I can’t get over the guilt of knowingly having hurt someone 3 times. At first my intention was to make her feel included or help her but something took over in the middle of it. I want to know what is wrong with me since two days ago. I want to know if I am worthy of living after this. 1. I knew she had her first day of class and she told me she has an adjustment disorder but I still asked her if she had homework. I probably knew it could make her wanna die if I reminded her of hw. 2. She was saying something to my mom in the car ride home and my mind said she will be hurt if I put my shoulder on my seat hard because it will make her feel like I hate her or something. She was sitting in the back seat and I was sitting in the front seat. But yet i put my shoulder down on my seat back pretty hard. My mind associated it with her being offended and it adding up and making her want to die. But I still did it. 3. Today she seemed more talkative and lively than yesterday and I was trying to help at first when I started saying “maybe you are starting to adjust” but in the middle of it my brain said its gonna offend her bc I am bringing up her adjustment disorder in the car infront of my parents and son, yet I still finished the sentence. And it would be ok if it were once but I’m afraid that all these together will add up and make her want to die. If not now, then later. Then I started to think well there are bullies who bully someone everyday. But then my brain is saying that bullying someone around the same time everyday at school is different from the times that I unintentionally bullied her. Well it was unintentional at first half of it and then when i decided to ignore my brain that told me it will hurt her and i still did those.. I feel so guilty and i never did this until yesterday. I dont know whats going on with me. Why am i being this way all of a sudden? The guilt is eating me i dont even wanna talk to anyone incase i hurt/slowly kill them bc of something i said or action i did. But i feel suicidal now bc of the guilt.

I think I might be becoming a bad and miserable person because of my past. Recently a lot of people are being exposed for manipulating a child or person, and I started to think back if I ever did such thing. I think I did as a kid, but Idk. When I was a kid, sexting or virtual sex was a thing ( there was no nudes or anything very explicit, it wasn’t that far. Kid would just pretend to do the sex thing). It was very common ( it might have not been for you, but I would see this in video games) for some reason, and I was kind of into it but weirded out by it. I’m glad kids nowadays don’t do that anymore, but when I was a kid I gave it somewhat a try. It’s weird to explain, but this is what happened. I was about 12-14 years old, I don’t remember what age, but all I remembered is that it was the start of me going through puberty. I played this game called “second life.” It was a virtual social game, where you meet up and hangout with people virtually. It’s like vr chat, but not vr. Anyways, a girl invited me to her virtual house. I quickly accepted it invitation because...you know... I was a kid and my mind was like “oh my god, I finally have a online gf” I entered her virtual house, and we were playing truth or dare, then got bored. (I’m sorry this is we’re it gets weird) she asked “now what?” And then I asked if she wanted to go to the bedroom. She said sure. My heart was beefing fast and I was aroused because I felt like I had a gf ( when I say gf, I don’t really mean gf, it was a think kids would say when they hung out with a girl) and I never did this before I think, I hope it was the first and only. (This is very weird ik) This is we’re things got sexual. Once we got there, you know....think you know we’re it was headed. I asked if she has a emote dance that can re-enacts the doggie style. She said yeah, and we did the disgusting thing. I don’t think we said much of anything sexual because weird kids and we’re scared to type anything sexual. I might be wrong I don’t remember much of the conversations. All I remember was that we just had our avatars do the actions and just watched. 30s of that weird disgusting thing, and my arousal then climaxed. I freaked out when I climaxed. I started to realized this was a weird and disgusting thing. I was mostly scared of the climax because I felt like it was unnatural. I was scared of what just happened, and so I quickly told the girl to stop. She stopped, and I idk if she asked why or anything. I was too weirded out and just said “I have to go. Bye” she said ok. And I left. I deleted everything. I deleted the game and swore to never touch that game ever again because I thought it was evil. I think I also delete other social games that had similarities to that game. I never wanted to ever interact with a person online because that experience felt very disgusting and regrettable. Years later, I a 16 year old, find out about YouTuber manipulating underage fans. And I see my little cousins talk about their online bfs and gfs. I remember the disgusting situation that I took part when I was a kid. The I started to get scared. What if that “gf” was way younger than me? What if I manipulated her and I caused irreversible physiological damage? The whole interaction from when I was invited to the end of the interaction lasted only like 5-10 mins, I might be wrong though. I feel very horrible and miserable. I have no idea who the other person is that was the first and last time I ever interacted with them. I think I might have asked for their age, and it was my age, but I don’t remember. Maybe they were my age, and so that’s why we continued to be “bf and gf” during the interaction (not really big and gf, it a thing kids used to say) I feel bad for the other person. It felt like we both liked each other, but the possibility of the unknown age gap scares me. I feel like I did no damage to the person because it ended very quickly, but the possibility that I did still whispers to me. I’ve been starting to hate myself recently because of this. Maybe I deserve it, I have no idea. I don’t know how to look at that situation. I could make the argument that we were just two dumb kids who did something stupid or It could be seen as me manipulating and hurt someone. I don’t know what to think of it or how to feel. I now am starting to believe my existence should not be allowed to continue. I feel like I am not allowed to be happy at all. My family invites me to do fun stuff and hangout with them, but I reject their offers because I feel like I should just rot in my bed. I never felt very miserable and it hurts, but I feel like I deserve to be hurt. I might not deserve anything good I get in my life for what I might have done to the person. This might be the first time I ever spoke about this. I need some guidance in my life. What are your thoughts about all of this? Have you ever been in a similar situation? How should I feel about the situation? Am the evil person who hurt someone or were we both just dumb kids? Anything will help me. I’m going to tell this to my therapist m, but I feel like she might not help me. I feel likes it a “you screwed up your life” type of situation. Anyways I hope you have a great day wether you hate me or not. Thank you if you have read this far?

I don’t know if I have anxiety or OCD but I’m sick of feeling so stressed and so guilty all the time. Like that’s all I feel these days. There was a girl that killed a biker by my school and 1 I was worried that I did it and forgot. 2 I was so stressed about thinking of her side and how she felt that I was sick the rest of the day. I don’t know how to control this either it sucks.

I need some peace of mind or advice. I don’t know if it is my ocd but I feel immense guilt over everything & anything. I was friends with a girl who was pregnant and I cared about her and thought we were good friends. I haven’t know her long but she asked me to be her baby’s godmother. I ended up after a while telling her I couldn’t cuz I’m not well mentally/emotionally right now & then i tried to reach out she read & ignored my text. Then today she got in an awful car accident & her boyfriend posted the pics in our work group chat. I immediately assumed the worst and thought it was fake. It is isn’t and she lost the baby. I feel like such an awful human being for assuming something so awful. I feel such guilt cuz now the manager was wanting me to go to hospital with them & I feel like I don’t deserve to. I think it more upset me cuz the accident pics were awful and last year I lost my brother in a car accident. Please give me peace of mind I feel awful and don’t know how to get rid of the guilt of how awful I am.