- Username
- Jennnn
- Date posted
- 4y ago
Explore more posts
- Username
- lyssa17lyssa17
- Date posted
- 4y ago
Hey Jenn! You’re good girl. It’s hard to understand emotions and interpret them, but I want you to know it’s completely normal! Let me be your reassurance for the day: you love guys romantically and that’s it! Period! Okay there’s your reassurance! And I know there can be scary intrusive thoughts regarding HOCD and ROCD but the two go hand and hand so let me say some things to make you understand. I’m not a pro, but upon research I’ve learned that everyone is on a spectrum. Absolutely no one is 100% gay or 100% straight. NO ONE! That’s a scary thought to accept, but just accept it and you’ll see your life change before your eyes. Everyone gets gay thoughts and that’s just part of being human! These thoughts are so dang random and it’s okay! You don’t need to fear them-people are sexual beings and it depends on the mood and seasons we are all in but your hormones will fluctuate and leave you sometimes questioning yourself. And all because you once became a bit turned on about something you thought you were appalled by? Having intrusive thoughts about being gay (or for gay people being straight) does not mean you are gay! I’m sure you had underlying OCD and then you had an experience of an intrusive thought related to sexuality that then turned your ocd into HOCD. Let me tell you these thoughts aren’t here to tell you that you’re secretly gay, they’re not here to try and turn your sexuality around, and they’re gonna go away with time! I just want you to do some things that helped me! Put yourself on a spectrum. Accept that no one is 100% straight and that that’s okay. You can be 95% straight. Don’t let that 5% right there scare ya! That 5% could be as random as sometimes you are nearing your period and all of a sudden everything becomes attractive to you-completely normal! I also want you to meditate and not touch any thought during this time. Just let the music move you for about 5 minutes. Then everytime you get an intrusive gay thought say “maybe I am bi, maybe I’m not, but I’m going to continue my life being straight.” This is scary at first but in time these thoughts won’t disturb you as much. I also want you to keep up the good work on your journal! LOVE YOURSELF. And one of the best things I did for myself was write a testimony. I shared everything from why I thought these thoughts developed (example: people being bullied in school and telling me they could see me as gay) and then go on to say your battle with it and why this isn’t you at all and that you’re going to recover! KNOW YOUR IDENTITY AND DONT LET THESE THOUGHTS QUESTION IT!! You’re amazing and the more you learn to give these thoughts no meaning and that they’re just stupid thoughts that won’t define you the more you will continue to find yourself recovering. You’ve got this beautiful, I know you will succeed!
- Username
- JennnnJennnn
- Date posted
- 4y ago
Thank you so much for taking your time to write this out! It means the world to me. I love your approach to spectrum! I will definitely try that. Thank you once again for your input! Hope things are going well for you!
- Username
- lyssa17lyssa17
- Date posted
- 4y ago
@Jennnn Always welcome! I’m not a pro but I’m definitely out here trying my best and I’ve felt called to help others to the best of my ability! I am feeling great! There comes a point in life when after so much struggling you stand up to these silly thoughts and you say that THIS IS NOT ME! I KNOW WHO I AM AND I KNOW MY IDENTITY! I came to that conclusion on Thursday of last week and I’ve been doing my best to not give these thoughts an explanation or worry and just accept them as some dumb thoughts that aren’t attached to who I am. After accepting that I feel almost free...not completely yet but I believe with Gods Grace I’m getting there! Best of luck to you, everything will be good I promise.?
- Username
- FathomableFathomable
- Date posted
- 4y ago
That actually sounds wonderful. I was kind of the same, had a boyfriend at 14 and dumped him for the next at 16. It wasn't til that relationship ended at 18 and then I had bad PTSD & OCD for a few years and THEN started treating those things, that I started to actually make proper friends. Like, the type where you actually let yourself be vulnerable and you think about them and care how they are and want your friendship to make them happy. Rather than them just being the people I hang out with at school etc. It felt a bit weird, but mostly kind of beautiful. I value my handful of friends very highly now. They've brought me more fulfillment and comfort and joy than either of my toxic relationships.
- Username
- JennnnJennnn
- Date posted
- 4y ago
Thank you for sharing your experience. That’s amazing you have more meaningful relationships! I have a wonderful boyfriend. I wanna value him along w/ other people in my life. I get a little scare when I care for others more at times cuz I wonder if I am losing feelings for him
- Username
- JennnnJennnn
- Date posted
- 4y ago
I guess it scares me to care for someone besides my boyfriend deeply
- Username
- AsnkuAsnku
- Date posted
- 4y ago
Its crazy how much i relate on this
- Username
- JennnnJennnn
- Date posted
- 4y ago
Tell me about your experience!
- Username
- lyssa17lyssa17
- Date posted
- 4y ago
@Jennnn My experience is my boyfriend got deployed and just a lot of things happened at once so I began lettting doubt and uncertainty creep in! People weren’t always the nicest in high school and then I went to college which was a huge culture shock so it was just a lot to take in at once. When I felt so distant from my boy I wondered how I could begin to lose feelings for such an amazing man? Thanks for that one deployment! Anyhow I began to question myself and since I had underlying OCD the rOCD and hOCD really kicked in. I’ve struggled for about 3.5 months and it wasn’t until last week when I said you know what? This isn’t me! I know who I am and I’m done doubting myself! And that’s when everytime an intrusive thought came in my head I’d just say hmmmm strange situation then go about my day! It’s been better ever since. I’m not 100% cured and who knows if I ever will be which is scary to think, but honestly you just get to a point where you’re done and you step back and realize how stupid it is to let these thoughts that aren’t even your control your life! That is when things get better-when you separate the thoughts from yourself! And my boy and I are doing great and I’ve kept myself busy and I KNOW who I am! I’m done letting people get in my head and I’m done with letting OCD scare me!
Related posts
- Username
- waterlady
- Date posted
- 5y ago
I'd love to hear other people's issue or experience with HOCD and any successful, healthy relationships? A thing that sometimes gets to me is that I loved men for the longest time and used to have all these crushes. Recently it feels like I don't have any feeling and no excitement. My boyfriend and I just broke up and it was because I was doubting it too much. HOCD never came up until the end.
- Username
- trying2
- Date posted
- 5y ago
I’ve reached a breaking point and people seem to be noticing. A week ago somebody had moved something at work on my desk and it bothered me so much it sent me into a breakdown. Like I’ve always had ocd and the more I think about it I feel like I’ve always had ROCD because growing up I’d have such strong feelings for boys and then as soon as I was about to date them, cut them off because in my head I was scared they would have to settle. Like I’d purposely find something I don’t like about them and then get scared I’d have to spend my life with them. I was 15, why would I be marrying them??? in my head it made sense though. Every connection I had with a boy was alway ruined with these thoughts. I’d be out on a date and then see another cute boy and then be like wow do I really want to go any further with the guy I’m on a date with if there are so many other guys out there??? How do I know they’re the one?? I didn’t even know ROCD was a thing but it makes sense that I’ve had it all my life right?? I always passed it off as being really picky but now it just seems like ROCD. And then my family really honing in on my relationships and asking when I’d get a boyfriend really fucked with me. In my head I’d be like “I’ll get one when I find the right one” but to them I always had a feeling they thought I was just gay. Like I’d get so defensive like hello I’m just picky!!! Then everyone at work started asking and the more they’d ask the more I’d start to worry. I’d be more cautious of the way I’d dress and things I’d do and I’m starting to think that all that started to build up and now I have HOCD. Does that seem like a possibility to anyone? because now the intrusive thoughts are just “what if you’re not picky and you’re just gay?” but then I think back to all the times and all the feelings I’ve had for so many guys that got ruined because of my fears of commitment. Could it have been ROCD all along?
- Username
- anotherocd123
- Date posted
- 5y ago
Okay so I have been struggling with HOCD for so fucking long. I never felt like I had crushes on boys growing up but I wasn’t attracted to girls either (this was through 5th grade). Until 6th grade hit. I remember it like it was yesterday. I had the thought walking up the stairs and it was “You’re lesbian.” And ever since that thought was there and I fought it I have been dealing with all types of OCD ever since (been going on for 7 years). And only this year I found it was OCD. But it’s hard because I don’t know if I’m actually gay or I convinced myself I’m gay because I gave up and gave in. Now whenever I see I pretty girl I feel tingling. And I wanted to prove to myself that I wasn’t a lesbian so I look up pretty pictures of girls with their boobs out and I loved it. And I wanna make out with a girl so intensely. But then at the same I don’t wanna be in a relationship with a girl and I wanna marry a guy and I just desperately wanted to be like by a guy. But I get so horny whenever girls are in bikinis and stuff. But I have OCD and I’m so confused.
Be a part of the largest OCD Community
Share your thoughts so the Community can respond