Anyone relate? Advice? It breaks my heart not saying this to him but there’s a part in me that won’t let me. I haven’t said or don’t say I love you as much, sometimes when I do I feel like I’m forcing myself and then the thoughts come on wether it’s true and if I’m just saying it because he says it. He says it a lot and it sometimes makes me feel bad that I feel down in some way when it’s supposed to make anyone feel happy. When I’m okay for a few days, and the thoughts leave for a while, I’m happier and I don’t hesitate in saying it when he does something cute or anything, I just keep saying it but then this happens...

I understand this. I have a hard time saying “I love you” or saying nice things back/ giving compliments. For me, as soon as I want to say something sweet, my brain does this really backwards thing where it stops me and says “does he really deserve it? What if he’s doing something sneaky? What if he’s not a good person? What if you say nice things and then look naive later?” It’s awful. It’s stopped me a lot of times before I could understand what it was. Now, I try to accept that my fears could be true, but right now, in this moment, I love him. And I owe it to myself and to him to express it. So I still say how I feel, even though it makes me feel very vulnerable. I know it’s good for us

I totally understand that fear of what’s real and what’s not. It’s especially confusing when you mix in real relationship issues. It all feels so real, but then even the real stuff often gets blown out of proportion, or we can’t just forgive and let go of it like “normal” people. I’m still learning to work through all of this too. I wish I had better advice for you but know you’re not alone.

You don’t have to be vocal about your “I love you”. You say it when you feel right. Don’t pressure yourself. Let it come out naturally. You’re with him hopefully because he makes you happy. Actions speak louder than words so all the small things you do to let him know you love him, and occasionally say I love you, that’s okay. Besides it’ll make it all the more special if you say it less often. If he says he loves you just smile and hug him or kiss him. Try to notice him. Like how he looks when he smiles. Not your thoughts. I used to had to write down what my ex had said to me. Everything from sweet things like “you’re adorable” to an ordinary “hi”. But I realized that was not doing me any favor. I started because I felt if I was not to be with anymore I have these words. But then I started to realize realistically how often I’d refer to these words. It would just make me even more upset after we split because I’m not with him. So then I realized, I have the source of these words. Him. I need to focus on him, the now. If you really love him, see him. Maybe instead of “I love you”, you can say “you make me so happy” and once you’re comfortable and ready to say, go for it. But don’t feel forced because you need to reciprocate. My ex said I love you way fewer than me but I knew he loved me through all his actions. ?

I don’t think it was all ROCD. It may have had a part in it but mostly because I couldn’t commit to being the girlfriend. Most times I’d choose my compulsions over him, over the relationship. Even my own life.

@crazy.cat.lady did you breakup due to the rocd...? If I may ask?

And thank you

@hayleywr yeah exactly I sometimes feel it really deeply and I say it no problem, but then other days if idk something dumb happens we’re I get mad or sad I just get stuck and I wanna say all these stuff like he says to me, even if he’s mad or something and it makes me feel bad that I can’t do the same because of these thought. I’ve tried to just say it even if I’m doubting but sometimes it feels like if I were lying to myself but... idk it’s complicated and I just hate not knowing.. what’s real and what’s not? Idk

Thank you @hayleywr