't know if it's an old habit, a desire for external validation, or what. I can't tell if this was a thought pattern connected to my last post or not. All I know is that I'm really stuck right now. I feel like every time I pick myself back up, I fall right back down again, like there's ice in the road. I can't help but feel like everything I touch or everything I think about crumbles. I feel like my own mind is against me and I don't know who to trust anymore. These small OCD spirals are really messing with my work life, s*x life, everything really, and it's getting to me. I feel with every spiral that I'm getting sucked into a depression again and I don't know what's next. It doesn't matter how small the "bad" thing that "i did" was, but I feel that every little thing is building up to a point and something is going to crash down. I need help. What do I do? Right when everything around me seems to be going up, I feel like I'm being dragged down and I can't do this anymore. Please help me.
Often times I find myself spiraling out in the morning about all sorts of things. When I try and catch myself and figure out what I am obsessing over it’s like it goes away. I haven’t moved. I have been sitting frozen on the floor because I can’t go to work because I am behind on work and I hate being late and I hate being messy but I am frequently late and my room is cluttered and full of stuff. I want to be good and move and go to work but I don’t know what is coming today and I hate my job so I know I will get bored and when I have nothing to keep me busy and engaged I like start thinking and taking an inventory of what is going on and then I will feel a sensation and what is the sensation? How did it happen? And I know that I will pick up the bad emotions in the office and get contaminated, I was really worried about things like this as a kid too I cried because I had to touch dirt in kindergarten. I know I am this way and I have been this way for a while but at the same time I think I might just be normal and like I don’t know why I get stuck in thinking like this. Then I begin to doubt that OCD is real because everyone has a brain with wiring and everyone gets stuck in thought sometimes. I feel disabled from whatever this is because I am stuck. I literally cannot move because I don’t know what’s wrong and I know I have to go to work even though I feel like every moment I spend there is making everything worse because other people are so stressed and I get it from them. And I don’t feel ready because I just feel off and something is wrong and I just don’t know what to do because if it’s OCD or not OCD everything anyone knows about me is coming from me and I worry that I am often masking all the thinking I’m doing because thinking all the time is rude and inconsiderate and inconvenient for those around me, but I can’t stop. I just don’t feel right, right now - and I want to know WHY?? Why is everything off all the time? How do I even know that I am not making up the experience of OCD in my head to cover up something really wrong with me and now I am taking on the symptoms of OCD like an actress, because this could be something that I can latch onto as a final hope for explaining why I am stuck. So stuck so deeply and terribly stuck sitting on my floor next to my bed just scrolling to avoid thinking because any time I start thinking I am left with no answers or help or anything just this swirly feeling. I know I am trying, maybe not my best, but as much as I possibly can. I want to be a Special Education Teacher but I have so much so so so much doubt and uncertainty about every decision I make and everything I know that I can’t get there right now. I can’t do anything right now until it feels ok and then I will. It never feels ok. I know I have to be ok not feeling ok about it. I can be unsure and still be ok. I know it’s just my thinking and my body but I just can’t get past this feeling. And then I know that because I can calm myself and be ok even though I spent 2 hours of my life today already feeling stuck and spinning around and around and around in my head - I don’t feel sure about my OCD and I think it’s a bit of a scam made up by people to cultivate pathology around deep human thought because one day I might figure it out and we all think a lot.
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