- Date posted
- 4y ago
- Date posted
- 4y ago
Put it this way I did do something with my pet and I deal with real event ocd and I regret it every single day. I didn't have sex with it but It still wasnt appropriate. I still question wether my brain has created the memory but i feel too sure this happened. We all make mistakes, some we are deeply ashamed of. I second what the other guy said just accept it may or may not have happened. I actually got reported to the police from people a mental health team who crossed the line The police questioned me but said it wasnt illegal and that I just needed to concentrate on getting my mental health better. Even after they told me i wasnt getting licked up etc i still felt like i needed to be punished and felt so ashamed but it doesnt change anything. I know I am a good person and I know that's not who I am. Our past does not have to define who we are.
- Date posted
- 4y ago
@jumac No I rang a crisis line, they arent exactly the best trained in this area. But I was told after that they took it too far and I should never have been reported.
- Date posted
- 4y ago
Locked up*
- Date posted
- 4y ago
This is really typical for OCD. Especially going through scenarios and what you might have been thinking/feeling and you don't actually remember doing something wrong and the evidence doesn't say it but the feeling is strong that you've done SOMETHING wrong along a set of lines which is the theme, like one these different scenarios could be true, or a variation. Have 100% been there. It's actually the same thing as how OCD has us going through our CURRENT feelings and motivations and second guessing them, except projected onto the past which is even more of a murky thing. I've felt exactly how you've felt with the "if something happened I have to kill myself" though and for that it can really help to do work on self compassion. If a friend said to you (I DONT recommend confessing btw, usually it's not true and it definitely doesn't help you feel better it just gives you more to worry about) that they'd done your feared scenario, would you be able to recognise that as something painful from their past which doesn't actually change all their current qualities? Would it really make you not want to know them, would you be heartless enough to prioritise the stigma or other people's judgement over their value as a person or a friend?
- Date posted
- 4y ago
Hey girlie. I second what they said. šš I dont have much to add but I love you and I truly believe you can get past this even though it sucks.
Related posts
- Date posted
- 15w ago
Iām sharing this bc I need advice or even support from anyone who can relate. If you canāt relate and donāt think youāll say anything helpful or kind pls donāt comment anything⦠Iāve been struggling with somethings thatās making me question myself. There has been moments while self pleasuring when I get intrusive thoughts, in those moments it feels like Iām enjoying or even self pleasuring myself bc of the thought. Right after I immediately have an anxiety attack and my HEART drops bc it feels terrible I feel like a disgusting monster :( ppl have told me I havenāt done a bad bc of how intense my guilt and panic are but I keep thinking that MAYBE I made a horrible decision in the moment and the guilt is just realising that itās just wrong this doesnāt make sense to me because Iāve always told myself that I would never act on this in 1 million years and Iāve been known that these things are wrong so Iām just like constantly questioning myself these feelings and exact same situation has happened two times already I even promised myself that I wouldnāt act on anything beforehand and yeah, I still felt like I did act on my thought during my alone time Iām genuinely convinced that Iām a horrible and itās even got into the point where I donāt wanna be here anymore and I donāt even think this is my OCD :( tbh
- Date posted
- 13w ago
I feel like a really terrible person right now, I keep replaying this, and no matter what I canāt remember what happened, itās like my brain is purposely not letting me think about it. Without wasting any more time, Iāll get into it. Basically, I was at Walmart, and looking at cards with My Dad, I saw anime ones, took pictures of them for my sister, even ones that were anime kids, because I did my best to ignore it, so I looked at a Hunter x Hunter card, I stared at the black haired kid, being all like ā Iām glad Iām not having any thoughts about this, Iām glad Iām having normal thoughts and not thinking anythingā I felt happy, then as soon as I looked at killua (white haired kid), everything collapsed. I donāt know what happened, my brain wonāt let me remember. But Iāll give bits and pieces. I think that I had false attraction, and something in my head, said āoh, I wouldnāt mind being attracted.ā āHe is attractive, and Iām attracted to him.ā āI remember a girl thinking he is attractive and he isā ā Itās not wrong to be attractedā ā I donāt care about his ageā .. something along the lines of that, and now Iām panicking super hard, because Iām worried if I said those things, I feel like I ruined my life that Iām a pe//do and deserve nothing, idk what to do, I feel terrible⦠I remember when I was having the intrusive thoughts, I was panicking and was worrying, but it kept playing out, and I kept hearing things talk, it was drawn out too long, that now I feel convinced that I was saying those things, I tested it too, and I can confirm that I didnāt say that, but why am I still not convinced? I know I wouldnāt say those things, I was hoping the complete opposite would happen. My brain kept making me feel like it wasnāt wrong and it was okay. Maybe thatās why Iām so convinced I did that. Iām just spiraling super bad right now, I donāt know what to do or what to think, I donāt know if I said that or not⦠even if I did test it, I genuinely just feel like I said it, and I wanted it, because I still feel uncertain, I still feel like I said it, part of me just wants to be like oh I did and so I can move on, not because I agree with it, I just donāt know what else to do⦠Iām really scared.
- Date posted
- 11w ago
Being exposed to taboo p*rn as young as first grade ruined my life and now ocd is making me pay for it. I have so much guilt for being a child/teen and looking at taboo stuff, and it was all fictional or anime or whatever but it was still so so gross. and I didn't realize It because I had been used to it at so young š« I think what haunts me most is when I was a kid/young teen (like 12-14ish) and didn't have access to p*rn I'd imagine stuff similar to what I'd seen in the art. I can't even believe I'd imagine scenarios involving kid characters or whatever because it had been so normalized to me and I assumed it was normal since it was fiction. I'm 23 now so it's been a decade since I've done anything like that and I've never had the urge to since but still. I've NEVER been attracted to kids or had any urges or anything ever, even when I was addicted. The thought makes me want to vomit, I'd rather die than associate anything sexual with kids/minors and I think people who groom or assault kids are vile. But I still feel like the fact that I imagined stuff similar to the things I read sometimes when I was young is proof I'm a p*do. I don't think people would believe me if I said I'm not. I just feel like I don't deserve to live or that if I do, I'm living a lie. I know 'I was a kid too' but even when I was 13/14 I read/imagined stuff with characters younger than me because I thought it was normal. I'm so disgusted. I've had this theme for so long I'm starting to wonder if ocd is right. I feel too ashamed to tell my therapist.
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