Anonymous
- Date posted
- 5y
AnonymousAnonymous
- Date posted
- 5y
Heey, I'm really sorry that you're feeling like this! I've never met you and I don't know you either, but the amount of times you've helped and offered me support makes me really, really doubt that you are a disappointment. Please, don't be like this to yourself! You seems like such a lovely person, and it hurts to see that you're struggling. And then, the age of 2 neither equals the end of life nor the end of the opportunities you've got. Life just starts at this age (I'm aware of how cheesy it sounds but I do believe in that!). I'm 21 (nearly 22) and I really don't think that in approximately 2 years I'll have my life stopped just because I won't have achieved anything important by that point, and trust me, I won't. Also, I don't think you need to live your life for someone else. If people think that you are a disappointment (which probably is not true at all, not even a tiny bit), then it's their problem. You should live your life for yourself (again, cheesy, but true!). You make the decisions for yourself and you take all the time you need in the world to accomplish what is on goal list. Please, please, be kind to yourself! You deserve it! There's plenty of time to do anything that you want, but before all that what you need is to be truly happy! Take care! ??
AnonymousAnonymous
- Date posted
- 5y
Thank you. ❤️ Your right, I’m so good at reminding other people to be kind to themselves but I’m so bad at taking my own advice.
AnonymousAnonymous
- Date posted
- 5y
Sorry, I meant to say the age of 24* not 2 ?♀️?
AnonymousAnonymous
- Date posted
- 5y
@corablue Lol your good I got it. :)
AnonymousAnonymous
- Date posted
- 5y
@Nikki1809 ??
AnonymousAnonymous
- Date posted
- 5y
@corablue ?
AnonymousAnonymous
- Date posted
- 5y
Yes, exactly! It's absolutely amazing that you're helping others with understanding how important it is to be kind to yourself, but now it's time for you to do the same thing. You can do it! Stay strong! ❤ And we're here for you any time! ?
AnonymousAnonymous
- Date posted
- 5y
Thank you ? ❤️
FathomableFathomable
- Date posted
- 5y
I had a lot of gifted & talented pressure and am 26 and in roughly the same boat, haven't been able to hold down jobs and I didn't go to uni until I was 23. You'll get there you just need time. Other people's expectations need to take the backburner because you have a lot going on which most people wouldn't be able to function in. If you keep working on those, it'll get easier to Human, but you'll have to learn your own limits so that you can push them gradually, like going from low pressure volunteering to part time work, to full time work in a job you can actually stand. I've come to the conclusion that for me it's more important to have a balanced life which I can survive than to have a fast paced high stakes career with all the pressure and uncertainty and risk which goes along with it, that I wouldn't be able to function in. If you're naturally analytical, creative and intelligent then you'll do fine at whatever you pick, and when you feel settled you'll be able to channel that into creative pursuits that you enjoy, maybe even one of those becoming your career/business. Children are ALL little bundles of potential by nature and are constantly having other people project their expectations onto them. Parents and other people who emphasised your academic potential (and their own expectations) heavily were not seeing you as a whole person, and you don't need to attempt to live up to their ideal for you. It doesn't matter whether they're disappointed or not, it's not reasonable to ask more of a person than they are actually able to give. As a side note, if anyone is dead or killed themselves, the blame would not go on you for not somehow preventing it. You're feeling guilty about not being god.
FathomableFathomable
- Date posted
- 5y
But yeah this whole wasted potential thing... Pretty much every person feels that way as they get older. Any path you take in life excludes all the other paths by definition, people torment themselves over whether they chose the right career etc, the reality is there are no perfect options. The more patient you are with yourself, the more likely that enough of your struggles will be sorted out and managed that you'll end up in a place where you actually thrive- you're happy, you're using your skills etc. If your parents and whoever else had these expectations are decent people whatsoever, they would rather you be ok than have a version of you who shuts down all your own emotions and drives yourself to absolute misery trying to please everybody else. My own parents expected straight As and got mad about any slippage, no praise, piles of academic/career pressure etc, but they've mellowed out over time when reality forced them to change their expectations. If they were bitter or aggressive about it instead, I'd have a real problem with that, it would be clear that they don't understand and see me as a whole person. Don't assume that people are disappointed, and even if they are, well they can handle being disappointed aren't they. Disappointment is only an indicator of their unreasonable expectations, not of your inadequacy. You may have felt defined by your brain and your potential as a child, but that's because you were put into that role in the minds of other people- those things don't actually define the whole person you are now OR were at the time. You do your best, how could anyone expect anything more than that?
FathomableFathomable
- Date posted
- 5y
@Scoggy ***can't they
AnonymousAnonymous
- Date posted
- 5y
Yeah, I mean most of these people really genuinely cared for me and still do. None of them have ever expressed any kind of disappointment in me I guess it’s just me who is disappointed. And yeah I guess I blame myself for if this girl killed herself mostly cuz I knew she was planning to and I feel like I didn’t do everything possible to stop it. But there was only so much I could do I didn’t know where she lived or enough about her to get her help. I still feel like I could have tried harder to talk her out of it. She might not even be dead, I don’t know.
Mike1234Mike1234
- Date posted
- 5y
The past is the “past” you must leave it there and focus on the future. Times change, you won’t always be in your twenties with “twenties” issues. Look forward not back.
AnonymousAnonymous
- Date posted
- 5y
This is so well said!
AnonymousAnonymous
- Date posted
- 5y
Thanks. :)
MattysdadMattysdad
- Date posted
- 5y
As a 39 year old let me assure you that you are still quite young and have plenty of time to do whatever you choose. As to disappointing others just realize that you live your life for you, no one else. The more important thing is finding meaning in your life
DiegoDiego
- Date posted
- 5y
So you consider yourself inferior for not doing these "great things" people expected you to do?
AnonymousAnonymous
- Date posted
- 5y
Idk. I consider myself immensely disappointing. I grew up gifted and talented and now I’m 24 still living off my parents, and I got fired from the first real job I had. I’m going to grad school soon, sure, but I have no job. I’m constantly trying to help people but when it matters most I help no one. It’s quite possible someone is dead because of it, though I have no way of knowing for sure cuz she was only ever an internet friend and I haven’t heard from her in years.
DiegoDiego
- Date posted
- 5y
@Nikki1809 I think you can work on accepting yourself all humans have the same value and worth regardless of money,job,followers,etc and even though helping people is always good,you don't have the obligation to help.
AnonymousAnonymous
- Date posted
- 5y
@Bring it on ocd,give me more! Yeah. I need to stop expecting the world of myself.
HeythereHeythere
- Date posted
- 5y
What great things have those people done in life?
AnonymousAnonymous
- Date posted
- 5y
One was a peace corps volunteer, and also a school counselor who helped hundreds of kids, including me, before he died raising money for charity. (Not the same person who died that I talked about in my reply to the other person).
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