- Username
- j
- Date posted
- 3y ago
I had something very similar when my ocd first began. I was so terrified of someone tampering with my food that I used to check food packages religiously and if they weren’t just right I wouldn’t eat out of them. I struggled to go to restaurants for months because I couldn’t get over the fear that someone might tamper with my food. I would maybe mention to your therapist that you aren’t taking your medication because of your ocd. I found out that until I really told my therapist just how bad things had gotten nothing got better. I hope you can find some kind of relief soon
She knows. She wants to try EMDR to ease the fear from taking medication but it doesn’t work like that. I’m like one of her few ocd patients. After this is over I need to get with an ocd therapist or at least DBT. I don’t know. Yeah I didn’t order from Ubereats for a while for that same reason I just now got over that fear. Or I’d eat something and compulsively wait 2 hours after eating/drinking something to see if it would “hit” my system. Idk I don’t want it to target my boyfriend now too it’s so hard. Thank you so much for your reply! I don’t normally see people talk about this type of contamination on here so it’s nice to see people who can relate it makes me feel less alone
@j Oh for sure and I totally get not wanting your ocd to target someone you love too. I had ocd thoughts that surrounded my best friend for awhile and it was miserable. Finding a therapist that specializes in ocd is really helpful. The first therapist I saw didn’t specialize in ocd and that lead to my contamination ocd about food being misdiagnosed as an eating disorder and therefore treated incorrectly. Once I found a therapist that specialized in ocd it felt like someone finally understood how my mind worked and it was a breath of fresh air for sure
I used to have terrible fears of packaged food being tampered with years ago. I'd spend a long time in the supermarket checking every single food item to make sure there wasn't anything off with it at all. I take my vitamin pills and then be terrified for about an hour until I was sure I wasn't poisoned. Thank God that passed. Of course my OCD took other forms in the years after that. I take medication and it helps. I also use Erp therapy. All the best to you.
Yeah, I wasn’t ordering from Ubereats for a while. And I am compulsively checking every item in food to see if there’s anything off or if it looked off I wouldn’t buy it or throw it away even though I knew it wasn’t true. I’ve had basically every theme so far but this one this badly. Thank you for your reply! I’m hoping I face my fears and take my meds soon. It’s been in my cabinet for over a month. My psych and therapist know about it and they don’t seem too concerned. They just want me to get better and they are confident the medication will help. It’s only my ocd trying to make me feel like I’m not normal even though these are “typical” ocd thoughts. I was feel like I’m crazy.
@j *always
I once did eat something that I didn’t know was an edible, and I did have an absolutely horrible time. It was also my first time on pot or anything else that might have been in it. But ya know what? After that horrible ride, I came back down to earth. And my OCD went wild while I was in space, and I am way more careful now about sharing dessert at a festival! (It had been an honest misunderstanding.) 🤦🏼♀️. But I lived through it! And every time since when I have chosen to have an edible, even those bad trips, I still came down and lived. I also have some PTSD that I thought I was done with, but reminds me every now and then that it still needs work. Scarier than edibles to me, I would actually consider shrooms if things get worse and more research keeps looking like they are a good way to help.
Yeah, for me personally I’m staying away from all psychedelics. My boyfriend has done some and I’ve done research through him and internet and it’s not for me. I can’t even tolerate thc I don’t think I could tolerate anything else. I think my experimenting days are over lol
@j I totally hear that! I think all the research being done is fascinating, and I love that it seems to really be helping people. All the same, I’m not signing up to try it right now, but I oddly feel comfort past the fear that if things got really bad, it might be a helpful option (again, more for PTSD or depression rather than OCD.) Also, for a lot of people, ingested THC becomes more psychedelic than inhaled THC. I guess it has to do with chemicals and the digestion of it. 🤷🏼♀️. But it’s definitely something I’m sensitive to, and it sounds like the same thing might be happening to you. I personally don’t like taking things, but sometimes, rarely, my body is so tired, sore, and tight that I try for just enough to ease myself so I can sleep. Unfortunately, ingesting it often results in going way past that sweet spot.
@ARTnotOCD For sure. The evidence is beneficial for some people. Unfortunately I think my body cannot handle these things. I’m a slow metabolizer so everything hits so intensely. Every time I’ve had edibles I “trip” it’s never happened when I’ve just smoked it. But then I know what strains I’m getting I never know with edibles. Especially now that people are experimenting more with delta 8. That was such a weird experience. thank you so much for your insight and reply!
Hi, I wanted to make a post because I honestly feel really alone. This is going to be long, but please bear with me and let me know if you relate or have any advice. I’m currently dating quite possibly the best guy I’ve ever met. And by FAR the best guy I’ve ever dated. We have such a strong connection and it’s my first healthy, non toxic relationship. He treats me with so much understanding, respect and kindess. But heres the thing. I have truly terrible ADHD, OCD, Anxiety Disorder, PTSD, Panic Disorder and depression. And more specifically I’ve come to realize- ROCD. I constantly have thoughts about him not wanting me, lying to me, cheating on me, etc. I’ve seen a lot of posts about having ROCD where you doubt wanting to be with the other person- but I know with everything in me I want to be with this man. What I obsess about is him leaving me. I have constant anxiety, espescially since my PTSD kicked in about a year ago. Whenever I’m physically with him, I feel incredible. I literally do not get anxiety, and if I do its considerably less harmful- and hes there to hold me and comfort me. I have trouble eating because of my anxiety, but with him that’s never the case. We’ll have a great time- but the second I leave I begin to doubt how he feels. Whether he’s with another girl. Whether it’s too good to be true. Wondering when hes going to leave. These thoughts cycle and cycle in my head in a manner that is so all-consuming I can hardly focus on anything else. If I text him and I don’t get a text back I immediately assumt the worse. I thought at the beginning it was just because we hadn’t made it official, and when we did these feeljngs would do away. But then he made it official. And they didn’t. And then I thought when it got more serious they would go away. But then he told me he was falling in love with me( I felt the same). If anything, it made it worse. I told myself when he told me he was really in love it would get better. He did. We said I love you, and still. Constant worry. He’s not a great texter or caller, but I expressed to him how much I need communication and how much it bothers me when he doesn’t respond- and he apologized (WITHOUT getting defensive) and said that he would work on it. And he HAS. But still. It’s a cycle. The anxiety waiting for a text, the dopamine rush when I get it, respond, then wait and it starts again until he responds. Then again. It’s a vicious cycle and it’s tearing me apart. We’re open with each other- so everytime I get a thought I bring it up to him for reassurance. I explained to him that I’ve been hurt so badly before. The last time I was in love/my first love- was a narcissist who took my virginity by raping me and i stayed with him for a year and a half after that until it got to be too much physical and emotional abuse and he then fucked my best friend. Told everyone I was pathological when I tried to warn people about him. Every guy I’ve started to care about since then has lead me on or used me, and the less attention they gave me the more I needed it and the more I prioritized them. My dad was a narcissist who gave me love then would dissapear, or come back and I would have to take care of him as he was depressed and suicidal (I was 4) and to this day relies so heavily on me that when I don’t respond to him he says hes going to kill himself. I understand that I have severe abandonment issues, as well as trauma, and that I most definitely have an anxious attachment style. I’ve been trying so hard for the past two years to heal myself, but now its all the more important because I can tell that even though hes patient, it hurts him that I don’t feel secure, that I don’t seem like I trust him. I said that as time goes on and I get to knkw him more it’ll get easier, but I’m terrified that may not be the case. I’m so worried that I’m going to ruin this thing, that it will be a self fulfilling prophecy and that I’m missing out on this honeymoon phase, on being happy because I’m constantly worried about when it will be taken from me. I’m in therapy and we tlak about this a lot and I know it stems from my low self esteem and people-pleasing tendencies, but it doesn’t really seem to be helping all that much. Can anyone relate? Does anyone have advice?
So, this long story will have to be cut down a bit but here’s my story and my plea for some guidance… My childhood was not that great. Although I am grateful to have had a better childhood than others who are way less fortunate. My dad was an alcoholic and suicidal, my mom was toxic and vengeful. This lasted up until I would say my 10th birthday. I was also molested by a family member that to this day no one believes that it happened and would rather me keep this info to myself. I searched for attention from the wrong people. Being bullied, I decided it’s best to be the bullier. So, I started getting in trouble at school, home, with the cops. Everything. Me and my mom started to develop a resentful relationship. I met people online who were older than my age at the time, who had zero business talking to me. They manipulated me and made me feel horrible. I got caught and went ten months without a phone. This time was peaceful. I then went into my sophomore year of high school and entered a relationship I was not comfortable in. At this point, I was healing from previous trauma and was not looking for a relationship to be in. But, I did it anyway because I was afraid to be alone. This relationship was the worst relationship….and I mean the WORST relationship I was in. It was narcissistic and abusive. It broke off abruptly with no closure, no explanation, and leaving me empty and suicidal. I dated during this time and made it clear that I was not ready for a relationship yet. I decided to take a break from dating because although I do not have feelings for my ex, I was now experiencing anxiety and PTSD from what happened. I fell into a deep depression that I did not know when I will be getting out of. I met my boyfriend while continuing to heal about a month after. It was an instant connection and of course I questioned it but I didn’t think much of it. I caught feelings for him pretty quickly which is something that is rare for me. We had insanely similar personalities. It has been the best relationship I have been in. I could even go as far as to say this will be my future husband. We are also long distance and will be closing that distance soon. Something inside me though… keeps bringing up my ex. Small thoughts, small feelings, and knowing I don’t love him. Now, I sit here. I am questioning my love for my partner, asking myself what is so special about my ex that he occupies my mind but weirdly not my heart… It hurts. I just want these thoughts to stop. I have become suicidal before, I am scared to become this again. Why do I feel like I love him when I never loved him while we were together? I know my brain is tricking me, because I know I love my partner. But I am scared I still care for someone who abused me. I am scared I now love two people at the same time. I am scared that the one that I am with isn’t the one for me and this happiness means I am faking it. Is it all an illusion? Why can’t he just go away?
Hello, I never got formally diagnosed for OCD, they told me I have autism with ocd tendencies but I think I have more than just tendencies. I’ve been reading some of the posts and I’ve never related to something more. These past few weeks especially have been awful. Let me explain. 1. I have a boyfriend and I’m coming to realize I may have ROCD. I love him to death but I can’t get over the thought that maybe I’m just faking for his attention and I don’t actually like him and that he doesn’t actually like me and just feels sorry for me. Now I know none of this is true, but it feels intensely real to me and I’ve started avoiding him because of it. We still hang out and I try to get past these thoughts but its hard. 2. I’m trying to lower the dose of my meds because I miss having emotions but now they may be too low and my depression/anxiety is coming back. The other day it was so bad and the intrusive thoughts were awful and I had the urge to SH. I physically felt like I had to do it. My boyfriend was on the phone with me, I kept trying to hang up so I could go do it, he wouldn’t let me. It was the only thing I could think about. “Luckily”, not really that lucky, he fell asleep so I snuck to the bathroom to do it. I hated myself so much afterwards but also felt relieved that I did it. Then super guilty. Then I started thinking I only did it for attention. It’s so stressful and I feel the urge coming back and I can’t stop thinking about it. There’s many other intrusive thoughts and compulsions I’ve been having but those were just two of the main ones. I don’t know what to do/maybe I could try exposure or therapy but I really don’t want to. Thanks for reading!
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