I find it really hard to accept the uncertainty of the thoughts. I mean i used to have HOCD and accepting the possiblility that i might be gay was really stressing, but i manage to control it and now i don't have uncertainty with that. I have a boyfriend now but i think i would be with a girl too. The problem is with this other obsesion, fear about being Trans, TOCD? I find it a lot more difficult to accept the uncertainty. Cause it's like okay it's not my sexuality, it's my identity, i have to change who i am, my gender? And not being certain about that scares me a lot. Im really tired of asking myself so do you identify as a man or a woman? It's hard to stop rumiaiting cause it's all in my head. My question is how do you accept the uncertainty of not knowing and being okay with it? Do you have any tips?

Thank you so much, these are some really good advice. I actually did therapy for a year and i take meds since last August. i've been doing pretty well since. But in quarantine is hard, sometimes i forget about all my progress and i worry about being in the same position as last year and that scares me. When the thoughts come back i'm like okay this is it, this time it must "mean something" and then i remember it's just the obsesions talking. Thank you for your kind words of encouragement, i appreciate it ❤️ have a lovely week

@paufli Hi there, I haven’t been clinically diagnosed with OCD but after doing copious amounts of research I believe I do. I have been suffering with TOCD. I have never wished to be a boy or transition to be a boy or even dress like a boy. I have always been truly content with being a girl and I still am. But I remember in grade 7, mum and I were watching a documentary on a transgender male and his story. And it lowkey scared me bc I was like imagine living your life in the wrong gender that would be terrifying and then I randomly asked myself “am I transgender?” And that sent me into an orbit of distress. But then it literally went away and I realised how irrational it was. Over the past 4 years the thought would rarely pop up and I would realise that I don’t want to be a boy and that my brains just being a bitch. At one point in around grade 9/10 I was afraid I was lesbian (possibly HOCD - it was very distressful) but then I came to the realisation that I’m attracted to boys but I wouldn’t be oppposed to the idea of being with a woman if I was in love. But 2 months ago the thought popped up again (am I transgender?) in the holidays and I haven’t been able to get it out of my head. It has completely taken over my life and I can’t come to a definitive answer, it’s driving me f****** crazy!!!!! All I would do is research trans stories and ruminate and pull my hair out. I used to be so happy and so worry free but now I feel anxious and I can’t get some peace at mind. All I want is reassurance that I’m a cid female and that I’m not a male but I know that only feeds the OCD. I’m also terrified that one day I’ll wake up and will want to be a man and that I’ll have to transition. Or I’m scared that I’m might be in denial about being trans and that this whole ocd thing is just me lying to myself. I’m so sorry to spring this all on the internet but I honestly don’t know what to do or who to talk to. I wanna live my life as a woman but these trans intrusive thoughts are making me quesiton my core identity and it’s terrifying and I don’t what’s real and what’s not. :(

Thank u so much. It’s honestly so hard and terrible and my ocd is telling me that I don’t even have ocd. Ugh thank you though your replies mean so much!! ❤️

Thank you! I had hocd when i was 15 (im 22 now) and i managed to be okay with it by doing things that were out of my comfort zone, i went on an exchange to another country but that was actually for my Social anxiety but i think it helped me with ocd in some way. Just thinking okay im Happy now im proud of my little achievements, i don't have to worry about my sexualuty all the time, im not certain but that's okay, i don't need to be. I hope that helps you a little. Have a great week!

@tylee161

Thank you so much, it means the world to know that I’m not alone and that I have someone to talk xxx

@tylee161 @paufli

and also before my tocd I had hocd which I guess is better than tocd

Hi! Yes, i'm feeling okay. With medication and therapy everything is better. I hope you feel better soon 💜

@paufli What kind of therapy did u get? I think it will be really nice if u share ur therapy experience.

@deepikaaa Erp with cbt. It also helped me to read a book named overcoming intrusive thoughts by sally m. Winston

@paufli Great, thanks for ur support!

@paufli Between may I know ur age? I'm just 15 and it's really a hell in TOCD

@deepikaaa I'm 23 but I was 21 when tocd appeared. I was 15 when I had my first intrusive thoughts about hocd. You'll get better, look for professional help and support from friends and family

@paufli For how many months were u battling tocd? And for me it's really hard to find a therapist cause I'm from India

@deepikaaa Which country are u from?

@deepikaaa Argentina 🥰

@paufli Was it easy to find a therapist there?

This year was much better. Right now I'm feeling kinda down and a new obsession appeared, what if I'm asexual? But I'm trying to see it just like the other thoughts for now until I can talk to my therapis..t. I know it's hard but thinking "I'm not really sure right now and that's okay" helps letting go of anxiety at least for a moment. I hope you feel good