- Date posted
- 4y ago
- Date posted
- 4y ago
Oh I didn't understand clearly that ALL of those emotions and thoughts in your original post were about your boyfriend. Nor did I know you deal with R.O.C.D. (relationship ocd?) It certainly would be nice if someone with more experience with that would comment since I'm pretty clueless. Just keep being kind to yourself. Practice writing out your thoughts and working through your feelings that way. Meditation also helps to calm the nervous system.
- Date posted
- 4y ago
Thank you, I will keep working on it š
- Date posted
- 4y ago
Amen
- Date posted
- 4y ago
We can make it through, we're strong
- Date posted
- 4y ago
I saw you made another post asking for advice on this so I came here to read it. To be completely honest, I don't know you or your situation well enough to give you a well rounded answer. If you make your question(s) more specific that would be helpful. But I will try....... I think it is very important for every human to try to find themselves "whole" and never look for it in another human. They can help get you there but they cannot grow or heal the parts of you that need it. That is a job only we as individuals can do. It also sounds like you may be dealing with a lot and are going through a slew of emotions and challenges. I think that can be normal for anyone. I would definitely consider therapy if you have not and also depending on where/how you are in your relationship with your boyfriend, consider asking him to sit down and tell him you need someone to listen.
- Date posted
- 4y ago
Hello ! I know that my wholeness should be found within me, don't worry, I am working on it too. However, I don't see how your message answers my question, which I think couldn't be more specific since it is formulated as I think it : how can you handle the anxiety rising when, after feeling in love and happy, you can also feel neutral, friendly or angry toward your SO ? I am with my boyfriend for a bit more than 3 years now and have talked to him about my anxiety/rocd very soon after it started, that is to say approximately in June and I have worked on it since then, him trying to help when he can, and I made big progresses since it started and we continue to talk about it when needed. I just need a little help on how to manage my anxiety regarding the fact that feelings fluctuate during the days :) Thank you for your time though, I I appreciate it
- Date posted
- 4y ago
What helped me was talking to others and realizing that all relationships have up and down moments throughout the day, itās not a normal feeling for someone to feel in love at all times. You are safe to feel negative and neutral thoughts about your so. Even the most successful relationships have these moments. Relationships are not black and white. Also, youāre feelings change thought out the day depending on a lot of things. Are you hungry? Have you slept well? Did you have a good day at school/work? Have you had enough water? Make sure to take care of your basic needs. Itās not that your thoughts/feelings are wrong. Itās the power you give them which causes anxiety. Sit with the uncertainty, it will be really uncomfortable but after sitting with it over and over again you will realize you are soo strong and you can handle negative feelings about your partner. Are you suppose to be with them? Maybe yes, maybe no. That was my matra.
- Date posted
- 4y ago
Thank you so much for this tip ! š I will continue to try and sit with the incertainty and the uncomfortable thoughts/feelings. It is difficult tho', as I don't want to talk to my family about my condition (I am afraid that they would cause more anxiety and doubting as they aren't familiar with rocd), and I don't really have friends who are dating someone for a good amount of time to share my feelings and thoughts with. Sometimes I which I could have a conversation with someone who experiences the same as me. š
Related posts
- Date posted
- 7w ago
Idk what else to title this. I was watching a film cooper video cuz why not and he mentioned smthn about wall paper customization and icons and stuff and I just kinda had a groinal response followed by the memory of me having my first crush on a woman (my friend at the time) that helped me figure out that Iām bi and I felt kinda intensely for her but thatās cuz a) it was new and b) we were kinda on again off again friends who havenāt spoken in a few years now and Iām over her entirely. It was toxic I think. She was too much like the person who bullied me in elementary school (they were friends as well so my mom made me cut her off which is. Fair. Made me really sad but eh thatās life) I saw her at prom cuz someone brought her. It was nice to see her but yeah that was it. And now Iām mentally comparing what I felt for women in the past (idk intense crush, listening to a lot of gay songs (think she by dodie) dressing semi masc cuz funky, we had nicknames for each other despite not dating or anything) to men (less intense crush but still big crush, Iāve only dated and kissed men so sparks rhere) and now Iām just slightly nauseous and worried that I donāt like men as much as I like women but I think thatās normal for any bi person? To have different levels of attraction to different genders? Idk I feel gross and icky now like I shouldnāt even be thinking about it or her cuz I have a bf. And I do look fondly upon it, now Iām nervous cuz I got more excited about her calling me a specific nickname than I do from my bf calling me honey even at the beginning? Honey felt more traditional and I love it but we do switch around nicknames and itās always nice, not many butterflies anymore, and sometimes I get anxious when he does lately, if itās a nickname in Portuguese. Or if he called me a shortened version of my name. What does that mean? Iām nervous now. I was doing half decently today now Iām nauseous again. Iām worried that cuz I liked the nicknames she and I had that means I donāt like the ones my bf and I have and that I just donāt like him or men cuz Iāve been feeling off around him. But I love when he calls me honey, it still feels good when he does it now but no butterflies. Idk whatās wrong with me. Is it even ocd at this point. Even if I do like women slightly more it doesnāt erase that I love my bf. Iām worried Iām leaning too much towards women tho and Iām a lesbian. Idk if my bi cycle is cycling or if Iām just a lesbian entirely cuz I donāt feel much when my bf takes off his shirt, sex feels different, and things feel stale and slow. But maybe thatās cuz Iām checking and comparing. Now Iām anxious fuck. Iām trying not to think about her idk why. Iām worried I still find her attractive or am attracted to her or smthn. Sheās in my city. I didnāt care before but now I do. Or if I think about her Iāll think about other women and will only want to have sec with women which not really tbh. I wanna be able to enjoy sec with my bf. It just hasnāt felt right lately cuz Iāve been so depressed and obsessive. I wasnāt obsessing much last night when we had sex but it still didnāt feel passionate. It didnāt feel uncomfortable but I thought itād be more? Idk. I know itās normal to not feel him inside me cuz the vagina isnāt very nerved up compared to the clitoris but it felt like more the motions. But tbh. I needed it. Idk I wanted to have sex and it was a nice stress relief. I just didnāt feel butterflies which kinda bummed me out but weāve been having sex since august so thatās normal. Idk. I havenāt been able to fantasize about sex. The fact that Iām bi makes all of this so confusing. Cuz yes hypothetically I can enjoy the thought of sex with a woman. But I donāt want to rn cuz Iām dating a man. And I canāt fantasize about sex with him cuz Iām getting intrusive thoughts about my friends and I having sex. I have this urge to watch porn cuz itās been a while but Iām not going to. Iāve cut down a lot on masturbation. Partially cuz this partially cuz I wanna do things with my bf (when Iām mentally ok) but jow my brain is saying āOo you think all these women are so hot youāre gonna go feral blah blah blahā and yes women are hot but I donāt wanna have sex with a woman. Idk saying women are hot doesnāt bring me anxiety but the thought of sex with one or leaving my bf and saying Iām a lesbian bother me. Cuz I know itās not true. I love him I know that. Iād be happy if we stayed together. I wouldnāt regret a thing honestly. I like having sex with him. Idc if itās not like porn or the movies. As long as Iām being pleasured and heās being pleasured weāre good. Thatās what sex is about. I think the loss of butterflies is normal cuz the excitement of like (sorry tmi) fingering and oral eventually wears off right? But still feels good. I donāt feel as excited about intimacy anymore cuz we have done it so often but it still feels nice. But my brain perceives that as me not liking sex with men and therefore Iām gay. No I just donāt feel the need to jump his bones every single time I see him?? Idk the friend thing is bothering me. Idk if I feel any joy behind it. The groinal response really really throws my perception off
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- Date posted
- 6w ago
These past few days I was fine. Minimal intrusive thoughts ,no anxiety etc(to add I'm on medication so maybe it's starting to work although it barely is 2 weeks) and today I got a sudden wave of anxiety and it started latching on some thoughts like" what if I'm in denial and I wanna break up with my bf? And what if erp doesn't work for me because I actually wanna break up with my bf?" But they didn't really stay long usually those thoughts would make me spiral for days or so, now they lasted for some hours. And now I'm trying to trigger myself into being anxious again because if I don't it means I don't have ocd and if I don't have ocd it means I don't love my bf and if I don't love my bf it means I have to break up. Idk if it makes sense but the lack of anxiety makes me wonder if I actually have ocd or not.
- Date posted
- 5w ago
I'm struggling really hard with relationship obsessions. Do I really love my partner? How can I know? Am I really just faking it? That kind of thing. It's making my life and relationship a lot harder than they need to be. I could use a few helpful coping mechanisms, trying to move away from less helpful ones like chasing reassurance.
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