Do you guys think this is ROCD or am in denial(I prey not). I've been in a relationship with my girlfriend for almost 8 months now and I assume I fell out if the honeymoon faze a long time ago. I get worried because sometimes i feel annoyed with her and don't feel like I love her and then other times I just want to love all up on here, cuddle with her, and give her affection. I'm just scared because it just seems like most of the time It doesn't feel like I am attracted to her or that I love her. I want to fight and keep pushing because I know love is a choice but I don't know if i'm just in denial or not. I just really want to feel the way I used to about her or at least like not feel doubtful and feel like almost repulsed by her (in a way ig). I just want to feel for her again please helppppp.

Today, my boyfriend — who usually doesn’t post much — made a really sweet TikTok with me. He used a trend where he called me his princess and posted it on Close Friends. It was thoughtful and loving… but I felt nothing. And that terrified me. Last night, I looked at him while we were lying in bed and had a thought: “I lost feelings. I don’t like him anymore.” It hit me like a wave, and since then I’ve been so scared that this is all the proof I need that I don’t love him. The worst part? I’m not feeling any positive emotions at all. No joy. No spark. No connection. I’ve been trying so hard for so long to feel something — anything — and I just can’t. I’m scared that the numbness means the love is gone. I’m scared I never truly loved him. I’m scared I’ve just been coping all this time, forcing it. I feel like the relationship is fake, like I’m fake, and everything is falling apart. And still… he keeps showing up for me. He’s loving, kind, and consistent. He tells me how much he loves me. But I can’t feel the warmth anymore, and I don’t know what’s happening to me. I’m miserable, I feel like a shell, and I’m terrified that this is my truth — that I don’t love him and I’m just in denial. I need help. I don’t want to lose him. But I also don’t want to keep living in this constant fear, panic, and emotional numbness. I don’t know what to trust anymore — the thoughts, the feelings, or the memories that feel blurry. Has anyone felt this too?

I am struggling so much with ROCD symptoms, and lately everything feels more and more real, like I am finally “realizing” that I don’t love my boyfriend anymore. When I think about him, about him speaking kindly to me, or about being with him — I feel no warmth inside me, no happiness, no calm. This makes me panic, and I start thinking that maybe this is the truth, that I don’t love him anymore or never did. It feels like my mind is connecting everything to “prove” I don’t love him — I even struggle now to remember good moments with him or any time when I felt love. When I am in his arms, instead of comfort, I feel anxious and disconnected. When he says sexual things, I feel disgust or nothing. I also had a really hard moment with my mom yesterday — I told her I don’t feel love anymore, and she told me that I am lying to myself, that I am hurting both him and myself. I keep hearing her words in my mind now. On top of this, someone on NOCD told me to focus on traits I admire about him, but when I try, nothing comes to mind and this scares me even more — like maybe I never truly loved him, I just liked the idea of having a boyfriend. I know I have read a lot about ROCD, I know about ERP, I know I should “let the feelings be there” and not fight them. But even though I know this, I feel so stuck, hopeless, and burned out. The thoughts feel so real now — like I have a gut feeling that I don’t love him anymore, that I’ve changed, and I’m just forcing myself. I am also afraid that deep down, maybe I don’t want to love him anymore, I just want to feel “normal” again — and this terrifies me. Lately I feel like everything feels more and more real — like the thoughts and this horrible feeling are the truth that I was denying all along. Now I feel almost numb, like I have accepted this horrible idea and I can’t connect to my emotions any I feel desperate. I don’t know what is real anymore. Please, if anyone can relate or give some guidance, I would be very grateful. 💔 (edited)

I just read a post that said “people with ROCD know they love their partners” right when I read it I got this horrible anxiety feeling rush down into my stomach. My partner asked me to be his girlfriend in December and literally since that night It’s like a switch of doubt turned on and I was suffering with consistent doubt about loving my partner, I felt like I didn’t feel anything anymore and I didn’t know what to do and through out the past months it has been an absolute wave of things going on. He is aware of my ocd and in a way I’m glad that this happened because I have had harm ocd for the past 4-5 years and had no idea what it was until 2 months ago when I got an OCD therapist, I just thought I was crazy so I’m happy to know I’m not. Buuuuttt back to the ROCD, my main thoughts and feelings are about not feeling like i love my partner anymore and if we’re compatible, I hyper fixate on the weight he’s gained in the past few months and all the bad food he eats, I think about if our lives even align, we have very different views on some things but are we too different, what if we really don’t know each other at all and we thought we did because we’ve been best friends for 10 years. This is so frustrating because I’ve gotten to the point where my anxiety is barely there, I was have constant outrageous anxiety for 3-4 months and now I’ve gotten to this numb, I literally feel absolutely nothing feeling and it’s not even with just my boyfriend it’s with everything, I just don’t feel happy with anything anymore, I feel like there’s something wrong with me. We got into an argument the other day about how rude I was and I didn’t even feel sad or apologetic when he was talking to me about it, and I couldn’t stop crying, like I just don’t feel anything. I feel like there’s something really wrong with me. All I can describe it as is “blank” does that make sense? I feel like a bad person and I feel like we’re going to break up and I can tell how sad he is. All I do know is that I don’t want to break up. But anytime I think about him or anything along the lines of my ROCD everything like freaks me out. I like scream “NO” and “STOP” in my head all the time. But it’s starting to really feel real. I’m so scared, and now I read that post that said that “people with ROCD know they love their partner” but WHAT IF I DONT KNOW!!! I WANT TO LOVE MY PARTNER. I want to feel the love I had for him before this all started. We were so happy, and we didn’t even get the honey moon phase because my ROCD started right when we made it official. This is seriously so crippling.