- Date posted
- 4y
- Date posted
- 4y
You’re not alone. I have a situation with similarities - and that twisting feeling in my stomach is one i wake up next to my partner with. Sending you love and warmth - meditation/square breathing has helped me a bit in the worst moments of struggle, dunno if that’s your thing. Regardless — you aren’t alone. ♥️
- Date posted
- 4y
Thank you so much for your kind words, I’ve never tried square breathing. But I’ll definitely look into it,some days are far worse than others. Today is definitely one of those days, I just feel like my world is falling apart and I hate it.
- Date posted
- 4y
So sorry to hear you're struggling with this - ROCD is the absolute worst. From the therapy I've done, I know it's tempting to want to challenge thoughts - but this actually encourages rumination and mental arguments as you try to find the 'solution' and convince yourself you are meant to be with your partner. Is your therapist an OCD specialist? I went to a few counsellors and general therapists and they said similar things to yours - which helped in the short term but not in the long term, as I'd then doubt my reassuring thoughts and get caught up in my thoughts all over again. I'd really recommend an OCD therapist and reading about ERP and embracing uncertainty. When I get doubts about my boyfriend I try to say 'Maybe we should break up...maybe not' and leave it uncertain as I move on and find something else to do which aligns with my values. I hope this helps and I hope you get the support you need ❤️ sending love. ROCD is hard - but you've got this!
- Date posted
- 4y
I'm so sorry to hear that. I am glad that you're seeing a specialist and I really hope that helps. With regards to the thoughts, intrusive thoughts aren't always 'what ifs' - they can definitely be commands too (scary stuff like 'you should dump him'). I follow a great page on Instagram called @obsessivelyeverafter and she talks about intrusive thoughts and their different forms - I find it helpful! Good luck with everything and try to be kind to yourself through this - remember none of this is your fault ❤️
- Date posted
- 4y
Thank you Katie, the therapist I saw was a volunteer consellor from a free trial pilot that they are doing across the UK. I’ve actually just signed up to a private theraphy service that had a really affordable payment plan, which I’m hoping will have more understanding on OCD & anxiety in relationships specifically. I have been doing really well with not challenging my thoughts, learning to let them go and not give it too much power, but when it changed recently from what ifs ? to you shouldn’t be together or you don’t want to be with him, it got hard to ignore because it’s like we’ll if my thoughts aren’t in a state of doubt and they are now telling me no this isn’t what you want, doesn’t that have to make it true ? Which then sends me into a tail spin because there’s a part of me that’s like but not being in my relationship isn’t what I want and then the mental arguments continue. I’m so exhausted with it, I’ve had a headache all day, which has only really just began to shift. I know with time and help this will get better, but when it’s a really really dark day it just feels too much.
Related posts
- Date posted
- 23w
So my OCD has been bad lately. I’ve been ruminating and obsessing over my sexuality again. And it just keeps getting worse. I hate it so much. I try to sit with the discomfort but then my ocd does the backdoor spike. And the groinal response is what keeps me looped. It SUCKS. I am not attracted to men, but my OCD is trying SO hard to convince me that I am. There have been days where I’m just so mentally exhausted that I “accept” what my ocd tells me and I just walk around a hollow, lethargic shell. But then I rethink it and I feel better. It feels like I can only find my TRUE self when I tire my nervous system out enough that it literally breaks down and has me suicidal and hopeless. And then accepting my OCD’s “truth” (that I’m attracted to men) feels like a burden and a chore. I woke up today from an OCD dream, tried to go back to sleep, and my stomach kept cramping bc I was so anxious and ruminating over my intrusive thoughts. I’m starting to doubt it being OCD anymore. My brain is too tired to fight and cry about it anymore.
- Date posted
- 23w
I want to get thought this weird horrible period, it has been horrible. I am doubting everything. I’m not diagnosed but when I look at my past I’ve always been horribly anxious and worrying about health, death and basically everything while suffering from major a lot of insecurities stemming from bullying and lately a lack of intimacy with my partner, Every time I think I’m on the way out, or see some light at the end of the tunnel my mind always pulls me back in. It’s torture. I’ve always been insecure about how I look and I find myself comparing myself at other males and it’s made my self esteem on the floor. I have a girlfriend and prior to this we had a future planned and talked about kids (we’re still young, but it felt so real), this all began to bubble when we stopped being intimate and the loss of my job. I don’t know anymore how to move on, every day feels like a chore. The intrusive thoughts telling me I’m in denial, constantly thinking about men I’ve felt insecure about their looks compared to mine wishing I looked like them plaguing my mind. The false attractions, prior to this i was comfortable in acknowledging good looking men. However now my mind takes this as evidence, every single thing in my past seems like some form of evidence. Not having male friends, the comparisons, being questioned about my sexuality from siblings. I’m sorry if this is reassurance, I am just needing to get some things of my chest. Every time I think about my first real attraction or girls I found pretty/attractive or I liked my mind is like your in denial and then I feel horrible about thinking those thoughts as I have my girlfriend. I miss just being with my girlfriend and not having these thoughts and feeling horrible. I feel like a fraud and a horrible partner. I’ve tried to accept maybe, maybe not, but something always comes back. These 4 months have been terrible. I want to sleep without horrible dreams, I want to eat. I want to feel like myself again. Thank you to anyone who reads this. Hope you’re strong too.
- Date posted
- 20w
Hi everyone. I’ve been struggling deeply with what I believe is ROCD for about a year and a half. I’ve read so much, I’ve learned about ERP, I know that I’m supposed to let the thoughts and feelings pass without reacting — but even knowing all of that, I feel stuck. More than stuck — I feel broken. Lately, I can’t stop thinking that maybe I never loved my boyfriend. That I only loved the idea of being in a relationship, and now I’m just trying to hold on to a fantasy. These thoughts feel incredibly real. When I’m next to him, kissing or cuddling him, I feel like I’m faking it. And that scares me. It feels like something inside me changed and I can’t go back. And now I can’t even remember what love felt like — it’s like I’ve lost myself completely. Yesterday was especially painful. I was overwhelmed and my mom, who usually notices when I’m not okay, tried to talk to me. She loves me a lot and has been carrying her own burdens lately. When she saw how much pain I was in, she reacted strongly — not because she doesn’t care, but because it hurts her to see me like this every day. She told me I might be lying to myself. That I’m hurting both myself and my boyfriend by holding on if I don’t feel love. She asked me to imagine what I would feel if he broke up with me — and I couldn’t answer. I froze. The thing is, I don’t know what I want anymore. I feel hopeless. I try to remember good memories and feel nothing. I used to cry when we said goodbye — now I feel numb. It makes me think that maybe I’ve always been in denial. That maybe everything I believed was love was just me forcing it. And yet… I still don’t want to lose him. But even that feeling feels far away now. These thoughts aren’t just whispers anymore. They feel like truths screaming in my head. “You don’t like him.” “You don’t love him.” “You’re just used to him.” “It was all fake.” And I can’t stop ruminating. Every second of my day is consumed with doubt, fear, guilt, sadness, emptiness — and above all, confusion. I just want to know if anyone else has felt this. Felt like they were losing everything, like nothing feels real anymore, like they’re trying so hard to do the right thing and nothing works. I’m trying to sit with the feelings. I’m trying not to seek reassurance. But I also need support. I feel so alone in this. Thank you for reading.
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