I'm doing scripted erp based on something that I thought of when I was 13..do I say in my script I was 13 or do I have to do the script as if it happening now.

Hi there I talk about religion (but I'm not trying to force it down anyone's throat) So my main event (which is the one that truly bothers me) happened in 2015 when I was 14. I won't go into any details or anything. I will say that it got so bad once that I almost committed something detrimental to my health earlier this year. Not long after that I spoke to a doctor and basically confessed what's been happening to my brain and my mistakes, he mentioned things that really resonated with me, I'll paraphrase a bit: "Okay, so what you did was not good but it's not something to condemn yourself for. It falls into the grey area, you've apologized and have been forgiven (even though I apologized over text, which comes across cowardly)but it seems that you haven't forgiven yourself. There's a whole lot of difference between you at 14 and you at 23. Try to have some perspective." This really helped and it still does, but unfortunately ocd tries to find a way around this. I'll get a thought of "oh but you forgot to mention that other part of the event" and it magnifies it. Can anyone relate? I've done everything but fully move on because I sometimes feel like I don't deserve to move on. And I'm still worried over the future.

I’ll list some key things with my main subtype, and I hope that I can get some erp advice, but it’s okay if not, I know nobody is my therapist..! 1. I have this thing where when I feel false attraction about a k!d, I will be immediately convinced and say “that means I am?” “I am attracted” “I feel attracted?” “He’s attractive” not to be weird but I panic and say these because I don’t want them, and I feel like I agree with it, this makes me feel like a bad person when I say them (sometimes I can’t help it when I get really stressed) what can I do for this to be better? 2. My brain will give me an intrusive question, asking if I’d do this,this or that, and I feel like agreeing or saying yes to this, sometimes I will hear a yes and I’ll freak out 3. When I get triggered by a photo, I have to keep checking and checking (this will always last forever) till I’m sure that I think the photo is cute or adorable and not in any way that I feel false attraction Whenever I feel convinced, I feel bad that I feel convinced and it’ll say “well if you were a good person, why do you allow yourself to get convinced even if you know you aren’t this”

My intrusive images were an absolute nightmare back in April. I honestly don’t even know how it got better, I had written a letter to God begging for help. Well recently idk if it’s because I’ve been stressed a lot again and ruminating on a lot of pocd related things from the past the make me worry, but the images have started again and even though they are repulsive and awful, I feel like I’m not reacting how I should. I think I just got to where I would just try to like blink it away and ignore it, but I feel so bad if I’m not feeling absolute shame and guilt. I feel like I feel too normal and sometimes I forget that if anyone knew besides people on here, I can’t imagine what people would think, but I also know it’s not who I am so I feel like I don’t worry as much as I should. Also, I can’t stop worrying about fanfiction I read when I was like 16 and 17. It really bothers me because I keep wondering did I imagine this one character my age? Why did I read this? Did I even know what aging up was then, and even if I did it’s wrong and gross anyway but if I didn’t age this character up then that’s awful. And i just can’t let go but I think it’s triggering me to have the images so idk what to do.