- Username
- Dothewalkoflife.
- Date posted
- 3y ago
Honestly you might not like the advice I’m going to give you but I’m going to say it anyway. Please be careful - someone who wants to be your friend will not ask you for nudes and will not attempt to gaslight you into believing you lied to them. If he lied about his age once, who’s to say he hasn’t done it multiple times and won’t do it again? I’m also 17, about to turn 18, and if I discovered any of my friends were asking for nudes from a 15 year old I would be extremely concerned. While the gap might not seem like much to you now, that is like a freshman in college - or older - talking to a sophomore (I hope that’s right, I’m from the uk). I know internet culture is different from real life but it is not normal to seek out younger teenagers to be friends with. I really don’t want you to think I’m scolding you at all. I’m just worried for you and understand how distressing OCD thoughts can be. This is in no way your fault. But please be careful and if I’m completely honest I would stop speaking to him entirely. I’m here if you want to talk about anything. ❤️
I also second this, I hadn't seen until I posted. I think we forget how different 15 and 18 years old is, when I think about myself at both ages my maturity levels were vastly different so it is concerning when 18 year old guys are okay with talking to 15 year old girls online. I'd also hate to think you're being taken advantage of assuming he knows you have OCD, so knows you might be a little vulnerable.
also. he told me that he did tell me he was 18 but i don’t remember. now i’m saying to myself but what if i did see that but forgot. am i in the wrong
@immagiveup35 No, that’s classic gaslighting. He’s lying to try and get out of trouble.
@backtogiality but even if he did tell me at i still in the wrong for going ahead with it. i’m carrying a lot of guilt rn
@immagiveup35 No. Like you said, it wasn’t even a nude and even if it was he was manipulating you. You’re not to blame here.
I think if anyone was arrested it would be him for having pictures of a minor when he's an adult. I doubt the police will be alerted unless he wants to tell them his been talking to an underage girl online whilst lying about the fact that he's an adult. He sounds like a creep, I'd try to not to worry about the police being involved but as i said if they were you wouldn't be arrested as you're the innocent party in all this. Might I suggest without coming across like a judgemental bitch or an old person (I'm 24) not sharing pictures with people online, or if you are crop your face out of it so theres no way anyone can identify you, it's just because people dont always have the best intentions even when you do. I've shared pictures before with people online when I was round about your age and if I could I'd undo it because it is unnerving knowing someone has such pictures of you. Please try not to worry! He's the one in the wrong and like I said if the police were involved he'd be the one getting arrested.
This is a great response! The part about cropping your face out is a great idea, because there’s no way for them to prove it’s you in the picture. I didn’t actually read the bottom line of your post and agree with Tanaya. There’s no way you’d be arrested, but I’d be cautious about talking to certain people online. If they lie about their age once, they’re likely to do it again.
@backtogiality Yes, from what I know of the law here in the UK a minor can't get arrested for sending "suggestive" pictures to an adult and the police need to be alerted firstly for this to even be an issue but I get her anxiety around this man that seems untrustworthy having pictures of her in his phone.
@Tanaya thank you so much both of you i’m from the UK too. and he did ask me for the pictures. but i’ll admit our msgs weren’t exactly PG but i assumed it was banter like i have with my friends. i’ve never sent a naked picture to anyone i was wearing a bra/bikini thing. i am still scared tho. i regret it deeply and i blocked him. i’m so so so so scared i’m going to be arrested. i’m convinced every police car is for me
@immagiveup35 I know that paranoia, but everything is going to be okay. You’ve done nothing wrong and it’ll all work out.
@backtogiality i feel like a bad person waiting to be arrested
@immagiveup35 Resist that thought. You’re the victim in this situation - the only crimes that have been committed are by him. I’ve also been a victim of a predator before and know how that guilt feels, but none of this is your fault. Everything he has done he has done knowingly and that is on him. It’ll get better, I promise.
@backtogiality thank you. i will admit my messages weren’t exactly ‘PG’ or whatever and therefore i feel like the bad one. sorry for bothering you i’m just really panicky rn
@immagiveup35 You’re not bothering me in the slightest! I can promise you you will NOT be arrested. He’s the only one to have done something legally wrong.
@backtogiality thank you. that is what i needed to hear;)
@backtogiality can i ask. the paranoia is really bad. how do i calm myself down. i keep blaming myself
You have done nothing wrong. Yes you shouldn’t have sent pictures to this guy. But he lied about his age and knowingly asked a 15 year old girl for nudes. I know he’s saying he thought you were 16 but I can assure you he’s lying and trying to make it seem like your fault. This man is grooming you and I think it’s best if you cut off communication with him. I saw you said you’re from the UK so you’re not going to get arrested because you haven’t broken any laws. He has, but you have not. I think you should tell an adult what is going on. I know it may seem like he’s a good guy but he from an outside perspective he sounds extremely creepy and you have to be extra careful who you’re talking to on the internet. Especially since he’s just now telling you he’s 18 which who’s to say he’s not lying about that too and could be even older. I know this isn’t advice for the ocd paranoia part of your question but I couldn’t scroll past without warning you to stop talking to this man.
i have blocked him thank you for your help i really appreciate it
Please dont feel bad! Even if your messages weren't PG you're a 15 year old girl and his an adult he should've known better! Theres also nothing wrong with expressing yourself sexually it doesn't make you a bad person by any means it's just important that the person your doing such things with is the same age and wont take advantage of you. We've all been young once and done things we've regretted, no ones perfect please dont beat yourself up over it.
thank you so much. this is what i needed to hear. can i just ask. will i be arrested?
@immagiveup35 No not to my knowledge. Have the police been alerted or are you just worried they might be? The most they'd do is tell you not to share pictures online for your own safety but they cant arrest you as you've not committed a crime 😊
@Tanaya i’m scared they will. i will never send a picture again but i am still scared that i’ve done something illegal
@immagiveup35 You will be fine, I'm aware that I'm giving you lots of reassurance which isn't good for OCD sufferers. You just have to allow this feeling to pass I know it's hard but eventually you wont be bothered much by it anymore. Might I ask is this one your OCD themes worrying that your a bad person or is it just general anxiety around the situation?
@Tanaya i’m not sure. ever since i was about 9 i’ve had this thing where i have to make sure i don’t get arrested. i don’t know what it is but i’ve had many ‘your gonna be arrested’ scares
@immagiveup35 Oh okay, that makes more sense now. If you've never been arrested then the chances of that happening now are very unlikely, let's put it this way theres people that have committed serious crimes and they've never been arrested. The police also arent that good at their job most times anyway. The way I see it is OCD uses this as one of your fears and it makes you hyper aware of not wanting to get arrested but you haven't committed a crime so that's not going to happen but my advice so you can try to overcome this fear a little is to say to OCD maybe I will get arrested or maybe I wont, I dont actually care. The less you try to reason with it the more control you will have. I've never been arrested before but I know it's not as bad as it is in the movies aslong as you comply with the police, I'm only saying this just to ease your anxiety around being arrested. It does also depend on what kind of police officer you're dealing with. Whilst I know this might be giving into OCD a little, it might be helpful to research on what you can and cant get arrested for going by your age group, just to help these anxious moments you have about it.
@Tanaya thank you so much. i really appreciate your response
@immagiveup35 You're welcome, we're all here to help however we can
TW !!!!! i’m so scared right now and i just want someone to relate because i feel like an awful awful person, this is an event hat happned when i was 5 or 6 i don’t really know how old i was but i was a young child and with another child who was 2 or 3 years younger than me i can’t really remember the age gap but that’s what terrified me because im scared i did COCSA. ( child on child sexual assault) i feel awful and i have this recurring thought “what if i took advantage of him” and it wont stop. i remember i said to him do you want to see what sex is like and i said but keep your clothes on and he said okay and i want doing it for sexual pleasure because i dont think i really understood or knew what it was but i kept my clothes on and he took all his clothes off when i didn’t want him to (including his underwear)and he got on top of me and was moving and i remember feeling really uncomfortable so i stopped it and i know this might be tmi but i just need to know if i abused him or not because i cant stand the thought, im really struggling and i don’t think there was any evil intent behind what happened but i keep having the recurring thought “what if i took advantage of him” i don’t know what to do i feel like i should turn myself in to the police i feel dreadful
How do you handle it if there’s actually a chance you did something wrong? I have bad real event/false memory, though I don’t know how many are actually false memories. Anyway, when I was 19, I had a flirty relationship with someone who was 17. We kinda did this on and off for a while and we used to text a lot. I know at a few different points, we had a sexual relationship and it often came out through text, but I can’t remember when we did certain things. I don’t know if I broke the law or something and because this is such a serious matter, I feel like I’m dying inside. I don’t know what to do, there’s no proof of it because it was a few years ago now and even if there was I don’t think I’d go back and look which makes me feel like I’m a terrible person. What if I did something awful? Can someone give me some advice? I’ve been doing really well the past few days but then this came up and knocked me off my feet. It feels like there’s a real possibility I did something and I’m so terrified.
18+ // when i was 15, i had sex with my boyfriend at the time who was 16. we both consented to it. we broke up a couple months later and remained friends for 6 years. a few years ago when i was dealing with harm ocd, i asked him for reassurance several times if he consented and he told me each time that he did and i needed to stop worrying and that there is nothing to worry about. he also told me if things weren’t fine we wouldn’t be talking. recently, he had a falling out with my brother in law and all of a sudden he said he didn’t want to talk to me anymore because he didn’t want to get me involved. this is making me anxious because what if i actually did hurt him back when i was 15 because why is he randomly cutting me out of his life?? we did argue all of the time but that was because he has a severe lying problem so what if he wasn’t telling the truth when i asked him if he consented?? i was sexually assaulted in the past (not by him) and i never went around the person that assaulted me ever again so i feel like if i did hurt him he would of cut me out of his life right then and there. something still doesn’t add up i don’t buy that he wants to cut me out of his life because of my brother in law. this has been making me so anxious and i want to ask him the real reason why he is cutting me out but im scared if i do, he will tell me what my ocd has been fearing. he did bring up the fact that us arguing all the time affected him so i think its probably just that but he was the reason we argued all the time because i would call him out on his lies and he would manipulate me into believing him and get upset if i didn’t believe him. idk im just so anxious over all of this.
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