- Username
- Lš
- Date posted
- 3y ago
I can relate to this. The pandemic has caused everyone to feel extra bored so do take that into account. Iāve been with my partner for over 2 years now and began experiencing this feeling of comfort and ease with the relationship and it scared me. It still sometimes scares me. Iāve had to really recognize that āloveā is not one feeling. A long term relationship involves periods of time where you donāt feel āin loveā or you may think about what itād be like to be with someone else. This is all a part of it. This is why love is a choice. You have these thoughts and you get to decide whether or not you want to choose to stay. Throughout the past 6 months of struggling with rOCD, the beginning was horrible. Everytime my partner and I talked I felt anxious and scared. I was analyzing every little thing she did as well as questioning me if every interaction felt right. I definitely did not feel āin loveā. However, I chose to live with that feeling not being there. I chose to continue to āloveā her even when I felt empty. Why? Because I knew there wasnāt any thing she was doing that truly was making things bad. It was all this internal talk that was causing me to feel bad. I still struggle with it, but this past month I felt those āloveā feelings again. They dwindled some. And Iām sure they will go away again. But to me that doesnāt mean that the relationship is wrong. If she was saying or doing something that made me go from a happy person to a sad person then yeah, I think there could be a problem there. But mostly when the āin loveā feelings arenāt there, it doesnāt have to do with her. It has to do with my own problems that then get projected onto the relationship. Continue to seek support and knowledge on rOCD and anxiety in general. It really can brainwash you. Stay strong and know there is hope.
omg, this is sooooo true. amazing.
This made me tear up because I relate so much to this and it really helps to know that there are others going through the same thing I am, Thank you š
You aren't doing anything wrong. There's a video in Awaken Into Love about couples life in quarantine. And also lots of advises on long term relationship. I suggest you check that out
Sadly we cannot force feelings! We also have to expect that we may not always feel love or attraction every day! At the end of the day we choose to take loving actions because that is what we value and want! Feelings ebb and flow, plus the longer we want to feel a certain feeling the less likely we will. Same with the less we want to feel something, the more we will! Donāt force feelings or search for them, just accept them when it comes in! Feelings donāt last forever, remember that with the ones we donāt want!
true
I have been in a relationship for almost 3 years and before we went on holiday all I wanted was to get engaged (or so I thought, because people kept saying when are you getting married, when will you have a baby?) and Iām happy the way we are. Then on holiday my BF joked about buying me an engagement present and I had a panic attack and two whole days of worrying, ādoes this mean I donāt love him anymore, is there something wrong with meā, even picturing myself not being happy on my wedding day so my imagination went wild. I know deep down I donāt ever see a life without him but I feel pressured to follow the path everybody does and Iām just not ready to get married but Iām 34 and people (society) say thatās what I should be doing. I know that I do love my BF very much, we live together and have a pet, so Iām very much committed, but since then Iāve been having urges to ācheckā I still love him, for example if we cuddle do I feel a certain way, or having constant thoughts in the third person like āshe doesnāt deserve him, she is a bad person, she is lying, she doesnāt feel anythingā and the thoughts whizz around constantly. I know that this is my condition but I have a wonderful relationship and I am turning cold and distant because I feel so depressed and empty most days. ?
Should you leave a good guy that you've been with longterm who treats you right, are able to be 100% comfortable with him, talk to him about anything, take care of eachother when were sad. and I tell him good and bad news right when I find out, just cause you don't have feelings? I've been with him for 6 years.
I went out with my bf and I felt anxious the entire time. I felt like I was out of love and critiqued every little thing: his height, his face, his skin, etc. I feel awful and I'm scared I don't love him. I don't want to not love him :( He's so fucking amazing but it feels like I genuinely don't and that made me feel so emotional and almost cry right in front of him. I don't want to break up with him, I don't want to leave him, I want to love him. I do love him. :( I love how considerate and sweet he is, how much effort he puts in, how patient he is, but after a few years I still struggling with "feeling" in love, whatever that means. I want him, forever. Why does it not feel like it?
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