My father was emotionally abusive to my siblings and I as children, I can't say he's changed much. He came home yesterday just pissed off at the world, I guess, decided it was appropriate to make violent comments about our dogs to me and then go in the house and scream at my mother and sister. After my mom told him off, he acted like he was,,,apologetic but you could tell he still felt he was in the right. I have been fatigued and apathetic ever since that incident. I have so much to do. I can't move out right now because I'm just barely functional, don't even have a job. This childish behavior is normal for him. There are three of us and one of him, yet the household revolves around his fragile feelings. If we stand up to him then he stomps off to lick his wounds and feel sorry for himself, acts like a fucking child. I have been afraid of him my entire life, and it seems like the older he gets the worse he becomes. I can't leave my dogs with him, I can't leave my sister with him. My mom is like,,,,desensitized to him, almost. Last year she told him that she was considering divorcing him, and all he did was mock her and treat her like a child. He's such a piece of shit.

Okay. So, for those who have seen my previous posts, you are probably well versed in what I have been going through, but I feel like venting again. 😅 So, my brother came home from the hospital (because of SI), and I'm extremely on edge from that. Bro has the F*CKING AUDACITY to mock me when I'm in pain, sigh, cry, or laugh. When he used to do that, he would smack/punch/kick/etc. me, and I got in trouble with DCFS for hitting back (1 1/2 years ago), so now I can't have kids until I'm 21 (I'll be 18 in 9 days), otherwise, they'll be taken away. I cannot laugh, joke (I'm the queen of dad jokes), cry, TALK in a silly voice, sing (my main stress relief, even if it's excruciating), or anything along the lines of expressing myself without him becoming "triggered" because it's a "boundary." I AIN'T DOING SH*T TO HIM. I MOSTLY STAY AWAY FROM HIM AND GET SNAPPED AT FOR TALKING TO >OUR< PARENTS. I don't want to go home at the end of the day, to be honest. I'm soo f*cking DONE with all this BULLSH*T!!! I overheard my dad telling my mom that he thinks my brother and I are just "faking" and "attention seeking." HOW THE F*CK DO YOU FAKE A SEIZURE??? OR MY LEG RANDOMLY CONVULSING. I DON'T F*CKING WANT BRUISES EVERYWHERE! I DON'T WANT TO FALL DOWN THE F*CKING >>STAIRS<<!!!! So then my OCD goes into overdrive, telling me that I'm not in pain, that I am faking everything, that there is nothing wrong with me, and to stop lying. That the memories of falling down the stairs are just fake and lies, even though I have the bruises to prove it. I don't get dizzy, I don't stumble, and I don't see stars when I CLEARLY AM. I'm so TIRED. My anxiety is going INSANE, so of course my BPD mood swings have to as well, so that's just f*cking PERFECT!! Absof*ckinglutely PERFECT. I'm tired of my body not working properly, I HATE my body. I HATE my personality because of how insanely unpredictable it causes me to be. I HATE how helpless I feel. I just want to make my family happy. I want them to love me. I don't want to be a burden anymore. 💔😢

He has been diagnosed with PTSD, Borderline Personality Disorder, and OCD. He's always been a character for sure, very emotional and quick to get irrationally angry but he's been taking meds over the years. Not too long ago he said something about leaving my step mom and/or killing himself along with a few other things. Things were seemingly normal after that up until recently. Him and my step mom were yelling-arguing which they rarely ever do, and my step mom finally got to a point where she told him to go elsewhere if he was going to act that way and so he did. However, he did come back that night and they argued again in the morning. From what I've gathered, he wants space from her, but she's only ever in the same room with him working or on her phone. She loves him and only ever wants to help him get better. She's the whole reason he got medicated and DID get better. He would act this way when he was with MY mom and would lash out constantly. Today I saw that he had disabled his Facebook and Instagram accounts, which he has never done and I'm concerned. Although we both struggle with OCD, this is not what this is about. I simply just need some guidance on what to do and what could possibly be going on with him. I know no one else is going to know him like I do but we don't talk like that so I don't think he'd ever tell me. I'm so afraid of him taking his own life, I've always known he's had it in him but this time I just have a horrible feeling. If I lost my dad that way I'm not sure what I'd do because he's the only person who will ever understand the way my mind works, and I really just can't imagine losing him in general.

my father was never that good of a person to begin with as he beat us when we were kids, but today as he was pissed as he was repairing tubes in the sink my cat was meowing and in the way and he got annoyed and basically kicked her away with the shin. I have moral scrupolosity ocd, and when people do something like these it irks me to the core. I tolerate my father, but after this i feel like a moral obligation to not accept him. but i physically can't, he's my father and also the only economical provider for us, i have to go to him to learn to drive and etc. i don't know. what should i do? isolating him is not an option, i just feel like i cant be friendly with him anymore. if he gets angry at me and screams i dont really care, but to do that to my cat idk.