- Date posted
- 6y
- Date posted
- 6y
100% my father has been the cause of my OCD because of the abuse he has given me.. as well as my abusive ex boyfriend who wanted me to like women and only like him so he didn't feel jealous (I know he was ridiculous!)
- Date posted
- 6y
oh my gosh i’m so sorry! that’s so shitty. do you stuggle with HOCD also?
- Date posted
- 6y
Im so sorry that happened to you. I was also abused as a child and in a lot of abusive relationships growing up and yes i beleive it can be part of why hocd can hook in so tight. I was afraid of sex my whole life and sex repulsed because of it so it can be very scary when people assume that could be because of your sexuality and not underlying trauma.
- Date posted
- 6y
I used it! When I got with my boyfriend I was terrified that I like women... I know recovered mostly because of how accepting he has been he didn't require answers just kept continuing our relationship because he knew that it wasn't me (I kept telling him I don't want to be those things that I was scared of) and now I know what is real. I did it by ignoring the thoughts, by literally not caring.. it's so hard at first but when you do it.. you'll feel so so much better I know it is difficult and don't feel bad if you can't right away.. but please try whenever you can !
- Date posted
- 6y
i’m so sorry that happened oh my god! and yeah i also want a boyfriend but i’m just so scared because i know every guy isn’t like that but i feel like they are and i hate it. i’ve fucked up some good relationships in the past but i just get scared ya know? and that just gets me thinking maybe your scared because your actually gay and it’s a cover up and that’s when i start to feel numb like just not in my body i know it sounds crazy but it just makes me feel so shitty and anxious and i hate it
- Date posted
- 6y
I have a fear of men because of the abuse. I still love my boyfriend. This fear doesn't mean you are gay don't worry! It means you need help about feeling more comfortable around males. When you say "I know it sounds crazy" you admitted yourself that you know it isn't real, you know it is crazy that those two things aren't linked. It is a fear, it's not us. Our abuse doesn't make us, it gives us mental problems but we can get through it. Don't believe the OCD it is a bully!
Related posts
- Date posted
- 17w
As I’ve posted before, my friends has developed TOUGH hocd and has hit rock bottom :// She told me to ask y’all here if any of you have had a similar experience NOT reassurance (she doesn’t have NOCD). “Hi NOCD community. When I was like 5 I had this distant female cousin whom I played with and grew up. She had super short hair like a boy, but we low key had same interests in toys/tv series etc. and then at THAT age I got a very weird though which said: do you like her? And I remember getting a lot of anxiety and my stomach hurting cause why tf would I have that kind of thought about my female cousin? I remember ruminating about it the whole day, and the next day that thought disappeared and I never had that thought again. We grew up and obviously she’s my family like my sister. But now that I have HOCD, I keep thinking about that memory and I have so much anxiety about it and cry often about it. While growing up I’ve only had crushes on tons of boys at school etc. has anyone had a similar experience?” Thanks for reading if u did! We need support 😭🙏🏻
- Date posted
- 15w
i'm positive i was attracted to women before this got a thought when i was high thought really really deeply into and changed my life now im 24/7 scared im gay ive always been attracted to girls but early in my sexual life where im at ive always got with girls and seemed a little disapointed after would love help and to hear past experiences
- Date posted
- 11w
I’ve always been straight my whole life and I’ve never considered being different nor have i ever had attraction to women but lately I’ve been going through a lot of different thoughts that definitely feel unlike me. When I was a kid and I don’t remember how old I was but im sure like 7 or 8 and my cousin that was I very close to had me do inappropriate things to her that I didn’t really know anything about at that time. After that happened to me I knew it was wrong and I felt so bad and disgusting and scared but at the time I didn’t really know anything and I remember when my mom would drop me over my grandmas house while she would work, I’d take my grandma’s phone and I looked up kissing videos and I saw the kissing scene from Jennifer’s body and looking back on it I just feel so much shame and confusion bc it certainly feels embarrassing. My cousin always liked girls but I never did. I loved sitting and watching Disney movies preferably princess and the frog and wanting to be a princess getting married to a prince just like in all the movies. I knew who I was from a very young age and that never changed about me. When I learned what porn was at an older age, I started becoming hyper sexual so I watched tutorials videos of women to learn how to pleasure myself. When I was a kid and to now I’ve never looked at women in that way. I’ve had best friends and sleepovers it’s never been anything sexual, romantic, or intimate. Just simply innocent friendships and hangouts. When I got to high school that’s when i started remembering what happened to me and i remember how the girls would talk about their first kisses and i remembered my sa and how I felt so scared to say anything to anyone bc I didn’t want people to think badly of me simply bc my first kiss was like that so I would simply just not say anything. Lately I’ve been having obsessive thoughts out of nowhere wondering if my sexuality has changed or if im bi or is it just my thoughts? I’ve always had ocd and even in school, the kids would pick at me because I always eat my food in order and by the lightest color. But lately it’s gotten worse. It’s like I’ve never had thoughts like this nor have I ever been like this. Not even when I was a child. And humans question themselves of course but this feels like something different. I’ve gotten distant from my best friend who’s also a girl and I’ve just cut off social media and female friend relationships at all because for some reason my brain tells me that it’s “gay” to even hug your friends or hold their hands anymore like you used to do when you were kids. I even got to a point where I would watch women porn and try to masturbate just to see if I was attracted to it or not like that’s how bad the thoughts got. It felt like an evil voice was in my head trying to convince me and sweet talk me to do and enjoy those disgusting things even when my body didn’t want to. I eventually had confided in my bf about it because he was also a victim of sa and so he helped me through it and I stopped doing it but then and my bf (now ex) broke up a couple days ago and now ive been dealing with this alone which feels like the hardest part for me. So I’ve texted my bff a lot to catch up because I’ve been distant dealing with this and I was just checking my phone awaiting for her responses to my texts because she tends to type slow and usually I never think anything of it because I used to check my phone all the time when I would await my boyfriends reply or simply just a text from him and so now im having thoughts like “why am I awaiting her texts” “do I like my friend?” Its just so many obsessive thoughts and so much overthinking that I am getting tired of because It’s been going on for months so I know this is a lot but please if anyone can please help me I beg, it would be such a great help appreciated bc this has became a really big impact on my life and not in a good way lol. Thank you !!
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