I hate how my mind is making me doubt of my intentions when i clearly know that I don’t have any desires to act on my thoughts. It makes my intentions feel so uncertain, and sometimes it would even make me feel like if I wanted to act on my thoughts when I actually don’t, because I wouldn’t be doubting if I did. So since I feel my intentions so uncertain I need to come to an answer, and sometimes it is so damn hard to get that answer, which makes me anxious and disturbed. It would also make me think of my past like, how were you okay without having these thoughts? Or makes me think of my future like, will you be okay without these thoughts? So it would make me think that these thoughts are really desires and I won’t be okay unless I act on them. As horrible as it sounds. And I don’t know if someone gets this too but, it would also make me doubt my feelings. When my family tells me cute things like “I love you” and stuff, I would feel so bad, because my thoughts are towards them. So I would say “ily too” but I feel like an hypocrite saying it, or like I don’t mean it at all, so it makes me doubt if I really love them or not. This is all so overwhelming, and I have gone through so many disturbing and crazy thoughts, feelings and situations, that I don’t know if this might be OCD.

Harm OCD

Username: c.catc.cat

Date posted: 3y ago

You just described me exact situation right now. Last night I wasn’t as anxious over my thoughts because I’ve been doing erp and I’ve been working toward accepting uncertainty, and I had the horrible thought, “what if you would like doing that” and it sent me on such a bad spiral. I never had a desire to hurt someone, I always wanted to help them. But now harm ocd is making me doubt everythinggg. No that you are not alone. Oh and the book, “overcoming harm ocd,” has so far allowed me to understand a lot about this theme !

Username: AnonymousAnonymous

Date posted: 3y ago

I’m so sorry, but I’m kinda relieved I’m not alone in this. And yes I feel you, I’ve had that thought too, just as “what if you like doing that and you don’t wanna accept it?” They are all so horrible and disturbing, but I know that if your thoughts start with “what if” u can already tell OCD has entered the chat lol. And same:( I was such a sweet person before all this who would never think of harm before, but now I doubt that, since I feel like a m**derer in waiting. But thank you so much for the book recommendation, I’ll try to see if it’s online :) wish you the best battling this horrible disorder !

Username: c.catc.cat

Date posted: 3y ago

@Anonymous I wish the best to you too! And I know what you mean, I was relieved to when knowing I wasn’t alone either. If you ever need support or anything just come back to this post and tag me and I’ll be there!

Username: AnonymousAnonymous

Date posted: 3y ago

@c.cat Same it makes me relieved. Thank you so much, the same thing for you!!

Username: AnonymousAnonymous

Date posted: 3y ago

Same, it’s so incredibly upsetting and illogical!!🙄🙄🙄🙄

Username: ellieellie

Date posted: 3y ago

I relate to all of this so much. I hope that helps a little bit

Username: AnonymousAnonymous

Date posted: 3y ago

Makes me relieved, but I’m sorry I know how horrible it is. If you ever wanna talk I’m here for you :)

Username: AnonymousAnonymous

Date posted: 3y ago

Hi, I’m not a doctor, but I definitely think this sounds exactly like OCD and it is almost identical to how I feel and I know exactly what you mean when they say I love you and then you feel like a hypocrite. it’s a very distressing disorder and it is very clever and complicated and feels very heavy and dense when it happens it is as if the thought is so heavy you can’t remove it and it just wants to sink you like a weight. Or pull you into it’s current. The ocd thoughts have tremendous momentum and they are literally Bait Waiting for us to react. I am working so hard on this and finding that the only solution is to not react to the thought, or the bait before you, like when you think you’re a hypocrite or you instantly want to come back with a feeling that denies the love for you, try to avoid letting that happen and If it’s instant then do nothing else, just let it pass don’t get into it with your mind. That’s the ocd trap. it’s all useless matter and I have been there 1 million times and it sounds exactly like what I go through meaning you are not alone and that you just need to let the thoughts pass, which are and can make us very uncomfortable And sad. I know! but try to go through this discomfort without reacting or thinking further. Sometimes I get short of breath and my heart will race like crazy! But I Continue activities or read or find something to put my attention on. I’m also working on exposures and this is so hard but they say this helps. I am hoping!! I will have also have repeating images of memories of horrible things I had once thought about and I will try to figure it out then spiral and fear I could do it. So now I try to stop the spiral before it starts. I try my best not to flip out when they happen and keep saying I have OCD. I try not to give myself any reassurance Other than ocd. I even have the reminder on my door! And to accept. If you read about acceptance and ocd it’s a big part. Hope that helps! Remember you’re not alone, and helpful to know we aren’t either.🌷

Username: AnonymousAnonymous

Date posted: 3y ago

Hi, thank you for your helpful words. It makes me relieved to know you can relate, and I’m glad you’re doing better with this overwhelming disorder. Yes you’re so very right, dealing with discomfort is the best thing to do against OCD. Unluckily I’ve tried it so many times and I keep falling into this loop, but I guess I’ll keep trying. What terrifies me is, that what if by not ruminating I find out that I actually like these thoughts, and have liked them all along and so I will act on them. Yeah it’s a really hard thing to do, but the best thing to beat OCD. And I feel you when you say it feels like a heavy thought you can’t take off of your head, it does feel like it, it sucks. But thank you for your advice, I will try my best. Thank you, we’re all together in this <3

Username: AnonymousAnonymous

Date posted: 3y ago

Hi, thanks for listening and sharing it equally helps me. 🙏🏻What I’m watching out for is exactly the ‘what terrifies me part you mentioned…I too go down this spiral as well, and then there it is! The panic and dread and It’s always the same…I end up feeling sick in the hole and my life is over. It’s so crazy! remember questioning it is a compulsion which I didn’t realize! My therapist informed me of this. The more you question the worse the spiral gets, so let the ugly thought be there without starting the questions. I get the same feeling of confusion about liking or not liking the thoughts then I get so miserable ! So we have to not even let it be an option. Stay neural and let that discomfort sit there with no compulsions or questions. Clare Weeks, who was a great therapist once said and they use this with OCD when you feel the spiral coming or urge whatever it is..,(OCD makes us feel bad in a multitude of ways)…she said ‘don’t just do something!! Sit there, and let time pass.’ In other words sit through the discomfort without ruminating or doing a compulsion. It’s a crazy challenge, but let’s try it!! You’re not alone🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻🌷

Username: AnonymousAnonymous

Date posted: 3y ago

@Anonymous Thank you for sharing all this, it makes me feel better to know I’m not alone. It’s a hard task but we can do it! Wish you all the best and thank you so much once again, we got this!!

Username: AnonymousAnonymous

Date posted: 3y ago

@Anonymous Yes! We got this!! And we got this!🙏🏻💕

Username: Anonymous

Date posted: 3y ago

Hey y’all i need to know if someone relates to what I’m going through. I feel almost like if I wanted to act on my thoughts but I actually don’t because this doesn’t please me at all. So if someone told me “You have Harm OCD” I would be like “really? So I don’t wanna harm people? Neither am I capable?” I have no clue why would that be my answer when I haven’t desired anything. But somehow it makes me feel like I do, and consequently makes me feel like I’m in denial. So it feels like if an unconscious part of me wants to do it but I am just resisting. I literally can’t go anywhere, I don’t wanna live any second more, because I feel so disturbed all the time. I feel like I’m gonna end up doing it, I feel so overwhelmed by these feelings,thoughts, images, urges, that I would avoid everything, like going anywhere. I hate feeling like this but I feel like there’s no way back, i can’t picture myself being good in the future because I feel like “this is what i want” when it’s not. I feel like it’s a time bomb for me to do something. I do not tolerate this, every minute that passes by I feel it closer to happen. I feel like I’m gonna collapse and act on it. I don’t even know if that’s what I want, but I don’t think it is, I think it just feels like it. Help I don’t know what to do.

Harm OCD

Username: MisterNegative

Date posted: 2y ago

POCD

How detailed can thoughts be? Can it make you question if it even is OCD or just denial? I have talked to friends and therapist in the past and they have said based on everything you've told me you aren't what you think you are. And it felt like a weight had been lifted. But doubt creeps up saying "you are a pedophile, you are just in denial!" And that feeling comes in my gut followed by intense anxiety. I've heard OCD can make you question who you are as a person and I think that's what is happening now. I'll get a thought like "even if you are one, its not that bad" the I think but I don't feel like one and I've talked about this with mental health professionals in the past and they have agreed based on everything I've told them, then my mind claps back with but what if you are? It is a back and forth I get so exhausted having. I know I have to be ok with never knowing but it is hard to not want an answer because of the fear you may become your thoughts one day.

Username: phew99914

Date posted: 1y ago

I don’t feel like I know myself anymore

Having constant intrusive thoughts is exhausting. They have made me question my relationship, my sexual orientation, if i am a good person, and so much more. It’s weird how they are all connected in a way too. A lot of these thoughts that I have feel so real, and i’m just now learning how to tell the difference between what is true and what is an intrusive thought. but at this point i cannot tell. they all feel real but still make me so uncomfortable. i’m scared i actually feel a certain way, whether that be i don’t actually love my boyfriend, i am actually bisexual or a lesbian, or that i am actually a horrible person and have done horrible things. it’s hard to not believe these things when they are constantly nagging at you. im scared im not with the right person. im scared that im not attracted to him enough, im scared we don’t have enough in common and im scared we don’t think the same way. im scared im supposed to be with someone else and that i am hurting him by lying. and im terrified i am lying about my sexual orientation and using him to deny my true thoughts. im scared i am actually bisexual or lesbian. i think i can accept being bisexual more than being a full blown lesbian, but it’s still scary. im not sure if i am actually bisexual or if i just have intrusive thoughts. and i don’t know what to do from there if i am. if i am bisexual that means to me i have to be with a woman? even though i don’t want to and i’ve never seen myself with a woman. i keep replaying memories with girls and if i showed any signs. and then i get scared that because i was aroused by “specific” porn that it means i am lesbian. all of these things make me feel like a horrible person for treating my boyfriend this way, lying to myself, and for being so confused. it’s exhausting. i don’t even know where to start to get help. im scared that i have had OCD my whole life, and if i have, i’m scared a lot of my feelings and thoughts weren’t even real. im scared when i liked a boy, it was actually my OCD. im scared that when i’ve been attracted to something, it was just my OCD. i don’t know what to do

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