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- 5y ago
- Date posted
- 5y ago
You're an adult. I'm glad they care about you but you are able to make your own adult decisions and they need to be respectful of that.
- Date posted
- 5y ago
Well as another 29 year old NYC resident who is at their parents right now, it’s tough to also not get sucked back into feeling like a child-mode. My boyfriend agreed that when you go home for a long-ish period of time, both you AND your parents revert back to your younger self. It’s pretty annoying but it’s kind of a two way street. Just need to set boundaries for yourself and your parents. It will come with time. They love you and care.
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- 5y ago
Are you staying at your parents for the next few months? Or plan on going back to nyc?
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- 5y ago
@jmr So my boyfriend just went back to the city today (his parents have a vacation home outside the city so that’s where they are). My dad offered to drive me back but honestly, I’m enjoying having the space by my parents. I think this has been a good experience challenging my rOCD because last week I was ruminating 24/7 about “why don’t I miss him?” “Why am I happier here?”...Blah blah blah but after my brain settled I said, nope. I miss him but I can function without him. We are individuals and it’s ok. I still love him. But this is somethinf that makes me happy. Forcing myself back to the city to prove to my ocd thoughts that I do still love him is just giving in. I’m practicing sitting with the discomfort.
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- 5y ago
@d126 (Side note: my parents are oky with me going back but they are of course a little nervous)
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- 5y ago
@d126 Of course!! I’m so glad you are enjoying the time at home- and sounds like you are exactly where you should be! I’m not sure why I feel such an urgency to be in my apartment... I think my need for independence and ocd getting worse out here is why but I also just found out my dad has had MS for 20 years and never told me. I think I’m feeling overwhelmed and need some space to think about. It’s not heredity but they say you have a higher chance at developing it if a parent has it. I also got ocd from him and two other autoimmune diseases that my siblings did not get so I am definitely worried that i will get it too. Just a lot to process during an already stressful time. But I know I am lucky that they care about me so much. We are so close so I feel it should be okay when I do need some space
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- 5y ago
@d126 I saw his medication in a drawer in the fridge and immediately googled the medicine. It’s for ms and without thinking I said “who has MS in this house???”
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- 5y ago
@jmr It’s 1000% okay to need space. You’re an adult. I mean think about your parents, I’m guessing they probably already had kids by your age. I can’t even count how many times after a weekend home wanting to run back to the city. I say this as a joke but it’s so true...sometimes its better to love your family from a distance. Lol
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- 5y ago
@d126 So true!!!!! Thank youuu I really needed to talk to someone about it. Can’t thank you enough for taking the time to let me vent - always here if you need anything also!
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- 5y ago
@jmr So sorry. Just seeing this. You’re very welcome!
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- 4y ago
@jmr Hey girl! Hope you’re doing well. I’m back in the city and wish it was doing something positive for my mental health lol
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- 4y ago
@d126 Hey!! I’m heading back next week- sorry it’s not helping. I hope you are doing okay. I’m hoping going back will help a little bit not sure. Here if you need to talk!
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- 4y ago
@jmr All good! Funny enough I’m back home for Mother’s Day. But tried to power through being at my boyfriends and handling the ocd last week.
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- 4y ago
@d126 Ha so funny! Does your boyfriend know about the OCD? I was dating someone long term and I told him and he freaked out. We broke up within the week. I think I’m going to feel better once I’m back in my apt- hopefully!
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- 5y ago
Hey there! I just had the same issue with my dad! I got SCREAMED at when I didn’t come home- mind you, my apartment is 3 hours from my dads house. But, just like you said, this is the mentally healthy choice for me. I need to be in my own safe space that I’ve created. We obviously love our families- that does not have to be at odds with the fact that we need our own homes and routines (that we’ve made through hardships) to stay mentally healthy. Parents have such a keen skill at making us feel guilty for things haha, love em! But there’s a certain point where we need to do what we think is best for us.
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- 5y ago
Thank you so much Leah. I was feeling so alone and guilty- paralyzed with this guilt and now questioning what’s right when I really do know what I need. Thank you for responding. Feeling such a mix of guilt, ocd building up in all aspects of my day, and also struggling with what I know as an adult I need.
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- 5y ago
Also - I live 20 minutes outside of New York so if they really needed me I can be to them in 20 mins. They are acting like I’m leaving the country. I’m just trying to keep my ocd in check and it undo the progrss I’ve made over a decade. I feel it quickly unraveling
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- 5y ago
Of course!!! I SO deeply understand the layers of guilt that occur with and outside of OCD. I have a really hard relationship with guilt and shame haha so I get you. 20 min!! Oh jeez. You are FINE in either place!! They’re capacity to make you feel guilty about it, is NOT how wrong you are. Those don’t correlate. Ocd is known for co-occurring with feelings of guilt so often. But most cases are misplaced guilt- you can feel it, see it, and then remind yourself that even though it’s there, it’s misplaced and that you are ALLOWED to do what you know your mind and soul need. I mean cmon, 20 min haha?:)
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- 5y ago
They’re still gonna try to make you feel guilty for it after you tell them what you are doing. They’re probably gonna throw a lot at you like “this is irresponsible” “why don’t you just stay with us where it’s safer” etc etc, but at that point, it’s a lot more what THEY need from you, and not necessarily what YOU need. THEY feel safer with you at home- that doesn’t mean that’s the only place where you are safe, and that doesn’t mean you need to bend over backward so they feel better. We love our parents, but we also have to respect ourselves?❤️
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- 5y ago
Thank you all- feeling less lonely and more confident to stand up for what I need. I know it won’t be easy but I’m going to try and talk with them and eventually make my decision based on what I need. Thank you all for the support
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- 5y ago
?❤️
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- 5y ago
Yesss I feel 14 again. I am working on setting boundaries but they cry every time I talk about it ??♀️ but I know I need to stay strong and continue setting boundaries that are completely normal and healthy. The ocd of course makes everything feel so out of control and paralyzing.
Related posts
- Date posted
- 18w ago
hi. so one big factor of my OCD is rumination. i met a guy who i have a crush on the idea of (idea bc there are red flags). my biggest fear is not finding true love, my ex told me no one else would deal with what i have (my ocd, specifically reassurance seeking and getting overstimulated after intimacy). a few weeks ago, my friends and family all gathered and tried to give me advice that sounded like “you’re shy and you’ll never find someone.” after that, i’ve felt off. i’ve been using an unhealthy coping skill, daydreaming, and i’ve just felt unbalanced. my ocd makes everything feel different sometimes, i can’t explain it. life, myself, almost like being in a dissociated state. has anyone else experienced that? i don’t know how to remain balanced during my off times and i know pms exasperates it all. i take ashwaghanda and omega 3s in a multi vitamin daily. i take them all together in the evening but i’ve missed three days recently and also messed with my rocky sleep schedule because of fun times with friends. i hope these supplements work, because i don’t know if i’d be brave enough for medication. i had a bad reaction on prozac and often am forgetful. i just have been battling my OCD consciously for almost ten years now and unconsciously for longer. i am so tired, as my mental health extends beyond my OCD. i’m in talk therapy with some cbt aspects but i only see her twice a month. i’ve broken down so many times and promised myself id get on track or that certain things would work, but it’s like i am stuck in a circle that gets smaller when i’m able to help myself. i just want to be normal. i want to be able to mess up my sleep schedule to enjoy good times and not suffer horrible consequences or fear that i will be entirely thrown off balance. i don’t want to worry or doubt or feel so dissociative that i squint my eyes for a moment and wonder why i feel so unreal. i will never understand why god has allowed me to go through this. i cannot let it be for nothing but i don’t know how much more to bend and contort my body and brain to get somewhere stable but how lovely it would be if i could. i don’t have much of a schedule right now, i get apathetic and give in with things from time to time. one thing can trigger me and i am back to square one wether in a week or month. any advice, any and all is so helpful. your stories, your thoughts. maybe feeling less alone and knowing what has helped you is exactly what i need right now. thank you 💗
- Date posted
- 14w ago
Last night I was staying at my boyfriend’s house and couldn’t sleep. I felt like i desperately needed to go back to my parents and clean and organize my room. This has happened a few times before when I was staying at his place. Since then he’s been very upset with me. Does anyone else’s partner do this? Any advice? It’s been hard. He’s made me feel so shameful for having OCD. As if it’s not tough enough /:
- Date posted
- 12w ago
Hi, I’m new here!! I’m praying I don’t get judged for this. But, back in late May of 2022 ( literally right before I graduated high school), I added this one random girl from my school on Snapchat. She posted something about a graduation party , so I swiped up on her story basically saying how I can’t believe we’re almost graduated. She replied and we had a really short and simple conversation. The next day ( i believe) , we started talking a lot , and I just so happened to see her at the highschool when we were grabbing our graduation outfits and doing the rehearsal. When I saw her irl, I kinda got turned off ( I heard she was kinda crazy) , and on top of that , she was a little ugly irl. I remember seeing her Snapchat bio , and she was close friends with my female cousin ( a year younger than me) , who I happened to experiment sexually with when I was 10-11 years old. I remember going to work later that day and having sort of a lightbulb flick thought ( it wasn’t a good thought though) , what if my cousin told her about what happened when we were younger? So I started to kind of panic and immediately distanced myself from that girl. I also experimented sexually with one of my female friends when I was 10-11 , and from that day onwards, I’ve been pretty much living in paranoia and a little bit of guilt about someone finding out and my life being ruined . On top of that, It’s gotten worse to now sometimes I wonder if a girl I added off of quick add ( Snapchat) is underage even if they told me they were 18+ or had 18 and above in their bio, and I get so much guilt and anxiety about that. I even had a quick thought last February on what if I did something inappropriate with my younger cousin when I was 15-16 but I just can’t exactly remember when it happened , and it still eats me alive when I think about it, because I don’t know if it happened or not. I’m sorry for the long vent, I just wish I felt normal again. No matter how much I try to do things that old me used to do, life always feels “ off”. I always kept the top part about when I was younger a secret up until early (ish ) 2024, then I vented to one of my best friends and he told me that that’s a normal thing to do at a young age. Since then, I have told multiple friends and they all say they did similar stuff, but my brain just can’t accept that. Please help me, I quite literally overthink everything nowadays. 2021 was the last full year that I felt normal ( coincidentally, the best year of my life so far) . It’s not just about sexual related things either, sometimes I’ll wonder if I messed up something at work or hit a car while driving/hit someone and drove off. I just wanna live my life how I was supposed to live it after highschool ( carefree and happy) before whatever it is ( I think it’s ocd) hit me unexpectedly. Thanks to anyone who read this , I just needed to pour it out regardless of how negative I felt typing this, I hope someone can relate , because I feel so alone in my head at times.
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