Anonymous

Date posted: 5y

So many people expected me to grow up and do great things when I was a kid but I’m almost 24 and I’m a huge disappointment to anyone who ever expected anything of me.

Anonymous

Date posted: 5y

Heey, I'm really sorry that you're feeling like this! I've never met you and I don't know you either, but the amount of times you've helped and offered me support makes me really, really doubt that you are a disappointment. Please, don't be like this to yourself! You seems like such a lovely person, and it hurts to see that you're struggling. And then, the age of 2 neither equals the end of life nor the end of the opportunities you've got. Life just starts at this age (I'm aware of how cheesy it sounds but I do believe in that!). I'm 21 (nearly 22) and I really don't think that in approximately 2 years I'll have my life stopped just because I won't have achieved anything important by that point, and trust me, I won't. Also, I don't think you need to live your life for someone else. If people think that you are a disappointment (which probably is not true at all, not even a tiny bit), then it's their problem. You should live your life for yourself (again, cheesy, but true!). You make the decisions for yourself and you take all the time you need in the world to accomplish what is on goal list. Please, please, be kind to yourself! You deserve it! There's plenty of time to do anything that you want, but before all that what you need is to be truly happy! Take care! ??

Anonymous

Date posted: 5y

Thank you. ❤️ Your right, I’m so good at reminding other people to be kind to themselves but I’m so bad at taking my own advice.

Anonymous

Date posted: 5y

Sorry, I meant to say the age of 24* not 2 ?‍♀️?

Anonymous

Date posted: 5y

@corablue Lol your good I got it. :)

Anonymous

Date posted: 5y

@Nikki1809 ??

Anonymous

Date posted: 5y

@corablue ?

Anonymous

Date posted: 5y

Yes, exactly! It's absolutely amazing that you're helping others with understanding how important it is to be kind to yourself, but now it's time for you to do the same thing. You can do it! Stay strong! ❤ And we're here for you any time! ?

Anonymous

Date posted: 5y

Thank you ? ❤️

Fathomable

Date posted: 5y

I had a lot of gifted & talented pressure and am 26 and in roughly the same boat, haven't been able to hold down jobs and I didn't go to uni until I was 23. You'll get there you just need time. Other people's expectations need to take the backburner because you have a lot going on which most people wouldn't be able to function in. If you keep working on those, it'll get easier to Human, but you'll have to learn your own limits so that you can push them gradually, like going from low pressure volunteering to part time work, to full time work in a job you can actually stand. I've come to the conclusion that for me it's more important to have a balanced life which I can survive than to have a fast paced high stakes career with all the pressure and uncertainty and risk which goes along with it, that I wouldn't be able to function in. If you're naturally analytical, creative and intelligent then you'll do fine at whatever you pick, and when you feel settled you'll be able to channel that into creative pursuits that you enjoy, maybe even one of those becoming your career/business. Children are ALL little bundles of potential by nature and are constantly having other people project their expectations onto them. Parents and other people who emphasised your academic potential (and their own expectations) heavily were not seeing you as a whole person, and you don't need to attempt to live up to their ideal for you. It doesn't matter whether they're disappointed or not, it's not reasonable to ask more of a person than they are actually able to give. As a side note, if anyone is dead or killed themselves, the blame would not go on you for not somehow preventing it. You're feeling guilty about not being god.

Fathomable

Date posted: 5y

But yeah this whole wasted potential thing... Pretty much every person feels that way as they get older. Any path you take in life excludes all the other paths by definition, people torment themselves over whether they chose the right career etc, the reality is there are no perfect options. The more patient you are with yourself, the more likely that enough of your struggles will be sorted out and managed that you'll end up in a place where you actually thrive- you're happy, you're using your skills etc. If your parents and whoever else had these expectations are decent people whatsoever, they would rather you be ok than have a version of you who shuts down all your own emotions and drives yourself to absolute misery trying to please everybody else. My own parents expected straight As and got mad about any slippage, no praise, piles of academic/career pressure etc, but they've mellowed out over time when reality forced them to change their expectations. If they were bitter or aggressive about it instead, I'd have a real problem with that, it would be clear that they don't understand and see me as a whole person. Don't assume that people are disappointed, and even if they are, well they can handle being disappointed aren't they. Disappointment is only an indicator of their unreasonable expectations, not of your inadequacy. You may have felt defined by your brain and your potential as a child, but that's because you were put into that role in the minds of other people- those things don't actually define the whole person you are now OR were at the time. You do your best, how could anyone expect anything more than that?

Fathomable

Date posted: 5y

@Scoggy ***can't they

Anonymous

Date posted: 5y

Yeah, I mean most of these people really genuinely cared for me and still do. None of them have ever expressed any kind of disappointment in me I guess it’s just me who is disappointed. And yeah I guess I blame myself for if this girl killed herself mostly cuz I knew she was planning to and I feel like I didn’t do everything possible to stop it. But there was only so much I could do I didn’t know where she lived or enough about her to get her help. I still feel like I could have tried harder to talk her out of it. She might not even be dead, I don’t know.

Mike1234

Date posted: 5y

The past is the “past” you must leave it there and focus on the future. Times change, you won’t always be in your twenties with “twenties” issues. Look forward not back.

Anonymous

Date posted: 5y

This is so well said!

Anonymous

Date posted: 5y

Thanks. :)

Mattysdad

Date posted: 5y

As a 39 year old let me assure you that you are still quite young and have plenty of time to do whatever you choose. As to disappointing others just realize that you live your life for you, no one else. The more important thing is finding meaning in your life

Diego

Date posted: 5y

So you consider yourself inferior for not doing these "great things" people expected you to do?

Anonymous

Date posted: 5y

Idk. I consider myself immensely disappointing. I grew up gifted and talented and now I’m 24 still living off my parents, and I got fired from the first real job I had. I’m going to grad school soon, sure, but I have no job. I’m constantly trying to help people but when it matters most I help no one. It’s quite possible someone is dead because of it, though I have no way of knowing for sure cuz she was only ever an internet friend and I haven’t heard from her in years.

Diego

Date posted: 5y

@Nikki1809 I think you can work on accepting yourself all humans have the same value and worth regardless of money,job,followers,etc and even though helping people is always good,you don't have the obligation to help.

Anonymous

Date posted: 5y

@Bring it on ocd,give me more! Yeah. I need to stop expecting the world of myself.

Heythere

Date posted: 5y

What great things have those people done in life?

Anonymous

Date posted: 5y

One was a peace corps volunteer, and also a school counselor who helped hundreds of kids, including me, before he died raising money for charity. (Not the same person who died that I talked about in my reply to the other person).

Infectedpick...

Date posted: 21w

Everyday is a constant cycle of regret and misery

Everyday I wake up, all my mind makes me think of is the stuff I’ve done in the past, like all day I’m in a constant cycle of judging who I used to be and it hurts so so much. I wish I never thought to do those things, I wish I had been more mature than how I was before, it’s really lowering my self worth and I don’t think I’ve ever felt this miserable before, like last summer was the worst because I was dealing with this shit, I about almost ended my life over it, and I thought it would get better, which it did, but it didn’t last but for a while. As soon as it became 2025 I was going through it again, having constant cycles of “I’m a good person” to “I’m the worst person imaginable” and I’m so sick of it because I just want to feel like the good person l like to imagine myself to be, but I can’t because of shit I did in the past that I obsess over. I’ve cried and screamed so much over it and it seems like it will never leave me.

Dinosaur ent...

Date posted: 20w

Utter hopelessness vent

Today my mom broke down crying because of how much stress she feels having to take care of me, she said I can’t do anything in terms of being able to take care of myself and she’s right I can’t, she breaks down constantly because of me, I don’t know what to do, it’s been like this for years, part of me feels like the only way to save her is to kill myself, I don’t want to die, but it feels like the only way to set her free, I don’t think anyone but her would miss me anyways, I feel utterly hopeless. I’m not going to do anything to myself the voices are just SCREAMING that I need to. I can’t work, I can’t go to school, I’m trying desperately to get therapy, I don’t know what else to do, I wish I was a child again and I felt like I had a chance to be okay. I love my mom so much and she loves me and I’m killing her, I’m actually killing her, with how fuckinh worthless and pathetic I am, it’s too much, I miss being a kid.

Kai S.

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 15w

No redeeming qualities (long vent)

This is just a vent. Feels nice to just be honest about who I am and my deficiencies. Mental health advocates are always like "you deserve to live no matter what" and I'm like "bet lol" I am not a good person whose presence has any positive impact on the world. I'm not evil, just useless without having the excuse of depression or whatever (it's anxiety based but again who gives a shit). If I were to go away, I wouldn't be missed because I contribute nothing of note. If we did not live in the US where you can get by without being socially accepted as long as you have loving parents, I would either be dead or would have stepped up and might actually be a valuable member of society (like between being dead and pushing through my anxiety I would probably choose the latter lol). Interpersonally, I have no redeeming qualities. No I'm not one of those people who says that shit and then lists all the ways they're actually decent but just have low self-esteem, I'm genuinely useless. I'm unreliable when it comes to group projects and my job, usually doing the bare minimum or less than that. When it comes to my work in general, I tend to drop the ball, often waiting till the last minute to get started on it, turning it in late, or simply not turning it in at all. I make promises about the things I will do and then don't do them. I also lack initiative and just follow orders. Socially, I don't have any friends and don't make an effort to try to gain any - I tend to act distant in social interactions and don't join in when people are having group conversations. I'm a talented artist, but the only work I've ever shown others in the last few years has been shoddy, amateurish, and completely unreflective of my abilities, and I've never been complimented for it lol. How do I feel about all this? Pretty freaking bad, yet I make no effort to change. I'm afraid of most things so I avoid them, screwing up my own life and negatively affecting other people's as well. Despite all this, I have this desire to be accepted by someone else as I am. The fact that I accept myself shows that it's possible, I guess (you could argue that I don't have a choice but I definitely chose to be okay with myself after years of self-loathing). I have a shit-ton of flaws and nothing to really offset them - I mean I'm self-aware but I think self-awareness is completely useless if you don't do anything about what you've observed in yourself, and less self-aware people are able to take more risks - and I just have this fantasy of someone showing up and looking at all that I am and being like "you have contributed literally nothing to society and you have no redeeming qualities but I accept you as you are and love you, for no reason other than I just do." But based on the comics I've read this can only happen if you're childhood friends who've known each other for a long time lol. No reason someone's gonna want to be friends with some random person who leaves a poor first impression and doesn't do anything to further the relationship. The plus side of this is that I have a /lot/ of room for growth, lots of things to change that could make me a better person. The negative side is that it is still just as hard to not be avoidant af as it was yesterday

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So many people expected me to grow up and do great things when I was a kid but I’m almost 24 and I’m a huge disappointment to anyone who ever expected anything of me.

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