- Username
- Sunflowerr
- Date posted
- 6y ago
I understand this. I have a hard time saying “I love you” or saying nice things back/ giving compliments. For me, as soon as I want to say something sweet, my brain does this really backwards thing where it stops me and says “does he really deserve it? What if he’s doing something sneaky? What if he’s not a good person? What if you say nice things and then look naive later?” It’s awful. It’s stopped me a lot of times before I could understand what it was. Now, I try to accept that my fears could be true, but right now, in this moment, I love him. And I owe it to myself and to him to express it. So I still say how I feel, even though it makes me feel very vulnerable. I know it’s good for us
I totally understand that fear of what’s real and what’s not. It’s especially confusing when you mix in real relationship issues. It all feels so real, but then even the real stuff often gets blown out of proportion, or we can’t just forgive and let go of it like “normal” people. I’m still learning to work through all of this too. I wish I had better advice for you but know you’re not alone.
You don’t have to be vocal about your “I love you”. You say it when you feel right. Don’t pressure yourself. Let it come out naturally. You’re with him hopefully because he makes you happy. Actions speak louder than words so all the small things you do to let him know you love him, and occasionally say I love you, that’s okay. Besides it’ll make it all the more special if you say it less often. If he says he loves you just smile and hug him or kiss him. Try to notice him. Like how he looks when he smiles. Not your thoughts. I used to had to write down what my ex had said to me. Everything from sweet things like “you’re adorable” to an ordinary “hi”. But I realized that was not doing me any favor. I started because I felt if I was not to be with anymore I have these words. But then I started to realize realistically how often I’d refer to these words. It would just make me even more upset after we split because I’m not with him. So then I realized, I have the source of these words. Him. I need to focus on him, the now. If you really love him, see him. Maybe instead of “I love you”, you can say “you make me so happy” and once you’re comfortable and ready to say, go for it. But don’t feel forced because you need to reciprocate. My ex said I love you way fewer than me but I knew he loved me through all his actions. ?
I don’t think it was all ROCD. It may have had a part in it but mostly because I couldn’t commit to being the girlfriend. Most times I’d choose my compulsions over him, over the relationship. Even my own life.
@crazy.cat.lady did you breakup due to the rocd...? If I may ask?
And thank you
@hayleywr yeah exactly I sometimes feel it really deeply and I say it no problem, but then other days if idk something dumb happens we’re I get mad or sad I just get stuck and I wanna say all these stuff like he says to me, even if he’s mad or something and it makes me feel bad that I can’t do the same because of these thought. I’ve tried to just say it even if I’m doubting but sometimes it feels like if I were lying to myself but... idk it’s complicated and I just hate not knowing.. what’s real and what’s not? Idk
Thank you @hayleywr
i'm scared I don't have OCD, I used to be 50/50 about it but now I just keep doubting I do. The reason i'm scared is because I can't feel anything for my girlfriend anymore, sometimes I do and want to love up on her but other times I just feel unnatracted to her and don't feel anything for her. This is taking a tole on the both of us, she cries alot because she knows what i'm going through but it's also hurting her. I also sometimes (not very often) think about breaking up with her or being with someone else and it scares me because I want to love her and only her and only be with her. I'm afraid I should break up with her but I really don't want to. Whenever she compliments me I get uncomfortable, sometimes whenever she says I love you I hesitate to say it because I feel kind of guilty and I can't really feel anything. She picks up on all of these things which makes it even harder to really hide. i know I shouldn't hide it but she's the crying type and I upset her too much already with all of this. Someone please tell me they can relate or that it's OCD, can someone please help me?
Social media is really kicking my butt. I keep seeing people who say "my SO loves me but I only like them" and the advice is to break up. I've been having trouble being into my feelings for most of my relationship and didn't realize it was ROCD until after it caused huge tension in my relationship (now repaired), but I still struggle to say "I love you" because it's hard for me to feel the strength in emotional connection that comes with love. Every time I get a negative thought about my bf or relationship, it just gets harder bc I feel like I only recognize negatives about him. He means so much to me and I adore him truly, but I don't understand why I'm struggling to feel it. Even when intimate, I just don't get it. It's like I'm kissing him, but my mind is elsewhere and I feel incredibly guilty. When we are talking, it feels like I'm bored and trying to focus even though it should come easy for someone you care to listen to and it makes me feel like I genuinely don't care for him which is false. I feel like dissociate sometimes because I'm there but just not present not really. I hear but don't listen. I'm forgetful. I am confused. Does anyone else have or has had this experience? What do you do? How do you fix it? Because at this rate, I'm just feeling like I'm making excuses for lack of feelings.
I went out with my bf and I felt anxious the entire time. I felt like I was out of love and critiqued every little thing: his height, his face, his skin, etc. I feel awful and I'm scared I don't love him. I don't want to not love him :( He's so fucking amazing but it feels like I genuinely don't and that made me feel so emotional and almost cry right in front of him. I don't want to break up with him, I don't want to leave him, I want to love him. I do love him. :( I love how considerate and sweet he is, how much effort he puts in, how patient he is, but after a few years I still struggling with "feeling" in love, whatever that means. I want him, forever. Why does it not feel like it?
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