I truly can not stand the way I feel, my brain feels, my body feels. Please take this away. I am truly just dying day by day. I can’t stop thinking about how I’m just going to lose my shit and lose my bf all because I can’t get this FUCKER ex out of my head. Is this ocd or do I actually miss and want him? There’s no way I could after how toxic our relationship was. I can’t. I wouldn’t allow myself to be with him again. But the thoughts won’t go away. I want nothing more than to just be with my bf WHO IS AMAZING and fuck off rocd and fuck off my ex and just be happy with him but I’m scared I won’t ever get past this. I don’t want to live anymore. I thought I was fine and put it in the past and didn’t think about him and then rocd came on and then I’m about to move in with my bf and just bam. All of a sudden this bullshit about my ex just surfaced out of nowhere and I have not seen or spoken to him in a year and a half. What in the actual fuck BRAIN?!?!? STOP

Relationship OCD

Mike1234

Date posted: 5y

Your brain still wants what it can’t have, but your heart ❤️ knows what’s true.

Ocdandme123

Date posted: 5y

I just want it to get better

BelieveInYou...

Date posted: 5y

You don't want to live with your new bf because of the sufferings even when sufferings go along with relationships? I can tell that you're really tired not just facing your struggle with you ex bf but also the time you have spent with OCD has made you even more tired. If OCD is not letting you go either way, that is living with you new bf or escaping life struggles then you have to get yourself prepared now. You can't let yourself be carried away because of the middle situation these two conditions are making. If you're stuck, that means you still have to do something because you can't remain motionless in life. And now if you've got to do something you know what direction is better to walk.

XTrinstaX

Date posted: 5y

Holy shit I’ve been going through the same exact thing for the last 4 months. I can’t stop thinking about my ex when I have a boyfriend. Not trying to give reassurance but it’s ocd. It’s fucking with you because it knows your bf is so important to you. Don’t let it get to you. When I get the thoughts I just use mindfulness to know it’s just ocd. Starve the monster. I’m here if you need someone to talk too because I’m going through this

Ocdandme123

Date posted: 5y

Oops! My comment back is below

Ocdandme123

Date posted: 5y

Please I need someone to talk to I need help. I’m losing it. I don’t want to think about him. I don’t want to leave my bf for him. I just want him out of my head and idk how. I cry and cry. And now I’m scared to move in with my bf cuz of it. It has to be ocd. It has to be. There is no way I would want that toxic ness lying narcissist who never cared about me or losing me. I had to walk away from him after he just kept telling me he didn’t want me. And I just don’t know if I healed enough from the pain or if I just buried it and it’s resurfacing now. I’m scared. I’m so scared. I feel like I’m gonna have a heart attack all the time

XTrinstaX

Date posted: 5y

It’s normal to still feel hurt. It’s human. As long as as you love and want to be with your boyfriend that’s all that matters. This obsession started when my boyfriend made a joke saying “If you still had feelings for him I’d leave yo ass” but even though it was a joke it scared the shit out of me. I kept doubting every single thought and couldn’t eat or sleep. I was crying for weeks and throwing up every time I spent the night with him. He had no idea until December I let it all out. He was so understanding and sweet about it. He knows me better than anyone that I don’t care for my ex because I never cared for him before. January I found out I have ocd because it turns out it runs in my family. I started antidepressants and now I’m basically a therapist for myself. I’ve learned tricks for my ocd. I have compulsions to confess and check with my boyfriend, friends and family. I’ve been practicing holding those compulsions in and every time I get a thought I focus on the anxiety I feel and breathe. I try to think about how it’s just ocd. The reason I know it’s ocd is because I feel shame and guilt. You clearly love your boyfriend so much and this is killing you because ocd knows your love him.

Ocdandme123

Date posted: 5y

@TrinnyTrin But then I go with the what if I feel shame and guilt because I know I miss and want him but don’t want to hurt my bf. I think what if my ex changes and then we will be a better fit. I think what if I could forgive him for what he did to me. I can’t stop. I just want to stop because I do live my bf. I feel so awful I don’t know what to do

XTrinstaX

Date posted: 5y

@Ocdandme123 How are you now? Better? Same? Or worse?

Ocdandme123

Date posted: 5y

@TrinnyTrin I’m okay. I am still struggling but I’ve been watching so many videos and reading so much and talking to people. It’s still in my head but I have a therapy apt set up for Monday and I’m determined to move past this shit

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