- Date posted
- 4y ago
- Date posted
- 4y ago
I can relate to this. The pandemic has caused everyone to feel extra bored so do take that into account. Iāve been with my partner for over 2 years now and began experiencing this feeling of comfort and ease with the relationship and it scared me. It still sometimes scares me. Iāve had to really recognize that āloveā is not one feeling. A long term relationship involves periods of time where you donāt feel āin loveā or you may think about what itād be like to be with someone else. This is all a part of it. This is why love is a choice. You have these thoughts and you get to decide whether or not you want to choose to stay. Throughout the past 6 months of struggling with rOCD, the beginning was horrible. Everytime my partner and I talked I felt anxious and scared. I was analyzing every little thing she did as well as questioning me if every interaction felt right. I definitely did not feel āin loveā. However, I chose to live with that feeling not being there. I chose to continue to āloveā her even when I felt empty. Why? Because I knew there wasnāt any thing she was doing that truly was making things bad. It was all this internal talk that was causing me to feel bad. I still struggle with it, but this past month I felt those āloveā feelings again. They dwindled some. And Iām sure they will go away again. But to me that doesnāt mean that the relationship is wrong. If she was saying or doing something that made me go from a happy person to a sad person then yeah, I think there could be a problem there. But mostly when the āin loveā feelings arenāt there, it doesnāt have to do with her. It has to do with my own problems that then get projected onto the relationship. Continue to seek support and knowledge on rOCD and anxiety in general. It really can brainwash you. Stay strong and know there is hope.
- Date posted
- 4y ago
omg, this is sooooo true. amazing.
- Date posted
- 4y ago
This made me tear up because I relate so much to this and it really helps to know that there are others going through the same thing I am, Thank you š
- Date posted
- 4y ago
You aren't doing anything wrong. There's a video in Awaken Into Love about couples life in quarantine. And also lots of advises on long term relationship. I suggest you check that out
- Date posted
- 4y ago
Sadly we cannot force feelings! We also have to expect that we may not always feel love or attraction every day! At the end of the day we choose to take loving actions because that is what we value and want! Feelings ebb and flow, plus the longer we want to feel a certain feeling the less likely we will. Same with the less we want to feel something, the more we will! Donāt force feelings or search for them, just accept them when it comes in! Feelings donāt last forever, remember that with the ones we donāt want!
- Date posted
- 4y ago
true
Related posts
- Date posted
- 19w ago
maybe i dont want to accept the factvthat i lost feelings, maybe i never actually loved my boyfriend and i hust wanted a relationship , i dont want reasurance, but in very scared i dont love him, because it feels real. im scared
- Date posted
- 15w ago
Idk what else to title this. I was watching a film cooper video cuz why not and he mentioned smthn about wall paper customization and icons and stuff and I just kinda had a groinal response followed by the memory of me having my first crush on a woman (my friend at the time) that helped me figure out that Iām bi and I felt kinda intensely for her but thatās cuz a) it was new and b) we were kinda on again off again friends who havenāt spoken in a few years now and Iām over her entirely. It was toxic I think. She was too much like the person who bullied me in elementary school (they were friends as well so my mom made me cut her off which is. Fair. Made me really sad but eh thatās life) I saw her at prom cuz someone brought her. It was nice to see her but yeah that was it. And now Iām mentally comparing what I felt for women in the past (idk intense crush, listening to a lot of gay songs (think she by dodie) dressing semi masc cuz funky, we had nicknames for each other despite not dating or anything) to men (less intense crush but still big crush, Iāve only dated and kissed men so sparks rhere) and now Iām just slightly nauseous and worried that I donāt like men as much as I like women but I think thatās normal for any bi person? To have different levels of attraction to different genders? Idk I feel gross and icky now like I shouldnāt even be thinking about it or her cuz I have a bf. And I do look fondly upon it, now Iām nervous cuz I got more excited about her calling me a specific nickname than I do from my bf calling me honey even at the beginning? Honey felt more traditional and I love it but we do switch around nicknames and itās always nice, not many butterflies anymore, and sometimes I get anxious when he does lately, if itās a nickname in Portuguese. Or if he called me a shortened version of my name. What does that mean? Iām nervous now. I was doing half decently today now Iām nauseous again. Iām worried that cuz I liked the nicknames she and I had that means I donāt like the ones my bf and I have and that I just donāt like him or men cuz Iāve been feeling off around him. But I love when he calls me honey, it still feels good when he does it now but no butterflies. Idk whatās wrong with me. Is it even ocd at this point. Even if I do like women slightly more it doesnāt erase that I love my bf. Iām worried Iām leaning too much towards women tho and Iām a lesbian. Idk if my bi cycle is cycling or if Iām just a lesbian entirely cuz I donāt feel much when my bf takes off his shirt, sex feels different, and things feel stale and slow. But maybe thatās cuz Iām checking and comparing. Now Iām anxious fuck. Iām trying not to think about her idk why. Iām worried I still find her attractive or am attracted to her or smthn. Sheās in my city. I didnāt care before but now I do. Or if I think about her Iāll think about other women and will only want to have sec with women which not really tbh. I wanna be able to enjoy sec with my bf. It just hasnāt felt right lately cuz Iāve been so depressed and obsessive. I wasnāt obsessing much last night when we had sex but it still didnāt feel passionate. It didnāt feel uncomfortable but I thought itād be more? Idk. I know itās normal to not feel him inside me cuz the vagina isnāt very nerved up compared to the clitoris but it felt like more the motions. But tbh. I needed it. Idk I wanted to have sex and it was a nice stress relief. I just didnāt feel butterflies which kinda bummed me out but weāve been having sex since august so thatās normal. Idk. I havenāt been able to fantasize about sex. The fact that Iām bi makes all of this so confusing. Cuz yes hypothetically I can enjoy the thought of sex with a woman. But I donāt want to rn cuz Iām dating a man. And I canāt fantasize about sex with him cuz Iām getting intrusive thoughts about my friends and I having sex. I have this urge to watch porn cuz itās been a while but Iām not going to. Iāve cut down a lot on masturbation. Partially cuz this partially cuz I wanna do things with my bf (when Iām mentally ok) but jow my brain is saying āOo you think all these women are so hot youāre gonna go feral blah blah blahā and yes women are hot but I donāt wanna have sex with a woman. Idk saying women are hot doesnāt bring me anxiety but the thought of sex with one or leaving my bf and saying Iām a lesbian bother me. Cuz I know itās not true. I love him I know that. Iād be happy if we stayed together. I wouldnāt regret a thing honestly. I like having sex with him. Idc if itās not like porn or the movies. As long as Iām being pleasured and heās being pleasured weāre good. Thatās what sex is about. I think the loss of butterflies is normal cuz the excitement of like (sorry tmi) fingering and oral eventually wears off right? But still feels good. I donāt feel as excited about intimacy anymore cuz we have done it so often but it still feels nice. But my brain perceives that as me not liking sex with men and therefore Iām gay. No I just donāt feel the need to jump his bones every single time I see him?? Idk the friend thing is bothering me. Idk if I feel any joy behind it. The groinal response really really throws my perception off
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- Date posted
- 12w ago
Iāve been struggling with something thatās been really overwhelming, and Iām hoping to get some perspective from others here. I feel a lot of guilt about it, and Iām not sure if Iām alone in this experience. Lately, Iāve found myself daydreaming about romantic situations or getting caught up in āwhat ifā scenariosāwhere I wonder if I could develop feelings for someone else, or if someone develops feelings for me. The thing is, Iām in a relationship that I love, and I donāt want to act on these thoughts at all. What makes it even harder is that these thoughts often hyperfixate on one specific friend, and sometimes they feel entertaining or give me a dopamine rush. But then, of course, I feel even more guilty because it makes me feel like Iām betraying my boyfriend. These thoughts usually happen when Iām upset and looking for comfort, but then they morph into romantic scenarios, which makes me feel so disloyal. Iām constantly going back and forth between feeling curious or entertained by the thoughts and then feeling horrible for even allowing them to happen in the first place. I keep confessing these thoughts to my boyfriend, and he tries to be understanding. Heās just never been the type to daydream, so he doesnāt know if this is something other people experience or if itās just me. I feel like such an awful girlfriend. Has anyone else dealt with something like this?
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