Does HOCD involve obsessively questioning gender identity as well? I've only heard about it since I joined this app and I'm wondering if I struggle with that but I'm not entirely sure about all the details.

∆∆∆∆ nicely said. They are very similar obsessions

What helped you get over HOCD? Just curious as I’m still struggling with it. Great explanation btw

@evkrey I leaned into it. I let the thoughts exist, sought out triggers, and practiced ERP. Eventually, I stopped caring what my “real” orientation was and learned to accept the uncertainty. I regained my sense of self with time.

@pureolife Thanks that’s really insightful. I would ask more questions but I feel like that’s reassurance seeking

@pureolife Did you become gay or realize you were because if ERP?

@chamomile Can you follow @evkrey s example in this moment

@NOCD Advocate - Katie Honestly what am I even supposed to follow, regardless it's making me anxious like can ERP make you realize something you're not?

@chamomile Erp can't "make" you do anything. It gives you the opportunity to learn that you are capable of handling uncomfortable emotions, that uncomfortable emotions fade with time, and that thoughts are less important than actions

@NOCD Advocate - Katie Oh ok, so it doesn't turn me into my fear instead help me realize my true self while also make me capable of handling my anxiety. Ok cool

It’s all cognitive distortions of what “gay” is or what it means to be a man/woman but the thoughts pop up regardless

@evkrey That's pretty much what's going on for me. I am struggling because I don't feel feminine but I can't seem to think of myself with different pronouns and then I wonder if I'm non binary and then I start getting super worked up wondering where I'm lying to myself most.

@ocdisntme Yeah I mean what it comes down to is obsessive mental analysis of some ambiguous “feeling” you’ve been debating on what it means probably for weeks if not months or years. At some point you will have to decide that maybe that “feeling” is unanswerable, but that doesn’t mean you can’t continue to live your life by your values in spite of it. And in doing so, the distress over that ambiguous “feeling” of “not being feminine enough” won’t be as bad, at least what I’ve read and heard from actual therapists

@evkrey For me, it seems to be that feeling that makes me debate my little movements and makes me feel like it’s hard to let me by myself, and it’s constantly debating whether I’m “masculine or feminine” whatever that means. That feeling I can’t put my finger on only started when my OCD relapsed, and I think it’s a cognitive distortion. OCD makes you feel something or makes you think something happened that you know you don’t feel or you know didn’t happen.

@jmg40 I think a good analysis of it for me, is that it tries to convince me that I’m unhappy with how I appear and that I actually want to appear more feminine or just want to be a woman. Except that since I don’t, the thought of it isn’t happy. But, since OCD gives you cognitive distortions, you don’t feel like yourself so you start to feel like neither, which makes you think non-binary. Which also freaks you out since you aren’t that either. I think it’s all OCD clouding judgement and cognitive distortions. I had similar things when I was suffering from HOCD.

@jmg40 That’s exactly how i feel!! And accepting uncertainty (over gender/sexuality etc) almost feels like a total reset on life like I’m essentially nothing with no identity and having to re-learn who the hell I am. It’s scary and daunting

@jmg40 How did you get through HOCD btw? My therapist has got me doing mindfulness as a start and accepting all thoughts but it’d be good to hear how someone made it out the other side

@evkrey I don’t know if I really got through it. It still pops in from time to time, my theme just changed to TOCD.