- Date posted
- 4y
- Date posted
- 4y
Hey! I have very similar obsessions where if I say the wrong thing or even feel like I make a slight mistake, I feel the compulsive need to tell somebody to relieve the guilt and anxiety. I completely understand the feeling. Okay, so I don’t know if you have ever heard of Dialectical Behavioral Therapy, otherwise known as “DBT” but there is a concept/skill that is worth a try. I apologize for explaining if you already know it, but incase you don’t, here it goes: You have two parts of your mind. Rational mind, and emotional mind. Your goal is to have wise mind, which is a solid mix between rationality and emotions. So, if you think about your rational mind, what really happened? Check the facts. No emotion, just pure facts. And emotional mind, how did this make you feel, and why do you think you are ruminating? In order to reach wise mind, you have to understand these two and put them together to formulate a better thought process. So, if I’m correct, maybe assessing the situation and realizing that, “I feel as though I made a mistake, but I did not act on anything destructive. I will work through these feelings and understand that ruminating will not change the situation. I did not do anything bad, therefore I can try my best to move on.” I hope that helps. I’m here for you!
- Date posted
- 4y
thank you and yes I’m very familiar since I believe I’m borderline as well as ocd. thank you this is really good advice, it just sucks because I can’t stop ruminating about it and feeling like such a terrible person. I will try this though, already started to think rationally since you’ve stated this, I just don’t want it to turn into almost like a compulsion
- Date posted
- 4y
I too have borderline. I didn’t mean to trigger any compulsions, so I apologize if that did, but hopefully with time this can dissipate…
- Date posted
- 4y
@blueberrysunshine your chillin man you didn’t trigger any lol. just sucks sitting w the feeling and I hope so too
- Date posted
- 4y
I definitely understand the desire to think rationally about or argue with your OCD thoughts. There's just one problem. Your OCD isn't rational. Arguing or trying to disprove the thought only makes it stronger. You just need to train yourself to sit in the uncertainty and anxiety. Its not easy, but it can be done.
- Date posted
- 4y
@Lms526 in this situation I don’t know what the uncertainty I’d be sitting with is though. that’s the only problem for me right now trying to locate it. from what I’ve stated what would you think it is
- Date posted
- 4y
So in your case, you would need to just sit with the guilt and anxiety. The key is to just it wash over you without obsessing about it. Thats basically what ERP is. I also strongly suggest getting a therapist who understands OCD and specializes in ERP. My therapist through NOCD is great. www.treatmyocd.com
Related posts
- Date posted
- 19w
I will be straight forward and honest. I have cheated in the past. My last relationship was long term, and I had begged and begged for him to change and in the end he never did. I don’t know why I cheated. And I’m not going to make excuses for myself for why I did. I messed up. The cheating was online, it was never in person. But now, I’m in a new relationship. And he’s everything I have ever wanted in a boyfriend, husband, and best friend. I want this man to be with me the rest of our lives, and I want to see him help raise our future children. But I can’t help but feel such immense guilt, because although I have never cheated on him, his ex had cheated on him. And I truly don’t understand how or why she would…but that’s not my place to comment on. Such a big part of me wants to tell him, and tell him that that’s not me anymore, and I know that we will communicate healthily and openly, unlike my last relationship, which he never wanted to. Not only this, my brain just won’t. stop. thinking…about how I had cheated. I regret doing what I had done, I don’t WANT to cheat anymore, or ever again. Especially with the love of my life I have now. But I’m scared of what do I do if I have a compulsion, or anything revolving around cheating. I want to tell him about it, but I know I shouldn’t, and can’t really tell him as it’s complicated, and I know I would only make things worse. I feel like such a terrible person, and girlfriend, for what I have done and what I’m worried about ‘if I do’, even though I don’t want to. I want to be better, I want to grow. Any advice please would be amazing.
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- Relationship OCD
- Date posted
- 14w
I was at a house party a month ago and everyone was taking photos of silly moments. I took two photos that had an attractive person in them. I deleted the photos a few days later because I felt guilty and anxious that I had taken them. I keep ruminating and thinking about my intentions. I do believe I took them because they had an attractive person in them. I worry that this makes it count as cheating. I am very very open with my partner and I tend to constantly confess things like this to him. I have confessed so many things to him, and he always holds the same stance: he believes that fantasizing and crushing is okay. He said he has had his own crushes and he said “fantasizing is nice as long as it stays a fantasy.” I agreed. I told him about my crush and how anxious I was about it and how I was afraid that it was emotional cheating. He told me that it really doesn’t matter and that it’s only wrong if it’s physical cheating. I should note that I have taken VERY VERY good care to never even attempt to become friends with this person. I’ve seen them a handful of times at group gatherings but I never ever message them on my own, I ignore all their messages in a group chat because I don’t want to give them special attention, I never even speak to them in person unless they speak to me first. We are barely even friends. He said he doesn’t need to know what goes on in my head and as long as an action seems innocent to an outsider, it’s not cheating and he doesn’t need to know about it. One time I confessed an action where I also felt like my intentions were wrong, and he told me “Who cares about intentions? It’s outcome that matters.” My therapist also told me not to worry about these actions. He said that if I keep ruminating on whether an action is right or wrong, I should just try to sit with the discomfort and not confess. He told me that if an action were really wrong, I would KNOW it intuitively and “my body would push me to confess.” I’m just so worried sick about this. Do I confess or not?
- Date posted
- 11w
I can’t help but feel so anxious because of guilt. I feel guilty about not sharing everything about my OCD to my partner, but because I understand that confession itself is a compulsion and would not help anyone. I feel so anxious too that if all my fears come true and she finds out, then it would be so devastating for everyone especially her. Does anyone feel the same thing? How could I change my perspective on this?
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