- Date posted
- 6y
- Date posted
- 6y
I understand this. I have a hard time saying “I love you” or saying nice things back/ giving compliments. For me, as soon as I want to say something sweet, my brain does this really backwards thing where it stops me and says “does he really deserve it? What if he’s doing something sneaky? What if he’s not a good person? What if you say nice things and then look naive later?” It’s awful. It’s stopped me a lot of times before I could understand what it was. Now, I try to accept that my fears could be true, but right now, in this moment, I love him. And I owe it to myself and to him to express it. So I still say how I feel, even though it makes me feel very vulnerable. I know it’s good for us
- Date posted
- 6y
I totally understand that fear of what’s real and what’s not. It’s especially confusing when you mix in real relationship issues. It all feels so real, but then even the real stuff often gets blown out of proportion, or we can’t just forgive and let go of it like “normal” people. I’m still learning to work through all of this too. I wish I had better advice for you but know you’re not alone.
- Date posted
- 6y
You don’t have to be vocal about your “I love you”. You say it when you feel right. Don’t pressure yourself. Let it come out naturally. You’re with him hopefully because he makes you happy. Actions speak louder than words so all the small things you do to let him know you love him, and occasionally say I love you, that’s okay. Besides it’ll make it all the more special if you say it less often. If he says he loves you just smile and hug him or kiss him. Try to notice him. Like how he looks when he smiles. Not your thoughts. I used to had to write down what my ex had said to me. Everything from sweet things like “you’re adorable” to an ordinary “hi”. But I realized that was not doing me any favor. I started because I felt if I was not to be with anymore I have these words. But then I started to realize realistically how often I’d refer to these words. It would just make me even more upset after we split because I’m not with him. So then I realized, I have the source of these words. Him. I need to focus on him, the now. If you really love him, see him. Maybe instead of “I love you”, you can say “you make me so happy” and once you’re comfortable and ready to say, go for it. But don’t feel forced because you need to reciprocate. My ex said I love you way fewer than me but I knew he loved me through all his actions. ?
- Date posted
- 6y
I don’t think it was all ROCD. It may have had a part in it but mostly because I couldn’t commit to being the girlfriend. Most times I’d choose my compulsions over him, over the relationship. Even my own life.
- Date posted
- 6y
@crazy.cat.lady did you breakup due to the rocd...? If I may ask?
- Date posted
- 6y
And thank you
- Date posted
- 6y
@hayleywr yeah exactly I sometimes feel it really deeply and I say it no problem, but then other days if idk something dumb happens we’re I get mad or sad I just get stuck and I wanna say all these stuff like he says to me, even if he’s mad or something and it makes me feel bad that I can’t do the same because of these thought. I’ve tried to just say it even if I’m doubting but sometimes it feels like if I were lying to myself but... idk it’s complicated and I just hate not knowing.. what’s real and what’s not? Idk
- Date posted
- 6y
Thank you @hayleywr
Related posts
- Date posted
- 25w
He loves me and complimenta me and saya beautiful things and does many things for me, he says he loves me and he is there for me, but me.. i cant even say i love you without doubting, i am doubting my feelings my atractuon for him, everything, i feel so bad, i dont want to be like this, i hate myself . He is precious and genuine and im scared im not, i have moments when i am happy … but rn i am sad. I saw him today. i dont know what i felt but as im writing this i feel guilt amd fear. Scared that i may be pretending. I want to be happy, what if im not happy with him.. it cant be.
- Date posted
- 23w
When my boyfriend and I are apart, it honestly feels like I've lost all feelings for him. I start questioning everything, wondering if I even love him at all. Then, when we're finally together again, the memory of those earlier doubts creeps in and completely ruins the moment. I get so caught up in overthinking and analyzing my feelings that I can't even enjoy being with him. It's like I'm constantly second-guessing myself. The worst part is, sometimes later, when we're still together, I do feel the love. But then the anxiety kicks in again! I start worrying that I'm just faking it because I had those doubts earlier in the day. It's this endless cycle of questioning, doubting, and overthinking, and it's exhausting. I'm really struggling to stay present when we're together, and it feels like this constant cycle is preventing me from truly connecting with him. We have been together for three years and we love together, and I just started feeling this way about a month ago; it’s been almost every day since. One day, I randomly thought about breaking up with him. Our relationship is healthy, especially compared to my previous toxic one, where I was anxiously attached for two and a half years. My boyfriend is very supportive of me. I have talked to him about my doubts and everything I’m experiencing, and he continues to support, care for, and help me through it all. I am very grateful for that. One aspect of my current relationship that I would like to improve is our communication, but we are both willing to work on it together. I often find that my overthinking leads me to question whether I really want to try to fix things or if I’d rather just continue as we are. This creates a constant push and pull in our relationship. Has anyone else experienced something similar? Any advice on how to break this cycle and just be present in the moment? I'd love to hear from anyone who's been through something like this.
- Date posted
- 16w
Hey everyone, I wanted to come on here today to just share this post because I’ve been struggling with this recently. I just wanna know if this is a common thing in relationship OCD. So last Friday me and my boyfriend had a conversation that was important, and my emotions were high and I got a little emotional about something he said and we had a long talk about it, the conversation went great and afterwards everything was okay. On Saturday I was so excited to see him after work and I was overflowing with feelings of happiness and excitement. Sunday was great and we stayed on FaceTime just enjoying the day together after he went home that morning, and then came Monday. I remember getting a thought like this, “What if I’m losing feelings for him and I’m just leading him on?” And even this thought, “I don’t really feel anything towards him right now, does that mean I fell out of love with him?” And then the anxiety came, I could literally feel myself breaking out in cold sweats and I could feel the pain in my chest after these thoughts crossed my mind. But what bothers me so much about this is on Saturday and Sunday I felt so content and happy with him and I was so happy and I didn’t have any anxiety whatsoever, and then Monday came, and I had those thoughts and I feel almost numb and I can’t feel anything else except the feelings of worry and fear and my anxiety has been at a all-time high and I keep feeling this pain of guilt and hurt in my chest and I just wanted to know if anyone else has experienced the same. Because personally one thing I hate is that one day I can be so happy and energetic and then the next day I can feel numb and feel absolutely nothing towards my boyfriend. I’m not sure if this can correlate with my menstrual cycle as well, but I’ve heard that that can also make your relationship OCD worse and cause you to feel differently about your partner. Just wanting to see if anyone has dealt with the same!
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