- Date posted
- 6y
- Date posted
- 6y
This is, for one thing, very beautifully written - your writing is really moving. I hope I don’t intrude by adding onto it. A few years ago, I had awful stomachaches at any hint of anxiety. It was enough to stop me from leaving my house. I was terrified to go anywhere, do anything, all because I would get such awful cramps and nerves. I used to think to myself, “if only I could get rid of these stomachaches, I wouldn’t have any problems.” But that’s not true. Everywhere we go - everywhere I go - new problems arise. I encounter new compulsions. New situations. New ways of thinking. “No more stomachaches” turned into “no more panic attacks” turned into “no more OCD.” There’s always something new to conquer, something new to face. I say “keep fighting” on here a lot. It’s the best advice I have. It’s what kept me going through the hard times - imagining me, in a battle, my opponent, OCD. Keep fighting, and eventually I’ll come out on top. And I think it’s what you should do, too. I want you to be able to pet your dog without worrying. To be able to visit public places without worrying about germs. To stop worrying that you aren’t living your life to the fullest. I used to worry about that too, and I still do - all of the little things that are preventing me from making life meaningful. Some things don’t ever stop. I still get scared, worried, frustrated. I’m still worried I’m not trying hard enough, not doing enough for myself, for others. But I promise you this - things get better. You’re brave enough to make things get better. As you said, you’ve already made progress. You don’t have to call yourself lucky, because it’s not luck. It’s work. Eventually, my stomachaches stopped. I get them rarely, if at all, anymore. I can leave the house as I please. I haven’t had a panic attack in months. Some days are better, some days are worse. So set these goals, check it off your list. I believe that you can make it. You’re living, because you can pet your dog. And even if you have to check your hands after you do it, your dog doesn’t care. Your dog loves you anyway. That’s not existing. That’s living.
- Date posted
- 6y
Great post. I relate to almost everthing you discuss. The food. I sit there with piles of napkins at every meal. Then shower after a meal if I'm going to my bed. Public bathrooms just avoid. Never walk around with bare feet but demand others take off their shoes or even slippers. I got to the point where I actively avoided my dog because of a hangup with fleas. He died (this was a long time ago) then I realized how stupid and irrational I had been and of course regretted my submitting to the OCD at the expense of him. Dog>OCD
- Date posted
- 6y
I’m so sorry that you relate to it UFGator. Thank you for sharing this with me. I’m sorry about your dog and the regret that came with his passing. Connection>fear ❤️
- Date posted
- 6y
Elapanthis I’m so glad I could share! It’s really heartwarming to know that there are other people struggling and working through this❤️
- Date posted
- 6y
Thank you so much sassy_classy_lassie for sharing your story and for the excellent advice ? your words touched my heart and made me smile and nearly cry happy tears, ones I hopefully won’t be afraid of one day. Responses like yours remind me that I can live again.
Related posts
- User type
- OCD Conqueror
- Date posted
- 23w
Looking back, I realize I’ve had OCD since I was 7. though I wasn’t diagnosed until I was 30. As a kid, I was consumed by fears I couldn’t explain: "What if God isn’t real? What happens when we die? How do I know I’m real?" These existential thoughts terrified me, and while everyone has them from time to time, I felt like they were consuming my life. By 12, I was having daily panic attacks about death and war, feeling untethered from reality as depersonalization and derealization set in. At 15, I turned to drinking, spending the next 15 years drunk, trying to escape my mind. I hated myself, struggled with my body, and my intrusive thoughts. Sobriety forced me to face it all head-on. In May 2022, I finally learned I had OCD. I remember the exact date: May 10th. Reading about it, I thought, "Oh my God, this is it. This explains everything." My main themes were existential OCD and self-harm intrusive thoughts. The self-harm fears were the hardest: "What if I kill myself? What if I lose control?" These thoughts terrified me because I didn’t want to die. ERP changed everything. At first, I thought, "You want me to confront my worst fears? Are you kidding me?" But ERP is gradual and done at your pace. My therapist taught me to lean into uncertainty instead of fighting it. She’d say, "Maybe you’ll kill yourself—who knows?" At first, it felt scary, but for OCD, it was freeing. Slowly, I realized my thoughts were just thoughts. ERP gave me my life back. I’m working again, I’m sober, and for the first time, I can imagine a future. If you’re scared to try ERP, I get it. But if you’re already living in fear, why not try a set of tools that can give you hope?
- Date posted
- 19w
I want to beat OCD because I have seen and felt the benefits of clearing my brain from unnecessary, pointless, thoughts. OCD is like 0 calorie food. It’s pointless. No nutrition or benefits come from my obsessions or compulsions. I don’t care to have answers to everything anymore. I catch myself just trying to stress myself out so that I have some worry to feed on. But like I said, it’s a 0 calorie food. I get nothing from it but wasted time and energy. My brain feels more spacious when I’m not consumed by OCD. I’m present. My personality has room to be herself without making space for bullshit. I tell myself now that worry is poison. I think Willie Nelson was the person I got that quote from? Anyways, that imagery of worries being poison for the mind has been transformative for me. I’m evolving. 💖 Thanks NOCD community.
- User type
- Therapist
- Date posted
- 15w
Here is what I say to people: I wish I could make it stop. I really do. I also wish I could stop tinnitus. What is tinnitus, you may ask? Well, have you ever gone to a loud concert and after it had a ringing in your ears. Or, in movies when a loud explosion hears, first it is often muffled, and then there is a very loud ringing sound. Well, I have hear that sound for over 30 years. Turns out the medications I took as a kid for allergies and all the antibiotics I was on for Strep had a side effect for some people - tinnitus - that sound that I have heard every decade, year, month, day, hour, and second, for the past 30 years. I have learned to live with it. As I type this, it is REALLY loud, because I am paying attention to it. But, in a few minutes it will fade into the background, and, while I will hear it, I will not pay much attention to it, and therefore I will go on with my night. I will listen to music, practice my story for the MOTH radio hour, and work out. I will clean up the kitchen and load the dishwasher, and I will eventually get ready for bed. I will go to bed hearing that sound, and fall asleep for a few hours until tomorrow morning when I start the day all over again. I cannot make the sound stop. There is nothing to do for it - no surgery or medication. Just learning to live with it, and that is what I have done. It is the thing that I hate the most in my life, and, if granted three wishes, it would be the first thing to change. For now, as I have for 30 years, I will live with it, and I will ask you to live with your noises in your head - the thoughts, the images, and the urges, and we will practice together accepting that things are not always as we want them, but we can handle that. We got this.
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