So, I feel like I’ve come to a really sad conclusion. I feel like I know deep down I would be turned on by a naked woman in front of me or something and that this is all lies. This whole deep down feeling is the worst. Like the constant feeling I know the truth and I’m lying?

Very bad and awful about that

@wellwellwell i emailed you!

@wellwellwell Have you talked with your female friends how do they experience the female body? I know us with OCD have difficulty understanding and accepting the fact that straight females can get turned on by the female body and still wanting to be with a man. It happens to me too, and I also have it difficult to accept due to OCD.

@Klau I haven’t really, bc I don’t even know what to say. I don’t know how to express that I don’t want to be with a woman but I’m turned on by boobs. I don’t know.

I mean I kind of have a fetish for bdsm with a man using women but at the same time I just don’t think about women as partners or someone I would want to snuggle with.

@wellwellwell I do not support BDSM in any way, however I got through very intense periods of self hatred. I do not think and have never thought of of males as partners either. I do have certain features I could possibly find attractive in a man, but I never desired a relationship with one.

@fenna I’m sorry you went through that, I hope you’ve seen improvement❤️you deserve to love you. I think my thing is more like it’s easier for me to be turned on by a naked girl being used by a guy than vice versa. Like I sexualize the female body more but I do not think I want to be with one if that makes sense. But sense I don’t just look at a guy naked and feel ready for sex I’m afraid. And not desiring a relationship is kind of a big sign you’re not into it, same with not seeing them as partners!

@wellwellwell Yeah. It comes and goes in waves, because I am managing it the best way I can but sometimes it gets too overwhelming. I'm pretty sure I'm not into guys but then... I dunno. I have to accept phag I'll never know. My OCD sometimes fixates on a random guy I see and they get engraved in my memory and that pretty much feels like it's attraction :/ even though I really do not like anything about men except the feminine aspects of them and anything remotely masculine in a guy puts me off sm and I have to convince myself I like him :///

@fenna I feel the same. The whole naked women vs naked men thing has convinced me I need to get a divorce and I feel like I’m dying

@wellwellwell As a lesbian, does my experience relate to yours? I wouldn’t ask, but considering this “evidence” I feel like my case is different

@wellwellwell In terms of OCD if we flip it to me then yes, I do relate a lot. However in term of supposed attraction to women, do not relate not wanting to have sex with women. When I'm turned on by a woman, all I can think about is sex with her. When I'm turned on by a woman, I can't distract myself away from it. It is one of the best feelings ever for me. I am currently single but I crave a relationship with a woman even though i do not think I could handle it because of the OCD. I am also a feminist, I love women to death in general and they mean the world. I love being into women because it's the thing that has made my life worth living ans has brought me the most happiness. I want to marry a woman someday. I want to share my life with a woman. My supposed attraction to men could never compare to what I feel for women. And it always came wirh some form of distress, never feeling entirely right.

@fenna Wow I definitely do relate to you in the opposite way. The distress, the feelings toward men, all of it. Do you ever wonder how we got here? Never wanting sex with a woman or a man but our brains are just never going to give it up. I’m married to a man and I love it. The only bad part is ocd. Ugh. I am confident you will find a woman you love and it will be okay once we slay this dragon. Are you in therapy?

@wellwellwell My OCD triggered because I had a massive crush on a girl but she rejected me, even though we both have felt some attraction to each other and I was desperate to dissasociate myself from it, and then my brain went like "oh so you do not want to like her therefore you're not attracted to her and if you're not attracted to her then you've never been attracted to a woman in your life and therefore you're probably just faking it and are straight". It's so dumb. I really wish I could find a girlfriend but I do not wsnt to be a burden to her with my OCD. I was in therapy before all of this started and currently I am still unable to go. So I'm trying my best to manage stuff myself.

@wellwellwell I've came to the conclusion that if it is a feeling of even a little tiny wrongness then you're not actually attracted to the person. It helps.

Same?

@wellwellwell My brain is fixated with all these and I’m single at the moment so I feel like that’s a sign. I always had crushes on guys and loved guys, but that’s not enough for me...