- Username
- canigetawitness
- Date posted
- 3y ago
As a Black person and someone with OCD, the root of the problem is shame. We have negative and internal conflicts that drive our OCD themes and yours is shame. I’m going to be very honest which has some reassuring moments as well as some moments that may be hard for you, but are necessary for you to tackle this OCD. Here’s the thing: we don’t want you to feel shame. In fact, white guilt/shame makes us uncomfortable. It’s normal to feel bad regarding the history of how POCs are treated by white people, but white guilt/shame just isn’t necessary. You don’t have to be ashamed of being white either again people tell me this ALL THE TIME. “I’m white and I have white people” “I’m so ashamed” “I feel so guilty” it’s very uncomfortable and it personally makes me sad because me and most POCs don’t want you to feel that way. You can feel bad about the history without reflecting it inwards unnecessarily and developing extreme white guilt. It’s not good for you and it’s not good for us either. To get past it, you first need to to ERP, but you also need to get over this shame. Shame and guilt are those core issues you have. You are right that being overly cautious makes people uncomfortable. Again, that’s why I said white guilt/shame makes us uncomfortable because we don’t want you to feel that way and it puts us in a bad place. We can tell people are walking eggshells around us. It also arises from pity. The “I feel so bad for POCs” we don’t want the pity either. Just be kind and you seem to be very kind. I’m sorry for reassuring you but I don’t think you’re racist not one bit and people aren’t reading into what you’re doing as deep as you are. OCD has latched onto the white guilt you were probably already feeling and made it worse. Tackle the OCD and tackle the white guilt. Look into white guilt, but don’t let it become a compulsion. Part of overcoming OCD is looking into the driving forces of our themes and trying to overcome them too.
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/White_guilt Read the critical opinions section in this one https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.nytimes.com/2018/08/14/style/white-guilt-privilege.amp.html Good quote from this one “white peoples should be ashamed of racism/injustice BUT they shouldn’t be ashamed of being white” https://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=5385701 This one is more about how white guilt manifests in times like this where there is heavy injustices being exposed and white guilt has a negative impact. https://www.dummies.com/health/mental-health/codependency/7-things-to-know-about-irrational-guilt/ Good quote from this one: “shame makes you feel inferior” you can’t fix life by making yourself feel less than and no one wants you to feel less than https://www.webmd.com/mental-health/signs-guilt This one is specifically about OCD guilt. Fix the shame. Fix the guilt. Start here. Do the ERP. Get better. Have a normal relationship and view regarding being white. Being white isn’t inherently bad. Its not bad at all. Racism is bad. Injustice is bad. The past treatment and current treatment of POCs is bad. You are not. The OCD guilt wants you to feel that way.
@stop. Thank you for responding. I'll keep your advice in mind. I recognize that the guilt/shame isn't helpful in anyway & is only creating more problems. I'm very hyperfocused on my interaction with POC. I'm 29 years old & I've never had this anxiety. I'll keep moving forward. It's awful because I'm pretty sure I'm visibly anxious when interacting with POC & that's the most awful part of the OCD for me.
@canigetawitness It's like my brain kicks up and starts telling me I'm appearing racist & its very intrusive. Your comment has helped though. Thank you again.
Have you ever met actual racists? Because they literally don’t give a shyte.
I'm trying to keep this in mind. The part that bothers me the most is that I'm probably appearing anxious when talking to POC. The thoughts of "You're racist & you're appearing racist, stop appearing racist" are very intrusive. It doesn't make sense. I'm 29 and never experienced this anxiety. It's a new theme for me & feels like the worst ive dealt with.
I struggle with racial obsessions and compulsions as well. It has become a huge fear of mine to offend anyone, but especially to come across as racist. I get intrusive thoughts that convince me I am a racist, and I do the same mental checking as you when I interact with anyone, especially a POC. It makes me feel so incredibly shitty. I’ve been through PHP and IOP ERP where I was made to say racist things to combat the OCD, but I’m honestly so tired of having to do it. It’s just against my morals, and I don’t want to do those exposures anymore. I don’t think this is comforting in anyway other than I can relate and you are not alone.
ive recently started seeing an individual who is a poc and its gotten me really acutely aware of my whiteness. While this is a good thing and encourages unlearning and awareness for me, it also has wreaked havoc on my harm and taboo thinking OCD. I find myself tackling a lot of racist taboo intrusive thinking and it really alarms me. I’m disturbed by these thoughts and disagree with them entirely. but although I know part of it is OCD, i also know that racism is innate in essentially all white folks, and I dont want to use my mental health as an excuse. I’ve mostly been tackling these thoughts on my own because I dont think it should be the persons responsibility, but now I worry that if I dont tell them, I am withholding information and tricking them and that I am bad for it. ive been preoccupied with it and whenever i think about it it makes me feel physically ill. I want to be honest and transparent with them, but I also want them to feel safe, and I can see these thoughts making them feel unsafe. If anyone has any advice it would be appreciated. (Preferably input from people of color willing to discuss this who feel safe/comfy engaging with me on it)
Racism OCD. Thinking I'm a bad person and feel ashamed around POC I know this is going to sound horrible, but I've recently started to worry when I'm around POC, like im an annoyance. I didn't start to worry like this until a few months ago. I don't know what's happened. I notice myself when I'm on a walk or out in public that I'll start to feel anxiety that I'm racist. Or maybe when I see a POC I automatically assume they think I'm racist? I know I'm white and part of the systemic racism problem & that I'm privileged to be a white man. I consider myself to be a Black Lives Matter/People of Color ally. I just don't know why I'm anxious. I'm pretty sure POC around me can tell as well. I don't know why my anxiety has picked up on this. Does anyone else struggle with this?
How do you open up to your therapist about very taboo OCD themes. I currently struggle with "Race OCD", always worrying if I'm coming across as racist to BIPOC. Racism is something that I find horrendous and awful. I consider myself to be an ally to BIPOC & to work and fight racism. So the fact that I'm worrying over interactions with people is complete opposite to my values. I act awkward around people, and I'm sure my anxiety is coming off as strange to people. I just don't know how to open up to my therapist about this without sounding like a piece of s***.
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