- Username
- feethebee
- Date posted
- 4y ago
It took me about a month to reach out for help and get diagnosed lol. That was when I was 12 years old. I was like nah this is not working for me and I immediately wanted help, so i went back to an old talk therapist I’d had a few years prior. Fortunately, she was able to diagnose me correctly, but it was not the right treatment. We did regular talk therapy and then eventually when the ocd got worse I went on medication. Luckily, this allowed me to function for several years even though I was still doing mental compulsions unknowingly. I again reached out for help when I was around 17 or 18, but I was convinced medication was the sole answer and I just needed some more talk therapy, so when the ocd specialist tried to do erp with me I was like absolutely not cause I didn’t understand the process and I was functioning enough to think I could go without. Fast forward about 7-8 years and I finally reached out for erp help earlier this month, because a new theme came into the picture and I was beyond unprepared. This is a very long way to say it took me about 13 years to start erp treatment.
hm, i started seriously struggling with this ocd thing a month ago, and i am currently considering getting professional help but im stuck in a loop of doubt and i don't know if it's worth it or not since i could be just making this up or something and i don't wanna waste any professional's time... thank you for sharing your story and i hope that you'll start healing soon!
@feethebee Definitely get professional help, cause trust me, it’s worth it. I hope you feel better soon too!
@MegB thank you for insight i really appreciate it and i hope you feel better soon! it's just that every time i feel "good" (meaning every time im distracted by doing something i like) i say to myself, "i am doing well right now, i can't think of something negative, so i must be alright. if i had ocd i would feel distressed, wouldn't i? maybe my intrusive thoughts aren't that important to me anymore and my brain is just playing tricks on me sometimes, nothing serious. it'll go away". this usually if not always ends up being false since the next day i probably go through a mildly depressive episode or just feel extreme mental discomfort when im exposed to triggers, when i try to avoid ruminating, or when a new intrusive thought comes up when im just staring at the ceiling doing nothing. it's like im always changing my mind and doubting myself. sorry if this was lengthy i just wanted to get it out of system
@feethebee That’s okay. Yeah, I would definitely reach out for help!
I realize now I have had OCD for a very long time ( 15+ years?) but it wasn’t until the themes became taboo that i ever suspected something was wrong. It took me 2 1/2 years before I sought true help with ERP. If you suspect you have OCD, don’t wait. It can get absolutely debilitating. And themes can switch too unfortunately. It’s usually the taboo themes (harm, violence, sexual, HOCD) that cause people to finally reach out in my opinion.
why is that odd?
hm, maybe 'odd' wasn't the right word, 'unfortunate' fits better i think. i believe that, you know, having to struggle with intrusive thoughts and other ocd symptoms for months or years on end without knowing what is going on in your mind can have a detrimental effect on someone's well-being and that it is sad how so many people live in darkness because of this. sorry for causing any misunderstandings
@feethebee I had no idea I had OCD. I always thought OCD meant being neat and clean.. you know the typical stereotype that I’ve learned to dislike lol I always thought I just had a guilty conscience and that I was a monster but kept it from everyone until one day I couldn’t take it anymore and decided to get therapy. My first therapist diagnosed me with OCD and that’s when I became informed on OCD. I think I developed it in my late teens and I was diagnosed at 26
@Staying Alive oh i see, i hope you're doing better now. thank you for sharing your story!
thank you for sharing your story! i honestly don't know how to feel about the fact that the onset of my ocd was being bombarded by taboo themed intrusive thoughts, mostly sexual. so much stigma
What is your OCD story? I’m curious to hear about what other people’s journeys with OCD have been like. When you were diagnosed/what kind of treatment you have tried/what kind of OCD or symptoms do you have/what has helped you most? For me personally I don’t have a lot of people that I feel comfortable sharing my journey with in real life so I like having the chance to let it out on another platform. I’d love to hear whatever you are willing to share. I’ll start by sharing my journey. I was first diagnosed with and treated for OCD when I was seven (12 years ago). It started when my parents noticing that I was constantly smelling and washing my hands. I also worried a lot about my family’s safety and had a lot of magical thinking: I couldn’t throw anything away, had special walking rituals, had to touch things certain ways, etc. When I got to high school my symptoms got worse. I was re-diagnosed with OCD, dermatillomania, social anxiety, generalized anxiety, panic disorder, and depression. My OCD had morphed into just right/perfection obsessions (took me hours to do a simple homework assignment and I spent hours per day reviewing my interactions to look for mistakes), contamination OCD (couldn’t go outside, in my car, downstairs in my home, etc.), magical thinking OCD (knocked on wood over 60 times per day), health OCD, fears of losing control and intrusive thoughts. My life was consumed by my disorders so I entered a partial hospitalization program for OCD for 12 weeks. Two years later I was still struggling to function. I felt like I had tried everything. intensive ERP, 13 different medications, 11 different mental health specialists so I decided to enter residential OCD treatment. I was there for 3 months. It helped a lot to have the intensive ERP and 24/7 staff support. I got also got a much better grasp on my issues. I still struggle but I know how to deal with my obsessions and compulsions. I doubt anyone made it this far but if you did thank you for your time. I’m definitely interested in reading other people’s stories no matter how short or long they are :). Have a great day.
When and how did you first discover you may have OCD? I'm beginning to think OCD is one of the most understudied, misunderstood mental health issues ever. I was diagnosed with generalized anxiety disorder about 6 years ago after I started suffering from panic attacks, but only just recently discovered my condition could be much more specific than that. I've been suffering from intrusive thoughts and complusions since I was a teenager with a variety of themes. And honestly this app and amazing community has opened my eyes to it. I'm curious if anyone else has had an experience like mine where they were just thrown into the general diagnosis category of just having anxiety and/or depression and is only just now coming to terms with having OCD? What has been your experience with the therapists on this app? I'm using another popular, pricey app for talk therapy at the moment, but so far 4 therapists have ghosted me on it so my confidence is feeling pretty shot. Has talk therapy and working with a therapist on here been successful for you?
How has everyone else's OCD progressed throughout their lives? Has everyone else always had severe OCD or did you live regular lives beforehand and encounter one point where it went from 0 to 100. Where are you now in your OCD Journey? I'm very curious as to everyone else's stories and have left mine below if you’d like to read it. From what I can remember, I went relatively undisturbed by OCD the majority of my middle/late childhood, only having about 1-3 thoughts a year that weren't super bothersome but did create a level of distress uncomparable to regular intrusive thoughts. They were mainly about my health and about my parents safety & wellbeing. The earliest memory about my OCD that really stood out was back in 5th Grade, when I hit my head on a swing set and immediately began reciting every moment leading up to injury as well as every math equation I knew to make sure my memory was still intact. The greater part of my adolescence was essentially the same and resembled what I believed to be a normal life, just with a couple of OCD thoughts sprinkled throughout it. I was able to function pretty well albeit depressed and somewhat anxious. It wasn't until I was close to my highschool graduation that I experienced the worst panic attack(at the time) at the idea that I would hurt my parents. It was so distressing because the thought felt so loud that I believed it was genuine which only caused more distress. I was so scared that I would act on the thought that I discarded all of my sharp objects and locked myself in my room. That was my first ever severe reaction I experienced due to OCD and was back in May of this year. I actually learned what OCD was the same night and realized that many of my newly found fears including mold growing in my walls and my parents disliking me were also caused by the OCD. Unfortunately learning that it was probably OCD wasn't enough to quell my fear and I engaged in a bunch of compulsions in the months to come, worsening my OCD In the process. June was alright. July was worse(I only had like three topics for obsessions which sounds great now). Late July-Early August was my tipping point . Things went from worse to profoundly terrible in a short period. I found this app late August which was great because I had grown exhausted. September was pretty bad but not as bad as August. Now it's October and life is somewhat good now. I've become more knowledgeable of OCD (big thanks to this app and my therapist) but I'm very far from done. There's still this looming sense of anxiety that follows me everywhere. I have like 20 obsessions now, some being larger and scarier than others but those smaller ones are still apparent. But, the fear has decreased as well as the mental compulsions that came with it. My mind is quieter now. However the anxiety has stayed the same. My heart still drops whenever my worst obsession is triggered. Headaches, brain fog, sweating, rapid heart rate, sense of being paralyzed, racing mind are commonplace in my life but I've learned to sit with the physical discomfort (not that it makes it any less terrifying). Anyways, I'm here now which is cool. I’d like to listen to others' experiences to get a better understanding of OCD and maybe feel a bit less alone. feel free to ask any questions.
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