- Date posted
- 6y
- Date posted
- 6y
I dated my husband and married him without telling him I had pocd he just knew that I had been very depressed and anxious in the past and had to get on meds. He was very supportive and after we got married and I had a relapse I finally opened up to him. It hasn’t always been easy, of course, but he is very understanding, even of the theme, and has opened up about some of his fears. I don’t think you have to bring up your ocd in the beginning, maybe just try to go on dates and see if you click with anyone, if the relationships seems to go anywhere, you can bring it up later, and can even just address it as “severe anxiety” and see how he reacts and then go forth depending. Get a good feel on how he feels about mental illnesses. Dating my husband was such a good distraction in the beginning as well and made me start feeling happy again :)
- Date posted
- 6y
I can’t say that every experience will be amazing but every person I’ve dated has been very understanding when I told them. They didn’t necessarily understand the exact implications but they were still supportive.
- Date posted
- 6y
Hi, I’ve been dating my boyfriend for close to a year and he is my main support system. I came out to him about my ocd, pocd to be specific and he accepted me. While he admitted at first he was extremely thrown off and not sure how to approach it with time he said he noticed how much I was suffering and how serious it was. The right person and people who are understanding won’t judge you for it and if they do initially once they get to know the real you they’ll know their judgement wasn’t right. I understand how you feel. Ocd and this theme in general is really tough and terrifying and is really hard to talk to people about. The best you can do is try to educate them on it.
- Date posted
- 6y
This might be a little too personal but do you ever get like intrusive thoughts during intimacy? That’s what I’m most terrified of, I feel like it will traumatize me
- Date posted
- 6y
Yes, and he understands it’s not my fault. I never used to but then one particular hard day I couldn’t keep it out. I did cry but I’m not going to let it stop me. I might be less inclined to want to have it because I really don’t want those thoughts in my head but I can’t let it keep a part of my relationship that I enjoy from me.
- Date posted
- 6y
@cruzic I know how you feel. Obsessive thoughts about sex can change theme for me and have affected relationships. I was most confident my first five years of dating and having sex. Then intrusive thoughts. Find it difficult ever since. Addiction, overuse of porn (although my tastes are very mild), obsessive fears around being an abuser, taking a long time to get aroused, obsessed with my performance, trying to do it absolutely ‘right’. The POCD is the worst though. But my wife knows, and it can affect intimacy. The hard truth is to expect they will come in and let them whenever they do. I struggle with this right at this minute. But pushing them away doesn’t work. Over time it will pass.
- Date posted
- 6y
Thank you guys. I’m going to talk to my therapist more about this. it’s really scary and just embarrassing
- Date posted
- 6y
https://www.intrusivethoughts.org/blog/finding-one-dating-ocd/ I found this article and thought of you! Thought it might help!
Related posts
- User type
- OCD Conqueror
- Date posted
- 24w
I’ve had so many moments of clarity with my OCD that I love my boyfriend and I’m beyond willing to go through this to be better and be with him. in the back of mind I’ve in a way known I was at least somewhat sexually attracted to women (I’m a woman) since the start of the ocd it was always like “okay. Fine, but I don’t want to date a girl” I only just realized this after the ocd started, I never really argued with this. my ocd has always revolved around if I’m romantically interested in women and not men. I’ve done so many compulsions through this year and a half and 9 times out of 10 have come to the conclusion that I don’t want to be with a woman romantically. I always end up feeling like I know I love my boyfriend. But the doubts don’t stop about whether I want to spend my life with a woman instead, my heart literally breaks to think of not being with my bf and imagining him with someone else. I don’t want to be with a woman I know deep down somewhere underneath the anxiety that that’s not what I want. It doesn’t feel natural for me, unfulfilling. I want to tell my boyfriend about the possible sexual attraction to women (ik it’s still ocd related) but I’m scared that once I tell him, I’ll realize that I actually do want to be with women and not with him. Ugh I’ve spent hours today ruminating about this after being solid in my commitment with him for a little while, I’m stuck in this loop and idk how to get out right now
- User type
- OCD Conqueror
- Date posted
- 20w
Looking back, my introverted nature and struggles to find belonging in high school may have set the stage for how OCD would later impact my relationships. I had my first relationship in high school, but OCD wasn’t a major factor then. It wasn’t until my longest relationship—six years from age 18 to 24—that OCD really took hold. The relationship itself wasn’t the issue; it was what happened after. When it ended, I became obsessed with confessing past mistakes, convinced I had to be completely transparent. Even when my partner was willing to work past them, I couldn’t let go of the intrusive thoughts, and that obsession landed me in the hospital. From there, my struggle with ROCD (Relationship OCD) fully emerged. For years, every time I tried to move forward in dating, doubts consumed me. I would start seeing someone and feel fine, but then the questions would creep in: Do I really like her? Do I find her attractive? Is she getting on my nerves? What if I’m with the wrong person? I’d break things off, thinking I was following my true feelings. But then I’d question: Was that really how I felt, or was it just OCD? I tried again and again, each time hoping I could “withstand it this time,” only to fall back into the same cycle. The back and forth hurt both me and the person I was with. By the time I realized it was ROCD, the damage had been done, and I still hadn’t built the tools to manage it. Now, at 28, I know I need to approach dating differently. I recently talked to someone from a dating app, and my OCD still showed up—questioning my every move, making me doubt my own decisions. I haven’t yet done ERP specifically for ROCD, but I know that’s my next step. Just like I’ve learned tools for managing my other OCD subtypes, I need a set of strategies for when intrusive doubts hit in relationships. My goal this year is to stop letting uncertainty control me—to learn how to sit with doubt instead of trying to “figure it out.” I want to break the cycle and be able to build something healthy without my OCD sabotaging it. I know I’m not alone in this, and I know healing is possible. I’m hopeful that working with a therapist will help me develop exposures and thought loops to practice. I don’t expect to eliminate doubt entirely—after all, doubt is a part of every relationship—but I want to reach a place where it doesn’t paralyze me. Where I can move forward without constantly questioning whether I should. And where I can be in a relationship without feeling like OCD is pulling the strings. I would appreciate hearing about your experiences with ROCD. Please share your thoughts or any questions in the comments below. I’d love to connect and offer my perspective. Thanks!
- Date posted
- 13w
For those of you in relationships with ROCD, do your partners know of your diagnosis. I am new to treatment and new to this avenue of mental health. I am generally pretty open and honest with my partner about things but the dark side of my mind I keep hidden. I’m scared to tell him about this if I’m diagnosed. And I’m scared that if I’m diagnosed and something real does go south in the relationship then my diagnosis will be used against me.
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