Lately I've been having intrusive racist thoughts and its driving me insane. I get triggered everytime my sister comes over (she says the n word a lot) and I get pissed off and yell at her but then the word will replay in my mind and I cant make it stop. I feel terrible. Every time i look at a poc now my brain will point out their race and keep telling me to look at their skin color as if it's something of importance. How do you treat this subset of ocd? I havent seen a lot of people with it :(

Username: lilly_lulilly_lu

Date posted: 4y ago

I have had some thoughts like that. I just kinda tell myself “well if I’m racist then so be it” after a bit it goes away

Username: lilly_lulilly_lu

Date posted: 4y ago

This just means that you really value equality

Username: FathomableFathomable

Date posted: 4y ago

I get this annoying one where I become very aware of how long I spend looking at any poc and want it to be a really neutral amount of time, it's like I'm worried I'll be accused of looking at someone for too long, or too short, or in the wrong way and it'll be taken as racism or upset them? If I've glanced at someone and I notice they're a poc, I don't want to look away again like I was probably going to so I keep looking at them long enough for it to definitely not be perceived as a SLY glance, but not too long that it makes it worse again. I always look people of colour right in the face too when with others I don't think I'd pay that much attention to where I'm looking during a conversation, it's some kind of combination of not wanting them to think I'm staring at their skin colour and wanting them to know I'm paying attention and respect them and DON'T feel weird about them or find eye contact hard. I have no clue. It's actually very annoying, it kicks in as soon as my brain notices skin colour and comes with a little kick of guilt. This is actually the first time I've ever considered that it could be OCD, I always thought a lot of people have it. Maybe they do. Or maybe it's some precursor of OCD? I don't dwell on it at other times, or try to figure out if it's racism because I know all the reasons why I'm not, and basing whether I'm racist on this instead of on my actions and actual thoughts about other races and microaggressions, wouldn't make sense. Plus I actually don't find the eye contact hard, it can feel quite nice to look people in the face, and that's coming from an autistic person here. Have also had crushes on a couple of black girls who were 100% my type (short and chubby and bubbly and feminine). I didn't have this thing in my head with those girls, which I guess means that my hormones beat out my anxiety ? Anyway- what Lilly suggests might work actually. Taking a bit of a sarcastic tone with it, really treating it like it's not worth your time. When you get urges to look or catch yourself dwelling on thoughts or feelings that you're racist, try telling the thought "maybe later", or "I'll figure it out later". That can do wonders for just breaking the link between the trigger and the compulsions.

Username: worryqueenworryqueen

Date posted: 4y ago

I have the same exact thoughts and reactions, and I guess the reason it ties into my ocd is because I'm afraid of seeming offensive. I'm a lesbian so I know what it's like to be viewed as different, but I'm also a white woman, and I dont want to treat other people that way, so I try hard to not do or say certain things because I know they're wrong. I guess my ocd just latches onto that, and twists it around on me. I've had a crush on my poc friend before and never questioned her skin color, it's people's personality I pay attention to, but now my brain is jumbled and I'm doubting myself. I'll try mocking the thoughts though and see if that helps, thank you for the advice.

Username: FathomableFathomable

Date posted: 4y ago

@worryqueen Hah yeah I'm bi too, it's tricky trying to be self aware and considerate without getting obsessive about it. Try to remember that you don't have to, and, seeing as you're human, can't, get everything right. I'm going to try to deliberately look at poc weirdly the next time I'm out to challenge this. Yeah there's the risk someone will think I'm racist. But it'll be an opportunity to face the guilt about it which should hopefully make it easier to stop moderating how I look at people. Honestly the fact that we care about other people's comfort enough to end up in anxious thought loops probably says something positive, it's not our fault that our brains go OTT. And this link says interracial interactions cause everyone anxiety spikes anyway: https://perception.org/research/racial-anxiety/

Username: worryqueenworryqueen

Date posted: 4y ago

Yeah I feel you. I definitely needed a reminder that I cant be perfect, but I'll still try my best to be kind. I think I'm going to try that too, though I think the problem is that I grew up in a white suburban neighborhood with only one or two poc families around, so it's hard to face these fears. It does comfort me somewhat in a weird way when I think about how I fear and hate something so much that my brain just can't handle it and flips it around on me. Like I care that much. The article helped btw, it's nice to know it's more common.

Username: daffder

Date posted: 4y ago

ive recently started seeing an individual who is a poc and its gotten me really acutely aware of my whiteness. While this is a good thing and encourages unlearning and awareness for me, it also has wreaked havoc on my harm and taboo thinking OCD. I find myself tackling a lot of racist taboo intrusive thinking and it really alarms me. I’m disturbed by these thoughts and disagree with them entirely. but although I know part of it is OCD, i also know that racism is innate in essentially all white folks, and I dont want to use my mental health as an excuse. I’ve mostly been tackling these thoughts on my own because I dont think it should be the persons responsibility, but now I worry that if I dont tell them, I am withholding information and tricking them and that I am bad for it. ive been preoccupied with it and whenever i think about it it makes me feel physically ill. I want to be honest and transparent with them, but I also want them to feel safe, and I can see these thoughts making them feel unsafe. If anyone has any advice it would be appreciated. (Preferably input from people of color willing to discuss this who feel safe/comfy engaging with me on it)

Username: canigetawitness

Date posted: 3y ago

Racism OCD. Thinking I'm a bad person and feel ashamed around POC I know this is going to sound horrible, but I've recently started to worry when I'm around POC, like im an annoyance. I didn't start to worry like this until a few months ago. I don't know what's happened. I notice myself when I'm on a walk or out in public that I'll start to feel anxiety that I'm racist. Or maybe when I see a POC I automatically assume they think I'm racist? I know I'm white and part of the systemic racism problem & that I'm privileged to be a white man. I consider myself to be a Black Lives Matter/People of Color ally. I just don't know why I'm anxious. I'm pretty sure POC around me can tell as well. I don't know why my anxiety has picked up on this. Does anyone else struggle with this?

Username: canigetawitness

Date posted: 3y ago

Convinced I'm a racist, even though it's the complete opposite of my morals & what I believe. - - - - - - I've currently been struggling with something that is going to make me sound like a piece of shit, even I recognize how messed up it's going to sound. Over the past couple months, I have been worrying about the proper way to interact with POC without coming across as racist. I know, this is already awful. I consider myself to be an ally who supports POC & civil rights movements. I'm ashamed of white people honestly, we've oppressed POC from the beginning of time. I'm personally ashamed of my white ethnicity. I've been even more so in the past year. I feel like my OCD has recently attached to this though. At least, I think it has, or maybe it's guilt knowing I'm white and part of systemic racism problem as a whole. When I pass a POC on the street, or in a place of business, I'll immediately start to get thoughts like "Am I coming across as rude? Am I being nice enough? Am I being too nice? Am I smiling too much? Am I smiling enough? Do I look uncomfortable? This isn't about me, so why am I anxious? Stop being so self centered. Are you appearing racist? What if this POC thinks I'm racist? That's awful to assume what they think. Stop making this about you!" And basically the entire time I'm trying to interact with someone of color, I have all this anxious dialogue in my head and I probably physically appear to be anxious, which in turn I'm sure the other person thinks "Why are they acting so tense/afraid?" It's not that I'm afraid, or dislike POC, I'm way too overly cautious, I recognize that, and it's actually coming across as racist. And I don't want to make this about me, because it's not, I can only imagine the racism POC have to endure on a daily basis. It's like my own OCD/anxiety is getting in the way. I hate it. I want to get over it. I don't know why it's coming up, but I want to get past this.

Be a part of the largest OCD Community

Share your thoughts so the Community can respond

Related posts

Be a part of the largest OCD Community

Be a part of the largest OCD Community