- Date posted
- 3y
- Date posted
- 3y
I am going to tell you a story that I have never shared with anyone. So I was bullied in elementary school. But it got really bad in junior high. I was bullied from the time I walked in the door until I left for the day and it wasn't just one person. There were numerous people. At one point, someone started a rumor about me and the entire school was talking about me behind my back. But when I started high school, it had pretty much stopped. I was in Girl Scouts for 12 years. The summer after my junior year, my troop took a two week trip to the Pacific Northwest. We spent a couple nights in Salt Lake City, then we went to Oregon, Washington state, and then Glacier National Park in Montana on the way back. We took Amtrak from Chicago to Salt Lake then rented a coach for part of the trip and then took a different Amtrak route back home. We went to the Space Needle and Pike's Marketplace. While in Seattle, we had 4 girls to a room. 3 of them I requested to room with. But the fourth girl was kind of a loner and nerdy. I didn't like her. Probably because she reminded me too much of myself. At Pike's Market, I had been in a joke shop. I bought some soap candy that looked like real candy. The three of us decided to gang up on the other girl. I came up with the idea to melt the soap candy in some lemonade with hot water and then cool it down. She also said she had never seen an R rated movie. So we found one with nudity and a lot of blood and made her watch it. She asked if we could watch something else. But we said we wanted to watch it. We made her watch the entire thing. This happened in 1994 and I cam still see her face. She looked like she was about to cry. I have no idea why I did that. Thats not who I am. It wasn't just a matter of not putting a stop to it. I actively participated. I have lived with the guilt of that night. I wish I could tell her I am sorry. But I can't. I eventually realized that I just have to let it go. We all do things that are cruel and hurtful to others. Sometimes its accidental and sometimes its intentional. If a close friend told you a story like yours or mine, how would you respond? Would you tell them they are a horrible person who doesn't deserve to live? I doubt it. Treat yourself the same way. Easier said than done, I know. But let it go. Torturing yourself won't do anyone any good, trust me. If she tells you that you hurt her feelings or something. Apologize. Don't make excuses. Just say "I was wrong doing what I did. I'm sorry" if she doesn't bring it up, then let it go and forgive yourself.
- Date posted
- 3y
Thank you so much 😭I’m crying. Thank you so much for sharing, I know it must have been so difficult. I’m so proud of you for coming so far and now helping me as well. I don’t know why I am so unforgiving of myself. Thank you so much💗
- Date posted
- 3y
@alittleapple I completely understand. I am incredibly hard on myself too. I would never dream of talking to another person the way I talk yo myself. But I'm glad my story helped you. That is a story even my closest friends don't know. My mom was on that trip too. Thank goodness she never found out. She would have been so disappointed in me if she knew. That is not how I was raised. But it feels good to talk about it.
- Date posted
- 3y
Call a hotline if you want to do it and you are blowing it way out of proportion. When i was 16 in sophomore year i used to think being pretty was everything . So id talk about how much i hated fat people amd people on my 600 lb life and laughed at them. A fat girl always watched me and i did it anyway. I can relate with the suicide obsessions. As a senior i understand my mistakes and wouldnt do that
- Date posted
- 3y
Thank you 💗
- Date posted
- 3y
Please don't give up. Things will definitely get better. Please don't end your life and please don't hurt yourself. You're just a human being, please be kind to yourself. Everyone makes mistakes. Please call the Suicide prevention hotline: 1-800-273-8255 Or text the suicide prevention textline: 741741 I promise you, things will definitely get better. 💙 Please don't give up.
- Date posted
- 3y
Thank you Anna 💗
- Date posted
- 3y
@alittleapple You're so welcome, dear. Don't let OCD win. Don't give any value to OCD. 💕
- Date posted
- 3y
@itsAnna I will try💗
- Date posted
- 3y
@alittleapple Good. Try your best not to let OCD win.💜 You're not alone in this. We're in this together. You'll get through this, my sister💜.
Related posts
- Date posted
- 14w
Hey so a couple months ago (7-8) I remember being upset at my family member. Like she was talking too much while I was annoyed and remember wanting her to be quiet. I got an intrusive thought like a really bad image of doing something really bad to her, and my hand twitched to the side a little? Like it felt like I was about to?! And I remembered thinking "if I do this, I'll get in trouble". I got up and left to the bathroom and felt horrified! I was thinking "did I want to act out? Did the only reason I didn't act out was because of getting in trouble? If there was no consequences, would have I done it?! Does this mean this whole time I've been using OCD as an excuse?" I remember I couldn't sleep for 3 nights because of how bad the anxiety was, I was crying and I felt very guilty like I should turn myself in to a mental hospital. I couldn't eat for many days or be near her because of that thought and twitch I had! I'm worried it was an impulse or I actually wanted to hurt her. And even to this day I still ruminanate about this. Like last night I couldn't sleep well I kept waking up every two hours and asking myself "am I capable?" I couldn't eat last night. Sometimes I move on from it like I forget that happened but when I remember, I feel distressed about it! I don't want to be an evil person or do bad actions towards anyone! I'm even scared to be angry because of this because I'm scared I have more "chance" of acting out due to anger. Like was it an impulse and I held back? Is this even OCD? Please help, I'm really scared!
- Date posted
- 10w
My child was laying across me and every time I breathed a certain way I was getting a groinal sensation. I kept breathing like that anyways (ugh idk why), and then my mind told me I had hurt them that I might as well do something else because what's more. So idk why or what overcame me other than the thought of doing it and causing another feeling (I literally had to question what to do during this and the only thing I could come up with was to move my elbow towards her groin area) but it came across my mind to elbow my child, and I elbowed their crotch or side area. Which caused another unwanted groinal sensation. Then I began FREAKING smooth out and asked my child to move. Then I've been stressing since. I feel like as a mom I don't deserve to be theirs anymore. Idk what overcame me, and in the moment, it felt like I wanted to move my elbow, but I know that can also be my OCD speaking. Right? I clearly regret it all and hate myself. I would never intentionally hurt my child; I don't know what happened in my head when this happened. I was doing SO well! Is this my POCD that I've been diagnosed with by my OCD specialized therapist? Just a struggling mom who used to be the best of the best. I'm very depressed by this. Idk what to do with myself. I live in regret now, and I just wish it would've never ever happened. I can't stop ruminating and being depressed thinking I don't deserve anything.
- Date posted
- 10w
I’m a 23 y/o female who has recently entered a phase of obsessive thoughts of mistakes I’ve made, ranging from events that happened over a decade ago when and I was a kid up to things that happened recently. I feel so much debilitating guilt I can’t do anything or function. I especially feel bad for this one instance. I have always had extremely low self esteem, and I often seek attention and validation especially from men. I like being liked. I find myself trying to act or look cute, or even act somewhat like a pick-me, so that I feel liked. I feel like I may even do this with girls too, but especially guys. I just really like attention, and I’ve been in a stagnant 6 year relationship where I don’t really feel desirable, and I’m very lonely. A few months ago I started playing a game where I met a large group of people and we would all play together everyday. One of the people in particular was a 15/16 year old guy who flirted with me a lot, and I kept my distance because he was so young, and I felt kinda weird talking to someone younger than me, but we would still talk sometimes because we were apart of the same discord group, and I have a problem being stern and confrontational so I didn’t want to be mean or make things awkward in the friend group. Although it made me uncomfortable that he was so young and that I’m nearly a whole decade older than him, and I did make it clear that I was dating someone and I was way too old for him and I would tell him to stop, I wasn’t very stern and I was very lighthearted about it and I even found myself liking the attention I got from him. I was flattered. I liked that he liked me so much even though I knew he was a teenager and I feel like I was maybe even seeking attention from him like I did with the other guys in the group. And when I say seeking attention, I mean that I was acting cute so that I was liked and got attention. Is that considered flirting? Was I flirting with him? Does this make me disgusting? That I liked the attention I got even though he was teenager? That I acted cute around him as well as all the other guys so that he would like me? I feel disgusted with myself. Does this make me a predator? Doesn’t this make me disgusting that I liked attention I got from a teenager? To be fair, I like the attention I get from any guy. I just like feeling liked. But I feel like it makes me disgusting that even though I knew he was a teenager I still liked and was flattered by the attention and was possibly even seeking it out from him. My head is all messed up. I really feel like I’m having an identity crisis. I feel disgusted with myself to the point that I’m nauseous. I’m so ashamed. I’ve been crying nonstop for days on end and I feel truly hopeless. I don’t know how I’m supposed to live my life with this shame and that I’m convinced that makes me a predator or a sick person. I don’t know if I’m overthinking things or not. I just really need some relief because I feel like I’m losing my mind, but I want someone to be honest with me about my actions.
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