- Username
- myocdstory
- Date posted
- 4y ago
Put it this way I did do something with my pet and I deal with real event ocd and I regret it every single day. I didn't have sex with it but It still wasnt appropriate. I still question wether my brain has created the memory but i feel too sure this happened. We all make mistakes, some we are deeply ashamed of. I second what the other guy said just accept it may or may not have happened. I actually got reported to the police from people a mental health team who crossed the line The police questioned me but said it wasnt illegal and that I just needed to concentrate on getting my mental health better. Even after they told me i wasnt getting licked up etc i still felt like i needed to be punished and felt so ashamed but it doesnt change anything. I know I am a good person and I know that's not who I am. Our past does not have to define who we are.
@jumac No I rang a crisis line, they arent exactly the best trained in this area. But I was told after that they took it too far and I should never have been reported.
Locked up*
This is really typical for OCD. Especially going through scenarios and what you might have been thinking/feeling and you don't actually remember doing something wrong and the evidence doesn't say it but the feeling is strong that you've done SOMETHING wrong along a set of lines which is the theme, like one these different scenarios could be true, or a variation. Have 100% been there. It's actually the same thing as how OCD has us going through our CURRENT feelings and motivations and second guessing them, except projected onto the past which is even more of a murky thing. I've felt exactly how you've felt with the "if something happened I have to kill myself" though and for that it can really help to do work on self compassion. If a friend said to you (I DONT recommend confessing btw, usually it's not true and it definitely doesn't help you feel better it just gives you more to worry about) that they'd done your feared scenario, would you be able to recognise that as something painful from their past which doesn't actually change all their current qualities? Would it really make you not want to know them, would you be heartless enough to prioritise the stigma or other people's judgement over their value as a person or a friend?
Hey girlie. I second what they said. šš I dont have much to add but I love you and I truly believe you can get past this even though it sucks.
"pOCD and zOCD false memories" I'm so sorry for venting... I need help... Or just someone to lend me an ear. I'm suffering from really serious, really bad false memories that are not only illegal but also make me feel like a monster. Basically, my false memories are extended to these two topics only and are always of a sexual nature. 1. That I used my pets as tools to obtain sexual gratification. (and or touched them) 2. That I touched a child (during an actual real event) inappropriately. I don't have images for these false memories... It's more fears than anything else! I feel like I forgot about them or I'm just in denial. The 1st one comes from a situation where I masturb- near my cat. (she was in my bed but I can't recall where she was standing). There's also another situation that I have also masturb- near my dog but in this case, she wasn't near me. Just in the same room as me, in separate beds. The 2nd is from a real event where I played with this child in the pool. I can only remember one physical interaction that was giving her a piggyback ride. In conclusion, I'm so afraid these are real and if they are real, then I should be punished! I don't want to go to jail because I'm terrified of that place so the only option is to kill myself. I don't deserve to be happy or even alive...
I keep oscillating between telling myself that a faint memory couldāve been true since it popped into my head in a moment of distress and it was the first immediate memory I had so therefore it mustāve happened, and that Iām just in denial and trying to make it OCD so I can live with the fact that it āmight not have happenedā. Iām so scared that it did happen and that Iām relying on the fact that I didnāt remember the specifics so that I can have the possibility of it not happening. Itās not something I condone today nor does it reflect who I am nor does it seem like something I would do, but if so, why did it feel so familiar ? I have evidence that my memory is really distorted at times and it combines things and I was in a state of such panic that I mightāve just compiled memories together that is the worse scenario (since itās something Iām so afraid of happening). But then I keep getting scared that Iām just in denial because I feel a faint familiarity to certain things. Iām honestly so panicked and sad and heartbroken. I keep fearing I did something wrong and faint memories would pop into my head and I would question when it happened and try to remember everything and it would anger me that I couldnāt remember everything. And it feels so wrong for me to just live with the fact that something couldāve happened even though itās not reflective of who I am today. It feels immoral to not confess. I just want words of comfort and understanding and I just need to know I have hope for the future and I can be happy. Please help.
I wanna cry, when I was a kid,like a toddler. 4-6 maybe. I used to do horrible things to my cat, I choked it twice.my bdother did too if I remember right, but still. Ik this isnāt false memory. Iām 100% sure I ddi this as a kid. But now looking back at it Iām like wtf??? But Iām scared because whenever I see animals hurt now or accidentally hurt my animal that thing pops up in my head again and I feel weird. I canāt explain the feeling but it bothers me so bad. I want to cry. I donāt like this, i rlly feel like Iām a bad person. Idek if this is ocd. What if I genuinely have mental problems???
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