Hi guys Been having a hard time lately with my religious ocd today. I went to church yesterday (personally I didn’t feel like going) but I went for my mom. And I’ve been angry at god and Jesus. There have been a lot of changes lately that have been stressing me out. I have a disability that I need nursing to watch me all the time. I will talk about that another time. It’s lent and they were just talking about how you have to go to confession or you will go straight to hell when you die. It struck my religious ocd like crazy. Personally I believe that if you feel badly and talk to god about it. You don’t have to go to confession. Cause your confessing to god. I’m 25 now and I graduated collage at the age of 23. Which was the most exciting thing ever. But when I was in freshman or beginning of sophomore year I was having a hard time with the transiting of college even though I commute. The reading was a lot for me and even in high school I hated reading and it took me longer to get threw the homework. We had an essay that we had to get done with reading it was nuts. And I couldn’t get it done. My mom also had to go to the emergency room because of her high blood pressure and they thought she was having a heart attack. it was nuts at the time. So I made a horrible choice and cheated on the essay because I couldn’t find the damn chapter in the book for the last question and it was due at 12:00am and I was cutting close to the time. I was caught but the professor gave me a second chance and I got a B+ on the essay. I feel horrible and guilty still for doing it. And graduation was hard for me cause I felt I didn’t deserve it at all. My mom doesn’t know about this at all since she was really sick at the time and I didn’t want to stress her out any more then she was. I pray to god and Jesus to forgive me. I tell myself Jesus gave me a second chance and I showed him that I will do the right thing. But I still feel guilty and I replay it in my head all the time. Do you guys think I’m going to go to hell for cheating. Or do you think Jesus forgives me. I’ve been worrying about it all night. Thank you for your help.

Does anyone feel like god didn't forgive them even after confessing? Doing alot of sins and confessed but still have this fear of thoughts telling you you had so bad Thoughts about him and that you don't deserve to be forgiven? Or it's too late? And anything religious triggers you?

so my dad is Jewish and my mom is Christian. I used to go to Hebrew school when I was younger, but recently I started going to church and becoming a Christian and turning to Jesus and when I recently got diagnosed with OCD a couple months ago I had really really bad religious OCD. I had very disrespectful thoughts about Jesusand God, but mainly Jesus. and I had very disturbing thoughts about Jesus that made me avoid a lot of things, but I know that’s making the OCD worse. I’m doing erp currently my religious OCD has honestly gone away. I’ve dealt with it. I am managing it but ever since I’ve had religious OCD and had disturbing and disrespectful thoughts about God in Jesus mainly Jesus, I’ve felt a awkward distance between me, God and Jesus and it just feels like I’m going to hell and they don’t love me anymore and I haven’t felt the same presence from God ever since I’ve had religious OCD and I’ve had some situations that I felt like I blasphemy the Holy Spirit and I committed blasphemy and I just feel like God really doesn’t love me anymore and I’m done for i’ve kind of been numb to it so it’s not really bothering me, but I want a better relationship with God and Jesus it just feels like they don’t love me anymore. Has anyone else gone through this? and I’ve had situations where I felt like I was very disrespectful and mocked God and Jesus, but mainly Jesus. And i freaked out for days didn’t feel like myself repented multiple times pretty sure this is just religious OCD but seriously I have not felt the same with my relationship with God and Jesus. OCD has really really affected my life and it sucks. I’m going through Harm OCD right now. So religious OCD has kinda gone away but I just want a better relationship with God and Jesus sorry this text is so long. Has anyone else gone through this?

Sunday evening- (three days ago) While I was doing homework, I had my mouth slightly open and was moving my tongue. I had the intrusive thought of mouthing the devil’s name or saying it (im not sure if it was before, after or during the time I had my mouth open). Then it made me wonder if I did mouth it or say it- which I’m not really sure if I did but that’s the false memory aspect of my OCD. Then I had the thought that I did that as a way to get help from the devil on my homework- almost like if it was me doing a bad prayer to the devil in return for something. I know mouthing just that isn’t a bad prayer in itself, but I wondered if those were my intentions and if god interpreted it as such. I didn’t really dwell on the thought then. Later that day I felt really fatigued and had a headache so I went to bed early. I woke up at a normal hour the next day and did some homework before school but I started feeling really fatigued again. I decided not to go to school since I wasn’t feeling very well. I was wondering what had been the problem later that day (Monday evening). I then had the outlandish thought that maybe it was god’s way of punishing me. Maybe I really had said the devil’s name/ mouthed it. Maybe I had done it as a way to get help from devil with my homework. Maybe I’d lost gods favor. Then I started worrying about having that irrational conclusion that god might’ve punished me (which I’m pretty sure isn’t the case but the possibility that it could be) scared me and makes me think that is the case. The worries continued onto Tuesday and they kinda spiraled from there. I was worried I’d then be perceived to be crazy for having thoughts like that and wondering if maybe there are other underlying mental illnesses present. I also started wondering that if I have lost god’s favor and it was a punishment, what is to stop me from doing worse things like an actual bad prayer? If I did do that and it was considered bad by god and have already been judged, am I done for good? These thoughts were easier to ignore during the day but at night when I lied down for bed, they were at the forefront of my mind and harder to push away. I did try RPMs but the anxiety still stayed and the thoughts didn’t “get bored”. I also started stressing about not being able to sleep which is not a good feeling- especially since I had a test the next day on Wednesday. I kind if had a mini panic attack. I got really hot and my heart rate was up. I started getting stressed about ending up like I did before OCD treatment when the intrusive thoughts initially became a problem a few years ago-where practically every day was passed with the gnawing feeling of thoughts and doubts at the back of my mind and the difficulty in falling asleep would lay over me each night. I ended up calming my breathing and falling asleep. When I woke up I felt glad that I’d slept but I was quickly bombarded once again by the thoughts. They remained ever present throughout the day (today) and I felt kinda down the whole day, the stress from the thoughts lingering all day, along with the fear I might not sleep well tonight, etc etc. those thoughts have kind if been I just wanted to write it down and share it and see if anyone else has experienced something similar. I just feel guilty and stressed and kinda frustrated too. Besides the fact I’m kind of dreading having to lie down for sleep and have major troubles falling asleep like a while back. I appreciate if you’ve taken the time to read this and all comments.