Hi, this is my first time posting here, though I have been looking at the app for support for a while already. I have pretty bad social anxiety which unfortunately extends to even being in forums online as well, so I have been putting off sharing on here. I am in my early 40s and have struggled with OCD in various forms since I was a child. In my mid-teens it exploded into very tormenting Pure O. It is complicated by some comorbidity with other diagnoses — social and generalized anxiety, depression, and CPTSD. The sad thing is that I’ve actually experienced so much harm over the years at the hands of uneducated mental health professionals who didn’t have a clue about OCD or how to work with it, and i feel like I carry this extra burden of shame and trauma from those bad experiences on top of the grueling daily struggle I have with my mental health diagnoses. I am set up to have an initial consultation appointment soon with a therapist who is a psychologist in private practice. They seem kind and very knowledgeable, and so I am very hopeful that we will be a good fit for working together. But I am still haunted by those past bad experiences, and so the whole process of starting with someone new is nerve wracking. Has anyone else had bad experiences with therapists who didn’t understand OCD or who had only a superficial understanding of it? Thanks for reading!

This is the first post I’ve made here, as I have just recently been told I have OCD. I started therapy when I was 15 for an eating disorder, and have been pretty much consistently going for the past 5 years. It is incredibly scary to me that it has gone undiagnosed this long, and it took a few horrible spiraling episodes and me admitting I had a fear of smelling bad for a therapist to tell me it might be OCD. I’m primarily concerned about having another undiagnosed mental illness, that I have done unforgivable damage to other people’s mental health, and the general fear of losing my sanity. If someone could share the benefits of accepting the OCD diagnosis and starting ERP even if it is petrifying, I would greatly appreciate that. Warm wishes and peace to all of you struggling right now:)

Hey, I'm brand new here. I've been in therapy before for OCD and anxiety however my therapist seemed to get upset with me and my roadblocks. He did not seem to understand "just right" subtype and kept asking me questions to which I had no answers for because it simply did not apply. It was also extremely difficult to do exposure therapy because my OCD is embedded in daily routine and tasks. Having someone dump dirt on my floor was not going to elicit a flare because the interaction had been planned that day. I was blamed for not wanting to get better. I need someone that understands that "my rules" for how I live my life are in place simply because I do not know how to live without them - without I feel out of control and chaos and my brain just gets stuck for reasons I dont even understand but it's extremely discomforting and debilitating. Theres very little fear-base (ie: Im afraid I dont have my 3 cups of coffee, I will fall asleep spontaneously or If I dont check the curtains 3 times, the sun will burn a hole in my floor and set my house on fire) and more so rooted in a "just right" feeling which has ties to moralistic, perfectionistic, and affects relationships. It's more I check the curtains because it just doesnt feel right - or how do I know they are positioned "just right" if I dont? I religiously use my turn signal even when turning in and out of my own driveway because that's RIGHT. Sometimes it's a law that dictates it or moral code and other times for more Neutral things I've set my own "laws" in order to navigate the "gray" areas that I do realize are not normal or needed. However if I do not follow them or am unable to (ie: it's time to vaccum and my vaccum breaks), I shut down/meltdown and intensely feel anxiety and discomfort that's nearly unexplainable. I know logically if my vaccum is broken I can clean my refrigerator out instead or move onto another task but OCD illicits such strong anxiety and discomfort that it send my brain into crash mode. I know it's ridiculous but I cannot move on until the vaccum is fixed and I can continue the ORDER of routine. If it takes along time for the vaccum to be repaired, I might feel as if I have to "start all over again" instead of picking up where I left off...which is again, time consuming loop that causes very little accomplishments and things that do not have to be re-cleaned again to be re-cleaned in the specific order of my routine. I do hang onto items longer than needed and have a fear - based lack of spending I've been trying to work through. I have plans to purge my closets soon of clothing I've hung onto for over 10 years, but it sometimes is to the point where it affects my self care (Ie: I refuse to buy myself underwear because I am afraid to spend money even though my underwear is holey and barely held together. I cannot "afford" to buy food because what if I need the money for a bill?") - this has been easier to identify and work through but I'm still recovering. I also obsess over the past concerning familial childhood relationships have an abandonment root for me. I repeat myself verbally and written word when upset or when communicating with people and they often get annoyed - I believe it's because I never felt understood, valued or heard and I want to make certain they understand me clearly. When everything else falls apart I dive into answers online, medical, self help, history and stories....I look up facts, cases, ect ect and because theres always facts to learn it helps quench the extreme need for "just so" answers. But I tend to get lost and lose track of time. BUT "just so" root type has been extremely difficult to treat and function with. I end up feeling like I'm failing, I hold guilt for not being able to take care of my family and things "normal" people can handle or accomplish. I'm frustrated with myself but I also know my family is frustrated with me. I get irritable and shut down and can accomplish anything when I get roadblocked...its like my brain cannot compute how to navigate without the exact order and routine. My inners feel like a 3 year old is temper tantruming uncontrollably inside of me and its extremely distressing. I want help. I just need to know I'm not alone and I'm in the right place with people who understand the subtypes and MY specific OCD. I cannot go through getting blamed again for not trying hard enough by a therapist when I am fighting with everything I am every day and I am exhausted. I'm here now because my quality of life has been greatly diminished amidst transitions in life right now and change in familial dynamic that's prevented my normal routine and sent me into chaos. It's going on 4 months and I thought I could navigate it with time, but it's not gotten any better and I need help to get my life back on track on way or another. Thank you for getting this far if you have. Advice, comments, thoughts welcome.

Hi Everyone, I am new to the group and was diagnosed with OCD in December 2021. I struggle with harm and relationship OCD. I have limited social/emotional support from my partner (this is a work in progress) and I am trying to do all I can to heal/recover, so I am posting here on the reccomendation of my NOCD therapist. Although I experienced rumination and obsessive thinking for years, intense anxiety and past trauma brought on intrusive thought symptoms several months ago. This is my first time talking openly in a forum like this about my OCD.