- Username
- Anonymous
- Date posted
- 4y ago
Most professionals consider “TOCD” (ie gender identity OCD) as a natural extension of “HOCD” (ie sexual orientation OCD.) I personally had HOCD, got over it and didn’t struggle with it for years and then was hit with TOCD out of the blue. It’s a lot of the same ambiguous lines of thinking and similar cognitive distortions so it’s an easy trap for someone to fall into both, unfortunately. That doesn’t mean everyone who has one will necessarily get the other! But it’s quite common and if it happens, you should know you’re definitely not alone.
∆∆∆∆ nicely said. They are very similar obsessions
What helped you get over HOCD? Just curious as I’m still struggling with it. Great explanation btw
@evkrey I leaned into it. I let the thoughts exist, sought out triggers, and practiced ERP. Eventually, I stopped caring what my “real” orientation was and learned to accept the uncertainty. I regained my sense of self with time.
@pureolife Thanks that’s really insightful. I would ask more questions but I feel like that’s reassurance seeking
@pureolife Did you become gay or realize you were because if ERP?
@chamomile Can you follow @evkrey s example in this moment
@NOCD Advocate - Katie Honestly what am I even supposed to follow, regardless it's making me anxious like can ERP make you realize something you're not?
@chamomile Erp can't "make" you do anything. It gives you the opportunity to learn that you are capable of handling uncomfortable emotions, that uncomfortable emotions fade with time, and that thoughts are less important than actions
@NOCD Advocate - Katie Oh ok, so it doesn't turn me into my fear instead help me realize my true self while also make me capable of handling my anxiety. Ok cool
I have this problem. I obsess over whether I’m acting feminine or “gay” by my mannerisms, or I obsessively stare/scan for people who might be gay and study their mannerisms to see if I act like them in an assumed “feminine” way. But often HOCD can morph into TOCD where the fear is less about sexuality and more about “am I really a girl/boy trapped in the wrong body?” And focusing on “feeling masculine/feminine” as reasoning to be trans.
It’s all cognitive distortions of what “gay” is or what it means to be a man/woman but the thoughts pop up regardless
@evkrey That's pretty much what's going on for me. I am struggling because I don't feel feminine but I can't seem to think of myself with different pronouns and then I wonder if I'm non binary and then I start getting super worked up wondering where I'm lying to myself most.
@ocdisntme Yeah I mean what it comes down to is obsessive mental analysis of some ambiguous “feeling” you’ve been debating on what it means probably for weeks if not months or years. At some point you will have to decide that maybe that “feeling” is unanswerable, but that doesn’t mean you can’t continue to live your life by your values in spite of it. And in doing so, the distress over that ambiguous “feeling” of “not being feminine enough” won’t be as bad, at least what I’ve read and heard from actual therapists
@evkrey For me, it seems to be that feeling that makes me debate my little movements and makes me feel like it’s hard to let me by myself, and it’s constantly debating whether I’m “masculine or feminine” whatever that means. That feeling I can’t put my finger on only started when my OCD relapsed, and I think it’s a cognitive distortion. OCD makes you feel something or makes you think something happened that you know you don’t feel or you know didn’t happen.
@jmg40 I think a good analysis of it for me, is that it tries to convince me that I’m unhappy with how I appear and that I actually want to appear more feminine or just want to be a woman. Except that since I don’t, the thought of it isn’t happy. But, since OCD gives you cognitive distortions, you don’t feel like yourself so you start to feel like neither, which makes you think non-binary. Which also freaks you out since you aren’t that either. I think it’s all OCD clouding judgement and cognitive distortions. I had similar things when I was suffering from HOCD.
@jmg40 That’s exactly how i feel!! And accepting uncertainty (over gender/sexuality etc) almost feels like a total reset on life like I’m essentially nothing with no identity and having to re-learn who the hell I am. It’s scary and daunting
@jmg40 How did you get through HOCD btw? My therapist has got me doing mindfulness as a start and accepting all thoughts but it’d be good to hear how someone made it out the other side
@evkrey I don’t know if I really got through it. It still pops in from time to time, my theme just changed to TOCD.
I have experienced both but I'm glad tocd didn't last very long :(. HOCD is lit right now though. Sorry for you that you're going through this :(
I’ve never heard of HOCD. When I read about it, it says “fear of being homosexual when you are straight or vice versa,” yet it’s still called “homosexual OCD.” I’m a lesbian and I am having a hard time wrapping my head around this concept because honestly the symptoms sound kind of homophobic? Constantly FEARING you might be gay? I’m trying to think of it from other people’s perspective and trying not to be insensitive, it’s just that when I was questioning my sexuality it’s because I was actually gay, and the symptoms sound a lot like someone just discovering their sexuality but being struck with fear and hiding it. Thoughts?
Can someone explain to me the difference between HOCD and questioning your sexuality? I see several posts regarding fears about having romantic feelings towards the same sex and I wonder if that really means someone is gay and afraid to admit it to themselves? I’m not asking to be offensive, I really just don’t understand that form of OCD.
I’m so exhausted. Been having HOCD since May & had it once before when I was 15 - both times began as me genuinely thinking I was questioning my sexuality, then it became obsessive and that’s when I landed on HOCD. It was more like HOCD that actually questioning. But I will say I do find women attractive, and have always watched lesbian porn & in my mind I guess I do find women’s body’s somewhat sexually attractive. This being said - I have always had boyfriends, always fell for boys and not once have I ever been genuinely interested in a girl or fallen for one. I’m 20 too, so it’s not like i’m only 14. In very open about sexuality and accept everything and everyone, so the idea of being lesbian or bi isn’t alien to me. Some of my friends are gay and lesbian . Earlier this summer I even started coming out to people as maybe being bi, and i was almost pushing that label onto myself to try and accept myself - but it still didn’t feel right and I am still unsure and uncertain. Just want some advice - is this similar to other people’s stories ? Not looking for reassurance, just genuinely wondering wether it is HOCD or maybe I am just abit gay hahaha (which would be okay, just doesn’t really feel right)
Share your thoughts so the Community can respond