- Date posted
- 6y
- Date posted
- 6y
I understand this. I have a hard time saying “I love you” or saying nice things back/ giving compliments. For me, as soon as I want to say something sweet, my brain does this really backwards thing where it stops me and says “does he really deserve it? What if he’s doing something sneaky? What if he’s not a good person? What if you say nice things and then look naive later?” It’s awful. It’s stopped me a lot of times before I could understand what it was. Now, I try to accept that my fears could be true, but right now, in this moment, I love him. And I owe it to myself and to him to express it. So I still say how I feel, even though it makes me feel very vulnerable. I know it’s good for us
- Date posted
- 6y
I totally understand that fear of what’s real and what’s not. It’s especially confusing when you mix in real relationship issues. It all feels so real, but then even the real stuff often gets blown out of proportion, or we can’t just forgive and let go of it like “normal” people. I’m still learning to work through all of this too. I wish I had better advice for you but know you’re not alone.
- Date posted
- 6y
You don’t have to be vocal about your “I love you”. You say it when you feel right. Don’t pressure yourself. Let it come out naturally. You’re with him hopefully because he makes you happy. Actions speak louder than words so all the small things you do to let him know you love him, and occasionally say I love you, that’s okay. Besides it’ll make it all the more special if you say it less often. If he says he loves you just smile and hug him or kiss him. Try to notice him. Like how he looks when he smiles. Not your thoughts. I used to had to write down what my ex had said to me. Everything from sweet things like “you’re adorable” to an ordinary “hi”. But I realized that was not doing me any favor. I started because I felt if I was not to be with anymore I have these words. But then I started to realize realistically how often I’d refer to these words. It would just make me even more upset after we split because I’m not with him. So then I realized, I have the source of these words. Him. I need to focus on him, the now. If you really love him, see him. Maybe instead of “I love you”, you can say “you make me so happy” and once you’re comfortable and ready to say, go for it. But don’t feel forced because you need to reciprocate. My ex said I love you way fewer than me but I knew he loved me through all his actions. ?
- Date posted
- 6y
I don’t think it was all ROCD. It may have had a part in it but mostly because I couldn’t commit to being the girlfriend. Most times I’d choose my compulsions over him, over the relationship. Even my own life.
- Date posted
- 6y
@crazy.cat.lady did you breakup due to the rocd...? If I may ask?
- Date posted
- 6y
And thank you
- Date posted
- 6y
@hayleywr yeah exactly I sometimes feel it really deeply and I say it no problem, but then other days if idk something dumb happens we’re I get mad or sad I just get stuck and I wanna say all these stuff like he says to me, even if he’s mad or something and it makes me feel bad that I can’t do the same because of these thought. I’ve tried to just say it even if I’m doubting but sometimes it feels like if I were lying to myself but... idk it’s complicated and I just hate not knowing.. what’s real and what’s not? Idk
- Date posted
- 6y
Thank you @hayleywr
Related posts
- User type
- OCD Conqueror
- Date posted
- 24w
I’ve had so many moments of clarity with my OCD that I love my boyfriend and I’m beyond willing to go through this to be better and be with him. in the back of mind I’ve in a way known I was at least somewhat sexually attracted to women (I’m a woman) since the start of the ocd it was always like “okay. Fine, but I don’t want to date a girl” I only just realized this after the ocd started, I never really argued with this. my ocd has always revolved around if I’m romantically interested in women and not men. I’ve done so many compulsions through this year and a half and 9 times out of 10 have come to the conclusion that I don’t want to be with a woman romantically. I always end up feeling like I know I love my boyfriend. But the doubts don’t stop about whether I want to spend my life with a woman instead, my heart literally breaks to think of not being with my bf and imagining him with someone else. I don’t want to be with a woman I know deep down somewhere underneath the anxiety that that’s not what I want. It doesn’t feel natural for me, unfulfilling. I want to tell my boyfriend about the possible sexual attraction to women (ik it’s still ocd related) but I’m scared that once I tell him, I’ll realize that I actually do want to be with women and not with him. Ugh I’ve spent hours today ruminating about this after being solid in my commitment with him for a little while, I’m stuck in this loop and idk how to get out right now
- Date posted
- 24w
Lately, I’ve been struggling with feelings that I might be sabotaging myself in my relationship. By sabotage, I mean that I find it hard to stop engaging in compulsions, like seeking reassurance or overanalyzing my thoughts. I also sometimes behave badly with my boyfriend, and the intrusive thoughts I have can completely change my mood. I love my boyfriend—he’s such a good, beautiful, and wonderful person—but I’m afraid these thoughts are going to ruin things. I truly want to love him, but I’m scared. I know the thoughts are anxiety-driven, but they still make me question if I’m forcing myself to stay with him. Today, for example, I felt okay earlier, but when he called me on video, I suddenly felt like I didn’t feel anything, and I started thinking I don’t like how he looks. These thoughts hit me like a wave, and I panicked. Usually, I find him very attractive, but when these thoughts come, I feel sad and disconnected. What’s confusing is that I also have many moments—like today and in the past few days—where I’ve felt really good and I’ve felt love for him. I feel awful writing this because my boyfriend doesn’t deserve this, and I feel like I’m posting out of habit. It makes me scared that I don’t want to accept the truth, even though I know I care about him. I hate feeling this way because it feels like I’m betraying him by having these thoughts and posting them. Has anyone else dealt with these feelings of sabotaging their relationship or feeling like they’re forcing themselves to stay? How do you cope when the thoughts feel like they’re true, and how do you work through the fear of letting go of anxiety
- Date posted
- 22w
For the past 3 months ish I’ve been struggling on and off with this anxiety and fixation over my relationship. To wondering if i still have feelings for an old friend, wondering if i actually love him, wondering if the thoughts are all real and im just trying to cover it up with ocd. It sucks, when im talking to my boyfriend i feel fine. The words i love you and talks about the future come naturally. I can’t imagine myself with anyone but him. But this constant rumination on my relationship is KILLING me and I’m scared it’s going to ruin what i have. It makes me numb and disconnected which therefore makes me believe the thoughts even more. They just feel so real sometimes and it’s so scary like why can i not just enjoy it. We’ve been together for a while so i know there’s periods of like feelings ebb and flowing but this is so much more. It’s just constantly sitting on my chest with anxiety. My compulsions are coming on this app, looking at photos of us and confessing it to him. He’s very understanding and helpful. I love him so much. I just need help / I’m also just starting new meds as well ..
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