Anyone else’s OCD really impact their ability to trust memories or remember correctly. I’m in tears over not remembering every detail of sexual harassment that happened to me. And now I’m afraid that I’m over exaggerating for attention. I have to fight my OCD to not ask for reassurance from mother who has a perfect memory. I told her about the event straight after it occurred. I’m in so much pain right now. It feels like I’m gaslighting myself. I’ve not changed the way I’ve told the story for 3 years. So why would I be lying ? It’s just so painful to remember so I shut it down.

I keep oscillating between telling myself that a faint memory could’ve been true since it popped into my head in a moment of distress and it was the first immediate memory I had so therefore it must’ve happened, and that I’m just in denial and trying to make it OCD so I can live with the fact that it “might not have happened”. I’m so scared that it did happen and that I’m relying on the fact that I didn’t remember the specifics so that I can have the possibility of it not happening. It’s not something I condone today nor does it reflect who I am nor does it seem like something I would do, but if so, why did it feel so familiar ? I have evidence that my memory is really distorted at times and it combines things and I was in a state of such panic that I might’ve just compiled memories together that is the worse scenario (since it’s something I’m so afraid of happening). But then I keep getting scared that I’m just in denial because I feel a faint familiarity to certain things. I’m honestly so panicked and sad and heartbroken. I keep fearing I did something wrong and faint memories would pop into my head and I would question when it happened and try to remember everything and it would anger me that I couldn’t remember everything. And it feels so wrong for me to just live with the fact that something could’ve happened even though it’s not reflective of who I am today. It feels immoral to not confess. I just want words of comfort and understanding and I just need to know I have hope for the future and I can be happy. Please help.

A friend of mine a few months ago did something very bad to me. Tldr, there was sexual assualt, and it was basically a nuclear bomb when i discussed it with a friend and everyone found out. I've had such a hard time dealing with it, since i get these obsessive thoughts, "what if i misremembered what happened" "what if he didnt mean to do it?" and ive avoided talking about it with anyone, so people made up their own conclusions and stories and I lost almost all my friends because they didnt understand what was happening. Talking about it causes such ruminations and shame spirals. How can I resolve or work through this experience when I cant think or talk about it without guilt and doubt from OCD?

The need to remember everything is really difficult for me. My friend told me a funny story last night and it made me laugh because the thing she told me about ALSO took place in a book I’ve read. I mentioned it to my husband and was like “you’ve done that!” And he was like….”no I haven’t?” So I’m triggered by the idea that he doesn’t remember. Is my memory that wrong? Did it happen and he just doesn’t remember? This isn’t the first time this has happened - it happens all the time. And I get lost in the rabbit hole of “am I crazy” or “did it happen with someone else?” Or anything like that. I know that no one remembers everything but this part of my OCD means that I have to verify my memory with everyone. I know this is OCD and I have to sit with the feelings but it also sucks.