My father was emotionally abusive to my siblings and I as children, I can't say he's changed much. He came home yesterday just pissed off at the world, I guess, decided it was appropriate to make violent comments about our dogs to me and then go in the house and scream at my mother and sister. After my mom told him off, he acted like he was,,,apologetic but you could tell he still felt he was in the right. I have been fatigued and apathetic ever since that incident. I have so much to do. I can't move out right now because I'm just barely functional, don't even have a job. This childish behavior is normal for him. There are three of us and one of him, yet the household revolves around his fragile feelings. If we stand up to him then he stomps off to lick his wounds and feel sorry for himself, acts like a fucking child. I have been afraid of him my entire life, and it seems like the older he gets the worse he becomes. I can't leave my dogs with him, I can't leave my sister with him. My mom is like,,,,desensitized to him, almost. Last year she told him that she was considering divorcing him, and all he did was mock her and treat her like a child. He's such a piece of shit.

My dad and I got in a physical fight today. I was screaming in a panic attack, frustratedly yelling and he decided to spit at me (contamimation OCD so that was awful), it eventually escalated to the point where he hit me, choked me and kicked my leg. I peed myself from fear when this all happened onto the floor. My mom and sister had to restrain him from hitting me more. My leg still hurts hours after. I'm at my uncle's now as the crisis service did not think me staying there was a safe situation. I can't stop thinking about it. My relationship was great with my dad before I got OCD. But ever since it has gotten to this point. This is not the first time it has happened either. He promised last time it wouldn't happen again. I still love him and want to forgive him as we had a great relationship before OCD. I don't know how to cope with all this. I am trying to sleep but my leg hurts and it keeps reminding me of what happened today. I sometimes wonder if I'll ever be able to trust him again... certaintly not while having a mental illness I feel like. I wish I could sleep but I just feel like crying.

I posted on here before about a man who had been emotionally abusing me, I stood up to him and brought up the things that bothered me and he said “I don’t know what you’re talking about, did we have this conversation on the phone? Well you know I can only use what YOU tell me right??” And then talked over me the rest of the conversation. I got up, held my head up high and walked out despite there being tears rolling down my face. I cried silently, and made sure no one ESPECIALLY him saw it. I didn’t want to give him that power. We had other people in the room to help with the conversation, and most of them laughed and said “well she IS growing you know” as if this was nothing more than a teenage girl throwing a tantrum. He had been talked to about it before, and he came and apologized to me and backed off which at first I assumed he was actually sorry. However I overheard him yelling to his group of people saying “I’ve had trouble ever since I’ve been here! I had to apologize and take the blame for something I knew wasn’t my fault! Do you know how hard that is?? I didn’t even do anything wrong!” (He was referring to being reprimanded for the things he was saying to me, and this also comes after i set a boundary with him.) then during the conversation he said “I’ll take the blame I’ll apologize I’ll do this and that even though I didn’t do anything.” Which just confirmed that the apology he had given me was fake, because he never saw a problem with his behavior in the first place. I tried to speak up and advocate for myself, I even put it gently as to not make him think I was attacking him, and it still was my fault on everything. Now I’ve been wondering if I’m really the one who’s the problem, this isn’t a new thing either. For months ever since I met him I’ve been wondering if I’m a narcissist, and my OCD likes to replay that argument and make me wonder if he really was the innocent one and I was the one wrong. He’s admitted to talking to other people that I know, and said that they all thing I’m weak and not capable of something. When I brought that up, he said “I was trying to push you to be the best you can be, but clearly you’re not ready for that.” I just don’t know anymore. I’m so close to just slamming the door on not only him but also the rest of the people who side with him. Can anyone tell me what’s going on? Im not looking for reassurance, I would just like someone who maybe understands why he would do these things. He’s way older than me, I’m 17.

So my biological father had a talk with me a couple hours ago. I’ve been trying to process it and honestly it’s not affecting me as much as I thought it would. Anyway so here’s what happened: he told me that I should be careful what I claim. (For context I told my bio parents that I had ocd and possibly schizophrenia due to some signs I’ve noticed) he thinks I’m making this up, to quote this bastard; “I don’t know what game you’re playing…” and he also said that I might’ve been influenced by social media and im attention seeking. In the car he also said that if word got out that I do have a mental illness then no one is going to want to work for me or want me on the road (now I’m not learning how to drive anytime soon, I’m 16 and was supposed to learn this summer because next year I’m going to college) but that’s not the worst of it. It’s the fact that he said I’m causing THEM problems by having mental problems and asking for help. Help that I really need because I have tried to take my life and cut myself a few times now. I’ve also resorted to drinking to numb the pain. But now I’m going to have to tell them that I am in fact fine and have no mental illness because even though I need help, I value my freedom to get away from them than I do getting help. He has told me to go to hell and that he doesn’t care about me multiple times and every time I knew he wasn’t lying when he said he wished this would happen but now there’s no denying it. He never cared and will never care. My bio mother lets this happen and tries to convince he he’s a good guy who does these things because he cares. Someone who cares about me wouldn’t do this. Both of them can go fuck themselves. Thank you for listening to my rant talk 😻🫶‼️