- Date posted
- 5y
- Date posted
- 5y
Your brain still wants what it can’t have, but your heart ❤️ knows what’s true.
- Date posted
- 5y
I just want it to get better
- Date posted
- 5y
You don't want to live with your new bf because of the sufferings even when sufferings go along with relationships? I can tell that you're really tired not just facing your struggle with you ex bf but also the time you have spent with OCD has made you even more tired. If OCD is not letting you go either way, that is living with you new bf or escaping life struggles then you have to get yourself prepared now. You can't let yourself be carried away because of the middle situation these two conditions are making. If you're stuck, that means you still have to do something because you can't remain motionless in life. And now if you've got to do something you know what direction is better to walk.
- Date posted
- 5y
Holy shit I’ve been going through the same exact thing for the last 4 months. I can’t stop thinking about my ex when I have a boyfriend. Not trying to give reassurance but it’s ocd. It’s fucking with you because it knows your bf is so important to you. Don’t let it get to you. When I get the thoughts I just use mindfulness to know it’s just ocd. Starve the monster. I’m here if you need someone to talk too because I’m going through this
- Date posted
- 5y
Oops! My comment back is below
- Date posted
- 5y
Please I need someone to talk to I need help. I’m losing it. I don’t want to think about him. I don’t want to leave my bf for him. I just want him out of my head and idk how. I cry and cry. And now I’m scared to move in with my bf cuz of it. It has to be ocd. It has to be. There is no way I would want that toxic ness lying narcissist who never cared about me or losing me. I had to walk away from him after he just kept telling me he didn’t want me. And I just don’t know if I healed enough from the pain or if I just buried it and it’s resurfacing now. I’m scared. I’m so scared. I feel like I’m gonna have a heart attack all the time
- Date posted
- 5y
It’s normal to still feel hurt. It’s human. As long as as you love and want to be with your boyfriend that’s all that matters. This obsession started when my boyfriend made a joke saying “If you still had feelings for him I’d leave yo ass” but even though it was a joke it scared the shit out of me. I kept doubting every single thought and couldn’t eat or sleep. I was crying for weeks and throwing up every time I spent the night with him. He had no idea until December I let it all out. He was so understanding and sweet about it. He knows me better than anyone that I don’t care for my ex because I never cared for him before. January I found out I have ocd because it turns out it runs in my family. I started antidepressants and now I’m basically a therapist for myself. I’ve learned tricks for my ocd. I have compulsions to confess and check with my boyfriend, friends and family. I’ve been practicing holding those compulsions in and every time I get a thought I focus on the anxiety I feel and breathe. I try to think about how it’s just ocd. The reason I know it’s ocd is because I feel shame and guilt. You clearly love your boyfriend so much and this is killing you because ocd knows your love him.
- Date posted
- 5y
@TrinnyTrin But then I go with the what if I feel shame and guilt because I know I miss and want him but don’t want to hurt my bf. I think what if my ex changes and then we will be a better fit. I think what if I could forgive him for what he did to me. I can’t stop. I just want to stop because I do live my bf. I feel so awful I don’t know what to do
- Date posted
- 5y
@Ocdandme123 How are you now? Better? Same? Or worse?
- Date posted
- 5y
@TrinnyTrin I’m okay. I am still struggling but I’ve been watching so many videos and reading so much and talking to people. It’s still in my head but I have a therapy apt set up for Monday and I’m determined to move past this shit
Related posts
- Date posted
- 22w
I don’t understand how my boyfriend can love me so much after everything I put him through. He constantly shows me how much he loves me, yet I feel like I can’t fully appreciate it. I can’t explain how badly I behave towards him when these thoughts take over, how often I lash out because of them, and how many times I’ve told him exactly what’s on my mind. He tries to use logic to help me, but it never seems to work. And now, even as I’m writing this, I feel like crying—yet at the same time, my mind tells me that I don’t care. This horrible feeling inside me won’t go away. I keep thinking, “What if I don’t like him?” That thought is always there. I wonder if I had unrealistic expectations about this relationship from the beginning, since he is my first boyfriend. What if I convinced myself I liked him just because I wanted my first relationship to be perfect? And now, I just can’t accept the truth? It scares me even more knowing that he moved to my city for me. I feel like I’m constantly upset, constantly sad. And despite everything, he’s always there for me. That makes me feel even worse because I don’t know what to do to feel okay again. Every time I talk to him, I get this strange feeling inside me, and I’m terrified that it means my thoughts are actually true. He tells me that my happiness shouldn’t depend only on him, that I should focus on more than just this relationship—because for over a year now, my mind has been stuck in an endless loop of questioning whether I love him or not. He asks me, “Who are you fighting? Why do you care so much? You’ve been asking yourself the same question for over a year—shouldn’t you know the answer by now?” And my response is always, “Because I want to be with you.” But then, when I try to answer whether I like him or not, more doubts take over. I start thinking, “Maybe I just can’t accept that I don’t love him. Maybe I just want to keep this relationship perfect.” The worst part is that he has never done anything wrong. He has always been patient, kind, and loving, yet I feel so lost. I don’t understand what’s happening. I don’t understand what I feel. And I don’t understand why I can’t understand what I feel. He also tells me that ever since I started reading so much about relationships and OCD online, I have gotten worse. And he’s right. I have become much worse than I was before. The problem is that before, I thought I was at my worst, but looking back, I was still able to feel happiness at times. Now, I feel completely stuck. I don’t know if I’m crying because I hate this feeling, or because I don’t want to think this way about him. It feels like I don’t even know what’s happening to me anymore.
- Date posted
- 15w
I hate myself a lot and don’t understand. I do so well for a few days then spiral and feel so awful bc it feels true. The BIGGEST and WORST trigger and theme has been my brother old friend ish who I had a crush on yrs ago. Since my ocd returned once I got in a relationship (after many yrs of being hidden) this theme is the most brutal. For some background I had a crush on my current boyfriend last year in February til May and we were friends then we started talking officially in end of May then dating in 2 week of June. I was obsessed w him 100%. The one time I even saw this old crush and the mall and my 1 friend and I followed him bc like old crush yk and I literally like stopped caring like idk how to explain it bc it was a while ago, but it didn’t matter to me. I eventually walked away and then later used that as an excuse to talk to my biggest crush (my current bf). Since we began dating, my ocd has been brutal. My little brother mentioned the old crush the one day saying “you still love him ur lying to urself rn by being w ur bf” and then it sent my mind on its first loop ab that guy. Since then, it’ll return getting worse and worse. (Sometimes I actually don’t care and it won’t feel as tru and ik it’s fake, but others it’s terrible) I hate it. And I feel so awful like I needa check to make sure I don’t like him. Yet logically why would I check my feelings. Ik I love my man bc everything ab him I love and he’s my comfort and best friend. But I get so stuck up in the confusion of all the thoughts ab this other guy and all I have wanted for the 10 months I’ve been dating my man is to go back to normal. Back to myself. The one who was head over heels obsessed w my man and completely forgetting ab the other ppl. But my brain says I can’t bc a part of me will always want the other guy or some other lame bs excuse and it hurts me so much and my man sometimes too. I’m considering medication but will it truly work? Will it make my thoughts go away? I hate how real/ true they feel I feel like a cheater or like I am lying to my man. I feel like rn when I say I love him, that I’m a liar😖for the past 3 days I was better. I gave it up and let God help me, but last night into today I’m lost. Are we sure ocd attacks wuts most important to us? Bc why is it so persistent and evil
- Date posted
- 14w
So I relapse bad 1 time a week now at least and it’s awful. I was ok til I wasn’t this week again. Monday I was crying bc I wanted to be me again and I found tactics to stop my thoughts. I’d be like “well the real me before these thoughts wouldn’t think that” and I’d be ok. But then today I was at school bouta leave and was doing so well. A guy drove by in a pick up and had wut looked like a tan face w rosey cheeks. I had some mini thoughts but I let em pass over until another one came in and I engaged My brain was then like: “oh he has the cute rosey cheeks and tan skin you’d want him coming up to you and flirting bc you want those guys liking you” and it felt rlly real and then saw bro get outs his car and realized he was short and kinda ugly, my mind was then like “it doesn’t bother u now tho bc he’s uglier and shorter than you thought. I bet hair he’s wut you pictured him as you would still rlly want him.” Then I felt awful and then 0.2 seconds later I realized I love my man and wouldn’t want any guy coming up to me. So I tried to chill and let it sit, but then it persisted bc I’m awful. Then I tried to be like “old me would’ve wanted that anyways, but it was like “ye but rn you was kinda real you and felt like it was true. Then I got home and was like old me would’ve never. Then my brain said “I bet if he woulda appeared last yr when you had a huge crush on ur man before u were officially together you woulda talked to jk m in class and found him cute and started crushing for him over ur man” th en my brain like vividly imagined it and it felt true I hate it and then ad the day went on it felt more and more like id want that guy, and it says bc I think he’s cuter then my man bc this guy had the rosy cheeks and tan face. I feel so awful bc even now (many hours later) I feel awful bc my man gets down thinking he’s not enough and wants me to just love him fully but I do and that’s all I want. And I feel awful bc my brain convinces me stuff against him around me are a sign or smth. And u feel terrible he deserves all my love and I love when I can give it all and I wanna cry when it feels there’s someone else there I like or smth. For example it still feels as tho I want the rosy cheeked guy or smth and I’m never gonna find a him and be upset forever. I hate it. I wanna be repulsed by all men that aren’t my man. Why’d it feel true I don’t want it to. And I hate that sometimes I’m unable to decipher if I even want it or not. It’s the worst cycle ever I hate it. How to I fix is it really ocd do I really care ab my man how even can I if I feel like this so often. He even said “sometimes I wonder maybe I’m not the right person or smth. Like if you were with that person maybe this wouldn’t happen” yet no I can’t I love my man😞 pls help Aldo does medication work i wanna get on it to get better
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