- Date posted
- 4y
- Date posted
- 4y
Don’t talk so negatively about yourself! Everyone has rough times and I know right now seems like the end of the world but a few years from now you will look back on this and think “why was I so worried about that”
- Date posted
- 4y
Thanks a lot for saying that. It doesn’t feel like that now but you are very likely right.
- Date posted
- 4y
I’m sorry you’re going through this. Hopefully this app and therapy help you
- Date posted
- 4y
Thanks a lot I really appreciate it
- Date posted
- 4y
Sure thing.
- Date posted
- 4y
hey buddy, i hope you’re doing better by now. its okay if you’re not. listen, if you don’t have anyone to talk to about things like this then you should definitely get a therapist through this app, it’ll help you reaccess your situation from another perspective and sometimes that’s all you need. in regards to your comment about, “Others have real problems, UNLIKE ME” i just want to point out that you are wrong. Yes, people have baggage to deal with but baggage is not something that should be measured, if it’s real to you and it hurts you then it’s undoubtedly real. You deserve happiness, you deserve health and you most definitely deserve help. I wish I had more helpful advice but alas, I don’t know you well enough to truly help. If you ever need to vent I am right here to listen.
- Date posted
- 4y
that’s wonderful! im very glad you’re getting the help you deserve. you’ll be okay one day :)!!
- Date posted
- 4y
Also: I know that it is the correct therapy approach to treat OCD, but right now I HATE how anyone who comments will NOT tell me it’s alright or that I’m OK. They will explicitly only tell me the opposite, and probably insult and attack me to make me feel even worse, in some attempt to do exposure therapy. I am in such an emotionally fragile place right now and posting on here today will probably just make things worse. But I have no one else to talk to. No one else can listen to me. Everyone else has real problems, UNLIKE me, so if I tried to tell them about what I’m feeling they would just resent me and feel annoyed that I am interrupting their very busy schedules (but they actually work quickly and work hard, UNLIKE me) for my stupid problems that are entirely my fault. There is no one in my life at all who I can talk to about this. So this is the least bad place. Even though I know the responses on here will be cold and cruel and brutal and just make me feel much much worse.
- Date posted
- 4y
G*dd*mn if I hate being alive so much. It is so miserable being alive. I will never ever ever commit suicide, because it would permanently completely destroy the lives and any chance at happiness for my entire family. But it’s such a horrible feeling to be alive. I wish there was some escape from this horrible horrible feeling but there isn’t any.
- Date posted
- 4y
I kind of wish I had a terminal illness. Except it would make my twin brother horribly and permanently sad I think. The other members of my family I think would all be able to move on and get closure from it, accept it. But I don’t think he ever would.
- Date posted
- 4y
Thanks so much I really appreciate it. I am tearing up right now in a good way because of what you said, thank you. I went through NOCD twice. It was definitely helpful but we got to the point where it couldn’t really help me with my other issues. I just started seeing a new therapist once a week.
Related posts
- Date posted
- 22w
i don’t know what changed, but in the past 1-2 weeks something switched in my brain and now i am obsessing over every mistake I’ve ever made, and i firmly believe the guilt i feel is justified. i am a pathological liar and i’m realizing i may have lied about more things than I ever intended to. i think i tricked myself into believing some things and now I feel awful that I’ve lied to myself and others about so many things. my mind is a mess and i can’t even tell what is a lie and what isn’t anymore. i also feel like i’ve been taking advantage of my boyfriends family who has financially supported me for these past few years, because i had convinced myself and everyone around me that my physical health & mental health was worse than it actually was. i never meant to take advantage or hurt anyone, but i can definitely say that i became complacent and comfortable living these past few years without having to worry about work, school, or really anything. i think i used “not feeling well” as an excuse to not do anything because i was too afraid to leave the house and function in society. i feel so awful and disgusted by my behavior and the guilt is eating me alive. i even feel bad using my phone because they pay for it, and feel bad being in my apartment for the same reason. i feel like everything about me is a lie and they’ve been paying for and supporting a person completely different than they thought. maybe i’m not who I portrayed myself out to be at all. i’ve felt so disgusting and so awful i can barely stand it. this morning i woke up feeling like i was suffocating, my chest hurt so bad and i felt like there was absolutely no way out. i really felt like i was dying. other than the lying, i’ve felt awful about things i did as a child where i didn’t know any better, or i even feel bad about my own thoughts and emotions that I have no control over. my mom says i’m being too hard on myself, and that i can’t help that i lie, but i don’t believe that. i think i deserve to feel this way and that i’m not being hard enough on myself. i lied and took advantage and therefore i deserve to suffer. i caused people to worry for me when it wasn’t necessary, when i was fine. i deserve to feel so guilty that i’m nauseous, i deserve to feel ashamed. i feel like i don’t deserve to eat or feel better, even though i desperately want to. i feel so guilty and so shameful i literally can’t function. i want to escape this feeling so bad, i want to get out of this guilt that’s keeping me from moving on and improving myself. i acknowledge that i have a lying problem, that it’s a mental illness, but i am ashamed of it and feel disgusted that i’m this way even though i can’t help some of it. i truly don’t know what to do or how to have compassion for myself. probably a good idea to share that my dad is a pathological liar and never received help, and i’m pretty sure i learned this behavior through him. not to mention all the stuff i did as a kid that i feel bad about, or the fact that i feel bad about things i can’t control. and i even feel bad about finding certain things funny. the guilt is killing me and i don’t know how i’m ever supposed to become a better person if i’m so sure that i’m undeserving of ever feeling better. in my head i truly feel like im a monster. i feel like i’m having a crisis because i’m realizing i lied about a lot of things without even really realizing it. or i deceived myself into thinking things. and I’ve lied about things for sympathy, for attention, to make myself seem more interesting, or to make me seem less pathetic than i actually am. i’ve lied about some serious things, and i’ve lied about things that don’t matter at all. i don’t know how to keep living. i want to go home to my apartment and be in my safe space, but i feel disgusting being there when i’ve taken advantage of my boyfriend’s family, even though it was never my intention. no matter what I do and where i go, i feel wrong. because i’ve done so many bad things and i can’t forgive myself. i feel so morally wrong i can’t stand it and i don’t see things ever getting better. i feel like I’m going crazy and i feel so alone. i can’t escape this guilt no matter what. and i feel overwhelmed because I know this isn’t something that can be fixed quickly. am i ever gonna be able to live without shame ever again? am i ever gonna be able to do the things i love again? the things that brought me comfort? nothing brings me any comfort, and i spend all day in bed or sitting around doing absolutely nothing because i can’t distract myself. i can’t stop thinking about all the things i’ve done no matter how hard i try. i obsessively read and look up online things to try and find reassurance. i feel like i’m going crazy. and i just feel so sorry. to everyone. and i’m so extremely ashamed of my behavior. i can’t stop obsessing about the past, the present, and the future. don’t i deserve to feel this way when i’ve lied and done bad things? even if it wasn’t my intention, or if it’s a result of a mental illness? don’t i deserve to feel debilitating guilt when i’ve been a bad person? even though i know i never had any bad intentions, i don’t think it matters. am i gonna feel this way forever, where everything i do or everywhere i look, im reminded of the the things ive done?
- Date posted
- 17w
I genuinely feel like the worlds most horrible person deeply for my past actions in childhood and general mistakes I’ve made. I feel like I shouldn’t be here or there’s no hope for me despite doing right ( trying to do right ) I’ve wanted to open up to my mom about things from my past but when I was talking to her about a situation that happened just to share, she was like “Thank God you’ve never done anything like that” But really my past mistakes are worst. It’s like I feel like I should disappear. I don’t know how to deal with the guilt and I feel horrible. I’ve made good and bad decisions but despite this being a long time ago ( which doesn’t erase my stupid actions ) I still keep bringing back into the present and I’m filled with guilt I genuinely think it would be better if I wasn’t here. I wake up think about my past things and I’m filled with guilt and shame that maybe I am a bad person and voices don’t stop, they keep telling me a lot of things that I start to believe. It makes me upset that I did something like that in my past and I try to be understanding but I can imagine the reactions of people and being condemned so much. I literally do this to myself every single day and it’s exhausting I don’t know how you guys can treat me with so much compassion and understanding. It really doesn’t feel real or like I deserve it. Like even on nocd, it makes me feel worst because I come across comments that say “as long as it’s not —-“ or something and I compare it to my past and I feel like a horrible unacceptable person.
- Date posted
- 11w
For context, im going to college for 6 years (less than 2 years away to graduate college) to focus on fixing my GPA, volunteering, and MCAT studying... as well as graduating... My parents keep guilt tripping me and asking me questions like "did you know how much we've spent to keep you in college?" And telling me the amount they've spent on my college education... my mom keeps saying that "shes not trying to make me feel guilty, but it's a fact you have to accept..." I know they've spent a lot of money to help me... my mom claims she spent over 70k on me... and I know they're suffering... but them constantly telling me the same thing and saying things like I should drop out to focus on making money to save is honestly degrading my mental health... My mom is the only one who knows the full extent of how extremely horrible my extremely awful and terrible POCD real events when i was either 13 or 14 were... so it feels like im indebted to her for helping me throughout... but her constantly asking me these kinds of questions and then saying "im not trying to make you feel guilty" is counterintuitive... UPDATE: when I called my mom just now... crying about how much I l0athe myself every time she guilt trips me, she kept bringing up her own pain, and that I didnt keep my promises... to the point where I genuinely asked her if I delete myself, will she be happy... she at first compared me to other kids who graduated in four years, then asked if I thought I had suffered more than she has... and if i did, that I should "stop talking to her"... I genuinely cant take this anymore... I cant take this from her anymore... I cant take life anymore... she makes me feel like I shouldn't be here... I genuinely dont want to be here...
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