- Username
- val ʚĭɞ
- Date posted
- 4y ago
hey please don’t hurt yourself. you sound like you are in a lot of pain. eventually you will feel better, one way or another. if you need to vent we all are hear for you. are you safe right now?
i’m curled up in my shower and i’m just so exhausted.. i really don’t want to be gay or bi i want to go back to being me again i want to be boy crazy again i literally can’t do this anymore
@val ʚĭɞ i feel you. you are so loved. take it one day at a time <3
@zeep thank you so much:( i just haven’t felt such a need to just bawl my eyes out for a whole month and i guess the waterworks decided to just let them go for tonight.
my whole life feels like a lie now. i can’t recall any of my crushes and it keep putting the spotlight on the time i ‘liked’ a girl, when i didn’t. i ddint feel any sort of romantic or sexual attraction, i just wanted to be her friend. i did tell her that i ‘liked’ her but that same day i realized that i didn’t like her that way and i ddint feel the same way i felt about boys. This was 5 fucking years ago and i’ve changed so much. it’s using the lack of relationships too against my own will. i’m so tired.
Hello, I know its hard but please take some deep breaths and remind yourself of the good things about yourself, get a pen and doodle on your body please you may be struggling a little more than others but that does not mean your any less worth it. I'm a previous self harmer and If you want to talk feel free to reply to this, if you need more private help and feel silly saying anything I'll give you my email and email you my name for some form of social media platform so we can have a more private chat, be brave and remember breath you're not in this alone so many people care even if your brain is blinding you from that❤️
Even a pen and paper any unwanted thoughts about whatever, write them down and rip it up and throw it away, just keep in mind thoughts are like paper they come and go but eventually a new piece(thought) comes breath deeply and remember it'll pass and you'll be the brave one who coped with something many with a easy life couldn't you are brave and strong you're just not in the right place to see it yet
@Abbeylee thank you thank you thank you. i need this. it’s like i’ve taken all my life for granted up til’ now, and i just wish i could go back. i’ve actually thought about writing them down and then just getting the paper wet and tear it up. it’s just satisfying for me.
@val ʚĭɞ Sorry I didn't put my comment In the reply, I hope you're okay😊x
Please please I promise everything will get better hang in there a little longer ❤️
There's no need to thank me I understand what the feeling of being alone is like, when you feel that ask yourself why worry about your past just to ruin your future worrying, past is the past it'll never be changed only you can learn from them mistakes and create a new path to forget your old path. Life may seem like a vicious circle now but thats because of the thoughts life isn't vicious your self thoughts are, whatever helps you, if that's satisfying for you do it, do it whenever you feel this way, we all take life for granted that's just humans and the way we are, we don't realise what we have until we loose it but learn from each mistake you make pick yourself up and make the most of what you have I know its easier said than done but soon enough it'll be as easy as a hobby
I am so sorry that you feel this way. please keep fighting, I know this is very tough.
i’m trying so hard. i’m currently in my shower bawling my eyes out and my phone is getting wet. i don’t want this anymore.
I wish it wasn’t this hard.
So looks like I’ve hit a wall I haven’t hit ever with this ocd. If you can even call it ocd. I genuinely feel confused. Idk what’s real or not. Idk what my mind or body wants. I feel so stressed out. My thoughts don’t give me anxiety anymore and sometimes it genuinely feels like I want it and I’m just hiding it. I don’t get it. I even lost attraction to this girl I was madly interested in. I don’t know what to do anymore really. I see any dude and my mind automatically starts thinking “you’re attracted to him” literally every single guy I see. I’m not even kidding. I really don’t get what’s going on with me. I haven’t been diagnosed yet because there are no ocd specialists in my area. My mom told me once she thinks she has ocd and my aunt as well. But their ocd seems more like the “traditional” type of ocd where you can actually see their compulsions. I think I struggled from Religious ocd a few years back. Also with my ex girlfriend there was a period where I struggled with ROCD I believe but got over it. Now Hocd has definitely been the worst and what makes it worse is that I actually had a gay experience but even after that I didn’t question my sexuality. I maybe would get the ocasional “you’re gay” thought but wouldn’t pay it attention and it just went away. But now it just can’t leave my head. This has been going on since February. I used to be crazy for women, don’t know what’s wrong with me. I even had sex with the girl I really like about 2 weeks ago and really enjoyed it! But now my attraction for her seemingly disappeared out of nowhere when this hocd bull starts acting up again. I’m so tired of this.
I seriously have never thought about girls until now. It just never crossed my mind. I never liked or had feelings for a girl. And now that I’m constantly questioning everything and picturing everything. It just feels like I like it. It scares me, would I be happy with a girl ?? I don’t want to be with a girl but I feels like I do want this. It’s so confusing. I can’t tell whether this is actually ocd or I’m genuinely attracted to the same sex. I hate this so much !!! It’s like I just completely lost myself and questioned it so much I’ve just become lesbian but some things just don’t make sense. Why would I catch feelings for other boys? Never girls. I don’t know anymore. I’m happy with my boyfriend. Without these thoughts I’d be so good and so much more happy. Now I just don’t fucking know and this hurts so damn bad that I can’t just rest not one day. This is so damn stressful and hurtful to question your identity every single day. Sometimes I seriously just feel like I’m lesbian but I can’t seem to settle on that because I just can’t be. I want to just die. I hate what my mind is doing to me. I hate I have to go through these thoughts alone. I hate everything. I just want to crawl in a hole and never see anyone. I just want to hug my boyfriend and have my thoughts erased. I’ve thought too much and too deep I can’t stop. I’m crying from sadness because I don’t know what’s real anymore and I never in a million years thought this is something I’d have to deal with.
Please someone help me. I feel like I’m in denial. I feel like I don’t have ocd. It’s too real. The intrusive thoughts aren’t as frequent, I don’t have anxiety or do compulsions. I’m not even against the thoughts anymore. I can’t explain how real it feels. It can’t be ocd and the thing is I just don’t want to like girls. That’s it. I just don’t want to. But that sounds like I’m resisting my sexuality and it feels like this too. I’m sorry to everyone on this app but I don’t think I’m like u anymore. If things like internalised homophobia and comphet didn’t exist then I’d know I was straight but they do so now I think I’m just that. I don’t want to marry a girl or have sex with one or anything. I want to be straight and just fucking live my life. I’ve never had a boyfriend and I haven’t had a crush on a boy for years even though my ‘ocd’ started in the summer. I’ve had loads of male celebrity crushes that I’ve felt like I’ve loved and I don’t understand how those could’ve been fake but they must have been. Compulsions don’t comfort me I just watch tv to distract myself and that’s it. I can’t do this shit anymore. I don’t want to like girls but I have to be either bi or lesbian. Please I just want to be straight I don’t get it.
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