Anybody else have a major problem with confessions in ROCD? How can I deal with the urge to confess every little thought to my boyfriend? It’s hurtful to him because I’m constantly telling him every minor interaction I’ve had that I can remember with another guy, telling him my doubts about our relationship, and lately I’ve even been telling him hurtful things I don’t even agree with as far as comparing him to people I’ve been with before and people I’m attracted to. It’s really wrong of me to say these things to him for the sole purpose of relieving my anxiety. Any advice?

Hey @nicolemw, I would recommend you see some professional in regards of your problem if you’re not already. I myself am experiencing relationship ocd and going to therapy has really helped me a lot. I went through all different kinds of thoughts, from questioning my feelings to being afraid of finding someone else even merely attractive but as I have come to a realization it’s only because we value our relationship and our partner so much, that we find all those intrusive thoughts appalling because they go against our core values and genuine emotions. The best advice that I can give you and the one that has helped me the most is not engaging in intrusive thoughts in any way meaning that when the thought pops into your head you just don’t start digging into it, don’t give it your attention, don’t start engaging in rationalization process. Just acknowledge it and shift your focus onto something else, watch an educational video about something or watch stand up comedy, read a book or engage in a conversation with a friend about some random topic. It will be hard to do so, but with time you’ll find that you actually feel better. And remember those are all just thoughts, nothing is happening, nothing is real, it’s just a thought as every other thought and it’s just how you decide to react on it that gives it strength to torture you. So stop feeding the monster and stay strong ?

My advice would be to not tell him, and to resist the urge to confess because it has become a compulsion for you. As hard as it feels, the best thing to do is agree with the thought and sit in the anxiety, because this sends a signal to your brain that the thought isn’t a threat.. eventually they’ll become fewer and fewer.

when I say my obsessions out loud, I feel like I’m giving them more meaning and strength. I used to text my mom about them and I recently stopped and it’s actually helped a lot. also, one time I said my ocd thoughts out loud to my boyfriend and I really offended him

@rlr it’s really important for you to explain exactly what you’re going through to your boyfriend. The main thing he must learn is to not take it seriously when you “confess” something to him since it’s just ocd and not genuinely what you actually think. There are videos on youtube, articles and even free ebooks just on this subject of educating your significant other. I’m writing all this because it’s important for your partner to be acquainted with your mental disorder so that he can react accordingly and give you a support you need. On the other note, I do agree that you shouldn’t keep on “confessing” your thoughts because you will just seek reassurance through that and it’ll just suck you into a bigger compulsion making everything even more difficult. You’re stronger than ocd! ?

Agreed - it’s not a bad thing to talk about the obsessions but when it gets to be constant and obsessive, it does becomes a compulsion. and I’ve been in the same exact place as you... so I’d try journaling or looking into getting a therapist or instead talking to a friend or someone who isn’t emotionally involved in your ROCD. Journaling is great and has worked well for me! :)

Thank you guys so much! I definitely am going to give journaling a try. Seems like the best way to release my thoughts because it’s unbearable holding them in.

Yeah I’m just annoying him and hurting his feelings at this point since it’s honestly been a few months. Over time the confessing has become more frequent and it’s like my brain keeps coming up with worse things to say. I can’t even be a normal person anymore because of how guilty I feel for even looking at an attractive guy or even interacting with guys I see at work everyday

Also it’s like when I get a thought related to him or something I’ve done in my head, I can’t get it out and I have uncontrollable anxiety until I tell him. Once I tell him, I’ll feel ok for a little bit but it’s not long til another thing comes.

Yeah, I understand, and I myself had done it too in the first month when it all started happening. I was so afraid and out of my mind with those sudden feelings. Luckily for me my boyfriend have suggested a great therapist and I have been seeing her for the past five months and it’s fluctuating but it’s definitely better then it was. If you’re not already, give a try to a therapist, talking to someone who actually knows what you’re going through and understands that those are just obsessive thoughts and nothing more is so liberating. It won’t pass overnight but you will start to feel better and learn how to deal with ocd better ?