- Username
- Casie David
- Date posted
- 3y ago
Hi Casie, I dont struggle with this personally, honestly I am terrible with forgetting to take photos when I've been on holiday or out somewhere new where I should probably be taking them for memories sake, cos my memory is terrible haha. I guess from my understanding though of your post, being a fear you'd maybe forget an important memory or moment you feel you need to get that perfect picture to preserve it. But I think maybe that strive for perfection is what keeps you in the loop? And I guess the only way I could think to break that if it was me, was to take 1, or 2, and be done with it, and if I doubted the photo or photos, just allow myself to doubt it, until my brain doesn't see it as an urgent thing to take so many anymore. I hope this is helpful for you, and apologies if I've misread what you're feeling here.
I just seen your tag that said "Perfectionism OCD" šš wish I would take more time to read properly, but I hope you can take something from my reply anyway.
@J āļø Thatās a good idea, I like the idea of limiting myself and accepting that doubt that it may not be perfect. Thanks :)
I actually have something similar. I obsessively take screenshots because I donāt want to forget anything good/funny I read or that I like. And I take photos a lot so I donāt foget too. I actually like having lots of photos but not a ton of screenshots so I try to go back and delete unnecessary ones, but maybe I can practice breaking this habit by not screenshotting something immediately and waiting a bit.
Waiting is a good idea! Iāll have to try that too. I watch a lot of art tiktoks and videos and I always screenshot when itās something I think is nice or a cool project idea. But I could just as easily go back to my liked ones (and then I worry if the app will get deleted, itās such a cycle!)
Itās nice to know weāre not alone though :)
Hi, Casie. Thank you for your openness in sharing your experience. Iām sorry you lost a loved one to dementia. That is such a heartbreak. Your experience resonates strongly with me and is something Iāve struggled with as a former professional photographer. Like you, cataloging my observations and getting what I saw through the viewfinder to precisely reflect the image I snapped was a preoccupation. I could have thousands of images from one shoot on my hard drive at any given time; and, even in post-processing (culling, editing and enhancing ) the raw images, I would spend hours trying to get the finished work ājust right,ā only to turn the final selection over to my client and obsess about the images after-the-fact. It was utterly exhausting. I stopped photographing paid clients in 2016 - before I was clinically diagnosed with anything that would explain my thoughts, feeling and behavior. I was finally evaluated and diagnosed with c-PTSD, OCD and Dissociative Identity Disorder. In my personal life, the memory deficits Iāve experience due to dissociation and epilepsy, as well as my momās sudden death of unknown causes at age 39, have made me all the more hypervigant and anxious to document whatās happening in photos. My phone and laptop can easily become cluttered with images, screenshots, just as you said. My internet bookmarks and Evernote notebooks are a whole other separate but related issue. I frequently feel silly, embarrassed, disgusted and ashamed when I am deleting these items Iāve expended so much of my attention and vital energy to collect. You are definitely not alone in this. I try to remember that I make perfect sense in the context of my experiences in this life. That my fear of not remembering, of forgetting, of not existing, and of leaving no legacy are all very human fears. Thereās nothing wrong or messed up about the desire to to leave myself breadcrumbs, or leave a mark that says, āI was here.ā That desire is beautiful and life-affirming, and it means I care deeply. *And.* Doing it this particular way hurts me. It saps me of my resources and steals my time, which is so precious. It feels grasping and frantic and awful. So, I continue trying to lean into the tools and skills Iāve learned, and to the personal agency Iāve developed to make a different choice. Hereās to this path of recovery, this falling back down the rabbit hole, and climbing our way up and out again... day by day. Thanks again for sharing and this opportunity to reciprocate. Wishing you peace and presence. I know how exhausting this compulsion can be.
Wow, thank you for sharing this. Iāve felt very embarrassed to talk about this compulsion/explain it to others, but this truly is the way we work past our OCD. It means so much to me hearing your story as well, itās crazy how something so specific can be a shared struggle between two people (even down to the note taking, if I feel like I need to write down a thought or a feeling and I canāt I get very overwhelmed). I like what you said about time being precious. Maybe thatās a new way for me to look at it, try to tell myself to be more present, spend time in a moment without taking a photo and say āif I forget this, this is okay.ā Absorbing that moment instead of documenting it. I appreciate discussing this so much. š
Absolutely. I understand the embarrassment. Iāve never shared about any of this before. Iām brand new here and have my first appointment with a NOCD therapist on Saturday. I wholeheartedly agree: that this is the way we move forward, continue to recover and grow. āSpend time in a moment.ā I love how you worded that. I had the impression of surrendering to the possibility of a moment, that is ripe and somehow infinite, even as its fleeting. We deserve to delight in our moments. Thanks, again.
First post, new here. Iāve always thought that I have OCD since I was in 7th grade. I am 22 now and actively trying to take steps to treat it myself because I donāt have money for therapy and my parents donāt believe I have it. I think I suffer from Magical Thinking. A (stupid but true) example would be how I collect phone cases. I buy really cute ones and then I put one on and the whole day no one texts me so I take it off because I think itās the case doing it and it gives me anxiety so I switch back to this main one that when I use it I get texts and it makes my anxiety go away. I do this with a lot of my things so for years I just havenāt been able to wear or use certain things or even take a different way home for fear that abc or d might or might not happen. Itās very debilitating to feel like I canāt change anything about myself or my life because it gives me anxiety thinking that if I change this or that then I might die, or I might not have a good night, or so and so wonāt text me, etc. Sorry if this doesnāt make sense, Iāve never told anyone about it just something that consistently eats away ate my brain and has been forever. Any advice or comments would be appreciated.
Hello, Iām new here. I donāt have a formal diagnosis, just sharing my experiences with my obsessive thoughts. The only compulsion I really have is note taking. I feel the need to hoard most of my thoughts and write extensive to do lists, even scolding myself in notes like ābe better!ā or āSTOP being the way you are.ā When driving or unavailable to write things down, I have to repeat the thoughts in my head so I wonāt forget until I can āsaveā them. Does anyone else have any experience with this fear of forgetting/not living the perfect life? My notes also revolve around anything someone might causally mention, taking turmeric for example. Will I ever incorporate that into my routine? No, but I write it down just in case because otherwise Iām convinced I wonāt live a healthy, fulfilling life. This all started when I lost a relative and also my house. I wonder if those losses made me subconsciously afraid to lose more? I donāt know. On the bright side, my current medication has been helping my depression. I am able to function and get out of bed, for the most part. But when I am in class or work, I have such crippling self doubt. I donāt feel like I am capable of anything. I donāt trust myself with any tasks. It really gets me down, my thoughts just spiral and I canāt see myself being able to hold down a job that involves working with peopleā¦that leads to more note taking of how I can improve. I get such anxiety if I donāt know every little thing there is to know, necessary or not. I get so caught up in it that I canāt even do the bare minimum I DO know without messing up. Even my class notes are full of irrelevant notes from my obsessive thoughts that appear during a lesson, and a girl that sits near me laughs because of how crazy my notebook looks.
Hello, I've used this app before but sometimes avoid to not remind myself that I do have ocd. So acouple of months ago there was an upsetting video that circuled around the internet and I deleted my tiktok and instagram to avoid it. I've been using ig only on other people's phones because it just feels safer. Safe to safe just the description of this particular video left me traumatized and my ocd "flares up" when I have PMS. For me, I'm scared of being on ig because I get scared I'm gonna see or hear about that video or even worse, look up the particular things to "make sure" its deleted off of the internet. I know I would never put myself to witness something so awful, but the idea of me even thinking about it is enough to scare me and makes the simplicity of enjoying ig kinda nerve-wracking and I wonder if anyone on this app understands this feeling and knows ways to use social media in a peaceful way. I would really appreciate advice and thank you a lot to anyone who took the time to read this! Thank you š
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