I live in NYC - I’m 29 and was diagnosed with ocd over ten years ago. I came home during quarantine to make sure my parents are okay and spend quality time since we don’t normally get this time. (Please know, I quarantined for over three weeks before seeing them to make sure I wasn’t infecting them) I told them that I am going to go back to my apt in nyc at some point in May and they FREAKED out. There are multiple reasons I would like to be back in my own apartment, but the main one is my ocd is getting worse out here. The routine is crucial and being in my own home is what I think will be mentally the healthiest choice for me. They don’t understand and I’ve tried to explain numerous times. I’m the youngest and will always be the “baby” - even though I’m almost 30. They worry it’s too dangerous, but it’s just as dangerous where we are now as well. I am so lucky I have my parents and that we were able to spend this time together and I love them so much, but I’m an adult and feel I need to set boundaries for what’s best for me. Does this make sense or am I crazy?? Help??!! My brain is out of control right now.

Are you staying at your parents for the next few months? Or plan on going back to nyc?

@jmr So my boyfriend just went back to the city today (his parents have a vacation home outside the city so that’s where they are). My dad offered to drive me back but honestly, I’m enjoying having the space by my parents. I think this has been a good experience challenging my rOCD because last week I was ruminating 24/7 about “why don’t I miss him?” “Why am I happier here?”...Blah blah blah but after my brain settled I said, nope. I miss him but I can function without him. We are individuals and it’s ok. I still love him. But this is somethinf that makes me happy. Forcing myself back to the city to prove to my ocd thoughts that I do still love him is just giving in. I’m practicing sitting with the discomfort.

@d126 (Side note: my parents are oky with me going back but they are of course a little nervous)

@d126 Of course!! I’m so glad you are enjoying the time at home- and sounds like you are exactly where you should be! I’m not sure why I feel such an urgency to be in my apartment... I think my need for independence and ocd getting worse out here is why but I also just found out my dad has had MS for 20 years and never told me. I think I’m feeling overwhelmed and need some space to think about. It’s not heredity but they say you have a higher chance at developing it if a parent has it. I also got ocd from him and two other autoimmune diseases that my siblings did not get so I am definitely worried that i will get it too. Just a lot to process during an already stressful time. But I know I am lucky that they care about me so much. We are so close so I feel it should be okay when I do need some space

@d126 I saw his medication in a drawer in the fridge and immediately googled the medicine. It’s for ms and without thinking I said “who has MS in this house???”

@jmr It’s 1000% okay to need space. You’re an adult. I mean think about your parents, I’m guessing they probably already had kids by your age. I can’t even count how many times after a weekend home wanting to run back to the city. I say this as a joke but it’s so true...sometimes its better to love your family from a distance. Lol

@d126 So true!!!!! Thank youuu I really needed to talk to someone about it. Can’t thank you enough for taking the time to let me vent - always here if you need anything also!

@jmr So sorry. Just seeing this. You’re very welcome!

@jmr Hey girl! Hope you’re doing well. I’m back in the city and wish it was doing something positive for my mental health lol

@d126 Hey!! I’m heading back next week- sorry it’s not helping. I hope you are doing okay. I’m hoping going back will help a little bit not sure. Here if you need to talk!

@jmr All good! Funny enough I’m back home for Mother’s Day. But tried to power through being at my boyfriends and handling the ocd last week.

@d126 Ha so funny! Does your boyfriend know about the OCD? I was dating someone long term and I told him and he freaked out. We broke up within the week. I think I’m going to feel better once I’m back in my apt- hopefully!

Of course!!! I SO deeply understand the layers of guilt that occur with and outside of OCD. I have a really hard relationship with guilt and shame haha so I get you. 20 min!! Oh jeez. You are FINE in either place!! They’re capacity to make you feel guilty about it, is NOT how wrong you are. Those don’t correlate. Ocd is known for co-occurring with feelings of guilt so often. But most cases are misplaced guilt- you can feel it, see it, and then remind yourself that even though it’s there, it’s misplaced and that you are ALLOWED to do what you know your mind and soul need. I mean cmon, 20 min haha?:)

They’re still gonna try to make you feel guilty for it after you tell them what you are doing. They’re probably gonna throw a lot at you like “this is irresponsible” “why don’t you just stay with us where it’s safer” etc etc, but at that point, it’s a lot more what THEY need from you, and not necessarily what YOU need. THEY feel safer with you at home- that doesn’t mean that’s the only place where you are safe, and that doesn’t mean you need to bend over backward so they feel better. We love our parents, but we also have to respect ourselves?❤️