For anyone who has OCD related disorders like dermatillamania or trichotillamania (I'm sreally sorry if I'm butchering those names) what is it like?

It's hell, you can see all the damage you are actually doing to yourself whenever you look in the mirror. People think I'm on meth. I get nauseated sometimes seeing what I just did.

I have struggled with trichitillomania for the better part of 15 years now. It’s a constant cycle of 1) uncontrollable urges to pull out my hair, eyebrows, and eyelashes; 2) guilt about it when bald spots appear; 3) resisting just long enough to allow it to grow back; and 4) falling into a pattern of compulsive behavior again. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve tried to “quit” but I haven’t cracked my own personal code yet...

I could compare it to a nervous tic, or a habit, but honestly compulsion is the best way to describe it. I just have to do it. I couldn't tell you why. But I have to, so i do.

A main compulsion of mine is picking at my fingers. Most of the time it’s when I’m anxious and a repetitive picking motion is a calming and soothing feeling. Then I go too far and they start to bleed then I spend a long time trying ”fix it” by cutting out or picking off the excess skin I tore up...which just makes it worse. It’s v embarrassing because I have just right ocd and everything about my perfectly curated presentation is f’d up with how ugly and scabbed my fingers are. Im a cellist and they get so bad sometimes that I can’t play. I recently remembered in a therapy appt that my mom picked her fingers throughout my childhood and I always hid my picking from her. I have removed sharp nail cutters/tweezers from my house and I’m working on sitting on my hands when I notice I’m anxiously picking at my hands. Hoping for a day soon when I work thru this particular compulsion but I’ve struggled with it my whole life ??‍♂️

Dermatillomania is very similar to trichitillomania except you have the uncontrolable urge to pick off your skin. There are many different reasons as to why people get the compulsion to pick, with me personally, I can't stand when my skin is very dry or when I get scabs from small cuts and bruises. I also hate pimples. I see those things as imperfections on my skin which makes me get the obsession that they need to be removed. If an obsession like this ever makes you feel on edge or anxious, fidget toys and stress balls really help with this kind if problem. It also keeps your hands occupied.

That's a little too big a question, because it's like, a lot LOL. Can you narrow it down a little so I don't talk for a thousand years?

also, it's tillo, not tilla, but u were close dermatillomania trichitillomania iirc

That is exactly what I go through, it has been so bad that I have bled so much. I hate picking my fingers but I like the feeling of tearing off the skin. I don’t know what to do to stop, because it has now been a habit for me to do it to control my bipolar.