Date posted: 4y

I don’t normally make posts like this but if anyone can relate or has advice so I don’t feel so alone I would appreciate it! I feel like crying and I’m so anxious. So I’ve been dealing with an ocd flare up since February. It started out as contamination and harm after I had a really bad experience on a edible. The contamination mostly centered around the fear of someone accidentally giving me an edible to someone putting it in my food or water. Then it went from there to my Brian going you know what’s worse than edibles? LSD. So then I obsessed over that and it’s been like that on and off. I’ve had an extremely hard time with it it’s been one of the worst themes I ever had. I don’t eat certain things. Especially sweets. I avoid them. I avoid taking medication Bc I’m scared. I limit myself. I’m horrible about opening water bottles and if it doesn’t open just right I won’t drink out of it. I know it’s crazy I know it’s untrue but the panic I feel traces back to that night. I don’t ever want to feel that out of control again it scared me so bad I got diagnosed with ptsd (to be fair I had a lot of unresolved trauma that caused my glass to overfill) well, I’ve been going to EMDR therapy it’s got my ptsd under control but the ocd is louder. My ocd is clawing to stay alive. I’ve started to have intrusive thoughts now about my boyfriend might slip something into my water even though ITS NOT TRUE. So then I panic because the thoughts are so irrational that I get scared like why would I ever think that about him???? But the intrusive thoughts are so jarring and I don’t want my ocd to focus on him now! I need advice! I’ve been prescribed pristiq but haven’t taken it Bc you guessed it.,.. I’m scared to! I can’t go on like this! The thoughts are so irrational it scares me even though the rational side of me knows it’s not true but I guess that’s ocd. We get scared of the thoughts even though we know it’s not true and I know it’s my brain trying to keep the ocd going. I know therapy must be working otherwise my theme subjects wouldn’t have changed so fast. I’m so tired of this.

Erin12

Date posted: 4y

I had something very similar when my ocd first began. I was so terrified of someone tampering with my food that I used to check food packages religiously and if they weren’t just right I wouldn’t eat out of them. I struggled to go to restaurants for months because I couldn’t get over the fear that someone might tamper with my food. I would maybe mention to your therapist that you aren’t taking your medication because of your ocd. I found out that until I really told my therapist just how bad things had gotten nothing got better. I hope you can find some kind of relief soon

Date posted: 4y

She knows. She wants to try EMDR to ease the fear from taking medication but it doesn’t work like that. I’m like one of her few ocd patients. After this is over I need to get with an ocd therapist or at least DBT. I don’t know. Yeah I didn’t order from Ubereats for a while for that same reason I just now got over that fear. Or I’d eat something and compulsively wait 2 hours after eating/drinking something to see if it would “hit” my system. Idk I don’t want it to target my boyfriend now too it’s so hard. Thank you so much for your reply! I don’t normally see people talk about this type of contamination on here so it’s nice to see people who can relate it makes me feel less alone

Erin12

Date posted: 4y

@j Oh for sure and I totally get not wanting your ocd to target someone you love too. I had ocd thoughts that surrounded my best friend for awhile and it was miserable. Finding a therapist that specializes in ocd is really helpful. The first therapist I saw didn’t specialize in ocd and that lead to my contamination ocd about food being misdiagnosed as an eating disorder and therefore treated incorrectly. Once I found a therapist that specialized in ocd it felt like someone finally understood how my mind worked and it was a breath of fresh air for sure

Lees

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 4y

I used to have terrible fears of packaged food being tampered with years ago. I'd spend a long time in the supermarket checking every single food item to make sure there wasn't anything off with it at all. I take my vitamin pills and then be terrified for about an hour until I was sure I wasn't poisoned. Thank God that passed. Of course my OCD took other forms in the years after that. I take medication and it helps. I also use Erp therapy. All the best to you.

Date posted: 4y

Yeah, I wasn’t ordering from Ubereats for a while. And I am compulsively checking every item in food to see if there’s anything off or if it looked off I wouldn’t buy it or throw it away even though I knew it wasn’t true. I’ve had basically every theme so far but this one this badly. Thank you for your reply! I’m hoping I face my fears and take my meds soon. It’s been in my cabinet for over a month. My psych and therapist know about it and they don’t seem too concerned. They just want me to get better and they are confident the medication will help. It’s only my ocd trying to make me feel like I’m not normal even though these are “typical” ocd thoughts. I was feel like I’m crazy.

Date posted: 4y

@j *always

ARTnotOCD

Date posted: 4y

I once did eat something that I didn’t know was an edible, and I did have an absolutely horrible time. It was also my first time on pot or anything else that might have been in it. But ya know what? After that horrible ride, I came back down to earth. And my OCD went wild while I was in space, and I am way more careful now about sharing dessert at a festival! (It had been an honest misunderstanding.) 🤦🏼‍♀️. But I lived through it! And every time since when I have chosen to have an edible, even those bad trips, I still came down and lived. I also have some PTSD that I thought I was done with, but reminds me every now and then that it still needs work. Scarier than edibles to me, I would actually consider shrooms if things get worse and more research keeps looking like they are a good way to help.

Date posted: 4y

Yeah, for me personally I’m staying away from all psychedelics. My boyfriend has done some and I’ve done research through him and internet and it’s not for me. I can’t even tolerate thc I don’t think I could tolerate anything else. I think my experimenting days are over lol

ARTnotOCD

Date posted: 4y

@j I totally hear that! I think all the research being done is fascinating, and I love that it seems to really be helping people. All the same, I’m not signing up to try it right now, but I oddly feel comfort past the fear that if things got really bad, it might be a helpful option (again, more for PTSD or depression rather than OCD.) Also, for a lot of people, ingested THC becomes more psychedelic than inhaled THC. I guess it has to do with chemicals and the digestion of it. 🤷🏼‍♀️. But it’s definitely something I’m sensitive to, and it sounds like the same thing might be happening to you. I personally don’t like taking things, but sometimes, rarely, my body is so tired, sore, and tight that I try for just enough to ease myself so I can sleep. Unfortunately, ingesting it often results in going way past that sweet spot.

Date posted: 4y

@ARTnotOCD For sure. The evidence is beneficial for some people. Unfortunately I think my body cannot handle these things. I’m a slow metabolizer so everything hits so intensely. Every time I’ve had edibles I “trip” it’s never happened when I’ve just smoked it. But then I know what strains I’m getting I never know with edibles. Especially now that people are experimenting more with delta 8. That was such a weird experience. thank you so much for your insight and reply!

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