- Date posted
- 4y
- Date posted
- 4y
I think it’s important for your recovery to learn to handle when an exposure doesn’t go “just right.” This was an opportunity to practice that. But instead you’ve done a ton of compulsions and blamed your partner for the distress when it’s not their fault, it’s your ocd. I also think the expectations you’re putting on your partner are unrealistic at best but also harmful. Accommodating your ocd and your compulsions 24/7 isn’t care. And in fact, most specialists would recommend that partners work on doing away with the behaviors they use to enable our ocd because they fear our reaction. Enabling your ocd isn’t being “considerate.” And expecting her to do so is controlling and manipulative. https://beyondocd.org/information-for-friends-and-family/a-spouses-pivotal-role
- Date posted
- 4y
Again, you are right and I needed to hear this. I think I'm am very depressed and just not handling tings very well and negative thought patterns go towards blaming my partner. It is my problem and my difficulties and I need to deal with it and not involve her. It was my therapist involved her. I hate myself very much right now and I feel constantly guilty. I don't expect her to enable me I want her to stop but my anxiety is so high I find it hard to manage anything.or explain. I know its hard for her too. I'm just lost and If I could choose to not be here and cause people I love so much distress I would but I know if I I did anything I would upset them too so thats why I stay around. I'm not sleeping more than 2 hours a night and I was diagnosed with MS recently, I also lost my mum and dad year. I'm very depressed and I can't think straight sometimes and lash out (not at my partner I would never do that, nor would I be deliberately manipulating or controlling) I'm just very depressed and I used this forum to express how I was feeling and how my negative thoughts were presenting and I shouldn't have.
- Date posted
- 4y
@Rosie38 I’m sorry you’re going through so much right now. It’s completely understandable to be depressed and struggling. And it can be very lonely to go through ocd treatment. Reminders to treat those around us well even when we’re struggling will help us maintain the relationships we need to stay happy and connected to others.
- Date posted
- 4y
I’m sorry to hear that. If you feel that she is making your ocd worse maybe tell her to try and adhere to the hierarchy list that you both agreed on with the therapist. If she doesn’t treat you well then maybe a break is the way to go.
- Date posted
- 4y
She treats me well in alot of other ways but is very lazy alot of the time and gets frustrated and fed up with looking at the hierarchy as its so slow progress and she's had to deal with this for a year or more now (compared to me dealing with it for 39 years its seems like not that bad but I think too it must be so so so hard fir her aswell as for the most part of our relationship my ovd didn't impact on her)
- Date posted
- 4y
Why is she so actively involved in your treatment? I’d be fed up too. It’s not her treatment, it’s yours. And the work is also yours. She’s not obligated to participate and if she wants to help with an exposure or two that’s a purely selfless and kind act that deserves gratitude, not criticism. You’re going to severely harm your relationship if you keep seeing your partner as being responsible for your recovery.
- Date posted
- 4y
@pureolife You are right and I needed to hear this
- Date posted
- 4y
Just for the record aswell @pureolife and @hanajade you don't know the whole situation and I know that my thoughts and anger are misplaced alot of the time because my thinking is distorted but whilst my partner is really lovely alot of the time she has manipulated me by using ocd to get out if doing things that she didnt want to do or be bothered doing aswell so nobody is perfect. But I'm always still going to blame myself more than anyone else, no worries about that. But thank you for the reinforcement
Related posts
- Date posted
- 17w
Everything feels Like its falling apart at the Moment. I am faced with Lots of unprocessed trauma and flashbacks in my Relationship + this stupid pocd that latches onto my Partner. Even if I Just know and she has also OCD, Anxiety, maybe autism BC she cannot read emotions or reacts Sometimes too rational, she understands me best. She understands my illnesses and intrusive thoughts and in the past she got triggered by the pocd also a little bit. Just the disgust Feelings, triggers in some Situations and Compulsion to Look away and some what If thoughts.... It didnt get much worse but I maybe constantly reminding her of some stuff because I have to hold myself back from Compulsions.... She opened Up over some stuff that happened in her childhood and over the Last weeks it got worse and worse in my case BC of triggers of my own childhood Trauma and Trauma in General.... And she is a mirror.. I feel constantly unloved or unwanted, I am so impulsive, I insulted her in Arguments as a p..... Such stuff... She does Not leave but I feel that she has no Energy left either... Before a few days it heated so much Up that I was outside until late at night.... Slept on the Couch.... Next day the Argument continued... I h@rmed myself .... I also hurted myself thursday night with a plastic bottle but on friday it was with a kn*fe.... She called ambulance.... I Had to Go to Hospital.... I never went with an ambulance to Hospital.... That day when I was Back WE Had a good afternoon and it was okay.... Saturday was okay too Just the night.... I have some disturbing Feelings BC the OCD and everything impacts our seggs life .... I offen feel unwanted or undesired.... Misscommunication can lead to arguments... Yesterday in the evening it got worse after a day that was alright.... I was Feeling Like leaving but I stayed outside and she was so upset she didnt let me in... Then we chose to pause the argument... Today it was alright I think but I was so worried what to do If I should Work tomorrow again bc I am sick since a week..... But on a walk outside it was hard to speak without getting upset... So I Said I wanted to walk alone and she should Go the other way... After a few Minutes she was gone... I don't know where she is since Like 1 h 40 Minutes.... Tried to send WhatsApp and call but she isnt online.... Thought she wasn't at Home so I didnt Ring the bell and now I am sitting at MC Donalds.... Maybe I try to Go Back to the House and Look .... If she is there.... I barely have Energy for myself how should I Take Energy for her and the Relationship too? Pls send advice. Kind regards. Jal
- Date posted
- 16w
im not diagnosed but for the past five years i've been seeing A LOT of ocd symptoms in myself. i kinda accepted that i might have it and learning about people's experiences helped me a lot. i was in a really bad place when i was 16 but at some point i got better (so i thought) I've lost one relationship and i healed from loosing it and then i fell in love again. we we're together for a year and six months. i was really happy for most of the time but unfortunately we we're both not really stable mentally and we both had some mental issues. i helped my girlfriend and i supported her the best i could. she managed to move in in my city and we started living together november. at first it still was her who had a lot of issues (probably depression and being very suicidal) i was struggling and i was really stressed but i tried my best to help. i think eventually she got better in january everything was happening all at once. i've lost my job and we had to move out to a different apartment and in the same time she gained new friends at work. earlier my ocd was showing up occasionally but since that time i think it got kinda worse. i have very low self esteem and when my girlfriend got really close with one girl in her work i started feeling uneasy. i never wanted to be a jelous and controlling girlfriend but my head was constantly telling me "she's will get bored of you bc of her new friend" "she's starting to care more about her than you" and it was unbearable. we talked about it few times and she tried to reassure me but at some point i saw she's not feeling good about my self doubt and being jelous. months passed and everything was getting worse. she become more and more distant, she stopped showing me any affection, she stopped asking me on a dates, she stopped flirting and even on my birthday i had to please her to stop texting someone and focus on a movie we were watching. and now two days ago she broke up with me. few days earlier we had a serious talk and she told me she doesn't feel like doing anything romantic with me anymore and when i asked why she told me she thinks she got tired of me. i asked her what about me makes her tired and she told me "it's because you can't do and cope with anything" or smth like that (its hard to translate it to English). and i understand that it could be tiring bc i was doing bad mentally and i asked for reassurance a lot even tho i knew it's my compulsion and even tho i told her i will try not to. i am also a very anxious person and i was really stressed aboud my new job and money and a lot of things and all of it made her tired. i feel so guilty that i couldn't try harder. i feel so guilty for not noticing I'm actually loosing her earlier. or maybe i actually was noticing it by being scared when she started to be mkre excited to spend time with her friend rather than me? i don't know i just feel so bad bc i still love her and i don't know if I can't stop bit i already asked her few times if she's sure that this is what she wants and i told her i will try harder and i booked a visit with a psychiatrist but she told me she's too tired to try. im scared she's also struggling mentally. i don't really know what i even want to hear from you guys i just really want to disappear bc i can't stop blaming myself for loosing my soulmate and the best person in the entire world, the most beautiful, funny and sweet person. she doesn't need me anymore. she doesn't want me and it hurts ass hell. and the fact that it might be all my fault hurt even more
- Date posted
- 12w
Hi. I'm just sort of feeling kind of shitty and in moments like these I tend to swing to one extreme or the other, like methodicially and intensely trying to pull apart every piece of what I am feeling and why, determine what is a "real" problem and what is just a bad mood, and take action to "fix" myself, the problem, or ensure that future me will fix it by setting reminders, planning, or just generally freaking out lol. That can all be a bit compulsive, but I don't want to do my other thing, which is just aggressively ignore or try to deny my feelings because they are "not real" or I just need to "let them go". But I'm feeling a little frozen in my fears so I am hoping de-tangling it a bit in words here will be a good middle ground. I'm about to be a senior in college, and I live in the city where my school is. I haven't seen my family for a bit and I am currently spending a weekend with them at the beach. Today was just kind of rough and has made the past, present, and future collide in my head, fanning fears of both external problems and the fear of fear itself, the fear of OCD spirals. I want to more specically describe the problems I have been having since starting college, but I guess for getting through today that isn't really the point. I guess just....I've been trying to create a life for myself and become someone who is strong enough to live it. I have ADHD and OCD and sometimes it just feels like half my energy goes to functioning through that, and the other half goes to resisting the OCD-urge to spiral about the future, to fear I'll let my life fall apart or won't be able to fix the normal, big and small problems life brings. Today has just felt.....hard. I ate something that made me really sick last night, and I didn't take my normal dose of Adderall today or yesterday which can just make me sort of sleepy. On both phsyical counts, I think I'm fine and don't really feel bad anymore, it just sort of triggered some overthinking. I feel scared that feeling kind of tired has/will effect my ability to enjoy what is supposed to be a relaxing time, or that I won't' have as much energy as I should to do things with my family and will disspoint them. I'm scared that the journey back to the city tomorrow will be chaotic and awful, and that when I return I will continue to make mistakes that put me in negative cycles. Strangely, I'm kind of aware that all of these concerns are either possibly not going to happen, or are just things I definetely cannot do anything about right now. I'm just sort of...frustrated that I can't easily shove away worries I know to be "illogical" and deeply afraid of spiraling deeper. All of these different things overlapping right now just sort of make me feel like I've failed. Failed to.....I don't know, resist compulsions and get over them faster, accomplish things in life and school faster/more, be less socially anxious. Failed to get on the right track, to make any kind of progress. Strangely, a lot of the discomfort I'm feeling in this moment indirectly sort of comes from things I am doing "right", to break cycles. I didn't bring my meds because I want to work on the discomfort I feel with spending time without the goal of productivity, I don't have an exact plan for everything I need to do and I have not psyched myself up to tackled my most urgent goals when I get home because I've also been working on finding ways of doing uncomfortable things that don't involve motivating myself through terror when I can't do anything about it. I'm letting myself take time to cry about all these feelings and write this out here because I don't want to deny myself what I need to get better because I feel like I shouldn't need it. I'm hoping, in a way, even the shitty day I've had today is a sign of progress, my OCD desperately seeking a host in fear of fear because I am beating other compulsions. I think there's also something to be said for the unserious but still powerful issue of just fucking being on vacation with your extended family. Like....its hard to take a moment to cry it out or calm yourself down when you're sharing a bedroom with your mom and sister. I'm feeling glad I'm going home tomorrow, scared of how I might feel when I do, and I guess....fearful of what it means that I wasn't "able" to enjoy myself for the whole time I was here. But those feelings do feel much more distant, after writing this. The time will pass and I will go home regardless. When I get home, maybe I will make "better" choices or be "stronger", maybe I will dig a deep hole for myself. Either way, that's not my burden right now or today. I've tried that method and it didn't get me what I want.
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