I have been struggling with OCD for as long as I can remember and I have lost count of how many therapists I have been to. But the main one that has really stuck with me is contamination OCD. but it branches off like if there is a red smudge on paper or somewhere I’ll automatically think it’s blood and have immediate anxiety. But the OCD fear that I have allowed to control my life is the fear of getting pregnant from someone not washing their hands after going to the bathroom or if they did (who knows what) and didn’t wash their hands or shower, or even if they touch their phone (since nowadays we all have ours connected to us at all times)or something before washing their hands and then the sperm could of transferred onto that or anything and then they touch something that I then touch and then if I got pregnant (or even the thought of those “germs/sperm” being on my body at all) my boyfriend would breakup with me and we have been together for over 5 years and I love him with my whole heart so my fear is loosing him. Now I know it’s pretty much impossible to get pregnant like that but my OCD brain is saying well what if it happens to you and your the first person ever. So I literally don’t touch anything after anyone or at least directly without washing my hands right after. I was my hands probably at least 50 times a day and use Lysol wipes on EVERYTHING! I have sanitized my phone 3 times already today. I am in therapy but I feel like talking to others who also suffer and can relate helps too I know this is a strange OCD fear, I guess I’m wondering if anyone has ever had this fear as well?

Ben84

Date posted: 5y

If that's a strange fear, then we're both strange ☺! I don't deal with it so much anymore, but I did when I was younger. Ultimately, your best bet is to live with uncertainty. Maybe you'll get pregnant, maybe you won't. Whatever life throws at you, you'll be able to handle it.

StefH

Date posted: 5y

Yeah I mean I’m 29 now so it’s not like I’m ignorant on how babies are made like I get that it’s not possible by touching something someone else did. But it’s like the fear of what if. And then him thinking I cheating on him

Ben84

Date posted: 5y

@StefH "What if" is classic OCD.

Ark

Date posted: 4y

This rings so true omg I'm absolutely consumed by this fear right now and the advice I got was to not to view sperm like a virus - it can't 'infect' you, it's not sentient or intelligent and getting pregnant isn't like catching a virus, there's a huge amount of very precise and time-sensitive things that need to happen to cause pregnancy. Even though the what if's are ALWAYS BACK it helps to ground yourself in facts that are widely researched and medically backed up. Sperm is so so fragile and will not survive outside the body for long at all, and it's not resilient to being dumped on surfaces or moved around via hands onto other objects. But I'm still the same I'll waste so much time worrying and avoiding situations like even taking parcels from delivery guys, brushing past guys in a supermarket aisle or touching any door handle etc. I believe has been 'contaminated' by it. You're so not alone and I hope you're doing okay now!

[Deleted]

Date posted: 5y

Comment deleted by user

StefH

Date posted: 5y

How did you overcome it? Especially because I’m 29 and I have been with my boyfriend for over 5 years and one day I do want to have a family but the fear isn’t being pregnant it’s ultimately getting pregnant by someone who didn’t wash their hands and then loosing my boyfriend because he thought I cheated on him or something which I would NEVER do!

Estrid

Date posted: 5y

I have also had this fear. So I understand you. I dont know if your therapists have been specialized in OCD? The only way to tell your brain that this is false beliefs is to break the compulsions. You cant find the answer by argumenting, just by acting in a new way. You need help in that exposures. When you break the compulsions, stop washing your hands step by step your brain responds with a "okaaaay, she doesnt wash her hands in that exessive way any longer- well I dont need to send these ridiculous thoughrs anymore". You can do it?

StefH

Date posted: 5y

Thank you so much I know I have been trying to not give in but when I don’t and I try to not wash my hands it’s like the flood gates open and every type of worst fear comes to mind. How have you delt with that, if that’s something you have experienced? And did you do a hierarchy list and expose that way or I have also heard of another method where he used the analogy of just jumping right in the pool instead of feeling the water first and slowly getting in the pool. So basically ERP cold turkey..

Estrid

Date posted: 5y

@StefH I dont think cold turkey is a good idea for the most of us. I have tried many times...I think the best is to work through the fears step by step, by that you get stronger. The mist important thing to me has been to make a plan for everyday and every week what to do. If we wait until the moment comes we start to hesitate. If you have decied beforehand what to its easier to make it I think. You will get anxious when you face the fear, but you will learn that you dont have to "fear the fear", its just emotions, not facts. If you cant find a ERP therapist you can try a workbook for OCD. It's not impossible to learn to manage this.

StefH

Date posted: 5y

@Estrid Yeah I do have an OCD work book and I just started reading Brain Lock. I like the idea of having a daily and/or weekly plan. The worst though is always when something happens unexpectedly. For instance (and you won’t believe how many times I’ve seen this in public) but boys or even adult men “adjust” themselves like it’s nothing! And a boy or young teenager did it (NOT outside his pants) and I was handed something right after this kid was handed his and I believe this trigger happened maybe a year ago and to this day I have this around my house I avoid because I either touched them later that day when I got home from work but still had my work clothes on (even though I washed my hands obviously). Like for example there was a lamp and I touched it and then it later hit me that now because I touched that lamp and I had my work clothes on that boys “private area stuff/germs” are now there so I moved it to our guest bedroom but now even though the lamp isn’t the same lamp in my bedroom I still walk past that area and have you make sure to pay attention that I don’t get near the area or the outlet the lamp was plugged into OR and this happens a lot, i don’t know if you can relate, but I will THINK I touched it/something but in reality I highly highly doubt I did or even was close enough to of touched it. Sorry for the novel!

Estrid

Date posted: 5y

@StefH OCD friend, no worries about the "novel", I can relate to this very much. No problems at all...nowadays I'm afraid of other contaminants but it works the same. And I have had fears that I have been pregnant in very strange ways. Someone touched that, and then I touched, and then....yes. and it never ends. We have to break that loop. I know it can be hard to face the unexpected triggers, but if we work on the ERP, in the end we can learn to handle even these ones. I have read Brain lock, it is good in many way, but it doesn t teach ERP very well. I can recommend for example "The ACT Workbook for OCD", or "The mindfulness workbook for OCD" or check out IOCDFs webbsite for resources. I can also recommend ERP school by Kimberley Quinlan, a resource online (you have to pay for it), its very pedagogical and you learn the basics of ERP.

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