Trigger warning..? I am curious to see if anyone else has ever done or experienced this or something similar? When I was about 10, 11 years old I was cooking with my mom. I remember scaring the crap out of her because there was a hot pan on the stove and I couldn’t stop trying to touch it, so i did and my mom freaked out at me.. Another incident I’ve never told anyone was around the same age I was ironing a shirt and I had all these terrible thoughts to put the hot iron on my stomach and I almost did I remember shaking and crying i was so scared i was afraid of myself. Is this a form of OCD? I haven’t done anything like this in years but it still pops up in my head sometimes and it makes me so sad that my childhood was so painful i just thought i was crazy and held it in for so long.

About 2 months ago, I sliced my arm so deep in an attempt to make this all go away.. as there was blood spurting like everywhere my life flashed before my eyes and I could hear my parents laughing in the room beside me. I started screaming for help as my eyes flooded with tears. How could their little girl do that to herself?? I was able to get to the ER and have my arm stitched up.. making my attempt a fail. But I’m so scared. I don’t want to do something like that again. I’ve never seen my parents cry except for then. The fear in their eyes haunts me up to this day. But that’s the only thing that relieves my pain. Can someone help or relate to this ???

I feel nauseous. Extremely sick, i cannot eat, cant sleep well, and I haven't enjoyed things I normally enjoy to cry in bed and spiral for several days already. I feel extremely anxious over my past real events. I remembered something extremely triggering. I used to be morbidly curious about crimes and like I remember when i was a younger teen I watched a dark documentary that honestly i shouldnt have watched. There was this extremely weird scene and i think i felt weirded out but also a little aroused? but only bc I was thinking "lucky, shes already having sex. I wish I was her so i could experience it too." The poor person was like 1-3 years younger than me at the time. I KNOW how wrong that is now i legit feel like im going to throw up rn. Anyway I think I felt a little aroused??? And I think I touched myself a little bit and imagined myself in her place? I dont think I enjoyed it bc i remember it felt forced and weird and i stopped. I never did it again. I feel so sick! I would NEVER watch a documentary like that now as an adult and think or touch myself to it thats just so wrong but im scared that this is a sign im a sicko/p. I remmeber crying at the end of the documentary bc I felt disturbed by the contents but i still put some in my watch later out of morbid curiosity to see more real cases of these crimes bc they scared me. I never watched them again though. It only happened once and it was before my ocd started which SCARES me even more!!! And i wouldnt watch them as an adult either theyre too disturbing! I regret it so badly and feel like a monster bc it was messed up. Like what was wrong with me?! Theyre extremely disturbing to me and I rather avoid such content bc its triggering to my ocd but im afraid now like was that a sign of me possibly being a p? Am I a monster??? Am I in denial? Is this even ocd?! I feel so much shame and guilt it's killing me. 😔

18+ did anybody else do things as a kid that they are ashamed of? i feel like im haunted by my actions as a child. i was very sexually aware at a young age and i didn't know it was bad (under 10). this made me do things that i maybe shouldn't of done with others around my age, some a few years younger. i'm so mortified i feel like im a bad person but i was also a kid too just learning. anybody else experienced similar? i didn't have the best parents ever so i wasn't taught what's bad and good very well. but it really triggers my POCD and just OCD in general.