I saw a better therapist today, she seemed as if she’s been familiar with same people as me. Still fearful and worried. I become fearful of good thoughts because I feel they’ll come around to bite me. It feels the more I try to think of good thoughts genuinely they’re filled with doubt as soon as I say or think them and it really sucks. Does anyone else fear that they’re losing their masculinity(guys)?

it feels like therapy isn't working at all, like I've been super reluctant to participate or try and get better. I was doing really well at first but I've been in a slump with it lately, and the idea of doing exposures again makes me really scared. Like, I know if have to do them to get better but I'm so afraid that I'll pick something, watch it, and think the child character is attractive and start fantasizing about them. Like what if the only thing keeping me from doing that is because I've been avoiding them? Also is it normal for pocd to convince you that you prefer one gender more strongly than the other? Bc for some reason it feels more real with boys than it does girls (I'm mostly straight) and like.. idk I'm just not feeling good.

Im a straight man and sometimes I make the mistake of compulsively getting on here. It’s gotten better but I slip sometimes. I feel like I’m alone in this and I even read on some OCD page that Women are more likely to suffer from this theme than Men. That just makes me feel like I’m in denial of some sort. I feel alone and feel like my intrusive thoughts are different. I know that’s what everyone who has ocd thinks, but I can’t help shake the feeling like what if I’m lying to myself or what if I have some underlying secret. I don’t want to be gay. I find I argue with myself in my head over and over and sometimes by repeating “I don’t want to be gay, I want to be straight” I’ll end up saying the opposite and that would scare me even though I know that It happened because I’m constantly fighting with OCD. Just feeling a bit down today. I had a sexual dream about an ex girlfriend and it felt great and I’m not scared by it. I find and want to be with Women romantically til forever.

I am currently working with my second therapist. She does lots of somatic, emdr, humanistic therapy. We connected right off the bat and I was so happy to be able to be myself around her, VIRTUALLY anyways. It’s been about 4-5 months working with her, but the more we are meeting the more i still have doubts about her understanding where i am coming from or understand how my brain works, or being able to help me. And i feel myself closing off and just being superficial about everything, or just resisting my thoughts /feelings. Sometimes i feel like i can open up just fine, but it’s starting to feel unauthentic. Sometimes i wish she would be like my first therapist, and help prompt me to talk or find a way to dig deeper into my issues…sometimes i feel like she doesn’t say the right thing, or doesn’t point out things my first therapist would do and work that out….idk…and the whole humanistic energy work freaks me out. Im a practicing Catholic and when we do certain somatic/emdr/humanistic work i start to think: what if i get possessed or what if what i am doing here is wrong, or this feels like its too much for my brain to handle and i might end up freaking out badly, or what if i something bad happens….idk…any thoughts???