I’ve started reading the Bible. I’m trying to convince myself I’m not going to go to hell. I just can’t stop thinking that because of something I did I deserve to be in hell. It says if you committed a sin unknowingly that will be taken into account, but the same goes if you did it willingly. Thing is I did something horrible because of my OCD obsessions and I KNEW it was horrible and wrong. But I had reached a breaking point, the worst low of my entire life, the darkest spot I have ever been and I pray to God no one here or anywhere ever will reach it. In this I did what I did because even though I was in therapy it didn’t help and I thought “perhaps I am a sociopath” and thought the thing to do would be to carry out with it and then I would know if I was insane and the scary thing is I didn’t think I’ll turn myself in for being a sociopath I thought “I’ll just live my life this way and no one will know. Ill just get good at it and live as a nut job because it’s who I am” but flash forward I found out afterwards that isn’t true because I have been wishing every day since then that I would have just killed myself instead. And thing is idk how much of this is real or a false memory. I know if happened but I hope more than anything I’m exaggerating it due to the years of torment after. Maybe I’m holding onto false hope. Anyway do you guys think God will know that even though I did it, it was my OCD telling me I’m a monster and should just do it? Or do you think this doesn’t matter I’ll probably be sent to hell and for the non religious, do you think it doesn’t matter what God thinks I’m a horrible person?

No matter what you have done, if you ask for forgiveness God WILL forgive you. For example, Paul, one of the most prominent New Testament bible figures was responsible for the deaths of many Christians, and yet he asked for forgiveness and was forgiven and moved on to do amazing things. God's grace through Jesus is greater than any wrong we could do, and when we ask for forgiveness, He entirely erases our sins, and so we should consider them wiped out too, although this is difficult. When you accept Jesus he is able to forgive you all your sins, both past and future and your belief in Jesus is what will grant you access to eternal life with God, not anything we could do. Jesus suffered on earth in the human form and so he understands what it is like for you, and so God does as well. Hope this helps and wasn't too confusing, will pray for u and I hope you're doing ok and persevering

He knows it's your OCD and you can't help it, don't worry.

Oh man can I relate to you infinity percent ? I feel like my ocd made me do something I knew would trigger me as well just to get rid of a current theme i had. It's brought me immense guilt ever since. That's the same thing I tell myself in my head but with pocd. Sometimes I get the same feelings of not being worthy of God nor heaven. But at the end of the day I know that's not what God's word says and anything that says otherwise is a lie from the pits of hell. I'm a Christian who relies on God for everything including my ocd. He's my one and only hope for recovery really. Without Him i would've most likely turned crazy.

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Thank you everyone for your feedback. I couldn’t look right away because I knew it would set it off. Reading your comments made me uncomfortable and then even worse made me happy, I actually got excited thinking I was going to find out someone did something the same as I did. Which made me for a second question if I didn’t care I did it, and writing this is making me feel sick, and then I think what if I don’t feel sick really? What if I just Hope I do? Which is because it takes a while to even feel grossed out anymore, I usually get an initial feeling of liking it which I know is also OCD. I’m just so numb to it all.

I hope reading that doesn’t set anyone’s OCD off ?