aurokoi
- Date posted
- 4y
bay97bay97
- Date posted
- 4y
Okay wow I can relate to this so much! It’s comforting to know there’s other people my age going through this
aurokoiaurokoi
- Date posted
- 4y
Yeah definitely you’re not alone!!! I was super hesitant about talking about it bc I honestly haven’t done anything romantic ever in my life, and I’ve been super embarrassed about it for years 😭
bay97bay97
- Date posted
- 4y
@aurokoi Same!! Like in college I had ‘flings’ and talked to a couple guys but it just never worked out and I completely blame my ocd for it.
aurokoiaurokoi
- Date posted
- 4y
@bay97 It’s not our fault we’re dealing with this!! My OCD didn’t flare up until quarantine, but I’m highly suspicious that I dealt with Existential OCD when I was 16, which yeah, DEFINITELY made it hard to connect with anyone even if I wanted to. But we’re all worthy of love even with OCD bc OCD is just one thing about ourselves, and I know for a fact we’re all people with a lot of potential when this thing isn’t in the forefront.
bay97bay97
- Date posted
- 4y
@aurokoi I’ve had GAD since I was 10 but started having OCD about 4yrs ago. I agree completely!! I’ve made this thing control my life for so long but now I’m trying to just remind myself it’s only a part of me
aurokoiaurokoi
- Date posted
- 4y
@bay97 Anxiety is just the worst, and I’ve heard it can get very complicated when the two are combined. But the fact that you have the motivation and the drive to get better is something you should feel proud of! The real you is still there.
bay97bay97
- Date posted
- 4y
@aurokoi Thank you!! It’s so helpful to know I’m not alone with this disorder!
[Deleted][Deleted]
- Date posted
- 4y
Comment deleted by user
aurokoiaurokoi
- Date posted
- 4y
OMG RIGHT!! I had anxiety over it bc I was honestly super embarrassed about how I’m so inexperienced and it made me feel uncomfortable in certain situations and it’s like my brain was telling me I felt like that because I was just anxious about liking a guy because I didn’t actually. Which is not true at all bc i never thought it was right to force yourself to like someone. I’m just 🤬🤬 I just wanna cuddle with a guy without feeling like
aurokoiaurokoi
- Date posted
- 4y
@aurokoi I’m lying to myself**
aurokoiaurokoi
- Date posted
- 4y
Also FINALLY SOMEONE WHO’S IN THE SAME AGE RANGE AND EXPERIENCE AS ME 😭😭
aurokoiaurokoi
- Date posted
- 4y
@🐝 YES OMG!!! Like I’d always LOVE hearing about my friends stories but lowkey I was jealous bc I wanted that so bad too but IM A PUSSY TOO 😭😭 also dude you have no idea, last year I peaked identity wise and was feeling SO GOOD in my skin and who I was shaping up to be and WHO I AM NOW IS THE COMPLETE OPPOSITE 😭
aurokoiaurokoi
- Date posted
- 4y
@🐝 I’m dealing with TOCD 🥴🥴 my identity don’t exist no more
aurokoiaurokoi
- Date posted
- 4y
@🐝 I’m doing a looooot better compared to a few months ago. The anxiety has gone down and I don’t react to the thoughts but I’ve only done self programs so i constantly don’t know what the truth is lol. It sucks deadass like more so than HOCD, I know this one is stupid because I love being a girl but it uses my interests and hobbies against me. With HOCD it’s like... I honestly have no idea but I really don’t want to ‘experiment’ and figure it out? And my brain uses that against me 😭 ALSO YES I HAVE DISCORD: no ❤🦋✨#8571 And how are you coping with POCD? I think that’s one of hardest themes to deal with personally 🥺
thebeginning thebeginning
- Date posted
- 4y
Oh my gosh I'm 20, I have never dated and I've said this exact thing 😭
aurokoiaurokoi
- Date posted
- 4y
VALIDATIONNNNNN we all need to get together and make a group chat honestly 😭❤️
thebeginning thebeginning
- Date posted
- 4y
@aurokoi There is one if you're on instagram!! Just message hocdawareness and she'll add you or I can if you're comfortable leaving your account name! The admin also struggled with hocd. It's so nice to talk to people who relate.
aurokoiaurokoi
- Date posted
- 4y
@thebeginning OH WOW omg okay. I might have to look into that. Thank you so much!
LizzyFLizzyF
- Date posted
- 4y
Team single! I like being single but at the same time dont want to be ALL alone. I’ve never been on a date. I’m 25. I also think no one would love me so . .
aurokoiaurokoi
- Date posted
- 4y
Omg girl I feel you!!!! When I was at my highest last year I really embraced the idea of just remaining single. It doesn’t seem too bad to me, and I genuinely appreciate my platonic connections so much. Like you, I don’t want to be alone alone forever, but I don’t think I’d lack if I didn’t have a romantic partner. Also, idk you but I promise you, you are 100% loveable :)
hanajadehanajade
- Date posted
- 4y
I am not dating anyone. I want to be single for the rest of my life due to my ocd.
aurokoiaurokoi
- Date posted
- 4y
Honestly same 😭 before I was like pretty okay with the idea of being single long term bc I have so much I want to do with my life that I didn’t see how a relationship could fit in with it all but see that was a nice day dream bc I chose it and now it feels like I have no say in it 😭
hanajadehanajade
- Date posted
- 4y
@aurokoi I don’t feel an attraction to men in real life and I’m scared that they will think my rituals are weird or they might not love me because of my ocd.
aurokoiaurokoi
- Date posted
- 4y
@hanajade A lot of it is just being open and honest with your partner, and as much as it sucks there’s an element of explanation and teaching that goes into it because OCD is so misunderstood, but I think people - even men - are a lot more accepting than we give them credit for. Recovery in part is learning that all parts of you, even the OCD one, deserves to be loved :) I believe in you! Be kind to yourself, and stay committed to recovery, no matter what people think or how long it takes.
AnonymousAnonymous
- Date posted
- 4y
Yeah I’ve never had a legit girlfriend just talked to girls and it never worked out. I’ve always wanted to fall in love with a girl but my ocd has made that feel impossible. But yeah the sexual orientation ocd uses that against me all the time. Especially with covid now it’s impossible to meet people. I’m 24 btw
aurokoiaurokoi
- Date posted
- 4y
Suuuuper relatable omg. I’m 20, and I’ve been hit on before but the guys were always kinda crass about it and it made me feel gross and whew does my ocd have a feast off that 😭 I believe in us though.
avaaaavaaa
- Date posted
- 4y
17 but totally relate
aurokoiaurokoi
- Date posted
- 4y
It sucks major butt!! I believe in us though >:( I refuse to let ocd be the reason I am single lol
aurokoiaurokoi
- Date posted
- 4y
Fam you’re all SO VALID LIKE SERIOUSLY there’s already so much emphasis on people meeting certain milestones by certain ages that would make even a normal person feel bad (even though there’s absolutely nothing to feel bad about) but with OCD it’s like another layer of hell and insecurity 😭 we got this though!
henry.omarhenry.omar
- Date posted
- 4y
Absolutely. I actually struggled with this way before I was even diagnosed, so it hit me especially hard. And as a guy being a Virgin is tied into your masculinity so much, it hurt me that much more. I actually had chances to have sex before I finally did with my first girlfriend at 22, but I didn’t because I was so petrified of it all. But even when I finally had a girlfriend I was already an addict and using it to overcome my anxiety and my ocd. I’m 28 now and I’ll tell you, it’s hard. I’ve had a couple of serious relationships now and it’s hard to maintain them because your SOOCD ad ROCD takes a toll on both you and your partner. I just got diagnosed a year or so ago and I know things can be managed.
missblueskymissbluesky
- Date posted
- 4y
I’m 19 and have never had a boyfriend, simply because the boys i liked never liked me back and the boys that liked me were a) few and far between and b) so gross. my ocd uses this as “proof” that i’m just not “meant” to be with a man and it’s terrifying
BigGyro09BigGyro09
- Date posted
- 4y
Might be the only dude here, but I've always wanted a girlfriend ever since high school started but all that did was cause me to make mistakes that I wish I never made to begin with. Most things that have to do with romancing with someone and sexual activity makes me uncomfortable because of the mistakes that have came along the way because of it. Mistakes that I've made that would never repeat. I dunno, I'm kinda scared to date because I don't want to experience the hurt behind it. At the same time I feel like I'm missing out and honestly feeling a little jealous because people way younger than me have even found love. But, I try not to be jealous for too long and be happy with such young love. It's nice to see people exploring what they want the right way. I just wish it went the right way for me too I guess.
AnonymousAnonymous
- Date posted
- 4y
Nope I commented yesterday on this
aurokoiaurokoi
- Date posted
- 4y
I wasn’t allowed to date at all growing up so when I got into uni I was looking forward to it, even though I was going thru some other things. I can’t even begin to explain how badly I wanted a bf. But my brain uses the fact that I’ve never dated, even secretly and going against my parents, that it’s proof that I was never attracted to them to begin with 😭😭
stop.stop.
- Date posted
- 4y
Ooh me too. And it sucks because now I’m in uni and I can’t get one at all so now it’s making me question things
aurokoiaurokoi
- Date posted
- 4y
@stop. Sameee!! I’m in my third year. And it’s I’m dealing with both the insecurity of getting this far without ANYTHING, but add constantly questioning myself it doesn’t make me feel any bettr
Related posts
Gato0z
- Date posted
- 25w
Any advice?
I feel completely unlovable. I have a difficult time getting close to people because of my OCD and I have to force myself to not compulsively seek reassurance. I feel like I’ll never find my person. I’m worried I’ll be an awful wife because of my inability to do anything. I want to show up for my partner, but I feel stuck because of my OCD. I think it’s safer to just be alone.
jcai68
- Date posted
- 22w
Anyone else get really hung up on crushes?
Okay, just wanna start by saying that I don’t have ROCD. I have perfectionism OCD, and I get intrusive thoughts that no one will like me, I’ll lose all my friends, I’ll be alone for life, etc. if I don’t have things “just right.” I feel like every time I like someone, my OCD just gets worse cause if I don’t perform compulsions, I feel like I have no chance with him. Your handwriting wasn’t smooth? Guess your love life won’t be either. The volume of your phone was too low? Guess your chances with him are too. Failed to draw your graph perfectly symmetrical? Guess what else you’ll fail at. It’s honestly exhausting, and that it isn’t even it. I feel like I tend to fixate on my crushes also. I wanna be 100% sure they’re a good fit before making a move, and that’s really problematic cause there’s just no way to know. And even if I deem that they’re a good guy, I STILL won’t do anything cause I always expect the worst! What if the first impression that I make is so bad that he wants nothing to do with me? I put so much pressure on myself to get him to like me back that I’m terrified to make a move. I’m so focused on the prospect of a second convo that I don’t even want to have the first convo! Like rn, there’s this dude that caught my eye. He’s a senior in high school, while I’m a junior. I’m taking AP bio, and he’s taking AP chem—both are 1.5 periods, so I see him in the cafe and during the passing period (we leave the cafe halfway through the lunch period). I purposely plant myself next to him in the halls during the passing period but haven’t worked up the courage to talk to him. He’s single, I don’t have any classes with him this year, he’ll be at college next year, we follow each other on instagram, and my friends have told me that he’s nice (and keeps to himself), so there’s minimal risk in trying to talk to him. Thing is though, every time I think about introducing myself, I just imagine all the ways that it can go wrong. What if he hates me? What if my first impression is actually good and we become friends, but he doesn’t like me back? What if I tell him I like him over messages, and he screenshots my text and posts it on his instagram story? I don’t know what to do. I know that high school is kinda early and that I still have time to figure things out. I’m just worried that I still won’t have things figured out when I need to. Any advice or personal experience would be welcome and greatly appreciated!
NoraKate_6
- Date posted
- 12w
Never been in a relationship but having rocd
I’ve never had a serious boyfriend before, and I’ve never experienced loving someone so much I want them to be with me and be the “right person”. My entire life is surrounded by people who are in love and have those movie like relationships. My sibling, cousins and best friends. I’m absolutely done with the “right person this and right person that” talk because I don’t know if I will ever get my “right person”. At this point they are band aiding my issues with the bs of “you’ll find when you aren’t look” (fine I’ll just have walk around blind folded ig?) My ROCD is in weird ways. I don’t have a partner. My cycle goes like this, I have to look a certain way and act desirable so I can attract a boyfriend and heal all my trauma so I can be present and perfect! Then I realize none of that actually works and I spiral. Thinking I’m gonna be alone forever and no one will actually love me because there is something wrong with me. I was always the “chronically single” one in the friend group and they cannot comprehend me doing romantic things. I feel so lost, I don’t know how to calm myself down. I get triggered by couples and my family. Because they have something I don’t. I can’t explain how it even triggers me, I just feel this rage.
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