My father was emotionally abusive to my siblings and I as children, I can't say he's changed much. He came home yesterday just pissed off at the world, I guess, decided it was appropriate to make violent comments about our dogs to me and then go in the house and scream at my mother and sister. After my mom told him off, he acted like he was,,,apologetic but you could tell he still felt he was in the right. I have been fatigued and apathetic ever since that incident. I have so much to do. I can't move out right now because I'm just barely functional, don't even have a job. This childish behavior is normal for him. There are three of us and one of him, yet the household revolves around his fragile feelings. If we stand up to him then he stomps off to lick his wounds and feel sorry for himself, acts like a fucking child. I have been afraid of him my entire life, and it seems like the older he gets the worse he becomes. I can't leave my dogs with him, I can't leave my sister with him. My mom is like,,,,desensitized to him, almost. Last year she told him that she was considering divorcing him, and all he did was mock her and treat her like a child. He's such a piece of shit.

My dad and I got in a physical fight today. I was screaming in a panic attack, frustratedly yelling and he decided to spit at me (contamimation OCD so that was awful), it eventually escalated to the point where he hit me, choked me and kicked my leg. I peed myself from fear when this all happened onto the floor. My mom and sister had to restrain him from hitting me more. My leg still hurts hours after. I'm at my uncle's now as the crisis service did not think me staying there was a safe situation. I can't stop thinking about it. My relationship was great with my dad before I got OCD. But ever since it has gotten to this point. This is not the first time it has happened either. He promised last time it wouldn't happen again. I still love him and want to forgive him as we had a great relationship before OCD. I don't know how to cope with all this. I am trying to sleep but my leg hurts and it keeps reminding me of what happened today. I sometimes wonder if I'll ever be able to trust him again... certaintly not while having a mental illness I feel like. I wish I could sleep but I just feel like crying.

About 6 months ago my dad (58 year old male) was sent to the ER due to a stroke. I woke up instinctively in the morning and my brother was talking to my mom about how we had to decide ASAP if he was going to get the surgery. There are lots of details to this story ,so I will try to make it shorter. We rushed to the hospital that was 1 1/2 away. My mom and sister were in a panic, I felt like I was not there mentally but was able to “fake” a calm demeanor. I saw my dad moving from the outside of a glass door. He was conscious after they stabilized him. They wouldn’t let us in the room. He signed the paper and they rolled him out before we could even talk to him, he didn’t even know we were there. They told us the surgery would last several hours. I tried to keep my mom and sister distracted because they kept crying and were anxious. I took them to my coho s house that lived nearby. She was going to take her pit-bull for a run and told us we could nap while we waited. The entire time I could not cry. Anyways, she came back and her dog was “ calm”. This dog knew me since he was a puppy. I went to pet him as he was laying on her bed and out of nowhere he jumped in me and bit my face 7 different areas. All different bites. Blood was everywhere. My you get sister tried to pull the dog off but was screaming and almost fainted at the sight of blood. My mom and her and my cousin were shaking and panicking. I still couldn’t cry. We called for an ambulance because I couldn’t risk them driving like that. I went to the same hospital as my dad that day and got 14 stitches on my face. And yes I asked for an extra one to make it an even number bc my OCD was not having it. I wasn’t able to cry the way I needed to. This even is on replay I’m my head. And when it is I still don’t know how I should be. I feel guilt, sadness, angry, and frustrated. Anyways, i has no medical insurance and a huge bill to pay.

After a year of depression and OCD episodes I finally got a job as a barista and have been developing so, so much confidence. It’s been incredibly fulfilling for me, and I feel myself being ready to take on more fears, such as driving. My dad, for the first time since I really got the job, asked how work was. I told him how great it’s been, and he said, “well, when you get a REAL job it’ll be way more fulfilling.” Shut down the conversation instantly. Such a big accomplishment for me, but not for him bc the bar was too low. My dad makes me hate myself. Nothing I ever do makes him happy or proud. My appearance isn’t good enough, my bf isn’t, my education (WHICH HE CHOSE BTW) isn’t, my hair isn’t, my personality isn’t, my politics isn’t, NOTHING is good enough for him! If there is anyone in the world who makes me hate myself it’s my father. If it weren’t for my father, I think I’d love myself a lot more.