- Date posted
- 6y
- Date posted
- 6y
I understand this. I have a hard time saying “I love you” or saying nice things back/ giving compliments. For me, as soon as I want to say something sweet, my brain does this really backwards thing where it stops me and says “does he really deserve it? What if he’s doing something sneaky? What if he’s not a good person? What if you say nice things and then look naive later?” It’s awful. It’s stopped me a lot of times before I could understand what it was. Now, I try to accept that my fears could be true, but right now, in this moment, I love him. And I owe it to myself and to him to express it. So I still say how I feel, even though it makes me feel very vulnerable. I know it’s good for us
- Date posted
- 6y
I totally understand that fear of what’s real and what’s not. It’s especially confusing when you mix in real relationship issues. It all feels so real, but then even the real stuff often gets blown out of proportion, or we can’t just forgive and let go of it like “normal” people. I’m still learning to work through all of this too. I wish I had better advice for you but know you’re not alone.
- Date posted
- 6y
You don’t have to be vocal about your “I love you”. You say it when you feel right. Don’t pressure yourself. Let it come out naturally. You’re with him hopefully because he makes you happy. Actions speak louder than words so all the small things you do to let him know you love him, and occasionally say I love you, that’s okay. Besides it’ll make it all the more special if you say it less often. If he says he loves you just smile and hug him or kiss him. Try to notice him. Like how he looks when he smiles. Not your thoughts. I used to had to write down what my ex had said to me. Everything from sweet things like “you’re adorable” to an ordinary “hi”. But I realized that was not doing me any favor. I started because I felt if I was not to be with anymore I have these words. But then I started to realize realistically how often I’d refer to these words. It would just make me even more upset after we split because I’m not with him. So then I realized, I have the source of these words. Him. I need to focus on him, the now. If you really love him, see him. Maybe instead of “I love you”, you can say “you make me so happy” and once you’re comfortable and ready to say, go for it. But don’t feel forced because you need to reciprocate. My ex said I love you way fewer than me but I knew he loved me through all his actions. ?
- Date posted
- 6y
I don’t think it was all ROCD. It may have had a part in it but mostly because I couldn’t commit to being the girlfriend. Most times I’d choose my compulsions over him, over the relationship. Even my own life.
- Date posted
- 6y
@crazy.cat.lady did you breakup due to the rocd...? If I may ask?
- Date posted
- 6y
And thank you
- Date posted
- 6y
@hayleywr yeah exactly I sometimes feel it really deeply and I say it no problem, but then other days if idk something dumb happens we’re I get mad or sad I just get stuck and I wanna say all these stuff like he says to me, even if he’s mad or something and it makes me feel bad that I can’t do the same because of these thought. I’ve tried to just say it even if I’m doubting but sometimes it feels like if I were lying to myself but... idk it’s complicated and I just hate not knowing.. what’s real and what’s not? Idk
- Date posted
- 6y
Thank you @hayleywr
Related posts
- User type
- OCD Conqueror
- Date posted
- 25w
I realized I’ve depended a lot on my boyfriend for comfort through my ocd, and I’m starting to feel like even before my ocd I was paying more attention to the relationship itself more than him, or the attachment: even though I remember distinct feelings of me wanting to be with him forever, and feeling so happy and complete with him, time didn’t exist, I felt like my most authentic self. So now I’m trying to create a healthy attachment and see him as his own person, which was helping at first, but now it feels as if I’m seeing that I don’t actually love him for him, the thought of moving forward in life without him breaks my heart and I don’t want to but my mind keeps telling me that I want it because of the attachment. He’s the exact type of person and partner I would want but it feels like whatever I feel is not enough.. But I DO experience moments of affection and care and admiration for him but they don’t last long..before I started making this shift in perspective even with the ocd I was still so sure and confident in moving forward with him, I felt so much like I wanted to be with him for the rest of my life. But now that I’ve made this shift it feels like I’m seeing him from a whole different place. Like all those good and happy feelings I had for him are gone now and I don’t have any confidence in what I want anymore. Before I did feel confident that I wanted to be with him but now it feels like there’s this wall between him and me :( I want to be with him I know I do, because even now I still feel the desire to keep going, but I can’t see the future anymore or the confidence to keep going. I was never much of a future thinker, even in my personal life but this feels like added proof I feel like I’m alone in this like no one else has this situation and the chances for me to realize after I recover that I don’t actually love him are so much higher 💔
- Date posted
- 22w
i dont say i love you to my bf, only when i say good night out of habit, he pointed it put multiple times. i feel sad bc i cant say it amd i want to say it but i feel bad bc i always think that i dont like him. im so sad. im scared i dont love him and he uses logic in me that sometimes dosent work and then i still think i dont like him and i never did.
- Date posted
- 22w
I feel so lost. My boyfriend tries so hard to help me, but nothing seems to work. Every time he reassures me, my mind finds another doubt. He asks me, “So you’ve been questioning if you love me for almost 2 years?” and instead of feeling comforted, my mind jumps to “Maybe I just can’t accept that I don’t love him.” I keep telling him every thought that comes to my mind, hoping for relief, but it never lasts. I feel anxious, disconnected, and stuck in this endless cycle. He tells me that if I truly didn’t love him, I wouldn’t care so much about these thoughts. But still, my brain won’t stop questioning everything. I don’t understand why I feel this way. Why does it feel like I’m forcing something? Why do I feel like I can’t just know how I feel? I want to feel okay. I want to be present with him without analyzing every moment. But no matter what I do, my mind keeps telling me “What if you don’t love him?” I feel like I’m stuck between wanting clarity and being terrified of what that clarity might mean. It feels so real, and I hate it. I don’t know what to do.
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