- Date posted
- 3y ago
- Date posted
- 3y ago
As a Black person and someone with OCD, the root of the problem is shame. We have negative and internal conflicts that drive our OCD themes and yours is shame. I’m going to be very honest which has some reassuring moments as well as some moments that may be hard for you, but are necessary for you to tackle this OCD. Here’s the thing: we don’t want you to feel shame. In fact, white guilt/shame makes us uncomfortable. It’s normal to feel bad regarding the history of how POCs are treated by white people, but white guilt/shame just isn’t necessary. You don’t have to be ashamed of being white either again people tell me this ALL THE TIME. “I’m white and I have white people” “I’m so ashamed” “I feel so guilty” it’s very uncomfortable and it personally makes me sad because me and most POCs don’t want you to feel that way. You can feel bad about the history without reflecting it inwards unnecessarily and developing extreme white guilt. It’s not good for you and it’s not good for us either. To get past it, you first need to to ERP, but you also need to get over this shame. Shame and guilt are those core issues you have. You are right that being overly cautious makes people uncomfortable. Again, that’s why I said white guilt/shame makes us uncomfortable because we don’t want you to feel that way and it puts us in a bad place. We can tell people are walking eggshells around us. It also arises from pity. The “I feel so bad for POCs” we don’t want the pity either. Just be kind and you seem to be very kind. I’m sorry for reassuring you but I don’t think you’re racist not one bit and people aren’t reading into what you’re doing as deep as you are. OCD has latched onto the white guilt you were probably already feeling and made it worse. Tackle the OCD and tackle the white guilt. Look into white guilt, but don’t let it become a compulsion. Part of overcoming OCD is looking into the driving forces of our themes and trying to overcome them too.
- Date posted
- 3y ago
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/White_guilt Read the critical opinions section in this one https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.nytimes.com/2018/08/14/style/white-guilt-privilege.amp.html Good quote from this one “white peoples should be ashamed of racism/injustice BUT they shouldn’t be ashamed of being white” https://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=5385701 This one is more about how white guilt manifests in times like this where there is heavy injustices being exposed and white guilt has a negative impact. https://www.dummies.com/health/mental-health/codependency/7-things-to-know-about-irrational-guilt/ Good quote from this one: “shame makes you feel inferior” you can’t fix life by making yourself feel less than and no one wants you to feel less than https://www.webmd.com/mental-health/signs-guilt This one is specifically about OCD guilt. Fix the shame. Fix the guilt. Start here. Do the ERP. Get better. Have a normal relationship and view regarding being white. Being white isn’t inherently bad. Its not bad at all. Racism is bad. Injustice is bad. The past treatment and current treatment of POCs is bad. You are not. The OCD guilt wants you to feel that way.
- Date posted
- 3y ago
@stop. Thank you for responding. I'll keep your advice in mind. I recognize that the guilt/shame isn't helpful in anyway & is only creating more problems. I'm very hyperfocused on my interaction with POC. I'm 29 years old & I've never had this anxiety. I'll keep moving forward. It's awful because I'm pretty sure I'm visibly anxious when interacting with POC & that's the most awful part of the OCD for me.
- Date posted
- 3y ago
@canigetawitness It's like my brain kicks up and starts telling me I'm appearing racist & its very intrusive. Your comment has helped though. Thank you again.
- Date posted
- 3y ago
Have you ever met actual racists? Because they literally don’t give a shyte.
- Date posted
- 3y ago
I'm trying to keep this in mind. The part that bothers me the most is that I'm probably appearing anxious when talking to POC. The thoughts of "You're racist & you're appearing racist, stop appearing racist" are very intrusive. It doesn't make sense. I'm 29 and never experienced this anxiety. It's a new theme for me & feels like the worst ive dealt with.
- Date posted
- 3y ago
I struggle with racial obsessions and compulsions as well. It has become a huge fear of mine to offend anyone, but especially to come across as racist. I get intrusive thoughts that convince me I am a racist, and I do the same mental checking as you when I interact with anyone, especially a POC. It makes me feel so incredibly shitty. I’ve been through PHP and IOP ERP where I was made to say racist things to combat the OCD, but I’m honestly so tired of having to do it. It’s just against my morals, and I don’t want to do those exposures anymore. I don’t think this is comforting in anyway other than I can relate and you are not alone.
Related posts
- Date posted
- 25w ago
I've gotten diagnosed with OCD and I'm in therapy. But I'm worried that I don't have OCD/that I got misdiagnosed. And recently I'm worried that I've just gotten myself into a habit of thinking of dirty minded or just plain old terrible things after I see/hear certain things because I feel like I need to prove I have OCD or else I'm faking(sometimes this goes away). Or that I'm just mimicking symptoms of ocd to cope with real problems I may have and that im just really deep into denial. I don't know...I'm just so tired. I mean, what if I really am what I think I am and this is my brains only way of coping? I don't even really feel anything towards most of the thoughts anymore either I just know they go against my values and I don't want them. I don't know if that's because I'm so mentally exhausted, I just don't care, or that the thoughts are true and I'm comfortable with them.
- Date posted
- 24w ago
I’ve said and done so many hurtful things growing up, especially in elementary and middle school. I was very passive aggressive and mean for a majority of my life, and I’ve hurt peoples feelings. I’m no longer like that now, but every single thing I’ve ever done wrong replays in my head constantly, from the moment I wake up to the second I go to sleep. I know I deserve to feel the chronic guilt and shame, so I feel even more guilty pitying myself. It’s eating me alive, I’m so scared. I know people must hate me, and they have every right to. feel like I don’t deserve to have moments of happiness because I’ve taken that ability away from someone before. I’m not diagnosed, but this has been going on for years and I’m scared to talk to anyone about it because I fear they would look at me differently knowing I’ve hurt someone’s feelings. I feel like a monster. It’s ruining my life and I don’t know what to do.
- Date posted
- 12w ago
Hi, I’m new here!! I’m praying I don’t get judged for this. But, back in late May of 2022 ( literally right before I graduated high school), I added this one random girl from my school on Snapchat. She posted something about a graduation party , so I swiped up on her story basically saying how I can’t believe we’re almost graduated. She replied and we had a really short and simple conversation. The next day ( i believe) , we started talking a lot , and I just so happened to see her at the highschool when we were grabbing our graduation outfits and doing the rehearsal. When I saw her irl, I kinda got turned off ( I heard she was kinda crazy) , and on top of that , she was a little ugly irl. I remember seeing her Snapchat bio , and she was close friends with my female cousin ( a year younger than me) , who I happened to experiment sexually with when I was 10-11 years old. I remember going to work later that day and having sort of a lightbulb flick thought ( it wasn’t a good thought though) , what if my cousin told her about what happened when we were younger? So I started to kind of panic and immediately distanced myself from that girl. I also experimented sexually with one of my female friends when I was 10-11 , and from that day onwards, I’ve been pretty much living in paranoia and a little bit of guilt about someone finding out and my life being ruined . On top of that, It’s gotten worse to now sometimes I wonder if a girl I added off of quick add ( Snapchat) is underage even if they told me they were 18+ or had 18 and above in their bio, and I get so much guilt and anxiety about that. I even had a quick thought last February on what if I did something inappropriate with my younger cousin when I was 15-16 but I just can’t exactly remember when it happened , and it still eats me alive when I think about it, because I don’t know if it happened or not. I’m sorry for the long vent, I just wish I felt normal again. No matter how much I try to do things that old me used to do, life always feels “ off”. I always kept the top part about when I was younger a secret up until early (ish ) 2024, then I vented to one of my best friends and he told me that that’s a normal thing to do at a young age. Since then, I have told multiple friends and they all say they did similar stuff, but my brain just can’t accept that. Please help me, I quite literally overthink everything nowadays. 2021 was the last full year that I felt normal ( coincidentally, the best year of my life so far) . It’s not just about sexual related things either, sometimes I’ll wonder if I messed up something at work or hit a car while driving/hit someone and drove off. I just wanna live my life how I was supposed to live it after highschool ( carefree and happy) before whatever it is ( I think it’s ocd) hit me unexpectedly. Thanks to anyone who read this , I just needed to pour it out regardless of how negative I felt typing this, I hope someone can relate , because I feel so alone in my head at times.
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