- Username
- Anonymous
- Date posted
- 3y ago
I feel like people with HOCD and actually were gay are worrying about coming out in a hostile environment, they aren’t stressing about actually being attracted to men/women.
Absolutely. That makes sense
Trying to find certainty about this is the same as trying to find certainty about your sexuality. Your ocd will make you think the answer matters or will be helpful, but it won't. You won't get certainty and obsessing over the nature of ocd will perpetuate your soocd just as much as obsessing over your sexuality. Trust me, it's a vicious cycle.
So does that mean someone can have HOcD and realise they are Gay? As my therapist said people with hocd or PoCD are not gay or pedophiles??? So are you saying someone can have PoCD and realise they are a pedophile. This is where I am getting confused.
No, you have ocd about actually being gay and sleeping with dudes. They might have ocd about coming out because they are worried their family or people they know wont accept them. The thing causing the ocd is different. I don’t think most people with HOCD realize they are gay because it’s just ocd.
So does HOCd mean I am not Gay and POCD mean I am not a pedophile. But your saying you don’t think most people with Hocd realise they are Gay so you’re saying it in a manner that it can happen. So can someone with PoCD realise they are a pedophile? But then sometimes I think I am just scared to come out
Yes it’s possible they can come to a realization that it’s not OCD but this is rare.
So I could realise what I am feeling is true as I get no disgust from the thoughts so then wouldn’t that mean they have been misdiagnosed and were an actual pedophile then
No. There’s a possibility that everyone with OCD can act on their thoughts but the thoughts and feelings are just thoughts and feelings. These emotions or thoughts have no insight or truth to them. Unless you have a plan or deep desire to engage in pedophilia you aren’t a pedophile. A pedophile becomes a pedophile when they act on their thoughts and inappropriately abuse or molest kids. What Michael Greenberg is saying is just because you have homosexual obsessions it doesn’t mean anything about your sexuality.
Could you explain in more depth what you mean about the Michael Greenberg comment as this has left me in so much distress. So does HOCD mean I am not Gay as that what therapists have told me and my family? All the books, audios I read say the same. Why does it not have anything to do with sexuality???
Michael Greenberg is excellent young clinical psychologist but he sometimes says things without thinking about implications. Greenberg is basically saying you’re obsessions do not define you. Other therapists told me things that in hindsight were completely wrong and invalid about my obsessions and it wasn’t til I saw an OCD specialist that they confirmed that these obsessions were not me but a manifestion of OCD. Are you seeing an OCD specialist? Because regular therapists misdiagnose OCD regularly because they’re not trained in it.
When you say completely wrong and invalid what do you mean? What did the say to you. I have been diagnosed with OCD by over 8 professionals who said I am not Gay and it’s OCD? So are you saying the obsessions mean these are not true then? No therapist has ever said to me people with HoCd realise they are Gay. What did therapists say to you??
99 percent of people HOCD/SO-OCD aren’t gay. Same things happens with gay people who have heterosexual obsessions and think they are in denial about being gay and are really straight. If eight professionals say you have OCD then you shouldn’t have any reason to not believe them. This is the only time I’ll give you reassurance. Obsessions do not equal desire. It looks like Dr. Greenberg’s article triggered you and sent you spiraling. It’s a very very very rare occurrence where it’s not OCD and the person was actually gay but it likely happens with one person if ever to a therapist.
So if I have been diagnosed with ocd does that mean I am not?
Have you been taught and practiced ERP? Have you gone over your core fear and values with your therapist?
Then I start thinking could I be Gay and just have ocd about been straight as I feel no attraction towards women at all.
I don’t know what my core fear is? And no I haven’t done ERP but I get all these graphic gay sex images and feel I like them
What type of treatment are you receiving for your OCD?
Nothing at the moment. So does this mean I am not Gay as I want to get to the end of this and realise I am not and over 8 therapists said this will happen?
You need to find an OCD Therapist/Specialist that practices ERP. I can’t give you reassurance. It’s not about whether you are or you aren’t gay. It’s about finding happiness despite these obsessions.
But you said HOCD means this is not true? And so have over 8 therapists? So are you saying it could be true then? Is this the same for POCD it’s not about whether I am pedophile or not but if I am why was I diagnosed with OCd
You’re really confusing me as you said HOCd means this is not true???
I am so confused what do you mean it’s not about whether I am gay or aren’t gay? Isn’t that same as POCD finding out if we are or aren’t? How can therapist say it’s ocd and then someone realise they are pedophile????
It doesn’t matter if the thoughts are about pedophilia, homosexuality, harm, contamination, suicidal, relationships, the content is junk it’s the way you react to these thoughts. If the eight professional therapists say you have OCD then YOU HAVE OCD. Otherwise they would diagnosed you with Pedophilia.
@Fjrath So this is what I am saying does this mean I am not Gay or a pedophile then if diagnosed with OCD
@Anonymous Yeah, you probably aren’t gay or a pedophile. Is it possible, yes, is it probable, no. Please go seek an OCD specialist who practices ERP so they can help you better.
@Fjrath Why is it possible mate
@Anonymous Because we live in uncertainty. As my therapist explained and reminded me it’s possible that I can act on my thoughts, anything is possible but does it mean I want to do it? No. It’s possible that I’ll go take a shower with milk and peanut butter but is it likely? No. It’s possible I can go out and get hit by a car. It’s possible a tree can fall on me when I’m coming back home from work. It’s possible I can choke on my food and die on 2-16-2022. Anything is possible but is it probably? No. We live in a world or uncertainty but OCD makes us realize what others don’t.
@Fjrath I just want to realise I am not Gay and my therapist said I will realise this isn’t true. Why do I get no dislike from the thoughts and feel I am liking the gay porn
@Anonymous If your therapist means you can’t come to the conclusion you’re not gay then they are right with OCD it’s not our job to figure it out, we will never satisfy the OCD because it’ll always doubt. I think you should maybe seek another opinion with someone who’s experienced in OCD and practices ERP.
@Fjrath Why would I need a second opinion when all the ocd therapists have said it’s OCD and I am not Gay. So are 8 therapists wrong and this could be true? As I am going on what they are saying and even my family says it’s ocd and I am not They have said this isn’t true and I am not Gay? Every therapist has said this OCd and people with hocd aren’t Gay.
@Anonymous Because if they aren’t doing ERP with you then they aren’t helping you. Nothing works for OCD except ERP.
@Anonymous They also said I would come to conclusion I am not Gay at the end of it.
@Anonymous Yes that’s true but that happens when you fully recover.
@Fjrath Or along the way when you make the breakthrough of how your OCD works and it’s patterns.
@Fjrath So why didn’t you say that to me in the beginning mate that I would realise I am not
But this article says it’s not denial or confusion but then you say it’s not about whether you are gay or not? But it isn’t ultimately isn’t it? So wouldn’t you suggest to people to go experiment? Because if they liked it how can it be OCd
Don’t pay attention Dr. Greenberg he says controversial things without explaining them.
I’ve never heard of HOCD. When I read about it, it says “fear of being homosexual when you are straight or vice versa,” yet it’s still called “homosexual OCD.” I’m a lesbian and I am having a hard time wrapping my head around this concept because honestly the symptoms sound kind of homophobic? Constantly FEARING you might be gay? I’m trying to think of it from other people’s perspective and trying not to be insensitive, it’s just that when I was questioning my sexuality it’s because I was actually gay, and the symptoms sound a lot like someone just discovering their sexuality but being struck with fear and hiding it. Thoughts?
A little clarification on my (and many others’) experience with HOCD. Yes, “I don’t care what my sexuality is, I just wanna know for sure” makes the case for HOCD stronger and more ‘qualified’ sounding- however that is not the only HOCD can manifest. Saying that, can trigger some HOCD sufferers who are simply weary of identifying as lgbtq (an understandable fear). Do NOT get me wrong however. I would do ANYTHING for my friends who are bi and gay. I love them SO dearly and will fight for them for forever. Lgbtq folk who struggle with their identities, and not being loved by the people who are supposed to love them no matter what- INSPIRE me with their resilience. Their strength. Their confidence to live out who they are to the fullest extent. I watched the movie Love, Simon and cried like a baby, and am incredibly excited that Pete Buttigieg is the USA’s first openly gay presidential candidate. However this does not discount the struggles that many lgbtq people face. So many are not accepted by their families, have extremely difficult life transitions, and agonize over coming out. These are not things that people willingly want to go through. Is is completely unreasonable for someone suffering with HOCD to also fear these things? As an example (I’m black)- there is a difference in saying that you wouldn’t want to be black because you believe we are less than, versus saying that you wouldn’t want to struggle with the same things that we do. Just because you understand the trials and tribulations that black people go through in this country and would not want that for yourself, does NOT mean you are racist. It simply means you understand that there is pain. And no human willingly wants pain. Although these are exact things lgbtq people have to deal with (making HOCD distinctly different from most other pure o themes because it becomes impossible to differentiate us from people actually struggling with their identity) it shouldn’t be ignored that HOCD sufferers fear them too! Why wouldn’t we? This is such a deep rooted issue for sufferers because, where you could say someone who is suffering with POCD would never hurt a child simply because their thoughts horrify them (and a real pedophile wouldn’t be scared of their thoughts) you can’t say the same for HOCD. For some of us HOCD people who have these specific fears, it’s even more difficult to trust that what we have is ocd and it’s even more difficult to explain to someone else that what we have is ocd. I’ve had different themes of OCD throughout my life and the obsessive and compulsive behaviors have been the same, but this one makes me feel like I don’t even get to qualify. What a mind-fuck for us, huh? Also understand, this definitely isn’t my only fear. I have been attracted to, day-dreamed about, and desperately wanted to be with one gender my entire life. Having a husband was something I’ve wanted for so very long. It IS a part of who I am and what I want. It’s distressing to think this could all be lost one day. To have these ‘dreams’ stolen by obsessive thoughts, and be made to believe that it was all a lie- is just as hard to deal with as any other form of ocd. When I envision the life that ocd is telling me I “actually” want- I’m filled with sadness. How do any of the rest of you deal with your ocd telling you that you want (or want to do) something- that you actually don’t? I know this can be controversial, and truly truly hope I do not offend anyone- lgbtq friends, I truly do love you. I just want everyone to know that what we can struggle with within each theme, can be very different- but none are any less important or qualified than the others. If you truly disagree and want to share, please be kind. I am just as fragile as a lot of us on here. I’m suffering too.
Can someone explain to me the difference between HOCD and questioning your sexuality? I see several posts regarding fears about having romantic feelings towards the same sex and I wonder if that really means someone is gay and afraid to admit it to themselves? I’m not asking to be offensive, I really just don’t understand that form of OCD.
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