- Username
- IhateOCD99
- Date posted
- 4y ago
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- Username
- AnonymousAnonymous
- Date posted
- 4y ago
I strongly urge you to call a crisis line, or if you have a therapist a lot of therapy offices have on call counselors you can reach if you call the office number. Sometimes it takes a moment to explain what ocd is, but seeking help if you feel you might hurt yourself is important. You are a valued and important person and I know it’s hard, but life can get better and you’ll be so happy that you pushed through this dark place. I’ve been there before and I’m sorry that you feel stuck there now. But it’s never hopeless, even if your brain tells you it is.
- Username
- lms2000lms2000
- Date posted
- 4y ago
i’m so sorry:( you’re not alone and it really does get better!!!! is there anyone you can talk to about how you’re feeling?
- Username
- IhateOCD99IhateOCD99
- Date posted
- 4y ago
Thanks for your kindness. I want to believe you, and one year ago I would have believed things will get better. But last two years, it did not get better. Everything became worse. I also have nobody who I can talk to. I just don't have any reason to life. Every day is a battle and I want peace. I'm done with having OCD. What's the point of living a life that I hate?
- Username
- AnonymousAnonymous
- Date posted
- 4y ago
You are not alone! You can get through this!
- Username
- AnonymousAnonymous
- Date posted
- 4y ago
I know your message was not directed towards me but, I’m not going to act like I haven’t felt how you are feeling right now, Because I have.. and I sometimes do. But just know that you are stronger than this, you are better than this. This does not have to define your life. And it definitely does not define you. It is a mental battle and it feels like we won’t ever find peace . I know exactly how you are feeling. I’m struggling myself . I will pray for you and I. Don’t let OCD win.
- Username
- IhateOCD99IhateOCD99
- Date posted
- 4y ago
Thanks for your kind responses. I'm sorry you also felt like this before. I just don't know what the point of life is anymore. Everyday battling your own stupid mind is a nightmare. I'm exhausted and don't know how much longer I can take this. It seems so me that the only way to stop this nightmare is to end it. This is really fucked up ?
- Username
- phoenix76phoenix76
- Date posted
- 4y ago
Are you connected to a therapist? If you are having thoughts of harming yourself I would urge you to seek immediate help, I apologize in advance if what I am saying is off base
- Username
- ocdillustratedocdillustrated
- Date posted
- 4y ago
I second everything that has been said in responses so far. Especially reaching out for professional help for the suicidal ideation. If you're up for a conversation that might untangle some twisted beliefs, try reflecting on this question: what makes a day "ruined"?
- Username
- IhateOCD99IhateOCD99
- Date posted
- 4y ago
My day is totally ruined because I was searching thinks up on Google for more than 90% of my day. Even at work I get my phone and start looking things up. In addition, I feel anxious and terrible all day. I'm exhausted of living this way. I wish I could stop to look for reassurance, but I can't deal with uncertainty. I wanted to stop these thoughts for two years now, and there are still getting stronger and more meaningful. I hope am not the only one who sees it this way, but thinking about suicide is not weird under these circumstances right?
- Username
- ocdillustratedocdillustrated
- Date posted
- 4y ago
@bm99 Spending ninety percent of the day doing compulsions is certainly distressing. I imagine that there were loads of things you'd prefer to have done instead. Coupled with feeling anxious and terrible, I can see why you'd conclude that the whole day was bad. I'm curious about the ten percent of the day you didn't do compulsions. Can you tell us about those? Those moments are successes to build on
- Username
- IhateOCD99IhateOCD99
- Date posted
- 4y ago
@NOCD Advocate - Katie Well because I was at work, I had to work of course. The 10% was the time that I was working. While working I got thoughts which I had to check out and proof not to be true, so I went outside and started to Google things about POCD and HOCD. When I went home I had to study for my exams. I managed to study for one hour and that was it. The rest of the day I was laying in my bed looking for reassurance and feeling very anxious and terrible.
- Username
- ocdillustratedocdillustrated
- Date posted
- 4y ago
Did you complete some portion of your work?
- Username
- IhateOCD99IhateOCD99
- Date posted
- 4y ago
Yes I did. I just sometimes slipped out to seek reassurance on my phone. I only worked in the morning, so most of the reassurance seeking was in the mid-day and evening. Apart from one hour studying, I was constantly thinking of ways to reassure myself. I think it's probably more than 13 hours of being busy with these thoughts
- Username
- ocdillustratedocdillustrated
- Date posted
- 4y ago
@bm99 Can you give yourself enough compassion to recognize the moments of success (work, the hour of studying) without canceling them out by thinking of the hours of OCD? Good and bad parts of the day exist separately, they don't negate each other
- Username
- IhateOCD99IhateOCD99
- Date posted
- 4y ago
@NOCD Advocate - Katie Yes I can. But the thing is that always giving in to seek reassurance makes everything worse. But I just can't stop it. I just want to know that these thoughts are not me. Today is also a shit day. I'm very anxious again and my mind is telling me I'm just in denial. I hate this..
- Username
- ocdillustratedocdillustrated
- Date posted
- 4y ago
@bm99 Perhaps delaying reassurance seeking can be a halfway step to eliminating it
Related posts
- Username
- aquarius01
- Date posted
- 5y ago
HOCD is the worst thing ever. I wouldn’t even wish this upon my worst enemies. How it’s ruined my life. My happiness. My security. My everything. I have no idea who I am anymore. I never would have thought that this could have happened to me. I envy the people who don’t have HOCD. How wonderful it must be to not question your sexuality 24/7 and feel anxious all of the time. I really want to just die. I am so broken inside. I guess I’ll just have to accept bisexuality as “me.” It is what it is now. I am no longer myself anymore. I’m gone. I just can’t believe this happened. How could it? I’m so dead inside. I never thought I would have to worry about this. Guess life had another idea.
- Username
- X1
- Date posted
- 3y ago
I can't get medication or therepy and I can't take this anymore. I've been a straight man my entire life, always wanted a wife and this says otherwise. The thing worse than the thoughts and disgusting images is the groinal response. I can't take this anymore. Six months of this shit and a garbage year in general. Covid, my girlfriend cheating and leaving, laid off at work despite working hard, total isolation, then this. I had ocd during childhood and youth now it's back. This has said many things over the years but the things it's said past six months are, -Ive always been trans but never knew -Im want to be trans -Im a pédo -Im a râpist - I'm a traitor to my country -Id rather fight for the axis than the allies -Our veterans are scumbags -I want to beat women -I want to load a shotgun and shoot my family -I like incest -I want to fuck animals -im going to hell - I don't believe in my Catholic faith - The one that's been the worst, I'm gay I don't want to be or do those things. I don't. I've thought of myself as a decent man and I loved who I was before this. I don't want to live anymore. I've looked for reasons to keep going yet I find nothing. The whole "You have so much to live for!" has only given me little hope and strength in the early stages of this. It does nothing for me anymore. With the groinal response it's like I've turned gay. HOCD It's attacked friends, people I look up to, family. So many people. I just want to curl up and die. I just want to fucking die
- Username
- My OCD Academia
- Date posted
- 1y ago
I’m tired.
My HOCD is so intense today. Started remembering things in my past that OCD tries to use as evidence to prove it’s real. I just finished crying and repeatedly saying I don’t want to be gay. I know it’s a compulsion but nothing helps right now when I freak out. I feel so afraid of what I might become. I’m tired of this. I’m tired of questioning everything. Every time I step outside my house I always mentally review every conversation I have with every man and I deepen my voice or try to appear more masculine because I’m so afraid of giving off the wrong impression. I’m so scared to even be on social media in the fear that I might appear gay to someone. I just feel I cannot breathe without worrying or questioning myself. I don’t want to be gay ever, I want a wife and children and It feels like no matter what I watch on TV, or play any type of game, there’s always something that triggers me. Sorry for the rant, It’s a bad day. If anyone can just let me know i’m not alone, that would be nice
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