- Date posted
- 5y ago
- Date posted
- 5y ago
Hey Jenn! You’re good girl. It’s hard to understand emotions and interpret them, but I want you to know it’s completely normal! Let me be your reassurance for the day: you love guys romantically and that’s it! Period! Okay there’s your reassurance! And I know there can be scary intrusive thoughts regarding HOCD and ROCD but the two go hand and hand so let me say some things to make you understand. I’m not a pro, but upon research I’ve learned that everyone is on a spectrum. Absolutely no one is 100% gay or 100% straight. NO ONE! That’s a scary thought to accept, but just accept it and you’ll see your life change before your eyes. Everyone gets gay thoughts and that’s just part of being human! These thoughts are so dang random and it’s okay! You don’t need to fear them-people are sexual beings and it depends on the mood and seasons we are all in but your hormones will fluctuate and leave you sometimes questioning yourself. And all because you once became a bit turned on about something you thought you were appalled by? Having intrusive thoughts about being gay (or for gay people being straight) does not mean you are gay! I’m sure you had underlying OCD and then you had an experience of an intrusive thought related to sexuality that then turned your ocd into HOCD. Let me tell you these thoughts aren’t here to tell you that you’re secretly gay, they’re not here to try and turn your sexuality around, and they’re gonna go away with time! I just want you to do some things that helped me! Put yourself on a spectrum. Accept that no one is 100% straight and that that’s okay. You can be 95% straight. Don’t let that 5% right there scare ya! That 5% could be as random as sometimes you are nearing your period and all of a sudden everything becomes attractive to you-completely normal! I also want you to meditate and not touch any thought during this time. Just let the music move you for about 5 minutes. Then everytime you get an intrusive gay thought say “maybe I am bi, maybe I’m not, but I’m going to continue my life being straight.” This is scary at first but in time these thoughts won’t disturb you as much. I also want you to keep up the good work on your journal! LOVE YOURSELF. And one of the best things I did for myself was write a testimony. I shared everything from why I thought these thoughts developed (example: people being bullied in school and telling me they could see me as gay) and then go on to say your battle with it and why this isn’t you at all and that you’re going to recover! KNOW YOUR IDENTITY AND DONT LET THESE THOUGHTS QUESTION IT!! You’re amazing and the more you learn to give these thoughts no meaning and that they’re just stupid thoughts that won’t define you the more you will continue to find yourself recovering. You’ve got this beautiful, I know you will succeed!
- Date posted
- 5y ago
Thank you so much for taking your time to write this out! It means the world to me. I love your approach to spectrum! I will definitely try that. Thank you once again for your input! Hope things are going well for you!
- Date posted
- 5y ago
@Jennnn Always welcome! I’m not a pro but I’m definitely out here trying my best and I’ve felt called to help others to the best of my ability! I am feeling great! There comes a point in life when after so much struggling you stand up to these silly thoughts and you say that THIS IS NOT ME! I KNOW WHO I AM AND I KNOW MY IDENTITY! I came to that conclusion on Thursday of last week and I’ve been doing my best to not give these thoughts an explanation or worry and just accept them as some dumb thoughts that aren’t attached to who I am. After accepting that I feel almost free...not completely yet but I believe with Gods Grace I’m getting there! Best of luck to you, everything will be good I promise.?
- Date posted
- 5y ago
That actually sounds wonderful. I was kind of the same, had a boyfriend at 14 and dumped him for the next at 16. It wasn't til that relationship ended at 18 and then I had bad PTSD & OCD for a few years and THEN started treating those things, that I started to actually make proper friends. Like, the type where you actually let yourself be vulnerable and you think about them and care how they are and want your friendship to make them happy. Rather than them just being the people I hang out with at school etc. It felt a bit weird, but mostly kind of beautiful. I value my handful of friends very highly now. They've brought me more fulfillment and comfort and joy than either of my toxic relationships.
- Date posted
- 5y ago
Thank you for sharing your experience. That’s amazing you have more meaningful relationships! I have a wonderful boyfriend. I wanna value him along w/ other people in my life. I get a little scare when I care for others more at times cuz I wonder if I am losing feelings for him
- Date posted
- 5y ago
I guess it scares me to care for someone besides my boyfriend deeply
- Date posted
- 5y ago
Its crazy how much i relate on this
- Date posted
- 5y ago
Tell me about your experience!
- Date posted
- 5y ago
@Jennnn My experience is my boyfriend got deployed and just a lot of things happened at once so I began lettting doubt and uncertainty creep in! People weren’t always the nicest in high school and then I went to college which was a huge culture shock so it was just a lot to take in at once. When I felt so distant from my boy I wondered how I could begin to lose feelings for such an amazing man? Thanks for that one deployment! Anyhow I began to question myself and since I had underlying OCD the rOCD and hOCD really kicked in. I’ve struggled for about 3.5 months and it wasn’t until last week when I said you know what? This isn’t me! I know who I am and I’m done doubting myself! And that’s when everytime an intrusive thought came in my head I’d just say hmmmm strange situation then go about my day! It’s been better ever since. I’m not 100% cured and who knows if I ever will be which is scary to think, but honestly you just get to a point where you’re done and you step back and realize how stupid it is to let these thoughts that aren’t even your control your life! That is when things get better-when you separate the thoughts from yourself! And my boy and I are doing great and I’ve kept myself busy and I KNOW who I am! I’m done letting people get in my head and I’m done with letting OCD scare me!
Related posts
- Date posted
- 14w ago
Idk what else to title this. I was watching a film cooper video cuz why not and he mentioned smthn about wall paper customization and icons and stuff and I just kinda had a groinal response followed by the memory of me having my first crush on a woman (my friend at the time) that helped me figure out that I’m bi and I felt kinda intensely for her but that’s cuz a) it was new and b) we were kinda on again off again friends who haven’t spoken in a few years now and I’m over her entirely. It was toxic I think. She was too much like the person who bullied me in elementary school (they were friends as well so my mom made me cut her off which is. Fair. Made me really sad but eh that’s life) I saw her at prom cuz someone brought her. It was nice to see her but yeah that was it. And now I’m mentally comparing what I felt for women in the past (idk intense crush, listening to a lot of gay songs (think she by dodie) dressing semi masc cuz funky, we had nicknames for each other despite not dating or anything) to men (less intense crush but still big crush, I’ve only dated and kissed men so sparks rhere) and now I’m just slightly nauseous and worried that I don’t like men as much as I like women but I think that’s normal for any bi person? To have different levels of attraction to different genders? Idk I feel gross and icky now like I shouldn’t even be thinking about it or her cuz I have a bf. And I do look fondly upon it, now I’m nervous cuz I got more excited about her calling me a specific nickname than I do from my bf calling me honey even at the beginning? Honey felt more traditional and I love it but we do switch around nicknames and it’s always nice, not many butterflies anymore, and sometimes I get anxious when he does lately, if it’s a nickname in Portuguese. Or if he called me a shortened version of my name. What does that mean? I’m nervous now. I was doing half decently today now I’m nauseous again. I’m worried that cuz I liked the nicknames she and I had that means I don’t like the ones my bf and I have and that I just don’t like him or men cuz I’ve been feeling off around him. But I love when he calls me honey, it still feels good when he does it now but no butterflies. Idk what’s wrong with me. Is it even ocd at this point. Even if I do like women slightly more it doesn’t erase that I love my bf. I’m worried I’m leaning too much towards women tho and I’m a lesbian. Idk if my bi cycle is cycling or if I’m just a lesbian entirely cuz I don’t feel much when my bf takes off his shirt, sex feels different, and things feel stale and slow. But maybe that’s cuz I’m checking and comparing. Now I’m anxious fuck. I’m trying not to think about her idk why. I’m worried I still find her attractive or am attracted to her or smthn. She’s in my city. I didn’t care before but now I do. Or if I think about her I’ll think about other women and will only want to have sec with women which not really tbh. I wanna be able to enjoy sec with my bf. It just hasn’t felt right lately cuz I’ve been so depressed and obsessive. I wasn’t obsessing much last night when we had sex but it still didn’t feel passionate. It didn’t feel uncomfortable but I thought it’d be more? Idk. I know it’s normal to not feel him inside me cuz the vagina isn’t very nerved up compared to the clitoris but it felt like more the motions. But tbh. I needed it. Idk I wanted to have sex and it was a nice stress relief. I just didn’t feel butterflies which kinda bummed me out but we’ve been having sex since august so that’s normal. Idk. I haven’t been able to fantasize about sex. The fact that I’m bi makes all of this so confusing. Cuz yes hypothetically I can enjoy the thought of sex with a woman. But I don’t want to rn cuz I’m dating a man. And I can’t fantasize about sex with him cuz I’m getting intrusive thoughts about my friends and I having sex. I have this urge to watch porn cuz it’s been a while but I’m not going to. I’ve cut down a lot on masturbation. Partially cuz this partially cuz I wanna do things with my bf (when I’m mentally ok) but jow my brain is saying “Oo you think all these women are so hot you’re gonna go feral blah blah blah” and yes women are hot but I don’t wanna have sex with a woman. Idk saying women are hot doesn’t bring me anxiety but the thought of sex with one or leaving my bf and saying I’m a lesbian bother me. Cuz I know it’s not true. I love him I know that. I’d be happy if we stayed together. I wouldn’t regret a thing honestly. I like having sex with him. Idc if it’s not like porn or the movies. As long as I’m being pleasured and he’s being pleasured we’re good. That’s what sex is about. I think the loss of butterflies is normal cuz the excitement of like (sorry tmi) fingering and oral eventually wears off right? But still feels good. I don’t feel as excited about intimacy anymore cuz we have done it so often but it still feels nice. But my brain perceives that as me not liking sex with men and therefore I’m gay. No I just don’t feel the need to jump his bones every single time I see him?? Idk the friend thing is bothering me. Idk if I feel any joy behind it. The groinal response really really throws my perception off
- Students with OCD
- Sexual Orientation OCD
- OCD newbies
- LGBTQ+ with OCD
- Relationship OCD
- Young adults with OCD
- Date posted
- 11w ago
I’m 25 and never ever thought this before my soocd relapse. I have a bf of 5 years. Never been a high libido kinda girl. Don’t get me wrong I do get turned on by my bf but not like every day you know? - That had always been in the back of my head, is this normal and ok? But my ocd has latched onto the most scariest what if EVER. My brain is now saying How do you know you won’t prefer to sleep and kiss girls if you haven’t tried it: and it’s that unknown that is scaring the shit out of me. I DONT AND NEVER HAVE wanted to sleep / kiss a girl. But now my intrusive thoughts is all I think about!!! I don’t want I don’t want I don’t want??? So why does my brain think BUT WHAT IF??? I know ocd thrives off uncertainty which is why I think this is happening? But I don’t wanna find out or work it out because all I want is to be with my bf and marry him!! Is this just the epitome of OCD?
- Mid-life adults with OCD
- "Pure" OCD
- OCD newbies
- Students with OCD
- Relationship OCD
- Sexual Orientation OCD
- Young adults with OCD
- Date posted
- 10w ago
Sorry long post. Anyone feel like now they’re just in extreme denial. Like when I was little I noticed guys more than girls in movies and was more drawn to them. I remember changing my mindset to switch that. 98%of my life has been straight until recently. I felt drawn to some guys but never thought of it sexually. Always had girl crushes dreams and porn. Now I watch porn and I feel like straight takes longer and then I go and watch gay porn and feel nothing until I tell myself it’s two attractive dudes and love is love and imagine physical sensations and then it hits like suddenly. Like I have to convince myself it’s alright. Then when I try again I can do all that but feel nothing and then straight porn works. Idk if it’s just getting a fix or the first time works with anything or what but it’s confusing. On top of that I’ve felt girl relationships including my wife maybe miss something and a guy maybe matches that feeling that but then I feel like I’d be missing something without a girl or my wife. Idk I’ve had some rough times in life with male figures in my life but idk. I feel like I have to convince myself more and more that I’m straight even more than the first time I dealt with this. Can someone relate? Please
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