- Date posted
- 4y ago
- Date posted
- 4y ago
Well done for getting control of your HOCD, as the person above said, try to use the same tools for your TOCD. You could look at it as “If I am trans that is okay. Currently I feel content as this gender. If i want to identify as something else in the future I can. I don’t have to decide right now.” Not sure if I’ve worded that right, but try to see it like you said “I have a bf now, but maybe I could be with a woman too and that is OKAY”. At the moment you are happy and that’s what matters. With your TOCD you could think see it in a similar way. I cannot speak for everyone, as I myself am not trans, but I think trans people often know they are actually a different gender to the one they are born as. It is highly likely that your OCD has latched onto this because being trans is more openly spoken about now and it provides you with another doubt. Also when I had bad HOCD, I tried to look at the fear driving the thought. For me I was scared of being homosexual because I thought it would mean I couldn’t possibly be with my bf. But then I learnt to accept it’s okay, if I am not straight, I am still in love and happy with my bf - so it doesn’t matter as long as I feel happy and okay. You could see the same with the TOCD - “it scares me to not know what gender I am.” “I have always been X gender and have felt secure as that until these thoughts” “if my thoughts are correct, that is okay, because at the moment I feel comfortable as X”. Also gender is a very fluid thing - personally I think that your TOCD is OCD but if there is something behind it who cares - you don’t have to change anything about your identity you don’t want too. It’s okay to be unsure and to go with how you feel right now, because it will become clear. If it’s a possibility for you, please try to get some therapy or professional advice - don’t suffer in silence xxx
- Date posted
- 4y ago
Thank you so much, these are some really good advice. I actually did therapy for a year and i take meds since last August. i've been doing pretty well since. But in quarantine is hard, sometimes i forget about all my progress and i worry about being in the same position as last year and that scares me. When the thoughts come back i'm like okay this is it, this time it must "mean something" and then i remember it's just the obsesions talking. Thank you for your kind words of encouragement, i appreciate it ❤️ have a lovely week
- Date posted
- 4y ago
@paufli Hi there, I haven’t been clinically diagnosed with OCD but after doing copious amounts of research I believe I do. I have been suffering with TOCD. I have never wished to be a boy or transition to be a boy or even dress like a boy. I have always been truly content with being a girl and I still am. But I remember in grade 7, mum and I were watching a documentary on a transgender male and his story. And it lowkey scared me bc I was like imagine living your life in the wrong gender that would be terrifying and then I randomly asked myself “am I transgender?” And that sent me into an orbit of distress. But then it literally went away and I realised how irrational it was. Over the past 4 years the thought would rarely pop up and I would realise that I don’t want to be a boy and that my brains just being a bitch. At one point in around grade 9/10 I was afraid I was lesbian (possibly HOCD - it was very distressful) but then I came to the realisation that I’m attracted to boys but I wouldn’t be oppposed to the idea of being with a woman if I was in love. But 2 months ago the thought popped up again (am I transgender?) in the holidays and I haven’t been able to get it out of my head. It has completely taken over my life and I can’t come to a definitive answer, it’s driving me f****** crazy!!!!! All I would do is research trans stories and ruminate and pull my hair out. I used to be so happy and so worry free but now I feel anxious and I can’t get some peace at mind. All I want is reassurance that I’m a cid female and that I’m not a male but I know that only feeds the OCD. I’m also terrified that one day I’ll wake up and will want to be a man and that I’ll have to transition. Or I’m scared that I’m might be in denial about being trans and that this whole ocd thing is just me lying to myself. I’m so sorry to spring this all on the internet but I honestly don’t know what to do or who to talk to. I wanna live my life as a woman but these trans intrusive thoughts are making me quesiton my core identity and it’s terrifying and I don’t what’s real and what’s not. :(
- Date posted
- 4y ago
This is so awful and I feel for you so much. I can literally feel the ocd anxiety on you. It’s awful. But it is lying. The thing that helped me the most in HOCD was I realised I don’t care if I’m homosexual or not. I know that does work for everyone but I just thought okay I like women, and then I realised maybe I do... but I like the person I’m with and who cares.
- Date posted
- 4y ago
I know it’s so hard but by saying it’s okay, it takes the power away from it.
- Date posted
- 4y ago
Thank u so much. It’s honestly so hard and terrible and my ocd is telling me that I don’t even have ocd. Ugh thank you though your replies mean so much!! ❤️
- Date posted
- 4y ago
Hey, first of all I’m so glad to hear you’ve gained control over hocd, I’m currently struggling with that so if you have any tips please share. For your TOCD, I would apply the same methods you did for hocd, you’ve been your gender your whole life, if you were any other gender you would know. You’ve got this!
- Date posted
- 4y ago
Thank you! I had hocd when i was 15 (im 22 now) and i managed to be okay with it by doing things that were out of my comfort zone, i went on an exchange to another country but that was actually for my Social anxiety but i think it helped me with ocd in some way. Just thinking okay im Happy now im proud of my little achievements, i don't have to worry about my sexualuty all the time, im not certain but that's okay, i don't need to be. I hope that helps you a little. Have a great week!
- Date posted
- 4y ago
Hi! I'm sorry to hear that, I totally get you. I know it's really hard and exhausting. I recomend you to get some professional help, that helped me a lot, now i'm taking meds and i feel better. The thoughts sometimes pop up again (specially before my period)but i also understand that everything is harder because we are in quarantine. I hope you feel better soon and don't worry you will get through this. If u ever need help you can talk to me. Have a wonderful week 🥰
- Date posted
- 4y ago
@tylee161
- Date posted
- 4y ago
Thank you so much, it means the world to know that I’m not alone and that I have someone to talk xxx
- Date posted
- 4y ago
@tylee161 @paufli
- Date posted
- 3y ago
Hi I'm a cis girl from India .I recently have this tocd for 22-23days .How are u feeling right now do u feel okay?
- Date posted
- 3y ago
and also before my tocd I had hocd which I guess is better than tocd
- Date posted
- 3y ago
Hi! Yes, i'm feeling okay. With medication and therapy everything is better. I hope you feel better soon 💜
- Date posted
- 3y ago
@paufli What kind of therapy did u get? I think it will be really nice if u share ur therapy experience.
- Date posted
- 3y ago
@deepikaaa Erp with cbt. It also helped me to read a book named overcoming intrusive thoughts by sally m. Winston
- Date posted
- 3y ago
@paufli Great, thanks for ur support!
- Date posted
- 3y ago
@paufli Between may I know ur age? I'm just 15 and it's really a hell in TOCD
- Date posted
- 3y ago
@deepikaaa I'm 23 but I was 21 when tocd appeared. I was 15 when I had my first intrusive thoughts about hocd. You'll get better, look for professional help and support from friends and family
- Date posted
- 3y ago
@paufli For how many months were u battling tocd? And for me it's really hard to find a therapist cause I'm from India
- Date posted
- 3y ago
@deepikaaa Which country are u from?
- Date posted
- 3y ago
@deepikaaa Argentina 🥰
- Date posted
- 3y ago
@paufli Was it easy to find a therapist there?
- Date posted
- 3y ago
Comment deleted by user
- Date posted
- 3y ago
This year was much better. Right now I'm feeling kinda down and a new obsession appeared, what if I'm asexual? But I'm trying to see it just like the other thoughts for now until I can talk to my therapis..t. I know it's hard but thinking "I'm not really sure right now and that's okay" helps letting go of anxiety at least for a moment. I hope you feel good
Related posts
- User type
- OCD Conqueror
- Date posted
- 14w ago
I’ve had so many moments of clarity with my OCD that I love my boyfriend and I’m beyond willing to go through this to be better and be with him. in the back of mind I’ve in a way known I was at least somewhat sexually attracted to women (I’m a woman) since the start of the ocd it was always like “okay. Fine, but I don’t want to date a girl” I only just realized this after the ocd started, I never really argued with this. my ocd has always revolved around if I’m romantically interested in women and not men. I’ve done so many compulsions through this year and a half and 9 times out of 10 have come to the conclusion that I don’t want to be with a woman romantically. I always end up feeling like I know I love my boyfriend. But the doubts don’t stop about whether I want to spend my life with a woman instead, my heart literally breaks to think of not being with my bf and imagining him with someone else. I don’t want to be with a woman I know deep down somewhere underneath the anxiety that that’s not what I want. It doesn’t feel natural for me, unfulfilling. I want to tell my boyfriend about the possible sexual attraction to women (ik it’s still ocd related) but I’m scared that once I tell him, I’ll realize that I actually do want to be with women and not with him. Ugh I’ve spent hours today ruminating about this after being solid in my commitment with him for a little while, I’m stuck in this loop and idk how to get out right now
- Date posted
- 11w ago
I’m 25 and never ever thought this before my soocd relapse. I have a bf of 5 years. Never been a high libido kinda girl. Don’t get me wrong I do get turned on by my bf but not like every day you know? - That had always been in the back of my head, is this normal and ok? But my ocd has latched onto the most scariest what if EVER. My brain is now saying How do you know you won’t prefer to sleep and kiss girls if you haven’t tried it: and it’s that unknown that is scaring the shit out of me. I DONT AND NEVER HAVE wanted to sleep / kiss a girl. But now my intrusive thoughts is all I think about!!! I don’t want I don’t want I don’t want??? So why does my brain think BUT WHAT IF??? I know ocd thrives off uncertainty which is why I think this is happening? But I don’t wanna find out or work it out because all I want is to be with my bf and marry him!! Is this just the epitome of OCD?
- Mid-life adults with OCD
- "Pure" OCD
- OCD newbies
- Students with OCD
- Relationship OCD
- Sexual Orientation OCD
- Young adults with OCD
- Date posted
- 9w ago
I keep getting these groinal responses when I think about kids or see one and it's really distressing, I only just learned that OCD can make you feel that and it's not actually attraction but it's so hard to remember that and I've seen people talking about accepting uncertainty but I'm so scared to think "maybe it's attraction maybe it's not" instead of "no it's not attraction that's disgusting" and idk what to do
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