For the first time, in a very long time I feel really motivated to do something with my life. I want to start going to the gym, do slimming world, I want to look into doing meditation, go food shopping tomorrow, try different little things to enhance my mood and distract my OCD. But I’m worried that it’s late at night and I’m feeling this now and by the morning my usual lazy, feel sorry for myself, unmotivated self will be back and I won’t get any of it done. I’m also worried that I haven’t taken my tablets properly for the last week and a bit as I changed the place that I usually keep them and I keep forgetting about them and I only have two left and I keep forgetting to order new ones. I don’t usually feel as though my tablets do much for me but this morning I felt intense sadness over the smallest of things and was going straight to suicidal thoughts and now I’m on top of the world, motivated for change. I’ve not noticed it before as I’ve never been on tablets long enough to feel a change before so I don’t know whether it means they work because I haven’t felt these intense high and lows in a while, my moods been pretty stable, almost numb like. Like I don’t really feel anything, nothing fazes me much, only my moments of anxiety when I’m in the obsession-ritual cycle. Or that I’m aware I haven’t taken them properly and I’m creating this feeling or I’m feeling these intense feelings because of situations that have caused them. Anyone else able to relate or shed some light on this?

Yes I often experience highs and lows within one day. I have also felt very numb, like I feel nothing, it’s scary. But stay motivated you will get better, and I’m glad you said go to the gym. I finally started going about 1.5 weeks ago and it’s made a big difference. The thing with pills is that sometimes they will make you feel better, exercise will ALWAYS make you feel better but you have to stick with it. Meditation has helped me too... I recommend headspace ?

Thank you! I have the headspace app on my phone already to help with sleeping as I’ve been struggling to sleep after my night shifts and I think it’s making my anxiety and ocd worse with the poor sleeping pattern I have atm but not tried it for meditation yet so I’ll look at it for that in the morning ? ive also found a meditation place near me so tempted to give that a go. I used to go to the gym all the time a few years ago and I was the happiest I’ve ever been but I got poorly and slipped back into old habits and have struggled to get back into it so I hope the motivation for it stays ? I hate the numb feeling. I’d rather feel the negative feelings so I feel human again sometimes. What medication are you on if you don’t mind me asking? Hope you are doing well and keep kicking OCDs butt ?

I have had the same high and low, motivated then the next day, I dont follow through because I lost interest.

Sucks doesn’t it Rachel? ?

Yes it does. Been fighting it for years.

Me too, since 2014 now. Been let down by Nhs mental health services a lot over the years so in December I started seeing a private therapist. It costs a lot of money for me and I’ve not started full on treatment just yet, just the occasional exposure challenges that I often can’t complete because it makes me too anxious. But being able to fully open it all up to my therapist and say things that I’ve bottled up for years is so helpful and her reaction not being outraged like I’ve always expected people to be, is such a relief and makes me optimistic. I know it’s a lot of money and so far it’s been a lot of time with not a lot of results thus far but I’m willing to keep investing both the money and time so I can keep feeling the acceptance and motivation I feel after the sessions and I know treatment will come. We just have to get through the 5 years worth of layers that have developed. Are you in any therapies or on any medications (if you don’t mind me asking)? How do you find them?

Been on meds and therapy since 1992. I have gone through a lot of meds because sometimes they dont work or I become immune to it. Just bought a workbook for OCD to do at home recommended by my psychiatrist. Have done extensive amounts of cbt over the years, I like it.

What work book is that? I may get one so I have some work to do at home aswell as in therapy ☺️

I am at work right now, would have to look when home.

Okay thank you. Hope work is going okay

Ya lack of sleep is horrible and I would agree definitely would contribute to anxiety. Feeling numb is the worst I agree, barely feel human. I am actually not on anything at the moment, Paxil worked for me for a long time, then stopped working and I’ve been on just about everything since then without much luck, so I thought I’d see how I felt without being on anything!! Probably a little better so far, but that might be due to the exercise lol. Might start celexa soon tho at a low dose

I was on fluoxetine when it all started when I was about 16 as it’s kind of the only thing they’ll give someone ‘that young’ and then I was on nothing for years as I was kind of in denial and it was a sore subject with my parents. But then last year things got bad so I was put on Sertraline and been on and off it until December when I was getting bad again so I was like ‘stick to it’. I felt really bad side effects of heartburn, sickness and feeling numb but it’s starting to even out a bit now I think so I may continue with them for a bit longer as I’ve not given them much of a chance. Glad the exercise helps, may try that too