- Date posted
- 4y
- Date posted
- 4y
As a Black person and someone with OCD, the root of the problem is shame. We have negative and internal conflicts that drive our OCD themes and yours is shame. I’m going to be very honest which has some reassuring moments as well as some moments that may be hard for you, but are necessary for you to tackle this OCD. Here’s the thing: we don’t want you to feel shame. In fact, white guilt/shame makes us uncomfortable. It’s normal to feel bad regarding the history of how POCs are treated by white people, but white guilt/shame just isn’t necessary. You don’t have to be ashamed of being white either again people tell me this ALL THE TIME. “I’m white and I have white people” “I’m so ashamed” “I feel so guilty” it’s very uncomfortable and it personally makes me sad because me and most POCs don’t want you to feel that way. You can feel bad about the history without reflecting it inwards unnecessarily and developing extreme white guilt. It’s not good for you and it’s not good for us either. To get past it, you first need to to ERP, but you also need to get over this shame. Shame and guilt are those core issues you have. You are right that being overly cautious makes people uncomfortable. Again, that’s why I said white guilt/shame makes us uncomfortable because we don’t want you to feel that way and it puts us in a bad place. We can tell people are walking eggshells around us. It also arises from pity. The “I feel so bad for POCs” we don’t want the pity either. Just be kind and you seem to be very kind. I’m sorry for reassuring you but I don’t think you’re racist not one bit and people aren’t reading into what you’re doing as deep as you are. OCD has latched onto the white guilt you were probably already feeling and made it worse. Tackle the OCD and tackle the white guilt. Look into white guilt, but don’t let it become a compulsion. Part of overcoming OCD is looking into the driving forces of our themes and trying to overcome them too.
- Date posted
- 4y
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/White_guilt Read the critical opinions section in this one https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.nytimes.com/2018/08/14/style/white-guilt-privilege.amp.html Good quote from this one “white peoples should be ashamed of racism/injustice BUT they shouldn’t be ashamed of being white” https://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=5385701 This one is more about how white guilt manifests in times like this where there is heavy injustices being exposed and white guilt has a negative impact. https://www.dummies.com/health/mental-health/codependency/7-things-to-know-about-irrational-guilt/ Good quote from this one: “shame makes you feel inferior” you can’t fix life by making yourself feel less than and no one wants you to feel less than https://www.webmd.com/mental-health/signs-guilt This one is specifically about OCD guilt. Fix the shame. Fix the guilt. Start here. Do the ERP. Get better. Have a normal relationship and view regarding being white. Being white isn’t inherently bad. Its not bad at all. Racism is bad. Injustice is bad. The past treatment and current treatment of POCs is bad. You are not. The OCD guilt wants you to feel that way.
- Date posted
- 4y
@stop. Thank you for responding. I'll keep your advice in mind. I recognize that the guilt/shame isn't helpful in anyway & is only creating more problems. I'm very hyperfocused on my interaction with POC. I'm 29 years old & I've never had this anxiety. I'll keep moving forward. It's awful because I'm pretty sure I'm visibly anxious when interacting with POC & that's the most awful part of the OCD for me.
- Date posted
- 4y
@canigetawitness It's like my brain kicks up and starts telling me I'm appearing racist & its very intrusive. Your comment has helped though. Thank you again.
- Date posted
- 4y
Have you ever met actual racists? Because they literally don’t give a shyte.
- Date posted
- 4y
I'm trying to keep this in mind. The part that bothers me the most is that I'm probably appearing anxious when talking to POC. The thoughts of "You're racist & you're appearing racist, stop appearing racist" are very intrusive. It doesn't make sense. I'm 29 and never experienced this anxiety. It's a new theme for me & feels like the worst ive dealt with.
- Date posted
- 4y
I struggle with racial obsessions and compulsions as well. It has become a huge fear of mine to offend anyone, but especially to come across as racist. I get intrusive thoughts that convince me I am a racist, and I do the same mental checking as you when I interact with anyone, especially a POC. It makes me feel so incredibly shitty. I’ve been through PHP and IOP ERP where I was made to say racist things to combat the OCD, but I’m honestly so tired of having to do it. It’s just against my morals, and I don’t want to do those exposures anymore. I don’t think this is comforting in anyway other than I can relate and you are not alone.
Related posts
- User type
- OCD Conqueror
- Date posted
- 24w
PLEASE do not argue over political stances in this post that is not what this is for at all. For context I consider myself someone with mixed views (politically homeless) and I am connected with people of all stripes and beliefs and stances. After the inauguration in the USA this weekend there has been an overwhelming response from the populace especially online. I feel like I’m completely surrounded by people (on every “side”) who are making very intense and unyielding statements about other people’s morals and values and “good-“ or “bad-ness” based on their beliefs, opinions, responses or non responses to all the different things going on politically. I feel like it’s driving me insane. My head has been spinning constantly and I can’t stop crying. I feel like I’m drowning and cornered and under a police interrogation light. I’m so terrified of saying or doing or thinking or not thinking the “wrong” thing, I’m feeling my heart being torn in so many directions and I’m struggling to stop ruminating and spiraling over feeling like I don’t belong anywhere and no matter what I’m always going to be evil to someone. This is not me taking a side or revealing what I think, or trying to make an implied judgment or comment on ANY political figure, policy, etc….My point is: the issue I’m having is with the way people are talking about these issues and about other people in the midst of these issues, so black and white, so moralistic, and my OCD is having a field day. Just looking for camaraderie and to know I’m not alone in this. I please ask again do not bring up specific political issues or take stances in the comments. Thank you.
- Date posted
- 23w
Hi, I’m new here!! I’m praying I don’t get judged for this. But, back in late May of 2022 ( literally right before I graduated high school), I added this one random girl from my school on Snapchat. She posted something about a graduation party , so I swiped up on her story basically saying how I can’t believe we’re almost graduated. She replied and we had a really short and simple conversation. The next day ( i believe) , we started talking a lot , and I just so happened to see her at the highschool when we were grabbing our graduation outfits and doing the rehearsal. When I saw her irl, I kinda got turned off ( I heard she was kinda crazy) , and on top of that , she was a little ugly irl. I remember seeing her Snapchat bio , and she was close friends with my female cousin ( a year younger than me) , who I happened to experiment sexually with when I was 10-11 years old. I remember going to work later that day and having sort of a lightbulb flick thought ( it wasn’t a good thought though) , what if my cousin told her about what happened when we were younger? So I started to kind of panic and immediately distanced myself from that girl. I also experimented sexually with one of my female friends when I was 10-11 , and from that day onwards, I’ve been pretty much living in paranoia and a little bit of guilt about someone finding out and my life being ruined . On top of that, It’s gotten worse to now sometimes I wonder if a girl I added off of quick add ( Snapchat) is underage even if they told me they were 18+ or had 18 and above in their bio, and I get so much guilt and anxiety about that. I even had a quick thought last February on what if I did something inappropriate with my younger cousin when I was 15-16 but I just can’t exactly remember when it happened , and it still eats me alive when I think about it, because I don’t know if it happened or not. I’m sorry for the long vent, I just wish I felt normal again. No matter how much I try to do things that old me used to do, life always feels “ off”. I always kept the top part about when I was younger a secret up until early (ish ) 2024, then I vented to one of my best friends and he told me that that’s a normal thing to do at a young age. Since then, I have told multiple friends and they all say they did similar stuff, but my brain just can’t accept that. Please help me, I quite literally overthink everything nowadays. 2021 was the last full year that I felt normal ( coincidentally, the best year of my life so far) . It’s not just about sexual related things either, sometimes I’ll wonder if I messed up something at work or hit a car while driving/hit someone and drove off. I just wanna live my life how I was supposed to live it after highschool ( carefree and happy) before whatever it is ( I think it’s ocd) hit me unexpectedly. Thanks to anyone who read this , I just needed to pour it out regardless of how negative I felt typing this, I hope someone can relate , because I feel so alone in my head at times.
- Date posted
- 22w
So, I know my capacity to get fixated on things. And it's normally something that's relatively remote but, my latest issue is really getting to me and I was wondering if people have any advice. I'm avoiding getting too into specifics, as I don't want this to get reassurance-y but, in essence.. I came to the realisation recently that people who I'd been "friends" (feels like the wrong term now) when I was younger were not very nice people, and normalized a lot of very unpleasant behaviour towards other members of the group. They really normalized it, sold themselves as figures of authority, as older and more responsible and grown-up than others, and looking back, they acted horribly. And coming to this realisation, that I'd been manipulated into just accepting their behaviour has just... broken me. My OCD has latched onto it and I can't stop feeling irreversibly tainted by it. I've talked to others about it, and they've reassured me, told me it's not a big deal and that I hold myself to too high a standard, but none of that sticks. I feel better for a bit, then think 'Maybe when you told them you were skewing it to make yourself look better' or 'Did you leave out a crucial detail'. I keep ruminating over and over, trying to remember exactly how everything played out, trying to figure out if I fed into the behaviour, if I did something bad myself (because y'know, I feel like I was accepting of it at the time, so what does it say about my own values?). I know I need to stop doing all this if I want to improve, but then some part of me keeps saying 'So, you're just going to let yourself off the hook then?' Normally, I can rationalize my own fears to some degree, assure myself something won't happen, but the realness of the situation, and the fact I only came to understand the reality of it because the thought had been bothering me means it feels so much more all-encompassing. I know confessing in itself is a compulsion, but I keep feeling that if I'm not I'm somehow concealing what I 'really am' from others around me, and any positive interactions are me deceiving them in some way. I feel like I can't enjoy anything in life right now, and a good part of me feels I should not enjoy it ever again. If anybody has any advice on it, I'm all ears. Or even hearing if you relate to these feelings, I might appreciate the solidarity at least.
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