Jennnn
- Date posted
- 5y
lyssa17lyssa17
- Date posted
- 5y
Hey Jenn! You’re good girl. It’s hard to understand emotions and interpret them, but I want you to know it’s completely normal! Let me be your reassurance for the day: you love guys romantically and that’s it! Period! Okay there’s your reassurance! And I know there can be scary intrusive thoughts regarding HOCD and ROCD but the two go hand and hand so let me say some things to make you understand. I’m not a pro, but upon research I’ve learned that everyone is on a spectrum. Absolutely no one is 100% gay or 100% straight. NO ONE! That’s a scary thought to accept, but just accept it and you’ll see your life change before your eyes. Everyone gets gay thoughts and that’s just part of being human! These thoughts are so dang random and it’s okay! You don’t need to fear them-people are sexual beings and it depends on the mood and seasons we are all in but your hormones will fluctuate and leave you sometimes questioning yourself. And all because you once became a bit turned on about something you thought you were appalled by? Having intrusive thoughts about being gay (or for gay people being straight) does not mean you are gay! I’m sure you had underlying OCD and then you had an experience of an intrusive thought related to sexuality that then turned your ocd into HOCD. Let me tell you these thoughts aren’t here to tell you that you’re secretly gay, they’re not here to try and turn your sexuality around, and they’re gonna go away with time! I just want you to do some things that helped me! Put yourself on a spectrum. Accept that no one is 100% straight and that that’s okay. You can be 95% straight. Don’t let that 5% right there scare ya! That 5% could be as random as sometimes you are nearing your period and all of a sudden everything becomes attractive to you-completely normal! I also want you to meditate and not touch any thought during this time. Just let the music move you for about 5 minutes. Then everytime you get an intrusive gay thought say “maybe I am bi, maybe I’m not, but I’m going to continue my life being straight.” This is scary at first but in time these thoughts won’t disturb you as much. I also want you to keep up the good work on your journal! LOVE YOURSELF. And one of the best things I did for myself was write a testimony. I shared everything from why I thought these thoughts developed (example: people being bullied in school and telling me they could see me as gay) and then go on to say your battle with it and why this isn’t you at all and that you’re going to recover! KNOW YOUR IDENTITY AND DONT LET THESE THOUGHTS QUESTION IT!! You’re amazing and the more you learn to give these thoughts no meaning and that they’re just stupid thoughts that won’t define you the more you will continue to find yourself recovering. You’ve got this beautiful, I know you will succeed!
JennnnJennnn
- Date posted
- 5y
Thank you so much for taking your time to write this out! It means the world to me. I love your approach to spectrum! I will definitely try that. Thank you once again for your input! Hope things are going well for you!
lyssa17lyssa17
- Date posted
- 5y
@Jennnn Always welcome! I’m not a pro but I’m definitely out here trying my best and I’ve felt called to help others to the best of my ability! I am feeling great! There comes a point in life when after so much struggling you stand up to these silly thoughts and you say that THIS IS NOT ME! I KNOW WHO I AM AND I KNOW MY IDENTITY! I came to that conclusion on Thursday of last week and I’ve been doing my best to not give these thoughts an explanation or worry and just accept them as some dumb thoughts that aren’t attached to who I am. After accepting that I feel almost free...not completely yet but I believe with Gods Grace I’m getting there! Best of luck to you, everything will be good I promise.?
FathomableFathomable
- Date posted
- 5y
That actually sounds wonderful. I was kind of the same, had a boyfriend at 14 and dumped him for the next at 16. It wasn't til that relationship ended at 18 and then I had bad PTSD & OCD for a few years and THEN started treating those things, that I started to actually make proper friends. Like, the type where you actually let yourself be vulnerable and you think about them and care how they are and want your friendship to make them happy. Rather than them just being the people I hang out with at school etc. It felt a bit weird, but mostly kind of beautiful. I value my handful of friends very highly now. They've brought me more fulfillment and comfort and joy than either of my toxic relationships.
JennnnJennnn
- Date posted
- 5y
Thank you for sharing your experience. That’s amazing you have more meaningful relationships! I have a wonderful boyfriend. I wanna value him along w/ other people in my life. I get a little scare when I care for others more at times cuz I wonder if I am losing feelings for him
JennnnJennnn
- Date posted
- 5y
I guess it scares me to care for someone besides my boyfriend deeply
AsnkuAsnku
- Date posted
- 5y
Its crazy how much i relate on this
JennnnJennnn
- Date posted
- 5y
Tell me about your experience!
lyssa17lyssa17
- Date posted
- 5y
@Jennnn My experience is my boyfriend got deployed and just a lot of things happened at once so I began lettting doubt and uncertainty creep in! People weren’t always the nicest in high school and then I went to college which was a huge culture shock so it was just a lot to take in at once. When I felt so distant from my boy I wondered how I could begin to lose feelings for such an amazing man? Thanks for that one deployment! Anyhow I began to question myself and since I had underlying OCD the rOCD and hOCD really kicked in. I’ve struggled for about 3.5 months and it wasn’t until last week when I said you know what? This isn’t me! I know who I am and I’m done doubting myself! And that’s when everytime an intrusive thought came in my head I’d just say hmmmm strange situation then go about my day! It’s been better ever since. I’m not 100% cured and who knows if I ever will be which is scary to think, but honestly you just get to a point where you’re done and you step back and realize how stupid it is to let these thoughts that aren’t even your control your life! That is when things get better-when you separate the thoughts from yourself! And my boy and I are doing great and I’ve kept myself busy and I KNOW who I am! I’m done letting people get in my head and I’m done with letting OCD scare me!
Related posts
Beevs
- User type
- OCD Conqueror
- Date posted
- 20w
My Journey With ROCD
Looking back, my introverted nature and struggles to find belonging in high school may have set the stage for how OCD would later impact my relationships. I had my first relationship in high school, but OCD wasn’t a major factor then. It wasn’t until my longest relationship—six years from age 18 to 24—that OCD really took hold. The relationship itself wasn’t the issue; it was what happened after. When it ended, I became obsessed with confessing past mistakes, convinced I had to be completely transparent. Even when my partner was willing to work past them, I couldn’t let go of the intrusive thoughts, and that obsession landed me in the hospital. From there, my struggle with ROCD (Relationship OCD) fully emerged. For years, every time I tried to move forward in dating, doubts consumed me. I would start seeing someone and feel fine, but then the questions would creep in: Do I really like her? Do I find her attractive? Is she getting on my nerves? What if I’m with the wrong person? I’d break things off, thinking I was following my true feelings. But then I’d question: Was that really how I felt, or was it just OCD? I tried again and again, each time hoping I could “withstand it this time,” only to fall back into the same cycle. The back and forth hurt both me and the person I was with. By the time I realized it was ROCD, the damage had been done, and I still hadn’t built the tools to manage it. Now, at 28, I know I need to approach dating differently. I recently talked to someone from a dating app, and my OCD still showed up—questioning my every move, making me doubt my own decisions. I haven’t yet done ERP specifically for ROCD, but I know that’s my next step. Just like I’ve learned tools for managing my other OCD subtypes, I need a set of strategies for when intrusive doubts hit in relationships. My goal this year is to stop letting uncertainty control me—to learn how to sit with doubt instead of trying to “figure it out.” I want to break the cycle and be able to build something healthy without my OCD sabotaging it. I know I’m not alone in this, and I know healing is possible. I’m hopeful that working with a therapist will help me develop exposures and thought loops to practice. I don’t expect to eliminate doubt entirely—after all, doubt is a part of every relationship—but I want to reach a place where it doesn’t paralyze me. Where I can move forward without constantly questioning whether I should. And where I can be in a relationship without feeling like OCD is pulling the strings. I would appreciate hearing about your experiences with ROCD. Please share your thoughts or any questions in the comments below. I’d love to connect and offer my perspective. Thanks!
violettag6
- Date posted
- 16w
so-ocd
So I identify as a lesbian and I am in a committed relationship with a wonderful girl. But i’m stressing that I have crushes on boys I go to school with. I get anxious around them, which I think I mistake for excitement. I obsess over it in my head which confuses me a lot. Idk I also never think about them sexually or romantically but I think about them often which is scaring me. Any advice?
What is happ...
- Date posted
- 13w
Those who suffer with SO-OCD and ROCD…
What’s your experience on: Losing opposite gender attraction? And, False attraction to same gender? I have both and I feel like I don’t know who I am. I can’t parent or be a husband due to the mass panic and anxiety. Just wanted to know if anyone has had both and regained theirself?
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