- Date posted
- 3y
- Date posted
- 3y
I am going to tell you a story that I have never shared with anyone. So I was bullied in elementary school. But it got really bad in junior high. I was bullied from the time I walked in the door until I left for the day and it wasn't just one person. There were numerous people. At one point, someone started a rumor about me and the entire school was talking about me behind my back. But when I started high school, it had pretty much stopped. I was in Girl Scouts for 12 years. The summer after my junior year, my troop took a two week trip to the Pacific Northwest. We spent a couple nights in Salt Lake City, then we went to Oregon, Washington state, and then Glacier National Park in Montana on the way back. We took Amtrak from Chicago to Salt Lake then rented a coach for part of the trip and then took a different Amtrak route back home. We went to the Space Needle and Pike's Marketplace. While in Seattle, we had 4 girls to a room. 3 of them I requested to room with. But the fourth girl was kind of a loner and nerdy. I didn't like her. Probably because she reminded me too much of myself. At Pike's Market, I had been in a joke shop. I bought some soap candy that looked like real candy. The three of us decided to gang up on the other girl. I came up with the idea to melt the soap candy in some lemonade with hot water and then cool it down. She also said she had never seen an R rated movie. So we found one with nudity and a lot of blood and made her watch it. She asked if we could watch something else. But we said we wanted to watch it. We made her watch the entire thing. This happened in 1994 and I cam still see her face. She looked like she was about to cry. I have no idea why I did that. Thats not who I am. It wasn't just a matter of not putting a stop to it. I actively participated. I have lived with the guilt of that night. I wish I could tell her I am sorry. But I can't. I eventually realized that I just have to let it go. We all do things that are cruel and hurtful to others. Sometimes its accidental and sometimes its intentional. If a close friend told you a story like yours or mine, how would you respond? Would you tell them they are a horrible person who doesn't deserve to live? I doubt it. Treat yourself the same way. Easier said than done, I know. But let it go. Torturing yourself won't do anyone any good, trust me. If she tells you that you hurt her feelings or something. Apologize. Don't make excuses. Just say "I was wrong doing what I did. I'm sorry" if she doesn't bring it up, then let it go and forgive yourself.
- Date posted
- 3y
Thank you so much 😭I’m crying. Thank you so much for sharing, I know it must have been so difficult. I’m so proud of you for coming so far and now helping me as well. I don’t know why I am so unforgiving of myself. Thank you so much💗
- Date posted
- 3y
@alittleapple I completely understand. I am incredibly hard on myself too. I would never dream of talking to another person the way I talk yo myself. But I'm glad my story helped you. That is a story even my closest friends don't know. My mom was on that trip too. Thank goodness she never found out. She would have been so disappointed in me if she knew. That is not how I was raised. But it feels good to talk about it.
- Date posted
- 3y
Call a hotline if you want to do it and you are blowing it way out of proportion. When i was 16 in sophomore year i used to think being pretty was everything . So id talk about how much i hated fat people amd people on my 600 lb life and laughed at them. A fat girl always watched me and i did it anyway. I can relate with the suicide obsessions. As a senior i understand my mistakes and wouldnt do that
- Date posted
- 3y
Thank you 💗
- Date posted
- 3y
Please don't give up. Things will definitely get better. Please don't end your life and please don't hurt yourself. You're just a human being, please be kind to yourself. Everyone makes mistakes. Please call the Suicide prevention hotline: 1-800-273-8255 Or text the suicide prevention textline: 741741 I promise you, things will definitely get better. 💙 Please don't give up.
- Date posted
- 3y
Thank you Anna 💗
- Date posted
- 3y
@alittleapple You're so welcome, dear. Don't let OCD win. Don't give any value to OCD. 💕
- Date posted
- 3y
@itsAnna I will try💗
- Date posted
- 3y
@alittleapple Good. Try your best not to let OCD win.💜 You're not alone in this. We're in this together. You'll get through this, my sister💜.
Related posts
- Date posted
- 23w
I genuinely feel like the worlds most horrible person deeply for my past actions in childhood and general mistakes I’ve made. I feel like I shouldn’t be here or there’s no hope for me despite doing right ( trying to do right ) I’ve wanted to open up to my mom about things from my past but when I was talking to her about a situation that happened just to share, she was like “Thank God you’ve never done anything like that” But really my past mistakes are worst. It’s like I feel like I should disappear. I don’t know how to deal with the guilt and I feel horrible. I’ve made good and bad decisions but despite this being a long time ago ( which doesn’t erase my stupid actions ) I still keep bringing back into the present and I’m filled with guilt I genuinely think it would be better if I wasn’t here. I wake up think about my past things and I’m filled with guilt and shame that maybe I am a bad person and voices don’t stop, they keep telling me a lot of things that I start to believe. It makes me upset that I did something like that in my past and I try to be understanding but I can imagine the reactions of people and being condemned so much. I literally do this to myself every single day and it’s exhausting I don’t know how you guys can treat me with so much compassion and understanding. It really doesn’t feel real or like I deserve it. Like even on nocd, it makes me feel worst because I come across comments that say “as long as it’s not —-“ or something and I compare it to my past and I feel like a horrible unacceptable person.
- Date posted
- 22w
I feel so horrible and guilty, I've been pretty depressed lately and I don't know if i'm doing something wrong or not but my mom keeps getting mad at me, and I keep getting snappy with her. The other day she tried to take a selfie with me and I kinda got mad at her because it was in front of everyone and I didn't want to get anyone uncomfortable if they were accidently in the background so I told her stop in a kind of mean way. She stopped talking to me for the rest of the night and she keeps bringing up how disrespectful I am. I tried to explain to her I didn't mean anything mean by it?? It's triggering my OCD so bad and tonight i'm going to see a band I really wanted to see, and i'm super afraid shes gonna start bringing up how mean i've been lately. I've been really depressed and upset because of school and how much work their giving me, and I've been in my room for mostly more than 10 hours a day doing nothing but watching TV because I can't bring myself out of it, I don't know what to do anymore and the guilt of me possibly being a mean and aggressive person is haunting me.
- Date posted
- 7w
Recently I (16m)feel hopeless I feel so sick and sad idk what to do I feel lost I feel like a monster everything has been hell, and I don’t know how to move on from the never ending guilt . I did awful things when I started high school, thinking being sexual was the way to connect.(idk if all of this was because when I was 8 I was shown explicit content by my older brother) I crossed boundaries, overshared, and kept flirting with friends and making sexual jokes, even after they said no (all over text). One friend stopped talking to me and can’t even look at me now. I feel like a monster. Why shouldn’t I be locked up? If I got therapy, I feel like I’d be sent jail. Idk if I can move on. Then there were these 2 guys who were older than me one was 16 one was 17. The 16 yr old was introduced to me by my online friend who is my best friend and I begged the 16 yr old for pics (idk how it started but after my friends ex randomly messaged me and sent me pictures and then blocked me right after I think I became addicted to chasing that high) the 16 yr old eventually sent me a pic but it was real and I stopped bugging him on it after that but i feel so bad I did that but my friend tells me not to feel bad cause the guy was weird but I still feel bad. Then the 17 yr old I did the same thing with him but went too far when I tried getting pics from him by using my best friends ass pics she sent me (she was 15) I don’t think I grasped how wrong this was but that’s not an excuse she eventually found it when I told her after she tried getting pics from the guy herself to try and help me and the guy got mad when she stopped talking to him cause we found it weird talking to him. I told her about how I sent the pics she said she felt sick but forgave me cause she thought I was gonna harm myself. Fast forward the guy told me after I had still been flirting with him that I s@d him (we never met in person ever) and I felt so guilty and apologized a lot and he got annoyed and told me that he had been kinda manipulative to me and kept me in a loop of mystery and I don’t talk to him anymore. But one of my other friends stopped talking to me after I was being by too emotionally taxing on him because I became very depressed and didn’t wanna life anymore and tried to stop lifing a few times. And now idk if I actually s@d someone if I did that to someone and now I think I’m a pdo and I think I s@d my baby cousins and my little brother and now I’m scared bf I can’t even get help because my parents don’t believe in therapy and even if I wanted to I’m scared because I don’t want to go to jail but I think I deserve it honestly why should a monster like me live.i wish I could move on like my older brother and maybe he shouldn’t idk who seems to not feel guilty maybe this is what I deserve idk I feel like I can’t go on I’m in my junior year and I saw one of the people and immediately just got crushed with the guilt and spiraled of how actually shameful I am if I tell any of my friends they’ll just leave or worse
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