- Username
- Ocdandme123
- Date posted
- 4y ago
Your brain still wants what it can’t have, but your heart ❤️ knows what’s true.
I just want it to get better
You don't want to live with your new bf because of the sufferings even when sufferings go along with relationships? I can tell that you're really tired not just facing your struggle with you ex bf but also the time you have spent with OCD has made you even more tired. If OCD is not letting you go either way, that is living with you new bf or escaping life struggles then you have to get yourself prepared now. You can't let yourself be carried away because of the middle situation these two conditions are making. If you're stuck, that means you still have to do something because you can't remain motionless in life. And now if you've got to do something you know what direction is better to walk.
Holy shit I’ve been going through the same exact thing for the last 4 months. I can’t stop thinking about my ex when I have a boyfriend. Not trying to give reassurance but it’s ocd. It’s fucking with you because it knows your bf is so important to you. Don’t let it get to you. When I get the thoughts I just use mindfulness to know it’s just ocd. Starve the monster. I’m here if you need someone to talk too because I’m going through this
Oops! My comment back is below
Please I need someone to talk to I need help. I’m losing it. I don’t want to think about him. I don’t want to leave my bf for him. I just want him out of my head and idk how. I cry and cry. And now I’m scared to move in with my bf cuz of it. It has to be ocd. It has to be. There is no way I would want that toxic ness lying narcissist who never cared about me or losing me. I had to walk away from him after he just kept telling me he didn’t want me. And I just don’t know if I healed enough from the pain or if I just buried it and it’s resurfacing now. I’m scared. I’m so scared. I feel like I’m gonna have a heart attack all the time
It’s normal to still feel hurt. It’s human. As long as as you love and want to be with your boyfriend that’s all that matters. This obsession started when my boyfriend made a joke saying “If you still had feelings for him I’d leave yo ass” but even though it was a joke it scared the shit out of me. I kept doubting every single thought and couldn’t eat or sleep. I was crying for weeks and throwing up every time I spent the night with him. He had no idea until December I let it all out. He was so understanding and sweet about it. He knows me better than anyone that I don’t care for my ex because I never cared for him before. January I found out I have ocd because it turns out it runs in my family. I started antidepressants and now I’m basically a therapist for myself. I’ve learned tricks for my ocd. I have compulsions to confess and check with my boyfriend, friends and family. I’ve been practicing holding those compulsions in and every time I get a thought I focus on the anxiety I feel and breathe. I try to think about how it’s just ocd. The reason I know it’s ocd is because I feel shame and guilt. You clearly love your boyfriend so much and this is killing you because ocd knows your love him.
@TrinnyTrin But then I go with the what if I feel shame and guilt because I know I miss and want him but don’t want to hurt my bf. I think what if my ex changes and then we will be a better fit. I think what if I could forgive him for what he did to me. I can’t stop. I just want to stop because I do live my bf. I feel so awful I don’t know what to do
@Ocdandme123 How are you now? Better? Same? Or worse?
@TrinnyTrin I’m okay. I am still struggling but I’ve been watching so many videos and reading so much and talking to people. It’s still in my head but I have a therapy apt set up for Monday and I’m determined to move past this shit
Please some advice for ROCD, I’m having a bad day feeling lifeless and hopeless Today I’ve sat and allowed the intrusive feelings and thoughts about an ex to flow over me today without resisting in a bid to do some ERP and now I just feel guilty and lifeless. I am in love with my boyfriend who is so supportive and incredible. But not a day passes where this ex is in my head. And it scares me. Because I know I love my current boyfriend. I know these thoughts are intrusive but they feel so real, is that normal? I call them ‘fake feelings’ telling myself that it’s the ocd trying to trick me. This ex was awful. He was nasty and mean. I know I don’t want to be with him but then intrusive thoughts kick in and they feel so real so I get extremely guilty. I even feel guilty typing this. Can anyone help me please? ?
I don't like these intrusive images and thoughts of my ex. I just want to be happy with my boyfriend. I wanna scream. I want these thoughts to stop. I really just want to be happy with my boyfriend but these stupid intrusive thoughts are pulling me down. And you might be wondering if I had what-if thoughts with other guys, yes. That's why I'm aware it's obsessive intrusive thoughts. This time, it latched on to my ex. My brain is making me think that I love him. I never had intrusive thoughts about him months before when I started suffering from rOCD. It's so scary because the thoughts feel so real. Any advice would be nice. I'm undergoing psychotherapy and meds (fluoxetine 20mg and olanzapine 5mg combo)
So, this long story will have to be cut down a bit but here’s my story and my plea for some guidance… My childhood was not that great. Although I am grateful to have had a better childhood than others who are way less fortunate. My dad was an alcoholic and suicidal, my mom was toxic and vengeful. This lasted up until I would say my 10th birthday. I was also molested by a family member that to this day no one believes that it happened and would rather me keep this info to myself. I searched for attention from the wrong people. Being bullied, I decided it’s best to be the bullier. So, I started getting in trouble at school, home, with the cops. Everything. Me and my mom started to develop a resentful relationship. I met people online who were older than my age at the time, who had zero business talking to me. They manipulated me and made me feel horrible. I got caught and went ten months without a phone. This time was peaceful. I then went into my sophomore year of high school and entered a relationship I was not comfortable in. At this point, I was healing from previous trauma and was not looking for a relationship to be in. But, I did it anyway because I was afraid to be alone. This relationship was the worst relationship….and I mean the WORST relationship I was in. It was narcissistic and abusive. It broke off abruptly with no closure, no explanation, and leaving me empty and suicidal. I dated during this time and made it clear that I was not ready for a relationship yet. I decided to take a break from dating because although I do not have feelings for my ex, I was now experiencing anxiety and PTSD from what happened. I fell into a deep depression that I did not know when I will be getting out of. I met my boyfriend while continuing to heal about a month after. It was an instant connection and of course I questioned it but I didn’t think much of it. I caught feelings for him pretty quickly which is something that is rare for me. We had insanely similar personalities. It has been the best relationship I have been in. I could even go as far as to say this will be my future husband. We are also long distance and will be closing that distance soon. Something inside me though… keeps bringing up my ex. Small thoughts, small feelings, and knowing I don’t love him. Now, I sit here. I am questioning my love for my partner, asking myself what is so special about my ex that he occupies my mind but weirdly not my heart… It hurts. I just want these thoughts to stop. I have become suicidal before, I am scared to become this again. Why do I feel like I love him when I never loved him while we were together? I know my brain is tricking me, because I know I love my partner. But I am scared I still care for someone who abused me. I am scared I now love two people at the same time. I am scared that the one that I am with isn’t the one for me and this happiness means I am faking it. Is it all an illusion? Why can’t he just go away?
Share your thoughts so the Community can respond