This day has been on of the worst in my entire life. It started with having HOCD. Around the mid-day it changed to POCD. And now I'm back to HOCD. The whole day ruined by looking for reassurance on Google. I get urges of killing myself. I can't take this anymore

Thanks for your kindness. I want to believe you, and one year ago I would have believed things will get better. But last two years, it did not get better. Everything became worse. I also have nobody who I can talk to. I just don't have any reason to life. Every day is a battle and I want peace. I'm done with having OCD. What's the point of living a life that I hate?

Thanks for your kind responses. I'm sorry you also felt like this before. I just don't know what the point of life is anymore. Everyday battling your own stupid mind is a nightmare. I'm exhausted and don't know how much longer I can take this. It seems so me that the only way to stop this nightmare is to end it. This is really fucked up ?

My day is totally ruined because I was searching thinks up on Google for more than 90% of my day. Even at work I get my phone and start looking things up. In addition, I feel anxious and terrible all day. I'm exhausted of living this way. I wish I could stop to look for reassurance, but I can't deal with uncertainty. I wanted to stop these thoughts for two years now, and there are still getting stronger and more meaningful. I hope am not the only one who sees it this way, but thinking about suicide is not weird under these circumstances right?

@bm99 Spending ninety percent of the day doing compulsions is certainly distressing. I imagine that there were loads of things you'd prefer to have done instead. Coupled with feeling anxious and terrible, I can see why you'd conclude that the whole day was bad. I'm curious about the ten percent of the day you didn't do compulsions. Can you tell us about those? Those moments are successes to build on

@NOCD Advocate - Katie Well because I was at work, I had to work of course. The 10% was the time that I was working. While working I got thoughts which I had to check out and proof not to be true, so I went outside and started to Google things about POCD and HOCD. When I went home I had to study for my exams. I managed to study for one hour and that was it. The rest of the day I was laying in my bed looking for reassurance and feeling very anxious and terrible.

Yes I did. I just sometimes slipped out to seek reassurance on my phone. I only worked in the morning, so most of the reassurance seeking was in the mid-day and evening. Apart from one hour studying, I was constantly thinking of ways to reassure myself. I think it's probably more than 13 hours of being busy with these thoughts

@bm99 Can you give yourself enough compassion to recognize the moments of success (work, the hour of studying) without canceling them out by thinking of the hours of OCD? Good and bad parts of the day exist separately, they don't negate each other

@NOCD Advocate - Katie Yes I can. But the thing is that always giving in to seek reassurance makes everything worse. But I just can't stop it. I just want to know that these thoughts are not me. Today is also a shit day. I'm very anxious again and my mind is telling me I'm just in denial. I hate this..

@bm99 Perhaps delaying reassurance seeking can be a halfway step to eliminating it